


Surely is a Dream

by RaineFielder



Series: Surely is a Dream [1]
Category: Mr. Robot (TV)
Genre: Domlene, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:01:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 22
Words: 119,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26971048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaineFielder/pseuds/RaineFielder
Summary: A girl running a coffee shop is mystified by a mysterious man in a black hoodie.
Relationships: Darlene Alderson/Dominique DiPierro, Elliot Alderson/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Surely is a Dream [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1968226
Comments: 8
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place mostly after the finale and follows all Canon of the show

Raine had started working at ‘Papi’s coffee’ long before the 5/9 hack. And she continued to work there afterward. The owner had been a lifelong friend of her family, an older man whom she affectionately referred to as Papi because he was like a grandfather to her. After her parents had died, she had no one else to turn to and Papi took her in. The least she could do was run his business as he aged out of being able to. She lived in a small apartment above the shop. And small was an understatement. It had been an office with a small bathroom. She hired people to put in a clawfoot tub and shower when she moved in. Other than that, it had enough room for her dresser and mattress. Behind her mattress was a storage space that she cleaned out and made into sort of a loft with giant curtains covering the entire wall. In this small space she did her painting and had created a sort of reading nook for herself. Life had been pretty boring until the hack. And even after for her, she didn’t have debt or a savings and Papi only kept cash his whole life, and the hack erased his mortgage debt, so they were both in the minority of people who got by pretty well. Then one day she received lots of money in e-coin for no apparent reason. She didn’t complain or ask questions, who would? Aside from her horrible and abusive boyfriend of several years she had nothing to do but work all the time and keep her head out of other people’s business. Then one day a while before the 5/9 hack she had just gotten home from breaking up with Luke for the tenth time when this guy came into the shop. She couldn’t quite put her finger on why, but he was striking to look at and seemed terribly frightened of everything. She was off that day, but she walked over to him anyway.  
“Hey, you want some coffee?” she asked.  
He nearly jumped out of the booth and she thought for a moment he might take off running before he said, “you work here?” he looked at her outfit which was a short skirt and tall boots.  
“Yea,” she chuckled, “I mean I sort of run the place so I can wear what I want.” It was a lie; she wore her uniform on days she worked but it was partly true.  
“Oh…” he said looking down at his laptop.  
She waited a while before saying, “so?”  
“What?” he looked startled again as though he forgot she was standing right in front of him.  
“You want something to drink, or eat, we have pastries and…”  
“No,” he cut her off, “I mean… umm no thanks I just want to use the WIFI… if that’s okay?”  
Normally this interaction would’ve seemed rude but something about the way he looked up at her with his big eyes and childlike expression made her feel incredibly sad.  
“Of course, just let one of us know if you need anything, I’m Raine…” she stood there waiting on him to introduce himself but he just looked at her again and she saw just the edge of his mouth turn upward, “okay,” was all he managed before going back to whatever life altering thing he had going on, on his laptop.  
She didn’t want to continue pretending to work because she was tired, it wasn’t too strange for the manager to say “hi” to a new customer even when she wasn’t working. Hopefully this mystery guy wouldn’t think it was weird either, but she doubted he even remembered their conversation. He was so focused on his laptop and he kept darting his eyes around mainly at the front door. She knew she had a proclivity for bad boys, but this guy seemed either seriously dangerous or seriously in danger. So why couldn’t she stop thinking about his dark blue eyes that held so much pain and innocence? Those misshapen thick lips, olive skin and jawline didn’t fade from her memory too quickly either. She shook her head and tried to focus on something else. She climbed up into her loft and decided to draw something. All she could think about was that face, hidden away in the darkness of his hood. She drew him quickly and completely from memory. She looked down once she was done. “There, maybe it was just an interesting face my mind wanted to use for inspiration,” she tried to tell herself. She flipped the page and tapped her pencil on her lip trying to will her brain to think of something else. “Ugh,” she groaned after a few minutes that felt like hours. She had almost completely forgotten about the guy she’d broken up with a couple hours ago. She couldn’t even really remember what he looked like at this point. The face of a stranger was the only thing she could picture in her mind. “This is crazy,” she thought as she hopped off the loft onto her mattress a few feet below. She didn’t even bother putting her shoes on as she grabbed her drawing tablet and pencil and headed downstairs. She slowed down on the last two stairs to look out at where the guy had been seated. He was still there hunched over his computer typing like a madman, his hood was pulled back and she could see his short dark hair in an unusual cut for someone like him. It was clean and tidy looking and very thick. She wanted so badly to touch it. She shook the thought from her head frantically. “You don’t even know him,” she said.  
“What?” an employee was just leaving the kitchen with a tray of coffees right in front of her.  
“Nothing… talking to myself…” she said.  
“Oh okay,” she said.  
They were used to her being sort of eccentric and didn’t mind it, she paid them well and was pretty fair as far as bosses go. She snuck around to set in a booth nearest the counter and far away from him. She watched as he chewed on his bottom lip a bit, which made her unintentionally bite her own. From this angle she could only she him in profile and he was absolutely gorgeous. Not like some movie star or model but in a way that was completely his own. He looked nothing like anyone she’d ever seen before. She hoped he didn’t look up and see her staring at him, but it didn’t seem likely.  
Without even asking, one of the employees, Amber, brought her a decaf pumpkin spice and looked over to where she was staring.  
“Ever seen him before?” Amber asked.  
“No, have you?”  
Amber shook her head no, “I think he’s up to no good, he seems weird.”  
Raine gapped up at her, “you don’t think he’s… I don’t know… kind of hot?”  
“Him? No! he seems creepy.”  
“Hmm,” Raine mused.  
Was she actually crazy? Did no one else see what she saw? Yea, he looked like he was doing something sketchy but that had no effect on the way he looked physically. Amber walked away and Raine began drawing another picture of him. She felt like a stalker, but he would never know. He would probably leave soon, and she’d never see him again. The thought made her panic a little, but she didn’t know why. Once she was done, she laid her tablet down and looked up. He was starting to pack up his stuff, so she jumped up, ready to find out his name or something. Some way to find him again. He put his hood up and threw his backpack on his shoulder just as she rounded a table to face him. He stopped in his tracks and looked at her like a deer in headlights.  
“Umm I just wanted to say thanks for coming and I hope you come back soon,” she said putting on her most professional smile. He looked confused at her feet for a second. She looked down at her own bare feet and almost melted into floor. She couldn’t even bring herself to say anything else as she embarrassedly waved and moved out of his way. He kept his eyes on her like she was a dangerous wild animal as he walked around her and even backed out of the front door. He thought she was a lunatic, she was sure of it, and wasn’t she? What was she even doing right now? Sure, she’d came downstairs without shoes before, but she had never let customers see. She felt completely mortified and ran back to grab her tablet and run up to her room. Once she got there, she buried her head in her pillow and screamed. The scream turned into sobs until she eventually fell asleep. She eventually forgot about the mystery guy because he never came back, not that she could blame him. She didn’t tell anyone about what happened, and Amber hadn’t even seen her, so she just buried it deep down in her mind never to be thought of again. Then one day, about a month after the mystery e-coin had shown up in her account, a girl walked into the shop. Long wild light brown hair framed her pretty face. She had perfectly pouted lips and wore heart-shaped sunglasses.  
“Who do I talk to about a part-time job around here?” the girl demanded like she owned the place.  
“That would be me,” Raine said politely.  
“Cool… so uhh what do you want me to do?”  
“Well usually our employees come by recommendation of friends, do you know anyone that works here?”  
“Uhh… no… don’t you have like and application or something?” she said completely bored and seemingly uninterested in actually working…ever.  
“Well no… you could bring in a resume.”  
“Got it,” she slammed a piece of paper in front of Raine.  
Raine took the paper and read over it slowly. “Well… Darlene, according to this you are extremely overqualified for this job.”  
“Yea whatever, I just don’t want to dress in a suit and work in an office, that life nearly drove my brother to suicide and what does he do? Goes right back to it, now he’s telling me I need a job…” she scoffs before continuing, “we have all the money we need but he said that I need to learn how to handle living day to day again whatever that means and that it builds character and blah blah blah… like I need that shit from him ya know? I mean after all the BULLshit he put me through he’s trying to tell me how to live my life?”  
Raine just stared at her for a minute, and started to open her mouth to respond but Darlene continued, “I mean I love him, he’s probably the best person I know and I know he’s looking out for me and doesn’t want me to get myself in trouble and look I get it, I do but anyway this place looks cool and he said he thought they let you wear literally whatever you want here so…” she waved her arms around as if everything was explained.  
“Well actually we have uniforms,” a thought crossed Raine’s mind before she brushed it off, “I don’t know why he would think that, but we actually do have WIFI and need someone good with IT so would you like to do an interview.”  
She stared at Raine for a while and finally said, “let’s get it over with, I can tell him I tried at least.”  
Raine didn’t know why but she liked this girl, she almost beat up a customer during the interview because he was harassing one of the baristas. She had him by the collar and threw him out the door.  
Amber walked by and leaned down to Raine’s ear, “hire her, NOW!”  
So, she started working that afternoon but refused to wear the uniform. Raine let her get away with it because she knew this was the only way to keep her. And for some reason it felt like Darlene belonged in her life and she turned out to be one of the best workers they had ever had when she decided to show up, aside from her people skills. They became friends almost instantly and Darlene went on and on about her brother all the time. His name was Elliot, but he never came around. She ended up telling Raine everything, her and her brother had started fsociety and did the 5/9 hack. One day she told her about how they had stolen the deus group money to redistribute. Darlene hadn’t told anyone, so it was very odd to Raine when she just started telling her about the events of the past year of her life all the time. It was a lot to take in, that day she told her about where the ecoin came from, Raine just looked at her and said, “Y’all are freaking Robin Hood.”  
“That’s what I said dude!” Darlene shouted.  
“But why me?”  
“What do you mean?” Darlene took a drag off a joint and leaned against the brick wall behind the shop. Raine took her hit and looked out over the Hudson behind her blowing smoke out into the wind, “Why are you trusting me with all of this stuff all the time… I mean it’s a BIG deal.”  
“I don’t know I just do, there’s something about you, you’re cool,” she paused to take the joint from Raine and hit it, “plus I was about to explode, I need to talk to someone about this and Dom is gone most of the time, Elliot was cool with it for a while but now he says it’s time for the next thing, whatever the fuck that means.”  
“Does he want to do another hack?”  
“I don’t think so, he is different now… but not… it’s hard to explain.”  
Darlene had expressed this sentiment before, not as though she was complaining she just wasn’t used to his integration yet.  
“Well I never met him before so…”  
“Yea he’s still Elliot, anti-social and nervous but he’s doing a lot better than he was, we thought he fully integrated, but Mr. Robot is still around.”  
“That makes sense, given what I have learned about the disorder, and what you’ve told me about them.”  
“Oh, I forgot you’re like a psychology major.”  
“Was… I had to drop out when Papi got bad, but it has helped me with my own messed up… stuff.”  
“And me… I don’t know what I would do without you honestly…”  
It was rare for Darlene to be vulnerable like this and Raine doubted many had seen this side of her.  
“I’m still in awe of all of you… and well I’m sorry, for the people you lost.”  
“Yea well that part fucking sucks,” Darlene said taking a last hit off the joint and putting it out on the wall.  
“Want to have a sleepover?” Raine asked trying to lighten the mood.  
“Oh man I want to so bad, but Elliot needs me to dog sit because he works early tomorrow.”  
“I can’t believe he’s working a tech job after what you told me.”  
“Yea well he says part of his healing process or something to do with keeping a routine because that’s what part of him is used to or some shit.”  
“He sounds really smart.”  
“He’s a genius… and a dumbass…” Darlene smiled to herself and Raine could see and feel the love she had for him radiating off of her. These two were very close and Raine wondered why he had never been to the shop before.  
Weeks had passed and Darlene had opened up about every little thing and the more she divulged about this mysterious brother the more Raine grew curious. Then one day Darlene came up to the apartment for a girl’s night in and she began scrolling through her camera roll, showing Raine pictures of stupid things she had found on the internet. All of a sudden, a picture of a man appeared, standing next to Darlene at Coney Island.  
“Who’s that?” Raine said right as Darlene swiped away from it uninterested.  
“Who?”  
“Go back,” Raine said scooting closer.  
Darlene went back to the picture, “That’s me and Elliot.”  
“Wow,” was all that Raine could manage.  
The hoodie, the face, all of it. It was the mysterious stranger she hadn’t seen in over a year but still haunted her dreams.  
“Wow?” Darlene was literally smiling from ear to ear.  
“I just… I… he’s… pleasant looking.”  
“What did you say?” Darlene was now full on laughing, “just say it… you think my brother is hot.”  
“What? No, I mean, not no but yes but no… he’s your brother, that’s weird, shut up.”  
“You are so flustered right now; I’ve never seen you like this.”  
“Come on D, leave me alone.”  
“Umm hello light bulb.”  
“No.”  
“You should date my brother.”  
“NO!”  
Not only could she not date her new best friend’s and employee’s brother, but if she remembered him, what if he remembered her. Things connected in her brain one after the other. The hack, him hunched over the laptop, the paranoia, him telling Darlene about the way people dress here. Was that why he would never come here? He was obviously too embarrassed or creeped out to be around Raine again. Not only could she not date Elliot, she could never let Darlene bring him around her.  
“Darlene, who are you texting?” Raine said suddenly realizing she was smiling and tapping her phone rapidly.  
“I’m telling Elliot to come over.”  
“I said no,” Raine whined.  
“Calm down… I’m not saying anything… yet… I’m having him bring me something so he can come here and see you and fall in love instantly because you are smoking hot and let nature take its course, we won’t even have to tell him you liked him first, he’ll be BEGGING me for your number.”  
Darlene was sweet and maybe would’ve been right if Elliot hadn’t already met Raine and decided she was an embarrassing freak. She wondered if she should tell Darlene about the interaction. She decided to try out a little bit of it, “You know …he looks familiar.”  
“He said he’s been here but the WIFI sucked… sorry.”  
“I just pay the bill, the WIFI is your department.”  
“Among everything else I do, I make a mean latte, also it was before I worked here, remember I said he told me to come here to work.”  
He had done that, but why, if he wanted to avoid Raine so badly, why did he want his sister working here? Maybe the WIFI had sucked.  
“Well then it’s a good thing you came along and made it better… you did, didn’t you?”  
“Oh, yea you don’t even have the same provider you used to.”  
“Neat”  
“That’s gonna be the only issue, my brother is a techie, majorly, he uses hacker jargon as his regular vocab.”  
“Okay, so?”  
“Well you maybe don’t know that much about computers.”  
“I do alright.”  
“No, you don’t get it, this. Is. His. World.” Darlene said holding up her phone, the only tech readily available.  
Raine looked around her apartment at her boho themed life, she had a laptop and knew more than most people, but she wasn’t even close to Darlene and Elliot’s level.  
“Well I’ll just have to adapt.”  
Darlene smiled, “good.”  
“Wait… you just tricked me into agreeing to this didn’t you?”  
“First lesson in hacking: social engineering… people are so much easier to hack irl than on any terminal.”  
“Now that sounds like something I can do… but why?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean what would I use it for?”  
“To get what you want, duh, how do you think I got this job?”  
“I hired you because I liked you and your interesting and… holy shit you manipulated me,” Raine laughed.  
“It was for your own good, look at how good I am at shit and I’m getting you a boyfriend and you love me,” Darlene shrugged her shoulders adorably when she finished talking and Raine couldn’t begin to be mad at her if she tried, she was good at this.  
“You need to teach me that,” Raine teased.  
“Oh, you’re good at the irl stuff, I’ve seen you, you just didn’t know you were doing it.”  
“Yea I am really good at reading people I guess.”  
“Good so you’re almost there, Elliot will really like that about you, but it will also scare the shit out of him, sometimes I honestly think you’re psychic.”  
“Why?”  
“I don’t know you just know things about people from just looking at them, remember that wall street guy that we kicked out… everyone else was all over him trying to get good tips and you had him pegged from day one… then I see homeless people come in and you treat them like kings, no one else here sees you like I do, like really sees you.”  
“Do they say stuff about me?”  
“They love you, but they still don’t GET you, I get you.”  
Raine knew she was right, she had never met someone like Darlene, she seemed so rough around the edges, but she had a heart of pure gold. They had grown so close over a few months that Raine felt like they had known each other forever.  
“He’s on his way,” Darlene said typing into her phone.  
“NOW?! Oh my gosh I need to change clothes and…”  
“Elliot doesn’t give a shit about things like that.”  
“Well I at least need to put on shoes.”  
“Why?” Darlene chuckled.  
“Ugh okay so don’t tell him this but I do remember Elliot… I mean I didn’t know it was him until I saw the picture but last year a guy came in and sort of… caught my attention so I tried to talk to him but he was not having it… then I came up here for a while then decided to try again but I forgot to put shoes on,” she paused, Darlene was already cackling and rolling on her bed.  
Raine continued, “it’s not funny… anyway I run straight into him as he’s leaving and I barely say a word because he looks down at my bare feet and he just looked at me like my hair was on fire and bolted, he thinks I’m an idiot.”  
Darlene was gasping for breath as she tried to stop laughing, “OH my gosh is that what you think happened?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I’m sure he barely noticed, last year Elliot was… in a really bad place, I mean you know this… but you don’t really… if he thought it was odd, it was nothing compared to all the other shit that went down… trust me.”  
“I thought he stopped coming because I freaked him out.”  
“No, if you would’ve had good WIFI your hair ACTUALLY being on fire wouldn’t have kept him away… he doesn’t care, trust me…he barely knew his own name last year, he forgot for I don’t know how many months that I was his sister… your bare feet are nothing.”  
“I wondered what had happened to him… I kind of forgot after a while but that picture… that’s not a face you forget.”  
“Really?”  
“I mean… you probably don’t think of him that way but yea he’s really… different.”  
“You can say that again, look to make you feel better let’s just go down without shoes, both of us and when I tell him you live upstairs, if he does remember it will make perfect sense… I mean it’s not weird when you consider everything, I mean you DO live here.”  
“Okay but please don’t mention any of it because I don’t want him thinking I’ve been pinning for him for a YEAR.”  
“Have you?”  
“What? No… I mean he crossed my mind once in a while because I don’t know he looked so scared and helpless at the time that I just wondered if he was okay.”  
“Aww… well he wasn’t, but he is getting there, let’s go.” Darlene grabbed Raine’s arm and pulled her out the door and down the stairs.  
Raine was prone to panic attacks and seeing the black hoodie again almost made her pass out. She couldn’t even look at him, it was too intimidating. Elliot walked up to Darlene and lowered his hood running a hand through his hair a couple times, Raine could feel his eyes on her.  
“Elliot this is my friend and ‘boss’, Raine,” Darlene had made air quotes around the word boss. Raine managed to look up as Elliot cast his eyes down and mumbled “what’s up?”  
Darlene sighed heavily grabbed his arm and hugged it, “this is the famous or infamous Elliot I’ve told you so much about.” Elliot’s head jerked up to look at his sister like HER hair was on fire. He started to shake his head no very slightly for some reason and she gave him a gentle look and he stopped. Raine mustered up courage enough to say, “It’s nice to meet you Elliot,” and she stuck her hand out for him to shake but he just looked at her for a moment and squinted at her before politely shaking her hand. As he touched her hand, she realized he was trembling slightly. She had to bite her lip to keep from whimpering. Poor guy was so nervous but why? She gave him the warmest smile she could, and he seemed to relax a little.  
Darlene had let go of him and was standing between them grinning like the Cheshire cat. Raine needed a distraction, “Darlene, why did you air quote the word boss?”  
“Because you know you can’t really tell me what to do,” Darlene teased.  
“Ahh,” Raine replied, “see what I have to deal with?” Raine said to Elliot, who grinned for a millisecond before saying, “I have no sympathy, I’ve dealt with her, her whole life.” Nothing about his tone suggested he was joking but Raine laughed anyway. Elliot looked down and grinned sheepishly as if no one had ever laughed at his jokes before.  
“Darlene? Can we talk…alone?” he said suddenly.  
“Don’t be rude, Elliot, you can say whatever you want in front of Raine, she’s cool, I tell her everything.” He looked at Darlene with wild eyes before looking at Raine again. She couldn’t read his expression, but she knew he had previously had no idea Darlene had been telling her about their past. He took her arm and pulled her away without even glancing at Raine again. Darlene gave her a look and rolled her eyes. Raine felt like an idiot just standing there so she began straightening up tables because they really needed it anyway. The place was always a mess when her and Darlene both were off. To her surprise Darlene was a neat freak and completely efficient at her job. She supposed keeping busy helped Darlene’s nerves like it did her own. She went and got a rag and came back and tried to pick up things from Elliot’s and Darlene’s hushed conversation. They had taken a booth and he seemed to be scolding her. Darlene sat slumped back in the booth with her arms crossed making annoyed faces. As Raine made her way to a booth near them Elliot didn’t see her, but Darlene did. She heard him say “you can’t drag innocent people into this, she could get hurt.” Raine felt a warmth inside her, he was concerned for her?  
“How? It’s over, isn’t that what you’ve been saying for months, the Dark Army is practically nonexistent now.”  
“We don’t know that for sure,” he said.  
“Who’s the leader now huh? Irving? He’s a well-known author now.”  
“And white rose was China’s minister of state security,” he retorted.  
Well that was something Darlene had failed to mention. Darlene looked up at her and shook her head because Elliot was getting up. Raine turned and started to walk away quickly but felt a hand grab her arm, the hand spun her around and she was face-to-face with Elliot who looked like he was on the verge of tears.  
“We need to talk,” he said. She just nodded and followed him to the booth where she slid in beside of Darlene.  
“He’s freaking out over nothing,” Darlene said.  
“I’m not freaking out, I’m just trying to keep people safe,” he said glancing quickly at Raine before drilling holes into Darlene with his eyes.  
“Hi, I’m people,” Raine said holding her hand up and waving slightly, “don’t I have a say in this?”  
Darlene and Elliot looked at her surprised. Elliot worked his jaw uncomfortably before setting back and saying, “alright.”  
“I’m fine, this stuff doesn’t scare me at all, after what I know I’m glad that you guys did what you did and I’m just glad I know someone on the right side, I would only be scared if I was trying to go against either of you, you guys are like modern day techie Robin Hood badasses,” Raine said. Elliot looked down and sucked in the corners of his bottom lip to fight a smile. Darlene raised an eyebrow at Elliot in an “I told you so,” manner.  
Raine continued, “And I won’t tell anyone, I honestly don’t have anyone to tell, Darlene is my only friend.” Raine’s voice cracked when she said “friend” and she felt one tear fall out of her eye. She hadn’t even realized that was coming. Elliot looked up at her and watched the tear fall onto the table. He tilted his head like a confused puppy for a second before sighing, “I’m sorry, I’m a dick, I just don’t want anyone else to get hurt.”  
“I know I just…” Raine couldn’t finish as she felt a lump forming in her throat. ‘Great’ she thought, ‘I’m embarrassing myself in front of Elliot again, what is wrong with me?’  
Darlene put both her arms around Raine and pulled her close and Raine had to fight even harder not to cry. Elliot looked like he was about to jump out of his skin.  
“You made her cry Elliot!” Darlene said. His face twisted in pain and his eyes got as big as quarters  
“No,” Raine said, “no, no, no, it’s not him or even this… I just I guess I just now realized that I didn’t have anyone besides Papi, before I met you,” Raine looked up at Darlene who pouted her bottom lip out in sympathy.  
“I just need to pull myself together, I’m not… I’m not ready to talk about it,” Raine said as she hopped up and walked away before she could embarrass herself even further. She stopped in the kitchen and grabbed Amber, “give me your shoes.”  
“What?” Amber shouted.  
“I need to go out back and smoke, I’m about to lose it,” Raine told her desperately. Amber sighed and nodded taking off her flats.  
“Thanks,” Raine shoved her feet in them and threw open the door, the cool night air hitting her face. She felt around in her sweatpants pocket hoping she had shoved a joint in there earlier, like she had intended to. She brought it out and leaned against the wall. She put it in her mouth and started looking for a lighter.  
She couldn’t find one and she sighed, leaned her head back and closed her eyes, “shit.” She heard a click and her eyes flew open and she saw a flame first then the hand, without moving she looked over at Elliot who was offering her the light impatiently. She brought her hand up to block the wind and lit the joint. He shoved the lighter into his hoodie pocket and kept his hand in there with the other one, his hood was up.  
“Thanks,” she said, he just nodded and stared at her, so she offered the joint to him after she took a hit. He took it without saying anything and looked at it for a while before taking a hit himself. As he exhaled his voice came out gravely, “you don’t look like a stoner.”  
“What does a stoner look like?”  
“I don’t know but I’ve never seen one as…” he stopped and grinned at his feet, blushing.  
“As what?”  
“Well… you’re pretty,” he said, sounding a bit childlike.  
“Stoners aren’t pretty?” she teased, taking the joint from him and taking a long drag.  
“Well yea they are but…” he paused and gave her a pained look.  
“You just wanted a way to tell me that you think I’m pretty?” she offered. He outright smiled for the first time that she had seen, and her heart melted.  
“I guess so,” he shrugged.  
“Because you really think that or because you’re trying to make me feel better?”  
One corner of his mouth twitched like he wanted to smile again as he said, “both.”  
She winked as she said, “good save.”  
“I’m serious,” he said, and honestly, she hadn’t seen anyone look at her more seriously in her life. It made her smile. She passed the joint to him and he held it for a minute before he said, “I wasn’t mad at you, ya know?”  
“I know but you shouldn’t be mad at her either, I know you think she just does things without thinking but she doesn’t, she needed me, and I needed her.”  
He nodded taking a hit, “I used to think that about her, but I’ve learned…” he stopped, looked confused and said, “how did you know I used to think that?”  
“Because I know that’s what most people would think about her, but they would be wrong.”  
“You two are pretty close huh? She talks about you a lot.”  
“Yea we are.”  
“You like her?” he asked.  
“Of course, she’s my best friend, my only friend.”  
“Well I know but I meant do you like her? Like…”  
“Am I into girls?”  
“Yea.”  
“No, unfortunately I’m attracted to men for some reason,” Raine said, sighing.  
Elliot laughed, “Not to be all ‘not all men’ but…”  
“I know, I didn’t mean you obviously but most of my exes or whatever, customers, mostly one ex in particular.”  
“Pretty bad?”  
“Really bad… like criminally bad.”  
“Abusive?”  
“Yea.”  
“Shit. I’m sorry.”  
“Eh I’m fine now just… you know lost all my friends because they took his side and I have like PTSD or some shit.”  
“You should go to my therapist, she’s really good, I like her a lot.”  
“I might, I don’t get much time off, just weekends.”  
“Excuses,” he said leaning against the wall beside her and nudging her with his elbow. She gave him a mock scowl as she grabbed the joint, they had been sharing from his mouth and put it out on the wall. He watched her intently and took his hood off brushing a hand through his hair. She was jealous because she had been wanting to do that for over a year. She shook the thought away and started walking to the door.  
“You leaving?” he asked.  
“I live here so… no.”  
“I meant, are you leaving me?” he looked surprised as the words came out of his mouth and he started to back track, “Leaving the outside I meant… I mean…”  
“You mean ‘going inside’?” Raine laughed.  
“Yep, those…words are better, shit, I can’t talk,” he looked genuinely panicked so Raine shrugged and laughed, “It’s fine, I was just messing with you anyway, you’re good.” She wanted nothing more than to stay out here with him all night or bring him in with her, but she knew they were both very nervous and that it was best to leave on a high note and leave him wondering about her. She opened the door to go in but he called out to her, “Raine?” she just stopped and looked at him, he was lighting a cigarette, he took it from his mouth and blew the smoke in the air and for some reason she found this incredibly sexy, he looked at her and said, “I’m glad she told you.”  
“Me too,” she smiled and ran into the kitchen before she could find a way to ruin a nearly perfect conversation.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RAine gets a surprise text that leaves her confused.

She gave amber back her shoes and went looking for Darlene, she found her standing out front smoking a cigarette, barefoot.  
“Hey, come upstairs you can smoke in my room.”   
Darlene threw her cigarette and bounced in behind Raine, “Sooo?” she said putting an arm around Raine’s shoulder.   
“Whose idea was it for him to come after me instead of you?”   
“That would be yours truly.”   
Raine smiled, “how did you convince him?”  
“It didn’t take much, I was honestly shocked, Elliot has trouble talking to people he knows let alone strangers.”   
“So do I,” Raine said as she opened her door and fell onto her mattress. Darlene sat beside her and pulled her shirt off and threw it across the room. Raine chuckled, “Elliot asked if I was into you.”  
Darlene laughed, “you would be if you had any taste.”   
“If I were into girls, I would like you probably.”  
“Probably?”   
“I like you now, just you know.”  
“That’s fine, leave me for my brother, I see how it is,” Darlene joked.   
“SO, what did you say to him, I mean why did he come out there?”   
“Well…” Darlene tilted her head and smiled, “after you left, I just sat there and he asked if I was going to go check on you and I said ‘no, she’s fine’.”  
“And?”   
“And that’s it, when I said no, he jumped up and took off.”   
“Did you know he would do that?”  
“Oh he-ell no, I mean I know my brother better than anyone and it’s not totally out of character for him to do random shit… oh that’s him texting me.”  
“Ugh, I’m nervous.”   
“He wants your phone number, what did I tell you bi-otch?”   
“He’s going to hack me, isn’t he?”   
“Oh, he is for sure going to hack you… is that… okay?”  
Raine shrugged, “If I didn’t want people knowing something, I wouldn’t put it on the internet.”  
“You realize he will be reading private emails, messages, PRIVATE,” she emphasized.   
“Well I do have messages between me and that guy I told you about, the abusive one, he sends me long mean messages every now and then, that could end badly.”  
“Shit, hang on,” Darlene dialed a number and held the phone to her ear, “Elliot hey, is Mr. Robot close enough for you to let me talk to him… alone,” she paused, “because I just need to talk to him, please.”  
She waited a while before saying, “hey is this you?...Okay well listen how much do you know about what Elliot is up to with Raine?...Aww really? That’s great but listen DO NOT let him hack her tonight whatever it takes…because she has messages with her abusive ex and I don’t want him going all vengeancey and you know…yes I know he deserves it but still Elliot doesn’t need that and you know it…She’ll delete them tonight… okay ASAP, but you do your part, now let me talk to him again...” Darlene stuck her finger at Raine and then pointed to her laptop. Raine got the laptop and began searching through all her private messages. No one emailed her that wasn’t business related so she didn’t even bother with that. Darlene convinced Elliot that he didn’t need to know what she and Mr. Robot talked about and then got off the phone.   
Raine looked at her, “wont he be able to retrieve these somehow?”  
“He probably could, but he doesn’t know he needs to… as long as most things look normal, he won’t dig deeper, he’s just curious about you and…”   
“He feels like it helps him get to know someone to ease his social anxiety?”   
“Exactly… see? I knew you were good at this.”   
“I’m so glad I deleted most of these already, this is hard to read.”   
“What a DICKHEAD!” Darlene said reading some of the messages over her shoulder.   
“Don’t you start, this has been over a long time.”   
“He messaged you last week, maybe I should let Elliot…”  
“No, if it would take him back to a dark place it’s not worth it, I can just ignore this guy.”  
“Not forever, people like him don’t go away, they need gotten rid of.”   
“Oh boy I guess it runs in the family.”   
“We took down people worse than this, taking this guy down would be an hour on a Tuesday night, you know he’s probably into some sick shit, guys like this always are.”   
Raine could see the wheels turning in Darlene’s head, “Listen, when Elliot gets to a really good place, if this guy hasn’t stopped, I will let you know and you can decide if it’s a good idea for Elliot to do… whatever it is he does, but please, for now, for Elliot’s health, let it go.”   
Darlene bit her lip for a minute then rolled her eyes and sighed, “fine.”   
They got it all done and fell asleep, then at around 2am Raine felt her phone buzzing underneath her with a muffled *ding*. She slipped one eye open and saw a number she didn’t recognize had texted her. She opened it and it just said: Hey   
She knew who it was, it had to be.  
R: Hi, Elliot 

E: How did you know? 

R: No friends, remember? 

E: Did D tell you I asked for your #?

She didn’t know if she should tell him or not.  
R: Yes 

She waited for another message and almost fell back to sleep waiting. When she heard a *ding* it made her heart leap.   
E: You cool with that? 

“Dude! Turn it on vibrate,” Darlene mumbled from her side of the mattress. Raine put it on silent and tried to think of a witty response.   
R: That depends

E: On?

R: What are your intentions?

E: What do you mean?? 

R: I’m just messing with you again, yes, I’m glad she gave you my number

E: 

R: didn’t figure you for a smiley face kind of guy

E: I’m not, but you can’t see me, and I wanted you to know I’m smiling  
E: I can promise to never send a winking face if that helps

R: It does, thank you

E: so wryd?

R: Lying in bed, D is asleep, she yelled at me because my phone kept dinging

E: Put it on silent

R: I did, don’t want her wrath

E: No, you don’t

R: Wryd?

E: Lying in bed too, petting flipper 

R: Flipper?   
Did she even want to know?

E: My dog

R: Aww 

E: She says hello

R: Tell her I said akfdjdfkj because she’s cute

E: Lol okay… how do you know she’s cute though?

R: She’s a DOG

E: Fair enough

R: Don’t you have work tomorrow?

E: Yea, I was too wired to sleep I’m sorry

R: you’re fine, what has you wired? 

E: Idk I just feel… you know? 

R: Tell me

She waited a long time to hear the ding again, but she didn’t, eventually she fell asleep with the phone in her hand. She woke up kind of panicked hoping she hadn’t missed Elliot’s response and accidently ignored him. She looked her phone and there was nothing. She frowned at it.  
“What did he do now?”   
“What?!” Raine jumped at the unexpected voice, she thought Darlene was asleep.   
“Either Elliot said something stupid or you want to destroy your phone for some reason because you look pissed.”   
“No, I’m not mad just confused.”   
“About Elliot?”  
“Yea.”   
“Well get used to that.”   
“He just stopped responding like… almost in the middle of a sentence.”  
“Typical.”   
“Do you think he’s okay?”  
“I’m sure he’s fine… do you even watch the news? He stopped a nuclear meltdown; he can handle himself.”   
“He did WHAT?”  
“So, you don’t watch the news.”   
“You didn’t tell me that part.”   
“Yea… cause it was on THE NEWS.”   
“Damn…”   
Darlene laughed, “my brother the superhero…”   
“Right? I mean… wow…”   
“I thought it was weird when I told you his name and you had no reaction.”   
“How do people usually respond?”  
“They are either really starstruck or really suspicious, there are theories that he was in on it and a bunch of other bullshit, that’s the nature of people, that’s why he never leaves his hood down long in public, I mean he’s been wearing it like that for a while but I thought after… never mind it’s a long story, you’ve heard it all before.”   
“He must wonder why I didn’t mention it.”  
“I think that’s one of the things he probably liked about you, it makes you mysterious and different.”   
“All it really means is that I don’t have cable.”   
Darlene laughed.   
Raine thought about it, “well I probably wouldn’t have mentioned it regardless because I hate putting people on the spot.”   
Darlene smiled, “you are honestly really good for him, everything I know about you, your traits are things he needs.”  
“What do you mean?”   
“I can’t explain it, but I know, anyway I gotta go dog sit while Elliot is at work, since I am off today.”  
“Yea and I have to work.”  
“I’m staying with Elliot tonight, we are gonna get stoned and watch movies.”   
Raine didn’t say anything but she really wished she had the night off to join them, not that she was even invited. It was Friday and none of them had to work the next day. Well as far as she could guess anyway, considering what Elliot’s job was, she figured he had weekends off and worked day shift. He was an office worker, which seemed way out of character for him.   
“We might come by later and say hi…” Darlene said.  
“We? As in you and Elliot?”  
“Yea and I might just have something in mind for you.”  
“NO! I don’t know what it is, but no.”  
“You’ll thank me later, By-ee” Darlene sang as she closed the door behind her before Raine could protest.   
Raine got ready for work and decided since Elliot might be in later to not wear her uniform, she was the person in charge after all. So, she chose her favorite skirt which was a plaid black and red schoolgirl type skirt with a long-sleeved black tee shirt and thigh high boots and a black choker. She took a shower and wore her hair straight, so it fell past her breasts. She examined her dye job; she had opted for jet black on the bottom layer and the top layer was a light pink. So, she had a pink and black stripes thing going on. She was always changing her hair color, like most artistic people, she supposed. She grabbed her black apron, she needed to at least wear that to keep her outfit clean. She walked downstairs and jumped into work, hoping to avoid comments from her coworkers. It didn’t work, they all teased her and made whistling noises.   
“Who you are dressing up for?” Amber asked her.   
“Myself,” she said.   
“Come on,” Amber said.  
“No really, I mean maybe a guy I like is coming over later, but he has seen me crying and in sweatpants already so… I dressed like this, so I feel confident… for me.”  
“Who is he?” Amber asked, she was friendly with Raine, but they didn’t hang out outside of work.   
“Umm just someone I met… Darlene introduced us.”   
“Yikes.”   
“What?”  
“I mean I love Darlene but aside from you I figure her friends are pretty sketch.”   
“It’s not her friend… it’s her brother.”   
“Oooh that guy, wasn’t he on the news?”  
Raine sighed, “apparently.”  
“He saved a lot of lives.”   
“Yep,” she didn’t want to have this conversation, it was Elliot’s business and apparently, he was trying to lay low.   
Raine looked at her phone for the thousandth time and still nothing. She didn’t think she had said anything wrong, but it was hard to tell what he found when he hacked her. She rarely posted anything to social media. Her insta was mainly pictures of her artwork and her tumblr was just her poetry. She didn’t post on Facebook, she only had one because her abusive ex had literally forced her, to keep tabs on her. She tried to keep busy and ignore that fact that she hadn’t received a text all day, not even from Darlene. The outfit had been a huge mistake because it brought attention from all the wrong people. The wrong people being guys who weren’t Elliot. It was nearing eight-thirty and she got off work at nine and she grew more disappointed with each minute without word from either Alderson. Things were slow so she told Amber and the rest of the crew she was heading upstairs early. She took off her apron and started toward the stairs.   
Then Amber said, “Hey Raine, Darlene just walked in and… yep there’s her brother.”   
Raine felt her heart leap into her throat. She turned around and peaked into the dining area. There was Darlene bouncing in, Elliot sauntering in behind her, he lowered his hood and ran a hand through his hair. Raine smiled at this endearing habit he had. They took a booth in the corner Elliot facing away from the counter to look out the window. Raine grabbed her notepad and pen from her apron pocket. She walked over and saw Elliot’s reflection in the window watching her. Darlene was giving her a sly grin, and she started to worry about what Darlene had planned. She came around to stand beside the table between them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raine finds out more about Elliot and they run into a snag in their flirtation

“Yo bitch,” Darlene said.  
Raine smiled at her and Darlene winked, causing her more anxiety.   
“What’s up?” Elliot mumbled.   
“Hey guys,” Raine said cheerfully, thankful she had perfected suppressing any and all emotions to put on her customer service persona. Not that she would normally use it with Darlene, but she used it when it was needed, and right now it was badly needed. She hadn’t heard from Elliot and this couldn’t be more nerve wracking or awkward.   
“What’s wrong?” Darlene said, knowing about the persona, shit Raine had told her all about this trick, and Darlene knew she only used it around friends if she was super stressed, but did she really have to rat her out like this?   
“Nothing, just an easy day,” Raine said glancing at Elliot to make sure he wasn’t looking at her, to her surprise he was leaning back trying to check out her outfit, he must’ve felt her looking at him because he looked up at her, then hurriedly started pretending to stretch. Raine looked back at Darlene who grinned mischievously. Raine felt like nothing she said mattered, Darlene had gotten whatever it was she wanted and Raine was going to be a part of it, she knew this because Darlene had that look in her eye.   
“You guys want a coffee?”   
“Yo I’m sorry I didn’t text you back, I kind of crashed,” Elliot said suddenly.  
Raine smiled at him, “you’re good, I fell asleep too.”  
“And uhh,” he started but stopped. He looked at Darlene desperately, apparently not ready to say what was really on his mind.   
“So Raine, listen,” Darlene started, Raine looked at her ready for whatever scheme she had dreamed up, “Elliot and I are going to chill at his apartment tonight, get high and watch some movies… do you want to join us?”   
Raine felt trapped but a little relieved, she had expected… well she didn’t know what to expect really but this wasn’t all that bad.   
“I don’t want to intrude,” Raine said glancing at Elliot before back at Darlene.  
“You’re not, you think I want to spend all my time with my nerdy brother?” Darlene stuck her tongue out at Elliot, teasing him.   
He grinned then looked up at Raine, “you should come.”   
The sound of his voice made it feel like every part of her was melting, some things he said were almost a whisper like it hurt him to talk. The words came out smooth yet raspy somehow. She was staring at her notepad like an idiot trying not to blush, she sighed to calm herself.   
“Hmm well I am off tomorrow, and I like weed… it’s just weed right?” Raine said unsure what all Elliot was into, she knew Darlene was clean, well besides pot.   
Elliot chuckled, “Yea it’s just weed.”   
“Elliot doesn’t do any other drugs anymore,” Darlene said.   
“Darlene!” Elliot said before putting his forehead into his hands and rubbing his face roughly. He looked up at Raine and shook his head obviously desperate to explain but words didn’t come out.   
She touched his shoulder gently and said, “don’t worry about it.”   
He looked at her hand like it was a snake, so she quickly drew it back. He looked regretful that he had reacted that way, but she smiled at him again to reassure him.   
“Hey, I have a question about the schedule, can we talk about it?” Darlene said. It was their code for talking alone or going outback to get high.   
“Sure,” Raine said, she glanced at Elliot who was now looking at his lap like a child who had just gotten in trouble. Darlene and her walked to the bottom the stairs to her apartment.   
“Is he okay? Did something happen?” Raine asked.  
“Oh he’s fine, I mean I haven’t seen him act this jumpy in months but he doesn’t have that ‘I want to die’ look in his eyes that he used to.”   
“Well that’s good,” Raine said.   
“I didn’t know he would be this nervous though he was fine before he saw you.”   
“Oh that’s great,” Raine said, throwing her arms up.   
“I mean he’s just nervous, he must like you a lot…hmm,” Darlene stepped back and looked her up and down, “maybe it’s your outfit… oh gross I just realized… oh man you turned him on, I did NOT want to be aware of that but… that’s probably it,” she finished shrugging.   
Raine laughed, “Well should I… should I change?”  
“No, no he’ll be alright, like I said he is nervous but he’s not like… losing it, this is a normal nervous and he’ll be better off to get over it with someone that I trust.”   
‘Not someone he trusts, someone Darlene trusts’, Raine thought, then laughed.   
“What?” Darlene asked not even realizing how protective she was of her brother.   
“Oh nothing.”   
They walked back to the booth and Elliot had a cup of coffee setting in front of him.   
“When did you order that?” Darlene asked.   
“I didn’t, some girl brought it over and thanked me for my ‘service to our country’,” he said with air quotes, there was a laughter in his voice and he made face like he was amused by this. Raine was relieved he had seemed to have calmed down.   
“Yo, why do all the other waitresses have to wear uniforms but you two don’t?” Elliot asked.   
Darlene looked at the floor to suppress her laughter and Raine took a deep breath and began praying for an answer.   
“I told her I wasn’t working here if I had to wear a uniform,” Darlene said, telling part of the truth as she slid into her side of the booth.   
“And you hired her with that attitude?” he asked.  
“I hired her BECAUSE of that attitude,” Raine laughed. He laughed quietly and nodded, then tilted his head as if to say ‘fair enough’.   
Darlene moved to the edge of her seat and said, “you want to set down for a while?” with a smirk.  
Raine gave her a mean look and said, “I’m getting some decaf first.”  
Elliot held his cup out to her, “could you trade this for a water for me?”   
“Sure… want anything?” she asked Darlene.   
“Yea get some… sour cream and onion chips, with some dip man. Some beef jerky, some peanut butter…”  
“Shut up,” Raine laughed at walked away as Darlene continued to list things in reference to the movie “half baked”. Her ability to remember the list was impressive. They often quoted stoner movies to each other while smoking even though it was cliché. Darlene had said ‘sometimes things become a cliché because they are fun’. She wasn’t wrong, they were different when they smoked together than when they were alone because they always tried to make each other laugh. When Raine got back to the table Darlene said, “and… funyuns,” as though she was just finishing the list. Raine started to laugh but stopped when she realized that Elliot had scooted up next to the wall and Darlene remained at the edge of her side. They were forcing her to set beside him like they were all in the third grade. She rolled her eyes at Darlene and handed him his water. She sat her decaf latte down and found a polite way to sit in the short skirt she was wearing. She heard Elliot take a deep breath beside her and she looked at him out of the corner of her eye. He was leaning over his water holding it with both hands, staring into it. She would have to be the brave one here because this guy was not handling this well.   
“So, what movie are we watching?” Raine asked. Then she felt stupid, you didn’t smoke and actually care what movie you watched, that was lame.   
“You can pick,” Elliot said.  
“I never get to pick,” Darlene said.   
“because look what happened last time you did,” Elliot laughed.  
“That is not the movie’s fault,” Darlene pointed at him. It would have been an inside joke if Darlene hadn’t told her about the Halloween visit that practically started Fsociety.   
Elliot was grinning so he must not be too sensitive about the whole thing, which was nice. He looked at Raine again.   
“Hmm, I don’t know what movies you have,” Raine said, they both laughed at her, so she said, “Why is that funny?”   
“We have ANY movie,” Elliot said and understanding dawned on her. Of course, they pirated movies, she felt stupid.  
“Are we corrupting you?” Darlene teased, then said to Elliot, “she’s a good girl and we are corrupting her.”   
Out of the corner of her eye, Raine saw Elliot look at her skirt and lick his lips nervously, then he bit his bottom lip for a second. Darlene was doing this on purpose as the forceful matchmaker, in her mind it was innocent fun. But at that moment Raine wanted to drag him upstairs to her bedroom. He turned sideways to face her resting his arm on the table and his head on his hand. The whole front of his body was facing her, so she looked at him.  
“Whatever you want,” he said as though he had read her thoughts.   
“W-What?” she nearly choked on her latte.   
“Any movie you want,” he clarified.   
“Oh,” she breathed, on the verge of hyperventilating.   
“What did you think I meant?” he raised his eyebrows. Her eyes instinctively scanned his slender body and she blushed.   
“I was just lost in thought so I forgot what we were even talking about,” she said, it wasn’t a lie really.   
“Thoughts about what?” Darlene asked knowingly, and Raine gave her a death glare.   
Elliot saw this exchange and interceded by saying, “it’s cool, you guys ready?”   
They both said yes and Raine got away from both of them quickly to regain some composure. “Be a little more chill,” she heard Elliot whisper.   
“You said you like her,” Darlene whispered back loud enough to make sure Raine heard, she couldn’t stay mad at Darlene, not that she was actually that mad, but she was about to have a panic attack before Elliot stepped in. Raine waited for Elliot’s response to Darlene but he didn’t have one unless he nodded, she hoped it was a nod and not the alternative. They walked in silence for a while until Raine realized she didn’t know where she was supposed to be going.  
She stopped and turned to them, “Umm, I don’t know where you live,” she said. Elliot didn’t say anything and walked ahead of them as Darlene looped her arm with Raine’s.  
“Is he okay?” Raine whispered to her, and nodded toward Elliot who was walking briskly with his hood up and his head down.   
“Yea he just doesn’t want to be recognized.”  
“He said he likes me?”   
Darlene laughed, “Of course, you’re great.”  
“But I’ve done nothing but make a fool of myself since I met him.”   
“I have been talking about you for months, he knows you’re nervous, besides those things are only big in your head.”   
Raine knew the average person would hear nonsense but it was actually really wise if you knew how to listen to Darlene.   
“He said a lot today, but he can hear us right now so,” Darlene put a finger up to her lips in a ‘Shh’ motion.   
Elliot turned his head to the side and looked at them from the corner of his eye. Darlene smiled at him feigning innocence and he grinned and faced forward again. He shook his head to himself at his sister’s antics. Raine took out her phone and texted Darlene.   
R: tell me like this

D: too risky, must be irl   
Darlene smiled at her and winked. Then she typed some more.   
D: Be patient 

R: I am just insecure I guess, you know from the last time

D: E would never be like L 

R: I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just L made me… 

D: what?

R: broken

Darlene read it and got tears in her eyes, she put her phone away and squeezed Raine’s arm. Raine leaned her head on her shoulder and Darlene kissed her forehead. They walked all the way to Elliot’s apartment because it was about fifteen minutes. A long walk but doable. Raine had a stupid thought ‘these boots might be made for walking, but not this far’ she laughed to herself but refused to tell them what was funny because the joke was lame.   
“I just thought of something dumb, I do that a lot, ignore me,” she told Elliot.  
He looked at Darlene, almost like he was looking for confirmation. Darlene shrugged, “she talks to herself all the time.” They were at his door and he unlocked it and walked in and they followed.   
Elliot smiled, “oh that’s nothing...I… well you know,” he stopped and looked at Darlene, “she does know right?”  
“Yea I told you she did.”   
“Just making sure,” he said taking his hoodie off revealing a tight black t-shirt that let Raine know he had a lot more tone and muscle to him that she would have expected. The apartment was all one room. The front door led to a kitchen area with a table and two chairs. A couch sat on the far wall. Off to the side was a bedroom area with a bed with sparse bedding. Some dressers, books and various things sat around the bed. In front of the far window was an elaborate computer set up, with two monitors and a bunch of other towers and various electronics. Elliot grabbed his backpack and took out his laptop.   
“You don’t have a television,” Raine mused.   
“Yea, I just watch everything on my laptop usually.”   
Raine decided to be brave and went to set beside him on the couch where he was typing on his laptop. He sat it down on the coffee table and stretched out putting his arm behind her on the back of the couch. Darlene was crouched beside the bed talking like a baby. She picked up something black and fuzzy and brought it to Raine.   
“Awwww,” Raine exclaimed louder than she intended to.   
“This is flipper,” Darlene said handing the dog to her.   
“Hi flipper,” Raine said, then she just made some incoherent noises as the dog licked her face.  
“You don’t have to let her do that,” Elliot said.  
“No, I love her,” Raine said and he smiled. She cuddled with flipper for a while, and almost forgot the most beautiful guy she’d ever seen was sitting beside her.   
“Y’all want to smoke?” Darlene said holding up a bag, she started packing a bowl. Raine reluctantly set flipper down on the floor and she ran to Elliot’s feet. Then she begged him to pick her up, so he bent down and grabbed her and said softly, “ohh you want daddy now huh?”   
It was too much and Raine let out a whimper that verged on being a moan before she could stop herself. Darlene let out one loud chuckle then pursed her lips tight to keep from laughing. Elliot looked at Raine curiously but didn’t say anything, she thought she saw him fighting a grin as he buried his face in flipper’s fur.   
“She’s just too cute,” Raine said, trying to salvage something resembling dignity.   
Darlene sat down on the other side of Raine and took the first hit, she handed it off and got her phone and started typing. Raine took her hit and handed it to Elliot quickly before reaching into her bag and flipping her phone to silent, she had a feeling Darlene was about to text her. She felt her phone vibrate and she discretely took it out and laid it between her and Darlene’s legs. 

D: He knew exactly what he was doing, he’s shy but not stupid. 

R: Do you think…

“You guys smoking or what?” Elliot said, trying to reach around to hand it to Darlene and keep flipper from falling off his lap. He saw the phone between them and Darlene holding her phone, he rolled his eyes and sat back taking another hit.   
“Hey!” Darlene snapped.  
“You guys are keeping secrets, so I’m keeping the weed.”   
“It’s not secrets, we are just talking girl talk, you wouldn’t understand, what if we are talking about periods or something,” Darlene said.  
Elliot scoffed, “doesn’t bother me.”   
Raine was glad for that in a general way, but in this moment, she almost wished he was one of those immature guys that freaked out over women’s natural bodily functions.   
“That reminds me, Darlene I bought you some tampons, so if that’s the issue they are available to whoever,” he said as he handed Darlene the bowl, he looked at Raine and showed her the bowl, “this helps a lot too.”   
“I’m not on my period, but yea I know,” she said. She had never met a guy this chill about that before, that was one of the things she hated about her abusive ex, he acted like she was gross and a bad person for having a period. Every month they fought about it because they couldn’t have sex. Darlene took a hit and passed her the bowl. Raine looked over at Elliot, “you’re not like most guys huh?”   
“I’m not like most people of any gender.”   
She smiled, “that’s awesome,” she took a hit then smiled at him as she passed it to him.  
“You’re not either… like most people I mean,” he said.   
“I hear that a LOT, but it’s usually not a compliment… that was a compliment, right?” she looked at him and he nodded as he exhaled, blowing the smoke upward away from flipper. He put his arm behind Raine to hand it to Darlene but she was typing on her phone.  
“Darlene, hey, DARLENE!” he said.   
“I’m out for now, Leon is texting me,” she said. Darlene had told Raine a lot about Leon, but he was mostly Elliot’s friend.   
“What does he want?” Elliot asked.   
“He wants to know why you aren’t answering his texts,” she told him.   
He pulled his arm back and handed Raine the bowl, “I’ve been too in my head today to text anyone.” It was meant as an explanation for why he hadn’t texted Raine as well, she could tell by the way he had said it.  
“What’s up? You okay?” Darlene asked, a look of concern clouding her eyes.   
“Yea it’s not like that, you know what I mean just sorting things out and needed some time alone.”   
Darlene didn’t look convinced, but she let it go, she hopped up and said, “Well before we pick a movie, I need to go get munchies, what do you guys want?”   
Raine mustered up her best over-the-top stoner impression and started, “Get some…sour cream and onion chips, with some dip man. Some beef jerky, some peanut butter. Get some hagen-dagz ice cream bars…” she paused trying to remember. Darlene tilted her head, amused and waiting for the rest. Raine continued, “A whole lotta chocolate, gotta have chocolate, man. Some popcorn, pink popcorn. Graham Crackers!... umm…hmm… okay I give up,” she finished in her regular voice.   
Darlene laughed and shook her head, “amateur.”   
Darlene held her hand out to Elliot and he sighed taking out his wallet and handing her a twenty, “PINK popcorn, really?” he asked.   
“Don’t ask me, ask Brian,” Raine laughed.   
He shook his head at their silliness, “well I already have microwave popcorn,” Elliot said.   
“Well look at you, being domestic,” Darlene teased.   
“Umm if we have popcorn, I DO have to have chocolate to go with it,” Raine said.  
“What did you just say?” Elliot said, he was staring at her awe-struck.  
“I know it sounds weird but it’s really good,” she told him.  
“No, I know, I’ve been eating it like that my WHOLE LIFE,” he said.   
Darlene rolled her eyes, “here we go.”   
“Did you tell her about it?” Elliot asked Darlene.   
“Oh yes, it was an elaborate plot to get you to think you’re soulmates because you both eat chocolate with popcorn… no I didn’t tell her, weirdo.”   
“I don’t know if it’s that uncommon,” Raine said, “I mean it is a perfect pairing.”   
Elliot shrugged, embarrassed.   
Raine felt bad so she said, “But yea it’s weird like because I literally cannot eat it any other way.”  
“Me either,” Elliot said, smiling again.   
“So, chocolate and what else?” Darlene asked.   
“Just grab whatever,” Elliot said.   
“Okay, peace out girl scout,” Darlene threw a peace sign and walked out. Raine smiled, only Darlene could make such a cheesy phrase sound cool. So, her and Elliot were alone, she glanced over and he was petting flipper with his head tilted down staring at the exposed part of Raine’s thigh. She cleared her throat to get his attention and he moved his eyes to hers but kept his head down. Peaking up at her he grinned, “what?”   
She ran her hand through her hair and leaned back crossing her leg towards him. He watched her legs and bit his bottom lip. Then he sat flipper in the floor, she ran over and jumped onto the bed and curled into a ball. Raine watched her but Elliot didn’t take his eyes off her legs, he was still biting his lower lip.  
“Like my skirt?” she asked, pulling it down some to cover herself, self-consciously.  
He looked up at her, “yea, it’s sexy,” he whispered slowly. She felt a shudder go through her and she blushed then cleared her throat again, “thanks,” was all she could manage.   
“Are you nervous?” he asked.   
“Very.”   
“About what?”   
“All of this,” she gestured to his apartment and he gave her a confused look, so she waved her hand between them back and forth, “or more like this.”   
“Ahh well don’t worry, I don’t intend to try anything, I have to take things as slow as possible for my own reasons so don’t be nervous,” the more he talked the gentler his voice became. Part of her wanted to jump on him and part of her was relieved that he was taking things slow because all her interactions with men and sex had been traumatic. She let out a sigh, “okay… I didn’t mean to sound like I was complaining though, I’m flattered that you… whatever.”  
“Think you’re sexy?”   
“I thought it was just the skirt,” she teased.   
He let out a laugh and took another hit off the bowl, “nah… it’s mainly you, I thought the same thing last night… and I do want to take things slow sexually… but uhh” he paused and leaned forward cleaning the bowl into an ashtray, he turned his head and punched her knee lightly, “I still like looking at you,” he let out a little laugh and then looked at the floor, starting to get shy again. Every part of her wanted to kiss him, she hadn’t ever had a guy talk like this. Many had hit on her, of course, in more ways than one… but none were so open and willing to take things slow like this.   
“You’re sweet Elliot,” she said, he looked up and smiled at her. He put his closest hand on her knee and raised his head up to her eye level. He took his other hand and pushed her hair behind her ear then cradled her face. He closed his eyes and so did she. She waited for his lips to touch hers, but nothing happened. She opened her eyes and his were still closed, his eyebrows were furrowed like he was confused or hurt, or both.   
“Elliot?” she whispered.   
“Fuck,” he whispered back, shaking his head. He leaned back and covered his face with his hands, “ugh fuuuuck,” he said again.  
“You okay?”  
“No,” he mumbled through his hands, she waited. He dropped his hands and leaned up to face her again. He looked at her intently and got a sad look in his eyes, like he might start crying. She gulped because everything he felt, she felt too, it was just how she was with everyone but especially people like him. Broken people, because they were like her.   
“I want to kiss you so bad,” he said.  
“You can,” she urged, kicking herself mentally for sounding eager.   
“No, I can’t… I… don’t want you to get hurt,” he said.   
“It’s just a kiss, if you want this to be casual that’s okay,” she said, it would be disappointing, but she didn’t want to push him into something he didn’t want.  
“No, no, I don’t mean it like that, I like you… I mean… okay that’s what I was trying to say last night but I got scared, when you asked me what was keeping me awake, it was you, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and maybe I’m crazy, well I know I’m crazy but like I’ve never felt like… this… so soon, I just met you and it felt like… I don’t know,” he finished.   
“I know, me too,” she said.   
“Really?” he asked, grinning.  
“Yea, well you know it could partly be because Darlene has told us both a lot about each other, I mean I know I felt like I was starting to get to know you through her.”   
“Oh, she talks about you every day, I started to feel like I knew you better than she did, you like pumpkin spice lattes but hate the ‘basic bitch’ label because women should be allowed to enjoy things… I agree by the way, although I admit I used to be guilty of judging like that a little, not women but people who drink starbucks in general.”   
“Well their coffee does suck, and I’m not just saying that because I run a coffeeshop, I don’t really consider them competition anyway, it would be like comparing a five-star gourmet restaurant to mcdonalds,” she said. Elliot laughed and looked very pleased for some reason. So she said, “what?”  
“You.” It was enough of an explanation for her, because he said it so sweetly.   
“Well I could rant on all that for hours, but I don’t think I should… because we have gotten way off topic.”   
“Which was?”  
“Why do you think kissing me will end with me getting hurt?” His eyes clouded a little and his smile faded, she instantly regretted bringing it up again and said, “I’m sorry we don’t have to…”  
he touched her hand and she stopped talking. He took her hand in his and held it as if he were proposing.   
“I would tell you everything in my head and heart and everywhere else, but I honestly don’t know, I really don’t.”   
She felt tears welling up in her eyes and when he saw that his did too. He took his thumb and wiped a tear off her cheek, “shit, I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I’ll find out, I promise.”   
“It’s seriously alright, I can wait, don’t push yourself, I would never want you to… go to a bad place because of me.”   
“No, I’m doing it the right way, I will talk to my therapist about it, and it’s not your fault, I don’t hook up with a lot of girls, but I would have had to deal with this eventually.”   
Suddenly he looked over his shoulder to his computer chair, he sat there staring for a long time and it dawned on her that Darlene had told her about this. He was talking to Mr. Robot. When he looked back at her she smiled wanting to make him comfortable and let him know she wasn’t going to judge him.   
“Sorry about that,” he said, waving a hand in the direction of his computer as if she had heard the conversation.   
“You’re good,” she said.   
“So… how much did Darlene tell you about…”  
“Mr. Robot?” she interrupted.   
He looked a little taken aback but not stunned, then he looked a little relieved, “Well you stayed here alone with me… knowing… so that must be a good sign,” he joked.  
“Elliot don’t talk like that, there’s nothing about you that would make me scared of you or not trust you, I mean I know we just met but anyone that would do the things you’ve done…” she paused not wanting to gush like strangers on the street had done to him, “the thing is anyone who would have it inside them to be that selfless...” She shook her head unable to find the words. He was looking intently at her waiting for her to continue. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say, but there are so many people with the same disorder and I don’t know if Darlene told you but I was studying to be a psychologist when Papi got sick and I had to take over the shop so like there are so many things I could say but the thing you need to know is that nothing about you is bad or wrong, I’ve met some of the most evil people you could imagine and none of them had a mental illness they were just mean, and bad, and I’m sure you could say the same about people you have met… developing a way to survive is a strength and that’s what you did, that’s not a flaw.”   
A tear fell down his cheek and Raine bit her lip hoping she hadn’t hurt his feelings. He suddenly put his arms around her and pulled her into a hug. “Thank you,” he whispered. She relaxed into him for a moment before they both pulled away.   
He sighed, “I have come a long way and I have accepted myself, but I still worry about what other people will think about it.”   
“Well I’m very happy to hear you say that… that you’ve accepted yourself, that’s the biggest hill, and if other people don’t, those people suck and they can kiss both our asses.”   
Elliot laughed.   
“So, you don’t have to tell me but was he talking about me?” she asked.  
“Yea.”   
“Good? Bad?”   
“No not bad, just concerned… not hmmm not about you really just me… umm dating I guess…”   
“He doesn’t think you’re ready?”  
“He doesn’t think I’m good at it.”   
She started laughing. Elliot looked at her curiously.   
“I’m not laughing at you, I promise, I just wasn’t expecting that response,” she said.   
“He’s not wrong,” Elliot said.   
“I’m not either, good at it, I mean.”   
“I’ve had one girlfriend,” he said.   
“That doesn’t mean you’re bad at it,” she said.  
“I got her killed…”   
“Shayla?”   
“Darlene told you?”   
“Yea and that wasn’t your fault, I mean you did everything you could… that guy isn’t still… around is he?”  
“No, no he’s gone.”  
“What happened to him?”  
Elliot looked at her like he didn’t want to answer, “I can’t tell you that because… because it’s not my secret to keep.”   
“That’s okay, I just… I want you to be safe.”   
“I would never let anyone hurt you.”   
“I’m not worried about me, I’m worried about you, I don’t know these people they wouldn’t come after me.”  
“People like him don’t care about that, but he’s gone and it’s safe now… we’re pretty sure.”   
“Good,” she said.   
“So, what about you?” he asked.  
“Me?”   
“Why do you think you’re bad at it?”   
“Well one out of two of the boys I’ve ever been in a relationship with were abusive… the one that wasn’t was a guy I dated in first grade.”   
“I’m so sorry… who is he?” he asked.   
“Oh no, no names.”   
“Do you still talk to him?”   
“No… no I don’t talk to him.”   
He gave her a look like he could tell she was hiding something, she couldn’t tell him about Luke sending her messages all the time, but she hadn’t lied, she never responded to Luke.   
“I don’t know why…” she sighed, “we started dating when I was a senior in high school, he was in college,” she was careful not to tell him too many details and she told him about Luke, her anxiety and insecurity. She left out some of the more brutal beatings for Elliot’s own sake. When she was done, he said, “Darlene has told me some of that but…”   
“Not how much it has messed me up?”   
“I didn’t say that,” he said.  
“But it’s true, I mean as gorgeous as you are and as much as I just want to throw you down and…” she stopped, then dropped her head in her hands. She felt a hand on her back, he stroked her hair gently and she looked up, he was tilting his head thoughtfully.   
“Continue…” he said.  
She let out a small laugh, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to…”  
“No,” he interrupted, “seriously, it’s okay, I’m not going to judge you no matter what you say.”   
She didn’t know how this person could exist, how was he so kind and perfect? She looked at him waiting for him to disappear or something.   
“Well?” he said.   
“Well… the point I was trying to make is that, as… attracted to you as I am, I was relieved when you said you wanted to take things slow… because almost every time I’ve had sex it has been… bad.”  
“Bad?”  
“Not just bad, like traumatic… he liked for me to pretend like I was…” her breath caught as she remembered.   
“You don’t have to tell me if it’s too much.”   
“No I… he said that lots of women like a ‘rape fantasy’ so I would have to pretend like I didn’t want to do it… which I mostly didn’t but you know at that point I was so… stuck that I felt like I didn’t have a choice, I mean you’re supposed to sleep with your boyfriend, and you’re supposed to fulfill his kinks and find new ways to spice up your love life and all the other terrible advice women hear all the time.”  
“That’s fucked up,” he said, “those times weren’t… really, you know…”  
“Sex? Yea I know that now, it was rape because I didn’t really want to do it, not the fantasy part or any of it… I mean, there were times, we were together a long time and a girl needs some… well you know, I’m human… but even then, even when I wanted to, it was like I knew he was the wrong person, it never felt… right.” Elliot put his arm around her and pulled her close, she laid her head on his chest. He kissed her forehead softly.   
“Mmm…” she heard herself say. He ran his hand down her arm and back up a few times. Right then the door flew open and Darlene waltzed in yelling, “What’s up bitches!” before they could move, she took one look at them cuddling and let out a loud, “Awwwww, you guys… are adorable!”   
Raine flew nearly to the other side of the couch and Elliot stood up and practically ran to take the bags from Darlene. He started to put things away and Darlene went over and forced Raine to move back to the middle of the couch.   
“So, what’s up? Should I leave again? I don’t want to clam jam,” Darlene said, not even attempting to keep their conversation from Elliot.  
“Eww… is that a phrase people ACTUALLY use?” Raine asked.   
“Well what do you want me to say? Cock block? I was trying NOT to talk about my brother’s…”  
“Darlene! Popcorn?” Elliot asked, desperately trying to shut her up.   
“Chill out, what’s the fun in hooking your brother up with your BFF if you can’t embarrass them both mercilessly?” she looked at Raine and winked.   
“You’re the most hyper stoned person I have ever met,” Raine said.  
“That’s cause y’all are lightweights, I’m not even stoned,” she said, “anyway that’s a good idea, Elliot roll us a joint.”  
“I’m pretty high already,” he said.  
“Good for you but I said roll US,” she pointed at herself and Raine, “a joint.”  
“You roll a joint,” he laughed. She stuck out her bottom lip and pouted at him, “I handled Leon for you, I brought the hottest chick I’ve ever seen practically to your bedroom…”   
“Okay, alright shit” he said. He rolled it and gave it to them; he didn’t want to smoke anymore. Raine only smoked half and Darlene finished it. Elliot made them watch ‘back to the future’, but they mainly ignored it to talk.


	4. chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elliot and Raine get a lot closer and try to figure out how to deal with his issues.

They ate a bunch of junk and pretty soon Darlene had passed out.  
“Umm she’s asleep, so should I?” Raine said.  
“You can’t walk home alone,” he said.  
“Oh.”  
“You can have the bed and I’ll sleep on the floor.”  
“You don’t have to do that; we can sleep together… I mean… it’s just sleep so…”  
“Okay,” he let out in a shaky breath so soft she barely heard him.  
“I hate to ask but, this outfit…”  
“I got you,” he said as he got up and went to his dresser, he turned off all of the lights and she got up and went over to him.  
“Shirt and sweatpants?” he held them to her.  
“Just a shirt is fine,” she said.  
“Damn.”  
“What?”  
“Just… picturing it…”  
They were standing mostly in the dark, the only light coming through the windows through the street. He handed her a black tee shirt and walked over to the other side of the bed and faced the window. She didn’t bother going into the bathroom to change. Once she was done, she said, “okay.”  
He turned and looked her up and down, she doubted he could see much in this light. He pulled his shirt off, then his pants.  
“I didn’t turn around yet,” she said.  
“I know, that’s okay,” he said, grabbing his sweatpants and stepping into them. He went to his closet and got a blanket and pillow and went to the couch. He picked up Darlene’s head and placed the pillow under it, then covered her with the blanket. Then he came back and quickly got underneath his covers, so she joined him. They lay there both on their backs silently for a while.  
“Are you sleepy?” she asked.  
“No, you?”  
“No.”  
He turned on his side to face her and she looked over at him, he grinned and said, “hi.”  
“Hi.”  
They talked for hours, she told him her whole life story, and he told her a lot of his. He filled in a lot of gaps of things Darlene had missed, like when he was in prison. He told her about Leon, his therapist Krista and more about Vera. He kept avoiding little topics here and there. Darlene had talked about how close Elliot had been to his dad, but Elliot didn’t bring him up at all. He told her how his mom was mean to them, which she knew. He talked about Angela and how he had been in love with her since they were kids. He cried and she cried with him. And she cried and he cried with her. At one point she realized he was tracing her arm up and down with his fingertips, making circles and lazy motions, she didn’t know if he even realized he was doing it.  
“I never talk this much,” he said.  
“Me either, well not until I met Darlene… but we don’t talk like this.”  
“Really?”  
“I mean yea we have our emotional moments and it gets serious but it’s not like… like this.”  
“I’ve never felt like this,” he said.  
“What does it feel like?” she asked.  
“Like… like I’m happy.”  
Her heart broke, he hadn’t ever been happy? She didn’t ask because she didn’t want to ruin the moment.  
“This would be a great time to kiss you,” he said.  
“We’ll get there.”  
“I just don’t want you to get sick of waiting and move on… shit I’m sorry, you don’t HAVE to wait… I just…”  
“I want to, I could kiss anyone, but anyone isn’t you,” she said.  
He let out a little laugh and tugged on a lock of her hair gently before moving it behind her shoulder. Then he pulled her toward him, she moved with his hand and he guided her right up against himself. He rolled over on his back and let her cuddle up with her head on his bare chest.  
The next thing she knew she was waking up in someplace unfamiliar. She felt a warm body under her and started to panic because the last time she felt this sensation it was Luke. She opened her eyes and saw him and relaxed. One of his arms was holding her close to him and the other was above his head, he was snoring softly. His head was facing the window away from her and she examined his face in profile. His jawline, his eyelid and eyelashes, she took in every small detail she could. The blanket had moved down to their waists and her hand was draped across his abs. She started tracing them with her finger and he stirred. She stopped and waited for him to wake up, but he didn’t. She heard a sound and looked over at Darlene who was waking up. Raine closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep. She didn’t want to be caught staring at Elliot as he slept, especially not by Darlene, she’d never hear the end of it.  
“Aww, you guys are soooo sweet!” Darlene squealed, waking him and flipper. Flipper started barking and Elliot gently removed Raine’s body off of his then jumped out of bed shushing Darlene with his finger. He picked flipper up from the foot of the bed to quiet her before turning to make sure Raine hadn’t woken up. She was still pretending to sleep so she turned over and hugged the pillow as if the noise had stirred her a little.  
“Chill out, she’s probably FAKING!” Darlene teased; she knew Raine too well.  
“Well if she is, she has her reasons,” Elliot whispered. Raine smiled to herself, was he real? He was so perfect.  
“So… half naked, sleeping together, do you want to tell me anything? I hope not cause I was right there…”  
“Nothing happened, we just talked… a lot.”  
Raine could hear the grin in his voice.  
“Aww Elliot, you like her a lot huh?”  
“Yea… but…”  
“But what?”  
“Nothing… just you know I’m… terrified.”  
“Well we are all here for you, and I trust her and I’m pickier than you about who you date, I didn’t even think you should be with Angela.”  
“You never told me that.”  
“Well it was always too soon to talk about it.”  
“Well… why?” he asked.  
“It’s too early to talk about it, and I don’t mean in life, I mean because I just woke up… want me to take flipper out and pick up some coffee so two you can be alone for a while?”  
“If you want,” he handed the dog to her and she got her ready for a walk as Elliot went back to the bed and sat down.  
“I’ll try to walk slow, later Raine,” Darlene said. Raine lifted an arm and flipped her off, and Darlene laughed as she walked out the door.  
“So, you were awake?” Elliot asked.  
“About half,” Raine said, rolling over to look at him.  
He laid down on his back and stretched, then looked at her and said, “come here.”  
She obeyed quickly and cuddled up to him again. He kissed her forehead lightly, “good morning,” his voice was still gravely from sleep.  
“You too,” she put her arm across him.  
“How much did you hear?”  
“Not much, just … all of it,” she teased.  
“Sorry.”  
“About what?”  
“That I’m scared.”  
“Don’t be sorry, I’m scared too, it’s natural I mean we just met.”  
“And already I feel like… you know…”  
“There’s not really a word for it huh? Like it’s too soon for the four letter L word, but it’s more than just liking each other… it’s like a deep unexplainable connection.”  
“Yea I felt it the first time I saw you,” he said.  
“Two days ago…”  
“No…”  
It took her a moment to realize what he meant then it dawned on her, “Oh… so you remember too?”  
“When you were barefoot?”  
Instead of responding she buried her face in his chest and laughed, mortified.  
“What?” he asked.  
“I’m so embarrassed,” she said against his skin. He made a strange moaning noise, so she pulled back and looked at him, “what was that?”  
“Your breath on my skin… made me… tickled me.”  
“Ohh,” she smiled, she knew what he meant but didn’t push it. They both needed to behave since they couldn’t even kiss. Talking about sexual things would just drive them both crazy with desire.  
“Don’t be embarrassed though, about anything… ever with me, I want you to be comfortable,” he said.  
She laid her head on his chest again, “well this,” she said and nuzzled him with her face, “is very comfortable.”  
“So, we both remember that?” he asked.  
“Yea and you’re right, I felt it then too, I even… never mind.”  
He looked down at her curiously but decided not to push it, it was like he could sense exactly how she felt, so instead he asked, “Do you have to work today?”  
“No, and since it’s like noon I assume you’re off too.”  
“Yea… so we have all day to hang out?... I mean if you want to.”  
“I definitely want to, but I should go home for a shower and change of clothes.”  
“I have clothes and a shower here.”  
She laughed, “Elliot, you can come with me and hang out at the shop while I shower and change at my place.”  
“Oh okay…”  
“Unless you have a hidden camera in your shower and were trying to see me naked, in which case let me know so I can make it a good show at least.”  
He laughed, “nah, the only people who shower here are me and Darlene and I see myself naked all the time.”  
“You have to rub it in? Make me jealous?”  
“You want to see me naked?”  
She rose up and smiled at him, “I would love to, but it would only start something we can’t finish.”  
“True…”  
“I also want to change at home because I have this new dress I wanted to wear today, I never had a place to wear it and now I do,” she said trying to change the subject to something more PG.  
“To my apartment?” he laughed.  
“Well you’ll see me.”  
“I don’t care what you wear.”  
“I know but just let me have this excuse, it’s a cute dress,” she laughed.  
“Okay… I’ll be your excuse.”  
“Ohh,” she said getting her phone.  
“What are you doing?”  
“Oh… I’m weird, I write poetry and song lyrics… sometimes people say things that sound like a song lyric and I have to save it… what you just said would make a good lyric… I can use it right?”  
“Sure,” he grinned, “I’ll be your excuse? That one?”  
“Yea, sounds cool to me, I don’t know.”  
“No, I get it, it does sound kinda cool, that’s pretty impressive of you.”  
“You said it, not me.”  
“You caught it though, you saw something special where other people would have missed it.”  
She smiled at him, she honestly felt like she was already in love with him, especially when he said things like that. Of course, she would definitely keep that to herself, at least for a while.  
She needed to change the subject so she said, “What would you have done if I said I was into Darlene the other night?”  
“What?”  
“Well you said you felt something a long time ago so, were you hoping I wasn’t into girls?”  
“Well I was at least hoping you were into guys too, and you know, not my sister.”  
She laughed and he hugged her to him and said, “I’m glad you’re mine.”  
Did that mean what she thought it meant? “I am?” she asked.  
“If you wanna be…”  
She smiled at him and nodded, “I do.” It was pretty clear, but she had thought that before and been wrong. Where they now officially a couple? They just met, of course she didn’t care about that, but would he have asked her to be his girlfriend this soon? She’d have to watch for hints.  
“I should shower,” he said. She just smiled and watched him get up and go into the bathroom. She couldn’t help but picture him undressing and getting into the shower, then “Nope,” she said aloud. She shook her head and tried to distract her mind. She heard the water start, warm water, Elliot’s hair getting wet, drops falling over his face, his lips, water running down the tan skin on his chest. She bit her lip and got out of bed, what could she do to stop thinking about this? She began looking around Elliot’s room, looked at his family pictures. Darlene had told her that Elliot sees Mr. Robot as looking like their father. She studied him in the pictures, though it wasn’t at all the same person she tried to get a feel for what Mr. Robot would be like. That was quite a long name maybe she would ask him if she could call him Rob or something. Elliot gave him the name anyway, maybe he’d like a nickname, something more common. She wandered around taking everything in, getting to know him better through the things he kept. She knew he wasn’t materialistic so, if he owned it, it mattered. She didn’t dare touch anything in his computer area, partly out of respect for his privacy and partly because she was scared of what she might find or break.  
She knew he wasn’t dangerous to her, but she didn’t know if he sometimes still took people down. She wouldn’t be too opposed to it; the justice system is a joke and her own abuser had slid through the police’s fingers like it was easiest thing in the world. She had gone to them with bruises and video, but Luke had known one cop, and that was it. She would possibly never feel safe because he ‘knew a guy’. That’s why so many people write and love stories about a vigilante, because deep down everyone knows we need one, or maybe more than one. She heard the bathroom door open and turned around from looking at one of his bookshelves.  
He was in a very small towel and she felt her legs get weak at the sight of him. His hair was wet and his skin was glistening in the sunlight.  
“What’s up?” he said casually. She gave him a mock angry look and he innocently shrugged and said, “What?”  
“You are in so much trouble Mr. Alderson,” she said.  
“Oh yea?... Why’s that?” he got close to her.  
“Look at you.”  
He just grinned and came closer until she could feel the heat of his body, then he slowly moved past her to his dresser that was only a couple inches behind her. He grabbed some boxer briefs out of the top drawer.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about… anyway you’re…” he started.  
“What?” she whispered. He was still standing right next to her, looking down at her with an intense look in his eyes. He looked her up and down.  
“I’m just trying to make us even,” he whispered back. She crossed her arms, looked down, away from him and tried to remain unfazed. He continued, “I mean, you’re wearing my tee shirt and what else? Panties?”  
Something about his voice and the way he said things, the strain in his speaking that she felt empathetically. It pulled her to him, not physically but she felt like he was pulling on her whole being when he spoke, especially when he was being deliberate like this. Did he know he had this power? She looked back up into his eyes and knew that he did on at least some level realize he was capable having this affect. And he was definitely doing it on purpose right now. He wasn’t smiling but there was a light of amusement in his eyes. He had his hand on the dresser and he moved it to where he was almost touching her bare thigh, right under the shirt. He ran a fingertip over her skin lightly, she moved closer to him almost involuntarily, bit her bottom lip and let out a whimper. When she did this he sharply sucked in a shaky breath and she almost lost it.  
“Damn baby, you’re going to be the death of me,” he growled. Just then the front door flew open and flipper came running in dragging her leash behind her. Elliot immediately turned facing the wall. Raine knew why and laughed. He looked over at her and grinned, blushing.  
“Okay… you guys need to leave a sock on the door or something,” Darlene said, though she seemed mostly unbothered.  
“We weren’t doing anything,” Raine said walking away from Elliot, badly as she hated to.  
“Yea you keep saying that but he’s naked, you’re… wow you look super cute in that shirt,” Darlene said, handing her a latte. Elliot got some jeans and went into the bathroom again without saying anything.  
“He wasn’t naked, he had a towel,” Raine whispered.  
“Whatever you say queen blue ball…”  
“Hey!” Elliot shouted from the bathroom.  
Darlene just laughed and Raine unlatched flippers collar and pet her a little before she ran off. Raine went over and knocked on the bathroom door, “Hey can I wear your sweatpants to my place? I don’t want to get redressed just to go home and change.” He didn’t say anything, but he opened the door a crack and stuck his sweatpants out to her.  
“Wow you guys act like a couple already,” Darlene said, sitting down at the table. Raine just rolled her eyes and slipped into the pants. They were too big but not by too much because Elliot was slender.  
“What? You do,” Darlene said.  
“Well…” Raine started and gave Darlene a look, “I… I don’t know.”  
“What do you mean?”  
Elliot walked out before Raine could tell Darlene that they might be a couple, but she really wasn’t sure, which sounded stupid, so she didn’t want him to know she was confused. Raine was by the bathroom door when he walked out and he stopped and gave her a quick hug around her waist from behind and kissed the back of her head, like a boyfriend would. Hint one. Darlene raised an eyebrow at her, and she shook off her confused look and lightly touched Elliot’s arm before he let her go. She sat down at one of the two chairs at Elliot’s table across from Darlene. She tried to concentrate on what the siblings were saying to each other but so much had happened so fast and she was processing it all nursing her coffee.  
“Earth to Lorraine, hello Raine,” Darlene was saying.  
“What? Oh, sorry I spaced out,” she needed some time to reflect but now was not that time.  
“Yea I noticed, so can I keep your key?” Darlene asked.  
“My apartment key?”  
“Yea I JUST told you, I met a guy, flipper is a great dude magnet, I have a date and I need a place to take him if things go well and he’s a dog lover so they probably will… and you can just crash here with Elliot tonight…me and Elliot just discussed it were you not listening?” Darlene asked.  
Raine sighed, “Honestly? No, I literally just spaced sorry.”  
“It’s cool, I just want to make sure you’re cool with the plan?” Darlene said.  
“Oh! yea that’s fine… I mean,” she looked at Elliot, “if it’s cool that I stay here?”  
“Of course, you’re my…” he paused, “you’re welcome anytime.” So maybe he wasn’t so sure either, well not sure enough to say it out loud. Or was he just not ready to tell Darlene? Raine needed to talk to her alone and see what she thought. She knew maybe it should have been Elliot, but she felt silly asking if she was his girlfriend like they were in middle school. She needed to bore Elliot into ignoring them.  
“So, you met a guy? What’s he like?” Raine asked her. As she had suspected Elliot got on his computer and started playing around. Darlene had told her Elliot was never the type of big brother that was protective about her boyfriends. Probably because he had met Darlene, if Elliot needed to protect someone it was men, from Darlene. That’s why Raine liked her so much.  
“Well he’s hot but he’s one of those business types, I figure he has a wife upstate or something, I just need to get laid.”  
“Have you heard from…” Raine started.  
“Don’t ask…” Darlene cut her off. Darlene hadn’t heard from Dom in a week and she got pretty agitated when that happened. But they were so off and on Raine couldn’t keep up. Dom was always trying to make Darlene work for ‘the man’ and live that kind of life. Raine felt like it was a shame that someone who cared so much about her best friend wanted to put her in a cage. Darlene was like a hurricane and a rainbow all at once. She was a strong force of nature but instead of destroying everything, she forced love and goodness on people. Well, until you crossed her or someone she loved. That’s who Raine knew her to be, most people thought she was just a low life anarchist. Raine hated that Dom seemed to fall more into the latter way of thinking. Almost all the people Darlene hooked up with were like that, she hadn’t dated her type of person since Cisco, according to Darlene. Raine still hadn’t figured out why. They talked a little more about boys and things they both knew Elliot would tune out. Darlene looked back at him then turned back leaning in, “So are you guys a couple?”  
Raine nodded but said, “I don’t know, I think so.”  
Darlene tilted her head, “how do you not know?”  
Raine told her the exchange word for word while checking to make sure Elliot was still distracted. When she finished Darlene said, “sounds like it to me.”  
“I mean yea, but it’s a little vague and you heard him he almost called me his you-know-what and stopped, so clearly he isn’t sure either.”  
“Okay, I’ll fix it… Elliot!” Darlene said.  
“Yea?” he said spinning his chair to face them.  
“Did you ask Raine to be your girlfriend this morning?”  
“Darlene!” Raine said, she looked at Elliot and shook her head apologetically.  
He looked confused and a little hurt and said, “I… thought I did.”  
“And you said yes?” Darlene asked Raine. Elliot looked like he was about to hyperventilate so Raine quickly said, “Yes, of course yes,” she looked at Elliot, “I’m just stupid I’m sorry I didn’t know for sure if that’s what you meant.”  
“You’re not stupid,” Darlene and Elliot said at the same time. Elliot got up and walked over to them, he still hadn’t put on a shirt. Raine turned in her chair to face him and he knelt in front of her and took her hand and winked at her.  
Darlene, who had probably never looked so freaked out in her life jumped up out of her chair and said, “Dude, what the hell?!”  
Elliot grinned and looked at Raine, “Will you be my girlfriend?”  
Raine laughed because it was so cheesy but also sweet, “Yes.”  
Darlene sighed, “you asshole, I thought…”  
“I know, that’s half the reason I did it,” he said laughing.  
“To freak me out? Why would you do that… you… asshole,” Darlene said, punching his shoulder, she must have been actually flustered because usually she was the queen of creative insults.  
“Payback,” Elliot said, standing, then he looked at Raine, “we good?”  
She smiled up at him, “Yes that was very… direct, thank you.”  
“Well I told Brandon I’d meet him at ‘Papi’s coffee’ at three so can we go?” Darlene asked.  
“Brandon?” Elliot asked.  
“I the guy I’m going out with,” she threw her arms up in frustration.  
“I know but you didn’t say his name was Brandon.”  
“You know him?”  
“No just… I can’t see you dating someone named Brandon,” Elliot said.  
Raine laughed.  
“Don’t start teaming up on me,” Darlene pointed at them.  
“Oh you can dish it out…” Raine said hopping up and putting an arm around her.  
Darlene smiled and said, “Okay, but I can’t help it I love you guys and this,” she pointed at them both, “is the cutest thing ever, you’re both so helpless and shy.”  
“Helpless?” Elliot scowled at her.  
“With girls and things like that, you know… you’re a nerd,” she said. Elliot grinned, he didn’t mind because he knew she was right and that it was actually a compliment coming from Darlene the way she meant it.  
Raine had to wear her thigh-high boots under Elliot’s sweatpants, “this is ridiculous,” she laughed.  
“That’s the price of looking hot last night,” Darlene said. Elliot took his laptop and Raine put her dirty clothes in his backpack so she wouldn’t have to carry them.  
The girls talked the whole way there, and Elliot just walked quietly drinking his coffee. At one-point Raine was shivering so he took his hoodie off and gave it to her. Darlene just said “wow” and smiled at her in a weird way. They would have to discuss it later. They got to the shop and Elliot took a corner booth hidden away and got on his laptop. Raine let him hand her, her clothes because she didn’t want to go digging through his bag. She got her things and checked the time, two o’clock, perfect. She needed some alone time with Darlene.  
“You gonna be okay here?” she asked him.  
“Yea,” he smiled, “since Darlene upgraded your wifi, I’m going to get some movies you’ll probably hate and make you watch them tonight.”  
She smiled and gasped, “such a bad boy,” she mocked.  
She wondered what he was actually doing, knowing his history it could be quite literally anything. It made her a little nervous every time he sat down at a keyboard. She wondered if he had hacked her yet. Part of her wanted to talk to Mr. Robot and see what he thought about all this and find out if Elliot was really doing as good as he seemed. But that would have to wait until he wanted to talk to her. Darlene had pushed a switch the other night in an emergency but she was his sister, and Elliot had been capable in that moment but even then it had made Raine feel a little uncomfortable. It was not okay for someone to just ask that, besides that’s not even how it usually worked. Darlene had just gotten lucky that Mr. Robot had been close to fronting at the time. Raine wondered if Elliot and Darlene knew any of these terms. She had learned some in school but most through her own research after Darlene had told her Elliot had the disorder. She spun around and gave Darlene a look to follow her upstairs. 

When Raine and Darlene got upstairs she said, “So what was that ‘wow’ about?” Raine asked.  
“He gave you his hoodie… like THE hoodie.”  
“So?”  
“That thing is like his third arm, and he risked someone recognizing him.”  
“So it’s a big deal?”  
“Yea, I mean I knew he was crushing hard but damn… what did you guys do last night? You got a magic vag or something?”  
“We didn’t do anything,” Raine insisted, but Darlene looked at her like she didn’t believe a word of it. So Raine continued, “I promise, for one you were on the couch and that would be weird, and secondly… Elliot can’t kiss me.”  
“Can’t? why?”  
“He doesn’t know, said he doesn’t want me to get hurt.”  
“Hurt how?” Darlene asked.  
Raine shrugged.  
“Do you want me to talk to him?” Darlene asked.  
“Well he said he’s gonna talk to Krista about it, and I don’t know if he would like that I told you, but if he brings it up, you can.”  
“I still need to talk to him about Angela,” Darlene said.  
“Why didn’t you want them together? You don’t have to tell me but if you don’t care, I’m just curious.”  
“I loved Angela, she was like my sister and one of my best friends, but for Elliot, I don’t know I know she loved him… as a friend, but it always seemed to me like she liked that he was in love with her, but she was never in love with him.”  
“Maybe she wanted to be but it just wasn’t… you know she couldn’t help it.”  
“Yea she felt bad, I think but she also didn’t want him focusing on other girls, like she wanted him to keep loving her from a distance.”  
“I’m so sorry for what happened to her… I mean they were both young and I’m sure she loved him enough to eventually let him be happy with someone else.”  
“Yea she never like broke him up with anyone but when he started dating shayla, suddenly Angela wanted his attention, not that she was a bad person but you know how it is when a guy is always all about you, even if you don’t like them, and then suddenly they aren’t all about you anymore,” Darlene said.  
“Yea, it sucks… you know it must’ve been hard for her, knowing all that and not being able to make herself feel the same about him,” Raine said.  
“Dude I love you.”  
“Why?”  
“I mean he’s your boyfriend and you aren’t even bitter and you’re like taking her side.”  
“There is no side, everyone involved is just… human.”  
Darlene smiled, “I miss her.” Raine gave her a sympathetic look and hugged her.  
“Ugh don’t make me cry, I have a date,” Darlene said pulling back and trying to compose herself.  
“Are you going to tell Elliot what you told me?”  
“Yea, why?”  
“I don’t know it’s a little hurtful.”  
“He knows it already though, deep down.”  
“Just try and put it in a way that doesn’t sound so… like he’s the one who would be rejected in the situation if she were still here.”  
“She did reject him while she was here, over and over.”  
“Oh…”  
“Yea.”  
“Hey,” Raine said, “be careful on your date, and call anytime and we will come get you or whatever it is you need, anything, I’m serious.”  
“Okay mom,” Darlene teased, rolling her eyes.  
“I can’t let anything happen to my best barista.”  
“Love ya,” Darlene said as she left. Raine needed to get ready so she quickly showered and changed into her dress. It was white with a pink floral pattern, it was off the shoulder and tight at the top with a flowing skirt area. It was super feminine so she threw on her most hardcore looking biker boots and the same black choker from the night before. She wore bare pinkish makeup and pink lip gloss and decided to curl her hair in big waves. She packed an overnight bag with essentials and threw Elliot’s clothes she had worn in it, then she got her sexiest night clothes. They were a pink and black trim silk camisole and short set, and they were so tiny they verged on lingerie. “Why am I bringing this? To torture him and myself?” she said to herself as she packed it. She went back down and smiled when she saw Elliot, he looked so cute and into what he was doing. But what was he doing? She walked over to him and stood at the table waiting on him to notice. He looked up and grinned, “hi.”  
“Hey there,” she said.  
He looked her up and down, then stuck his finger in the air and swirled it, motioning for her to spin around. She felt silly so she rolled her eyes and turned around all the way showing him the back.  
“Well,” she said when she was facing him again.  
“It’s very cute.”  
“I told you it was.”  
He didn’t say anything but he moved his backpack and laptop over and slid to make room for her so she sat beside him. Her lips were almost tingling with urge to kiss him. His top lip was slightly larger than his bottom in a super sexy way and she wanted so badly to lick it.  
“What?” he said, snapping her from her thoughts.  
“Just looking,” she said, a little embarrassed that she’d been just staring at his lips.  
He licked his lips and tilted his head.  
“So, what are you doing on here,” she said turning to look at his laptop. It was a bunch of loading lines and different things she didn’t bother trying to understand.  
He leaned over and whispered in her ear, “pirating movies.”  
“Ohh, you are naughty,” she whispered back teasingly.  
He let out a little laugh and put his arm around her.  
“So, it looks like they are loading fast, or was I upstairs longer than I thought?”  
“No, you weren’t too long… I was starting to miss you though,” he said casually.  
“Already?” she laughed.  
He looked at her funny, “Did I just say that out loud?”  
She nodded and smiled biting her bottom lip.  
“I… I’m sorry,” he blushed.  
“Stop, don’t be sorry for saying what’s on your mind… even if it’s an accident.”  
He squeezed her shoulder and just sat there quietly for a while, so she leaned into him and relaxed. Then she sat up, “hey, if they catch you, could I get in trouble cause it’s my internet?”  
He just laughed and then realized she was serious, “They won’t catch me, but because it’s yours I went through a…” he paused, “don’t worry, they would find a fake IP address, an IP address is…”  
“I know what an IP address is,” she interrupted laughing.  
“Well Darlene said not to get to ‘techie’ with you because you aren’t that… into this stuff.”  
“Well I’m not like… your level, I doubt anyone is on your level, but no I’m not a hacker, but I’m not totally clueless, I found lots of ways around my ex spying on all my social media accounts and stuff, HE was clueless.”  
Elliot smiled, then frowned taking his arm from behind her and returning it to type some things on his laptop.  
“What?” she asked, then said, “I didn’t mean to bring him up it’s just… that was a big chunk of my life.”  
“No, it’s… I understand but I just really don’t like him.”  
“We have so much in common,” she said, and he laughed. She would have to watch talking about Luke, she didn’t want to drive Elliot into snooping, she knew if he was motivated enough, he could find out everything.  
“You want coffee?” a voice behind her said, she turned and saw one of her girls, as she called them, this one’s name was Brittney. Brittney must not have recognized the back of her head because she said, “Oh, Raine, you want a pumpkin spice, decaf or caf?”  
“Caffeinated, it’s still early.”  
“And for you?” Brittney asked Elliot seductively, she was looking at him with a twinkle in her eyes like she wanted to flirt with him.  
He looked at Raine, “What should I get baby?” Oh, he was good. She decided to play with him a little, so she turned back to Brittney and said sternly, “My boyfriend wants to try a pumpkin spice for the first time.” It was a two-fold joke because she was acting pretend possessive and making him try a PSL. She would have to explain it to Brittney through text. She got her phone and sent the explanation and apology and told her to bring Elliot a black coffee along with a PSL in case he didn’t like it.  
“Who are you texting?” he asked.  
“Brittney.”  
“Oh… who’s Brittney.”  
She laughed, “that barista.”  
“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean… what’s going on?”  
“Don’t be sorry you are perfect, it was sweet of you to make sure she knew you’re mine, but I was just playing around, I told her to bring you a black coffee.”  
“Well I want to try your favorite drink,” he said.  
“She’s bringing that too… I also told her if she flirted with you again, I’d fire her.”  
“What?”  
She laughed, “kidding.”  
He groaned, “you’re killing me.” But he was smiling and draped his arm around her again.  
Britney was on her way back and Elliot leaned in and whispered, “I should flirt with her to get you back.”  
“If you were going to do that, you wouldn’t have told me beforehand,” she said, “and anyway you would never do that.”  
“How do you know?”  
Brittney sat down their drinks and smiled at Elliot, he looked down and pretended she wasn’t there.  
“Thank you, Brit,” Raine said and Brittney winked at her before walking away.  
Raine looked back at Elliot, “told you.”  
“I could have,” he said.  
“But you wouldn’t.”  
He sighed, defeated, “no… I wouldn’t.”  
She smiled, “I know.”  
Brittney texted her: he’s soooo hot oh my gosh good for you babe

R: He is, thank you

B: he better be good to you, you deserve it

R: thanks brit and sorry again

B: Always happy to mess with a man’s head sorry I flirted at first, I didn’t know

R: you’re good girl, I get it, he is a hottie 

Raine was smiling at her phone and Elliot was trying to see what she was saying. When she caught him he said, “sorry.” But she waved him off and showed him the conversation.  
“Hottie?” he raised his eyebrows.  
“You have to speak their language, or they don’t respect you,” she said. She looked at him, he was dressed in dark straight jeans and a tight dark grey tee shirt.  
“What?” he asked.  
“You are hot.”  
He smiled sheepishly and looked deeply at his computer, clearly embarrassed.  
“Where was this shyness when you were trying to seduce me in a towel?” she asked.  
“I’m not used to someone just telling me things… compliments.”  
“Want me to stop?”  
“No, just don’t know how to respond.”  
“Well how would you want me to respond when you compliment me?”  
“You don’t have to respond; I just want you to know what I think.”  
“Well there ya go,” she said, and he smiled at her.  
He looked like something dawned on him and said, “Are you teaching me how to date?”  
She laughed, “not on purpose… I was just answering your question, anyway I don’t know what I’m doing either.”  
“Well maybe we can learn together.”  
She wanted to kiss him more than anything but couldn’t, she sighed.  
“What’s wrong?”  
She tried to smile and said, “nothing.”  
He looked at her knowingly, “don’t lie.”  
“I was just thinking about… how bad I want to…” she couldn’t finish because she knew it would hurt him.  
“Kiss me?” he finished for her. The look in his eyes was the reason she didn’t want to tell him, but it was worse than she had imagined. She hated this. She nodded.  
“But,” she said, “it’s not a bad thing, I just… that’s how I would express what I feel right now, which is like this really good feeling of affection towards you.”  
“I’m sorry I’m so fucked up.”  
Her heart sank, “Elliot, please,” she nearly sobbed, then swallowed to compose herself, “please don’t feel bad, I… it’s okay really.”  
He didn’t look at her for a long time, he was looking down like he was deep in thought, finally he said, “we need a thing.”  
“A thing?”  
“Until we sort this out, we need our own thing, to show that we feel that, what you were talking about, without kissing,” he said.  
“So, you’re not just a genius at computers?” she said.  
After just setting there for a while in a comfortable silence she said, “you want to see my place?”  
“Yea, is Darlene up there?”  
“No, I think she’s in the back harassing her co-workers.”  
“Oh, I want to see this Brandon before they leave,” he said, maybe he was a bit more protective than Darlene had realized. It was cute. They went up to her apartment and she showed him everything. He was especially interested in her loft. She pulled back the entire curtain to show him the whole area. It was really just a four-foot-high, five-foot-deep platform that went all the way across the back wall behind her mattress. It had actually been Papi’s handmade desk when this was an office. Raine had Luke make it stable enough to walk on when they were together, so he had at least been good for something. Underneath was storage space for her that she had a separate curtain for. Instead of using the small three step ladder beside her mattress, Elliot just put a foot up on the loft and jumped up into it easy, quite athletic of him for a techie, she thought. She stepped up in to join him as he looked at the paintings she had on the wall.  
“Why don’t you hang these downstairs?” he asked.  
“Oh no I don’t think they are good enough for that,” she said.  
“Yea they are.”  
She sat down cross legged on one of the cushions she had up there for seating and watched him look at each piece on the wall closely like he was memorizing every stroke. He touched some of them gently, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye to see if she would protest. She didn’t. Eventually he stopped and mimicked her sitting position on the other cushion. Then he started going through her sketchpads of paintings and drawings one by one without asking if it was okay. He did look at her before opening each one, waiting on her to approve or disapprove. She did neither and just watched him, amused. He looked almost like a child visiting a museum for the first time. His whole being was taking her work in, and it felt more intimate than anything she’d ever experienced in her life. Like his eyes were drinking in her soul through her art. She was so caught up in him and each reaction he had to each page that she completely forgot about the drawings she had done of him over a year ago. Only remembering because he got a confused look on his face while going through one of her books and said, “that’s me?”  
Dread washed over her, especially because Elliot had told her about his inner world loop and when the two main parts of his current self, had interacted, one of his alters had drawings of the other. She was first scared this would trigger a PTSD reaction for him.  
“Yes, I drew that when you came in over a year ago,” when she said it, he relaxed a little but thankfully he didn’t seem to be freaking out that much in the first place, “are you okay?” she asked.  
“Yea… why did you draw this?”  
“I don’t know… you know I felt like I… needed to, you had an… interesting face and I… I’m sorry,” she said.  
He was still looking at it curiously, “sorry about what?”  
“You’re not mad?”  
He let out laugh, “why would I be mad?”  
“I mean it’s weird, right? Like you think I’m a weird stalker person?” she said.  
“No,” was all he said. She was nervous and confused but she told him, “there’s another one on the next page but that’s all I swear.”  
He turned the page and looked at that one for a while, she couldn’t read his expression, he wasn’t smiling or frowning, just looking. Without looking up he asked, “you do this a lot? Draw customers?”  
“No… just you,” there was no reason to play it cool at this point.  
“Wow,” he said.  
“Elliot,” her voice edged on desperation and she didn’t like that, but she couldn’t help it, he looked up at her and she continued, “tell me how you feel about this.”  
He looked like he was concentrating for a moment and said, “It’s hard to put into words but I feel seen.”  
“Seen? Is that bad?”  
“No, it’s like, at this time in my life and especially out in public I was doing everything I could to be invisible, and it usually worked but you saw me anyway, like looking at this I can tell, you really saw me, the guy in these drawings looks like he feels…exactly how I felt then,” he finished, tears forming in his eyes.  
She let out a breath of relief and realized she was already crying softly, she wiped a tear away and said, “I guess that’s where that ‘recognizing something special’ thing comes in.”  
When her compliment sunk in, one corner of his mouth lifted in an adorable half-grin, he looked down and said, “Can I have, at least one of these?”  
“You can have them both, now that I get to have the real thing… I still do, don’t I?” she asked.  
“Why wouldn’t you?” he asked casually, shaking his head like she was being silly.  
“I don’t know I guess my embarrassment hasn’t went away yet, I just feel like,” she pointed to her drawing pad, “that’s something that would freak most guys out.”  
“Most guys? maybe, I wouldn’t know… but not me.”  
She smiled, “well we should probably catch Darlene before she leaves, maybe we can get her back some more for messing with us.”  
“Okay,” he said carefully tearing one of the pages from her book.  
“You don’t want both?”  
“I want you to keep one so I’m always here with you.”  
She jumped down onto her mattress and he followed. They gathered their things and she let him walk ahead of her so she could lock the door. They went downstairs and saw Darlene flirting with guy at the counter, Raine hoped it was Brandon and not yet another guy. They went over to her and Elliot touched her arm, “we’re gonna take off,” he said, glancing at her but looking the guy over suspiciously. Darlene said, “Okay” and waved at them.  
Raine decided to help him out and walked over to the guy, “Hi, I’m Darlene’s best friend Raine Valarian,” and stuck out her hand.  
“Brandon Bennett,” he said shaking her hand, “I’m in finance, I used to work at Ecorp…” he continued talking but Raine tuned him out as he went on and on bragging about his accomplishments. It was painful and boring to stand there and nod but she knew everything he said was making it easier and easier for Elliot to find out everything there was to know about this guy. When he stopped talking about himself, he looked at Elliot and said, “haven’t I seen you before?”  
Elliot said, “No, probably not…” and walked away. Raine told Brandon it was nice to meet him and smiled at a scowling Darlene before following Elliot out the door.  
“Hey,” she said catching up to him. He was wearing his hoodie again, hood up.  
“That was close, I didn’t want to deal with it from that guy,” he said.  
“You don’t like him already?”  
“Nope.”  
“Well it’s just a fling probably.”  
“I hope, I don’t know why she does this.”  
“Does it bother you?”  
“A little, it’s not my place to tell her what to do, but I wish she could be happy.”  
“At least we know she can take care of herself.”  
“Mostly… I worry about her more than I let on,” he said. He had his hands in his hoodie pockets, so she looped her arm through his and held on to the fabric on his arm as they walked. They walked the rest of the way to Elliot’s place. When they got there, Elliot said he wanted to ‘check Brandon out’ and she knew what that meant, so she got flipper some food and water and laid on the bed as Elliot got lost on his computer for a while. She lay there processing everything that had happened. It didn’t seem real, that this person was her boyfriend, that he was this good and sexy and sweet. She thanked God for sending him to her and cuddled with this adorable puppy.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raine meets two more important people in Elliot's life and gets an odd proposal from one of them.

She must’ve fallen asleep because she felt someone gently stroking her cheek and they were calling her name. She woke up and Elliot was looking down at her.  
“Oh hey,” she whispered.   
“You fell asleep,” he whispered back.   
“For how long?”  
“Just about an hour.”   
She groaned and raised up stretching, trying to wake herself, she hated napping during the day, it always messed her head up.  
“I made you some coffee, I’m not good at it but I figured you’d want some when you woke up,” he said.  
“Thank you… so did you find anything?” she asked, getting out of bed and going to the counter to get her coffee. Elliot had put some sort of milk or something in it already and she filled the cup with coffee not knowing what to expect when she drank it. She took a sip, “Is this pumpkin spice?”   
“Oh, yea I ran down the gas station and got few of those little free cups of the flavored stuff,” he said. She raised her eyebrows, impressed, as she sipped on it some more. He sat down on the couch, so she joined him.   
“So?” she urged.  
“Nothing too bad, he’s clearly a douchebag but that was obvious before, just little things but nothing too… alarming.  
“Well, that’s good right?”   
“It’s not bad, he doesn’t seem to have any dangerous connections,” Elliot said, she knew he was probably referring to the dark army. It must have been horrible for them both to have to live in fear every day back then.   
“Good, so you good?”   
“Yea… umm I did want to ask you something, but you can say no.”  
“Sure, you can ask me anything,” she said, though she was a little apprehensive.   
“Mr. Robot wants to meet you and talk.”   
“Oh…”   
“Is that… okay?”  
“Of course, umm like right now?”   
“Yea,” he said. She waited patiently for him to switch, she looked away and drank her coffee casually to make them both more comfortable.   
“Well, look at you,” he said, getting a cigarette and lighting it.  
“Hello, I guess you know I’m Raine,” she said, extending a hand.   
He shook it, “yes, but I have to say you are much more beautiful up close like this.”   
She blushed but didn’t return his gaze, “thank you.”   
“So, you’re the famous Raine.”   
“So, I am.”   
He chuckled, “this is a little awkward.”   
“Yea a little but I think it’s good, I am glad to meet you.”   
“Likewise… listen umm this is not my idea at all, although in some ways it would be a pleasure… Elliot wanted me to kiss you.”   
“WHAT?”   
“I know, I told him it was a bad idea, but he said since I’m here for the stuff he can’t handle…”  
“Isn’t that like… cheating?” she asked.  
He lifted his arms and shrugged, “it was his idea, he wants to make you happy and he thought this was the solution.”  
“Well it’s not,” she was a little angry, but she knew it was coming from a good place, so she tried to calm herself down, “sorry, this is all new to me.”   
“Yea me too… I mean how I look and how I feel is like…”  
“Elliot’s father?”  
“Yea, well in looks alone, but as far as our relationship he is like a son to me, so you can imagine how awkward this is for me.”   
“So, you look like that,” she nodded at a picture of Elliot’s family on one of his shelves, “to yourself? Like in the inner world?”   
He eyed her curiously, “how do you know about that?”   
“I was a psych major and I did some research on my own, because of Elliot… well because of Darlene, when she first told me her brother had DID, I figured I could give her better advice if I knew what I was talking about.”   
“Hmm,” was all the noise he made, then after a pause, “so that’s common? With other people?”  
“Yea, did Krista not tell you?”   
“Well she focuses on us, and she did say to join a facebook support group but…”   
“Elliot hates social media,” she finished for him, “… but it could help, it doesn’t need to be facebook, just you know, research helps.”   
“He doesn’t like talking about this stuff much… but I could and just let him know what’s common and what isn’t.”   
“Yea,” she was happy about this conversation so far.  
“You have any questions for me?” he asked.  
“Well… did Elliot hack me?”   
“Define hack.”   
“You know what I mean.”   
“Well we looked you up and checked out everything about you online but he stopped himself from looking at anything private.”   
“Really?” she said, pleased.   
“Yea but you gotta do something about that guy.”   
“Right, I do, myself… not Elliot,” she said.  
“Maybe I could…”   
“No… just wait it out, he might stop.”   
“What’s his name?”   
“Nope, no I’m not telling you either.”   
“So, you don’t want to kiss me?”   
“No.”   
“I mean it would just be physical and Elliot is really pushing for this, and I told him if you agreed, as weird as it is, I would do it.”  
“It’s not gonna happen, I know he means well and logically I guess I can see where he’s coming from but nothing either of you say would ever change my mind, even if it wasn’t like cheating on him, even if it happened down the road, which I don’t want, but even if… it’s certainly not happening now or for this reason.”   
“Why not?”   
“Because I want my first kiss with Elliot to be, with Elliot.”   
He just stared at her for a while.  
“I’m sorry, it’s nothing personal against you, but he means a lot to me,” she said.   
“You mean a lot to him too, and because of that you mean a lot to me… not in the same way, more like… I don’t know.”   
She laughed lightly.  
“What’s funny?” he asked.  
“Well it’s weird and even though you look like that to me, I still picture you as looking like that,” she pointed to Elliot’s dad, “and knowing what I know about you from what Elliot and Darlene have told me it’s like… you’re very much like the ‘cool uncle’ type in my head.”   
“Well… that’s not the worst thing I’ve been called by a long shot… you know I’m just here to make sure he’s okay and I know you’re very young and this is all fun, but Elliot is really serious about you.”   
“I know, I am too, about him.”   
“You sure?”   
“You’re getting protective now? After agreeing to kiss his girlfriend?”   
“Again, his idea.”   
She laughed, “look, I know what you want to hear, that I will never hurt him, but I don’t make vague promises just because they sound good… I can’t promise that we won’t fight, that I won’t say things that hurt his feelings, I’m a mess from my past and I put my foot in my mouth a lot… but I can promise that I have the best intentions and I am completely serious here, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before and I am loyal to a fault.”   
“Well we know that last part is true, not many people would refuse to cheat on their boyfriend… with their boyfriend.”   
“You’re not him though,” she said.  
“And how many people would even understand that?”   
“Fair enough,” she said.   
“Something else I want to tell you, but Elliot probably wouldn’t like it,” he said.  
“Then you probably shouldn’t tell me,” she said.   
“No, it’s fine, he’s just shy,” he said, then he continued even though she hadn’t agreed to hear it, “when Elliot was looking you up he found some modelling pictures.”  
“So? We talked about that, I needed some extra money before the hack because of Papi’s mortgage so I modeled, fully dressed, for some rock magazines, apparently I have the ‘rocker chick’ look”  
“And you had blonde and black hair then.”  
“Don’t like the pink?”   
“It’s fine, but those pictures… well especially the one in the short shorts leaning over the hood of a car… Elliot really liked those,” he said.   
“Well… that’s good?” she said, not knowing what he was getting at.  
“You know what I mean, he really liked it, like five or six times.”   
“Oh my gosh, don’t tell me that!” she shouted.   
“It’s natural,” he said.  
“No, I mean that’s his business,” she said.  
“It’s yours to, I mean it was your picture… so what do you think?”   
“I think Elliot is going to be pissed that you told me that.”   
“Some part of him wanted me to, so now that it’s out there what do you think? I mean I can’t unsay it, you might as well be honest,” he said.  
“Well… since it’s already out there,” she sighed, “I mean I think it’s really… hot.”   
“Does it turn you on, thinking about it?”   
“Why would you even ask me that?”   
“Come on, does it? Just picture it,” he said.  
She didn’t want to, but the image wouldn’t get out of her mind, she bit her lip and accidently breathed, “yea.”   
“Now will you kiss me?” he said.   
“What? NO!” she said.  
“Okay I tried,” he said.  
“Was that a test? Really? You’re such a jerk,” she said, shaking her head.  
“I didn’t know how else to turn you on without touching you or making him jealous,” he said.  
She crossed her arms and huffed, “so he didn’t really…” she started.  
“Oh no he definitely did,” he laughed. She rolled her eyes, so he said, “don’t hate me, I’m just me, I know I’m chaotic, but I only had good intentions, he said to try anyway I could to convince you.”   
“Why does he want this so bad?”  
“For you, he would hate it but wants you to have everything you want and doesn’t want you miss out on the physical side of a relationship.”   
“Well I’m not happy with either of you right now… but I don’t hate you, you’re infuriating, but I don’t hate you,” she said.   
“Don’t tell him I told you about that, please?” he said.  
“And embarrass him like that? Oh, I won’t, but you should,” she said.  
“Why? If it would only embarrass him?”   
“Because I don’t like keeping things from him.”  
“Oh, like your ex messaging you?”  
She scowled at him, “you know why I can’t tell him that.”   
He nodded, “I’m really sorry about the kissing thing, it really wasn’t my idea.”  
“I know,” she sighed, “I know it’s just really… I understand but he’s not thinking it through on so many levels, which is why I can’t tell him about Luke…” she stopped, damn it.   
“Luke? Oh the ex,” he said.   
“Here we go…” she said.  
“For Elliot, I won’t say anything.”   
“Really?”   
“Yea, you’re right, he would do something impulsive and reckless, but I want you to promise me you won’t just ignore it, he won’t go away until you find a way to make him.”   
“I- it’s just really hard, when you don’t want to acknowledge someone even exists, and when you do think about it you get so scared that you go into a panic attack and can’t function…”  
“We should just have Leon kill the son of a bitch.”   
She laughed then said, “I hope you’re joking?”  
“Eh, about half.”   
She eyed him for a moment and decided he probably wouldn’t do that. Even though part of her almost hoped he would.   
“Well this has been… interesting,” he said.  
“To say the least,” she agreed.  
“Maybe next time we can talk about our favorite movies and not about adultery and murder,” he teased.  
“Hopefully, either way I’m glad we did meet, honestly, I want to get to know you and maybe we can be friends,” she said.  
He looked at her like she was the first person to ask to be his friend, “I’d like that.”   
She got up to clean her cup because she knew Elliot was about to switch and she wanted to give him some privacy.   
“Hey,” Elliot said.   
She wanted to be cool and understanding but she couldn’t help turning around and shouting, “Elliot, you told him to kiss me? Really?”  
“I… I thought,” he started.  
She went over and sat beside him, “you thought I would be okay kissing someone I just met? After I told you I have my own reasons for wanting take things slow? After knowing I’ve never had sex without it feeling like rape?” she started to cry and Elliot looked like he was dying inside, she hated it, but she couldn’t help how it made her feel.   
“I didn’t think about that part…” he whispered.  
“Yea you didn’t think about it at all, or anyone else, how he would feel, how I would feel just…”  
“I was doing it for you, you think I want you kissing him and not me?”   
“Just stop talking,” she said, tears running down her face.  
He tried to wipe them away and said, “baby,” but she moved away from him and crossed her arms and said, “just let me be mad for a while.”   
She sat there for a minute before she heard it, he was crying so she looked over at him. He had his head in his hands and he was sniffling and making all these heartbreaking little noises and she hated herself. Luke had done this lots of times, cried to get his way but she had to remind herself that this wasn’t Luke and she knew the difference in fake crying, and this was anything but fake.   
“Elliot, oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” she said going over to him.  
He raised up, “you don’t have anything to be sorry about, I shouldn’t have done that.”   
She sighed, “But logically, I can kind of see why you thought of it, you just didn’t think it through… all the way.”   
“I told you I’m really bad at this,” he said, tears still running down his face.  
“Please stop crying, it’s killing me,” she sobbed, “I didn’t mean to go off on you like that, I understood where you were coming from, I just… it’s that PTSD and shit I was talking about,” she said.  
“I’m not crying because you got mad, I just realized how insensitive it was to try and push that on you after knowing… like you said,” he could bring himself to repeat what she had said, “and then the weight of what you said hit me and that’s mainly what upset me.”   
“What? That I’ve never had sex without…”   
“Yea,” he interrupted, like he couldn’t take hearing it again. Some part of her realized if he found out anytime soon who Luke was and that he was still bothering her, he wouldn’t hack him or hire Leon, Elliot would probably kill him himself with his bare hands.   
She cradled his face with her hands, “look at me, I’m fine… you’re the best thing that’s happened to me… in a long time.”   
“I doubt that,” he said.  
“No really… even before we met, you saved Papi’s house from the bank, got us out of debt and did all that stuff, you told Darlene to work at the shop, literally every good thing that’s happened to me since after Papi took me in, can be traced back to you somehow… and that’s honestly the truth.”   
He sighed, “well a part of me.”   
“A part of you is still a part of you… and don’t say that means I can kiss Mr. Robot because it’s not the same,” she laughed.   
“I wasn’t going to,” he said.  
“Well he would have,” she said.   
“Mr. Robot? Yea that does sound like him,” he paused, “how do you know people so well so soon?”   
“I don’t know it’s just something I’m good at… it’s a gift,” she shrugged, feigning cockiness, this made him smile, then she added, “aside from all the… drama, I do like him by the way, like as a person.”   
“He’s letting me remember,” he paused, “this will sound weird probably but he has been letting me remember parts of you guys’ conversation.”   
“Oh?”   
“I’m sorry about… the pictures,” he blushed.   
“Ohh… well did he let you remember what I said?”   
“That is was hot?”   
“Yep, now I’m embarrassed.”   
“So, you don’t think that’s gross? Or intrusive?”   
“I knew it would probably happen with random people when I took them. So, you, someone I like and know and… stuff, doing that is the least intrusive thing related to those pictures,” she laughed. But Elliot’s eyes clouded with a look she hadn’t seen on him yet, so she said, “What’s wrong?”   
“I don’t like that, other guys looking at you like that,” he said, candidly.   
“Oh, I’m sorry.”   
“It’s not your fault,” he said.   
“Well if you like them you should save them or print them out before you take them off the internet,” she said knowingly, before getting up to get more coffee.  
He scoffed, “How did you… never mind.”   
She laughed, and looked back at him from the kitchen counter, “you know it’s kind of sexy that you’re jealous.” She came back and sat sideways on the couch facing him.   
“I don’t want to be controlling, I just don’t like the thoughts of…”  
She touched his arm, “I know, I honestly don’t either… well unless it’s you.”   
He looked at her intensely and the image came back to her, of him, looking at her on his computer, she knew the exact picture Mr. Robot had mentioned, the idea that Elliot couldn’t keep from… she shook her head like the thoughts would fly out somehow.   
“What?” he asked.   
“Trying not to think about it,” she said.  
He lit a cigarette and blew the smoke in the air, something about him doing that made her think of the old movies when characters would smoke to look cool or sexy, she always thought it was ridiculous that people would find that sexy. Then she saw the way Elliot did it, everything he did made her feel like she was watching how people moved and behaved for the first time. He had his own way of doing everything like he somehow knew that he could improve anything, because he did.   
He watched her and took another hit, “think about what?” he said blowing the smoke out as he said it.   
“You,” was her only answer.  
He squinted his eyes, “you don’t want to think about me?”   
“Doing… that? No, it’s too much,” she laughed.  
“Oh,” he said. She watched him smoke in silence for a while, and he looked at her out of the corner of his eye, “what?”   
“You know, you could be less sexy if you wanted to,” she said pretending to be mad.   
“I’m just setting here,” he said defensively.  
“Smoking,” she said.  
“Smoking is sexy?” he asked.  
“It is the way you do it,” she laughed.   
“See this is why I did what I did, you clearly need some di…” he stopped himself but laughed.   
“Say it,” she pressed.  
“I’m trying to be polite,” he said.   
“I don’t want you to be polite, I want you to be yourself,” she said.   
“Well I was gonna say dick,” he said.  
“I know,” she laughed, “thank you though.”  
“For saying dick?” he asked, confused.  
She laughed, “No, no… for trying, you know to come up with a way, a solution… it may have had some flaws, but you tried, for me, so thank you.”   
“I’ll fix it,” he said.  
“No, we will fix it, I don’t want you pushing yourself like that, just talk to Krista…”  
“What about you, how will I know when you’re ready?”   
“I want to take things slow but I could do it now,” she said.  
“I don’t want you to do it because I’m ready, I want you to want to,” he said.  
“You smoking turns me on, pretty sure I want to,” she laughed, “I only got so mad because it was about doing it with someone that’s not you.”   
“I’m sorry still, that I didn’t think of that, it’s… complicated because he is a part of me,” he said.  
“I know, it’s not like you offered my body to some other… external person, it is a different situation so I totally get your logic in… the plan,” she said.   
“What about our thing? A special thing for now?” he asked.  
“Well you’ve kissed me on the head, so it’s not like you can’t kiss me, somewhat.”   
“Wouldn’t it be weird for you to kiss me on the head?” he asked.   
“Sometimes, and impossible if we are standing because you’re taller than me, hmm,” she said, getting an idea. She look his hand, “you know when you take things slow like this, every touch feels amazing,” she started stroking his hand with her fingertips, making shapes lightly.  
He looked up at her and licked his lips, “Mmm, yea it does,” he breathed.   
She raised his hand to her face and lightly grazed each of his fingertips with her lips, he moaned. She lightly kissed his palm in several places as he fidgeted beside her. Then she turned his hand over and kissed it on the back, she kept it close to her lips as she said, “this will be our thing, when we get that super affectionate feeling, we take the other by the hand and kiss the back of it.” Then she kissed the back of his hand lightly again before giving it back to him. He just stared at her and blinked a few times.  
“You okay?” she chuckled.  
He bit his lip, “that was… how?”  
“How what?”   
“How did you make that better than any sex I’ve ever had?” he asked almost in a whisper.  
“Oh, come on,” she said.  
“No, I’m being serious,” he said. She looked at him and he had that look, he was being completely serious.   
She shrugged, a little shy about it, “maybe it’s because of how we feel about each other, and like I said, when you take things slow, every little touch is special, and it really helps with trust.”   
He moved the hair away from her face, then rested his hand on her shoulder, and began stroking her cheek with his thumb. Her body tingled all over. All of a sudden there was a knock at the door.  
“Fuck,” Elliot said lightly.   
“Ay, it’s Leon, you home?” a voice came muffled through the door.   
Elliot just sat there, so Raine said, “are you going to answer?”  
“Are you okay with that? I mean it’s our date night?” he said.  
“It is?” she asked.  
“Well yea we were going to be alone and watch movies, I thought it was a date,” he said.  
“Oh, okay,” she said.  
“What did you think it was?”   
“I don’t know, I thought we were just like having… a relationship?” she said.  
He smiled and Leon knocked again, “Yo Darlene said you weren’t feeling good, so I wanted to check and see if you’re good?”  
Raine looked at Elliot, “if you want to let him in, it’s fine.”   
Elliot got up and Raine stood and straightened out her dress walked over to the kitchen to greet their guest.   
Elliot opened the door and said, “What’s up?”   
“Hey you doing okay cuz?” Leon said.   
“Yea just hanging out getting ready to smoke,” he said.   
“Who’s this?” Leon said, spotting Raine behind Elliot.  
“Oh, this is my uhh… my girlfriend,” Elliot said.   
“Girlfriend? That’s what’s up,” he said.  
Raine walked around Elliot and shook Leon’s hand, he was cute and somehow looked like he would be a nice person. She knew from what she’d heard that he was, but also just something about his eyes were kind.   
“Not to sound misogynistic or like I’m hitting on your girl, but she is very a very lovely lady,” Leon said.  
“Thank you,” she blushed, Elliot just grinned with one side of his mouth, not even a little jealous. It was probably the first time she’d ever been called ‘lovely’ or a ‘lady’.   
“Well I can leave you kids alone, if I’m interrupting,” Leon said.  
“No, you can smoke with us if you want,” Raine said, looking at Elliot to make sure he was okay with it. He nodded once so lightly that it was almost unnoticeable.   
Elliot sat on the edge of the couch and Raine sat beside him but left some space between them because she didn’t want to be all over him in front of his friend. Leon grabbed a kitchen chair and sat it sideways of the couch nearest Elliot, facing the side of the coffee table. He leaned back in the chair and brought out some of his own weed and started telling them how good it was and that they should smoke his to try it out.   
“So Raine, you like Seinfeld?” was one of the first questions he asked her and Elliot stifled a laugh.   
“Actually, I do, it’s really special to me because my dad loved it and he’s gone now so if I ever miss him too much, I watch it and it makes me feel better.”   
“See that’s what I’m talking about, it’s not just trivial shit man, tv can change your life,” Leon started. Elliot smiled and made a ‘here we go’ face at Raine but he looked happy. They smoked and talked and laughed and ordered take out. Leon told her a few things about prison that Elliot had left out, out of sheer humility.   
“Your boy is tough, let me tell you, he stood up for me against a gang of ignorant ass racists, wouldn’t leave my side, he was loyal to an actual fault because they were mad cuz, man they hated us,” Leon said. Raine smiled at Elliot proudly. The more they smoked the less Elliot talked but the more Leon made up for it. At one point she felt Elliot start tracing the back of her hand lightly with his fingertips as his hand rested on her wrist. She looked at him, but he was talking to Leon almost as though he was unaware he was even doing it. She slowly turned her hand over to lace her fingers with his and he lifted her hand and kissed the back of it lightly without even looked away from Leon. Leon quickly glanced at her and smiled then returned to what he was saying to Elliot.   
Before he left, Leon told Elliot, “you hold on to her cuz, she’s hot, smart and most importantly you got a light in you that I’ve never seen before.” Elliot smiled and they said their goodbyes with a fist bump which Raine thought was way out of character for Elliot, so she knew he must really like Leon. Leon tipped his hat at her to which she nodded and smiled and he left. Elliot closed the door behind him and walked back over to the couch and sat. He let out a deep breath.  
“He is… something,” Raine said.  
“Yea he’s a lot,” Elliot said.  
“I really liked him,” she said.  
“Yea, he’s had my back for a long time… more than almost anyone else would have, well I told you.”   
“Yea you told me how loyal he was, but you didn’t tell me how brave you were standing up for your friend.”   
“I didn’t want to sound like a douchbag, I don’t like bragging or talking about fighting, even when it is necessary do, telling people… it all sounds like tough guy bullshit when you talk about yourself like that.”   
“Am I ever going to learn something about you that doesn’t make me like you more than I already did?” she teased.   
“I hope not, but probably,” he said. Darlene had told her that Elliot could have a really bad temper, but he would never hurt someone who didn’t deserve it. But with her PTSD she didn’t know how she would handle Elliot yelling and breaking things. As Darlene said he’d done before, but only on rare occasions and she wasn’t even sure if had been Mr. Robot or Elliot because that was before they knew about the disorder. He had grabbed Darlene too hard once but besides that Mr. Robot had never hurt anyone intentionally either, aside from Elliot. Unlike the movie tropes, people with Elliot’s disorder were almost never dangerous to external people, even the most violent alters were more likely to self-harm, than even think about hurting anyone else. But still even if she knew he was safe, loud noises from car doors and someone cheering had triggered her PTSD before so she hoped they could both keep it together. They started watching ‘the iron giant’ because Elliot insisted, and he put his arm around her and let her cuddle up next to him. The movie made her cry and Elliot pulled her close when he heard her sniffling. He touched her chin and turned her head to face him, he wiped her tears with his thumb and pulled her head to his chest kissing her forehead lightly. After a while he said, “I have an appointment with Krista on Wednesday, but I think I’m gonna call and see if I can get in sooner.”  
“Whatever you want babe,” she mumbled, nearly dozing off because she was so comfortable and relaxed.   
“Sleepy?” he asked.  
“Yea, I don’t know why,” she said.  
“Probably all that pot you smoked,” he chuckled.   
“I smoke all the time,” she said, cuddling over on him even more.   
“Not with Leon,” he said.  
She lay there half-awake as he ran his fingers lazily through her hair and smoked a cigarette with the other hand. “I think it’s you,” she said.  
“What?”   
“Making me sleepy, you’re so comfy and you’re petting me, it’s so relaxing.”   
He laughed, “petting?”   
“What else do you call it?” she asked, “stroking sounds dirty.”   
“I’m just playing with your hair; do you want me to stop?”   
“Never,” she teased. The movie had long been over, but they stayed like that for a long time just being together in silence.   
After a while, Raine got up and stretched, trying to wake up, she offered to take flipper out while Elliot called Krista. It was around nine at night and she thought it was a little out of the ordinary to call your psychologist this late. But what did she know, she hadn’t ever been to one even though she had wanted to be one herself. Being on the other side of being figured out didn’t seem too appealing. She looked up to Elliot’s window and he was looking down at her holding the phone to his ear. He had been nervous about her going out alone this late because he lived in a bad neighborhood. When flipper was finally done, she went back upstairs, he had left the door unlocked so they went in.   
“Hey,” he said. He had changed into a pair of sweatpants and didn’t have shirt on.   
“Hi,” she said, she unlatched flipper and watched her run to Elliot, who picked her up and rubbed her head.   
“Where you a good girl?” he asked her, she licked his chin in response.  
“She was good, but she really wanted to take her time,” Raine laughed.  
“She always does that,” he said, setting her down on his bed. “What about you?” he asked grabbing her wrists and pulling her to him, she tilted her head in mock confusion, so he continued, “were you a good girl?”   
She giggled and pressed up against him as he pulled her arms around his waist then put his own over her shoulders. He gave her a quick hug and kiss on the top of her head.   
She looked up at him, “What did Krista say?”   
“I had to leave a voicemail,” he said.   
“Oh, well it’s late.”  
“I should have called earlier,” he said.  
“Well it’s the weekend, so Monday would be the earliest appointment anyway.”   
He nodded, “Maybe.”   
She wasn’t sure what that meant but she reluctantly pried herself away from him and went over and started unpacking her bag, “I brought something to sleep in, but I don’t think wearing it would be a good idea.”   
“Why not?” he asked, and she laid it out on his bed, he looked at it, “damn.”   
“Yea I will probably just wear your shirt again.”  
“That’s just as bad,” he laughed.   
“Oh, I brought your clothes back, but I can wash them for you if you want, we have a washroom in the back of the shop,” she said.  
“We have laundry downstairs,” he said.  
“But do you have to pay for it?”   
“Yea like quarters,” he said.  
“You should bring your laundry to the shop, it’s free, Darlene does it all the time.”   
“Will it get you in trouble?”   
“With who?” she laughed.   
“Oh, I keep forgetting you own the place.”  
“Technically Papi owns it still, oh before I forget, I always spend all of Sunday with him, I drive out to his place and make sure everything is going good, make sure his meds are good, I make him dinner and things like that and then take him to church,” she said.  
He was smiling at her, “that’s really sweet.”   
“Well he’s family, anyway I just wanted you to know ahead of time to make sure it’s okay,” she said.  
“Yea… that’s fine?” he said.  
“Good,” she said.  
“You know… you don’t need my permission to do anything, right?” he said.  
“Oh, right, I just… that’s not something normal people do in relationships is it?”   
“I don’t think so, I’m not sure, but thanks for telling me,” he said.   
“So, letting you know what I’m doing is normal but asking if I can, isn’t,” said clarified to herself.   
“I want you to feel free to do whatever, if you don’t let me know what you’re doing that’s okay, if you’re just telling me cause you want to, that’s cool, if you forget to tell me, that’s cool too,” he said setting on the bed and taking her arm, pulling her towards him. She stood in front of him and put her hands on the back of his head and began running her fingers through the short hair on the back of his head. He put his hands on her hips and looked up at her, “I want to be the opposite of everything bad that’s happened to you,” he said.   
“Aww,” came out of her mouth before she could stop it, but he didn’t seem to mind. She hugged his head to her stomach and kissed the top of his head. His hair was soft on her face and it smelled like coconut shampoo. She took his shirt she’d worn the night before to the bathroom and changed into it. When she came out he was already in the bed, covered up with his laptop on his lap. She got the lights and crawled in next to him and laid her head on his shoulder and watched him type stuff she didn’t understand.   
“Whatcha doin?” she asked. She was trying to be cute to hide that she was a little concerned about what he was doing.   
“Making something… it’s a secret,” he said, grinning at her. She hugged his bicep with her arms and lay there watching words and symbols appear on his screen.   
“I’ll work on this later,” he said, closing the window and pulling up a different screen where he had a list of movies. She made him watch ‘Benny and Joon’, one of her favorites.   
“Why did you download this if you haven’t seen it?” she asked before it started.  
“Darlene was talking about how you liked it one time,” he said. She was amazed at his ability to remember such mundane details. Later, as it went off she said, “this song is either really annoying or super awesome,” referring to ‘I’m gonna be’ which played at the end of the movie.   
“I liked it, the movie,” he said.  
“Really? I’m kind of surprised.”   
“They kind of remind me of us… in a way.”   
“Joon and Sam?,” she paused thinking it over, “yea they are like… different than everyone else but they get each other and are good for each other.”   
“Now I want grilled cheese,” he said.  
“Me too, made with an iron?” she laughed.   
“It’s not a bad idea, really.”   
“No, no it’s kind of clever.”   
“I don’t have any bread,” he said, “I’m sorry.”   
She laughed, “maybe some other time, I’m to sleepy to eat anyway.”   
Unlike last night, as he was putting his laptop away, she rolled over facing his closet, when he got back in bed, she felt that he was unsure what to do so she whispered, “Elliot?”   
“Yea.”   
“Can you come hold me?” she asked. She felt him get as close to her as possible and he put his arm over her lacing his fingers through hers and pulling her even closer until her back was tight against his chest. He rested his head on hers and she felt his lips and breath on her ear, sending a shiver through her body.   
“Goodnight baby,” he whispered in her ear and she moaned softly, he was trying to kill her, death by temptation.   
“Goodnight,” she whispered back.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get to meet Papi and get to know that character a little bit.

She was in the middle of a dream and her phone started ringing, she immediately woke up and frantically looked until she found it, “Hello?”   
“Umm is this… Elliot’s phone?” a woman asked.  
Raine pulled it back and looked at the screen, it said ‘Krista’, she put it back up to her ear, “Oh yes, this is his phone, I grabbed it thinking it was mine, umm hang on, I’m sorry.”  
“That’s alright,” the woman, Krista, said kindly.   
She looked over at Elliot who was still asleep somehow, she touched his shoulder, “Elliot, wake up.”   
He opened his eyes and smiled, “Good morning, I’m gonna miss waking up to you tomorrow.”  
Raine handed him the phone, “It’s Krista, I’m so sorry, it woke me, and I thought it was mine so I answered, I’m sorry.”   
“Hey, it’s fine,” he said soothingly, “I guess one of us should change our ringtone,” he teased trying to calm her. She knew that he knew why she was acting like this. Luke would have literally beat her for answering his phone. He had actually done it a few times.   
“Hello,” Elliot said into his phone, “oh no I’m fine it’s not an emergency, I just, I can’t kiss my girlfriend… yea she answered the phone… just since yesterday, officially… umm I don’t know, I don’t want her to get hurt… lunch at what time?... well at least let me pay… well I’m not trying to get free therapy…” he laughed, then said, “yea we are but I’m not trying to take advantage of my friend… okay, thank you Krista, bye.”   
Raine had been laying there watching him, “what did she say?”   
“She wants to have lunch with me to hear about my new girlfriend, something about laying the foundation so we can get into it deeper on Wednesday,” he said.  
“So, you guys are friends?” she asked.  
“Well we weren’t but after what we went through together…” he stopped himself.  
“What?” she asked.  
“I can’t tell you, it’s …I can’t I’m sorry,” he said.  
“Oh, that’s okay,” she said.   
“Well… we were kidnapped,” he said.   
“What?”  
“Vera kidnapped her and then me and he forced us at gunpoint to have a therapy session… which is why I never brought it up before and didn’t even tell Darlene, because of what was discussed… I can’t even think about that, so I’ll skip that part if that’s okay?”   
“Of course, what happens in therapy is always private, even if it’s gun point therapy,” she said, she almost laughed but the look on his face told her how important and serious it was, so she didn’t.  
“Well anyway,” he continued, “it was bad, and after that Krista ended up killing him, it was self-defense because he had us trapped, plus I told you how I got flipper from that guy and all the other things she and I went through, so yea we are friends.”   
“Wow, I’m so sorry… so that’s why he’s not around anymore,” she said, “I won’t tell anyone, not even Darlene.”   
“Please don’t, because she likes to push me to talk sometimes when it’s better not to, not yet,” he said.  
“I’m really glad you have her, Krista.”  
“You should talk to her about your stuff,” he said.  
“Ugh, I might, she sounded nice and obviously she’s got a good judge of character, picking you as a friend.”   
He smiled at her, “Do you want me to see if she can get you in?”   
“Maybe… Oh, what time is it? And where is my phone?” she said, looking for it.  
“Hey,” he grabbed her arm, “why are you avoiding this?”   
“Elliot, let me just ignore stuff,” she said.  
“That won’t make it go away, believe me.”   
“I’ll think about it, but don’t push me okay? I need to be ready,” she said.   
“Okay,” he said, then he handed her, her phone.  
“Did you have that all night?” she asked.  
“No, I saw it when I was on my phone and I wanted to talk to you about you seeing Krista without you having an excuse to not listen to me.”   
She scowled jokingly at him, “you’re so conniving.”   
He shrugged, clearly pleased with himself.  
“I do have to go though, it’s like eleven and I still need to change and everything,” she said.  
“Will I see you later? Or is tomorrow better?”   
“I will be home at around nine, so we’ll see, is that okay?” she asked.  
He raised an eyebrow at her so she said, “Oh right I’m not asking if it’s okay… hmm I will let you know when I want to and you have to deal with it,” she said trying to sound stern.   
“That’s better,” he said.   
“No, I’m not mean like that, we can text and see what’s up when the time comes, how is that?” she said.   
“That’s perfect,” he said, taking her hand and kissing the back of it. She got up and put on Elliot’s sweatpants from the day before, “I’m gonna wear these home and wash them at my place.”   
“Good, stern, I like it,” he said, she laughed. He got up and picked up flipper and walked Raine to the door, carrying the dog with him.   
She pet flipper on the head got close to her face and said, “bye baby puppy”, flipper licked her nose. Elliot took flippers paw and waved at Raine with it, and she almost fainted at how cute he was. He put his arm around her and hugged her and kissed her forehead, “I’ll see you later baby.”   
“Okay, I’ll text you when I get to his house… if you want? Damn it, I mean…” she looked up at him and shrugged.  
“You’re good, and yes I want you to,” he said, kissing her forehead again. It felt like he didn’t want to let her go but he did.   
She went home and showered and changed into something appropriate for church and threw Elliot’s pants into the dirty clothes pile. She couldn’t bring herself to wash the shirt because it still smelled like him somehow. Elliot didn’t wear cologne, he just smelled clean and rugged all at once but never dirty. Considering everything else about him it was odd how clean and hygienic he was about himself. Even his haircut was kept tight and neat looking and he always kept his face clean shaven, she never even saw him with a five o’clock shadow. She had these thoughts as she went out to the car Papi had bought her when she graduated high school many years ago, it still ran, and she rarely drove it except to Papi’s house out in the country. She kept it parked in the alley behind the shop near the useless picnic table where her and Darlene always got high. There wasn’t really parking back here but no one bothered her about it. She drove the thirty minutes out of town to spend the day with what had previously been the only man in her life that cared about her. She couldn’t wait to tell him about Elliot. Well, some things about Elliot. Before she went in she texted Elliot to let him know she had made it safe.   
R: Hey at Papi’s now 

E: Okay, at lunch with krista, talked to Darlene, she’s at my place and she’s good

R: Good, I was starting to worry because she didn’t leave a note at my apartment

E: She’s fine, how is Papi?

R: I haven’t went in yet

E: Oh I won’t keep you, plus krista is smiling at me weird  
E: miss you

R: miss you 

She knew she was standing on the porch smiling at her phone like an idiot, but she didn’t care. She wondered about his lunch though, it was driving her crazy wondering what all he would say about her. He had pretty much said the whole point of today was to tell his therapist all about her. It made her super anxious and at the same time giddy and curious. She was relieved Darlene was okay, she would yell at her later for not texting her back all morning, which she didn’t mention to Elliot because she didn’t want to worry him. She went in without knocking because she had a key and Papi was setting in his favorite recliner smoking a cigar.   
“Papi, didn’t your doctor tell you to quit smoking?”   
“I’m eighty-five, I’ll quit when I’m dead,” he said and laughed, which made him start coughing. She raised an eyebrow at him but smiled in spite of herself. She went over and kissed his cheek.   
“What’s up?” she asked.  
“What’s up? Hmm Trump is still president and I’m still getting old, but you’re here today so I’d say I have a good balance.”   
She smiled and sat on his couch.  
He puffed on his cigar and said, “What’s up with you?” and it made her laugh, hearing him say such a thing.  
“Oh you know work and stuff, same shit as they say,” she said.  
“Girl you know I know you better than that, something has got you bright eyed, you better not be messing around with that scumbag Luke fella.”   
“No Papi, not Luke… but I did meet someone, someone else.”  
“He good to ya?”   
“So far, I just met him Thursday,” she said.   
“What’s his name?”  
“Elliot…”   
“Elliot huh? What’s his last name? Maybe I know some of his people,” he said.   
She hated to say it because Papi watched the news constantly, “It’s uhhh Alderson.”   
“Alderson? Doesn’t sound like anyone I know, Elliot Alderson,” he repeated to himself as if it were familiar somehow.  
She braced herself for him to realize where he’d heard the name.  
“Say isn’t that the name of that boy down in Jersey that stopped the nuclear bomb?” he asked.  
“Umm it was a nuclear meltdown Papi,” she said avoiding the obvious.  
“Does this fella you’re dating know he has the same name as a hero?” he asked, then he looked at her and saw the look on her face, “ooh it is him.”   
“Uhh yea, that’s… that’s him,” she said.  
“Well if he’d do that to save a town, I hope he’d go to the same lengths for you,” he said.   
She smiled, “he might.”   
“He ought to, even someone like him should do everything he can to keep you, you’re one in a million.”   
“Papi,” she rolled her eyes, “you just say that cause I’m family.”   
“No I say it cause it’s true, taking care of an old man when you could be out dating your famous hero.”   
“You’re my priority Papi, you always will be,” she said, “Elliot can wait.”   
“That’s my girl, putting family above a man,” Papi said.   
It hadn’t always been so, Luke didn’t like it when she visited Papi, said she came back full of herself. Papi had always had a way of bringing her back down to earth, and no matter how much Luke had tried to brainwash her, Papi was always her anchor to reality. She was glad Papi seemed to approve of Elliot, he kept asking little questions but acting like he didn’t care much. Papi was an old school proud Italian man, like her father had been, so he didn’t show emotion all the time, but he radiated love in spite of himself.   
She cooked him a meal the way he had taught her, real homemade chicken and alfredo with pasta and garlic bread. His caretaker she’d hired helped do the grocery shopping and he insisted on only fresh ingredients. Though she was the only one who cooked here. During the week his caretaker made frozen dinners that he hated. If she’d had more time Raine would have come over everyday and cook for him but it wasn’t logical or manageable. Things like that made her sad though, Papi was so used to cooking for himself and it was magical. He made things that were unbelievable. He said she was even better than him, but she knew he was just saying that. They went to church that evening and then came the hard part. Saying goodbye. She knew he hated her to leave and it broke her heart every week. She helped him back into the house and straightened everything up perfectly before she left. She cried when she got outside like she always did, not knowing if this was the last visit. She sat in her car until she was done crying and decided to check her phone. She always pretty much ignored everything when she was with Papi out of respect. She usually didn’t have anything much but today she saw her phone had blown up with calls from Darlene and texts from her and Elliot. She quickly started reading through Darlene’s texts, but it was all just silliness about Brandon, and jokes about Raine ‘doing’ her brother. Elliot’s texts were more serious.   
E: Hey  
E: need to talk   
E: it’s important  
E: when are you going to be home?  
E: are we okay?  
The last one made her chuckle but also made her sad, poor guy thought she was just ignoring him. Instead of texting back she decided to call him.  
“Hello?” he answered on the second ring.  
“Hey there,” she said trying to ease his mind with cheerfulness.  
“Oh hey.”   
“Is everything okay?”  
“Umm yea… isn’t it?”  
“Yea, it was a good day, I actually can’t wait to tell you about it, Papi is doing well.”   
“That’s great, listen I have something to ask you, and I know you’re going to be mad.”   
“Okay…” she waited.  
“Not on the phone,” he said.   
“Oh okay, I’ll be home in half an hour, and you can come over.”  
“Okay,” he said, then just hung up without saying goodbye or anything. They hadn’t talked on the phone before, so she didn’t know if it was something he just did or if he was being weird. She called Darlene and talked to her on speaker as she drove down the road, Brandon was a douchebag, Darlene had left him setting in a restaurant when he started talking bad about the hackers who had done the 5/9 hack. Darlene had no idea what Elliot was going to ask her, but she cracked up when Raine told her about her conversation about Mr. Robot. “Those two never cease to amaze me with their stupidity.” By the time they were done talking Raine felt a little less nervous. But she still talked to herself the whole way home, “If he seriously asks me again to kiss Mr. Robot, I will kill him, well not kill him but we are breaking up, well no not really because he’s great… but I will be so mad. What did Krista say? Oh gosh what if she told him we can’t date, but why would she do that?” she went on like that asking herself insecure questions with unknown answers until she pulled in at the shop. She texted Elliot that she was home and went in the back door. She started to go upstairs to freshen up and maybe change into something literally a little more comfortable. Then Brittney stopped her, “hey Raine, your hot boyfriend is here, he asked if you were home yet.”   
“I just texted him, what the… never mind, where is he?” she asked.   
“Up front, he ordered you both a decaf PSL, isn’t that sweet?” Brittney said.   
Raine smiled and headed to the sitting area, and sure enough there sat her hacker in a hoodie, hood up and sipping what she assumed was his pumpkin spice. So, she’d converted him after all. He spotted her coming toward him and he looked nervous, but he smiled. She got to the table and he stood up and gave her a quick hug and sat back down. She sat across from him in the booth and said, “Hey,” apprehensively.  
“Hey, how was your day?”   
“It was good, I made dinner and we went church,” she said. He nodded but didn’t look like he’d heard a word she said. He didn’t even respond so she said, “Elliot?”   
“Yea? Sorry umm I got you a coffee,” he said.   
“Is it decaf?” she asked, and he nodded.  
She stared at him forcing him to pick up his side of the conversation, “It’s your favorite, I got one too, they are actually pretty…”  
“Are you breaking up with me?” she interrupted.  
“What?! No! no why would you even think that?” he said.   
“Well… you’re acting so nervous and I just thought, you know this is too good to be true and I already told Papi about you and he’s happy about it, things can’t just be good for me so I figured it’s probably the worst thing, the thing you want to talk about,” she said almost completely without taking a breath.  
He chuckled lightly and she said, “it’s not funny.”  
“I’m know, I’m sorry, but I told you I had something to ask you, what did you think I’d be asking? ‘can I break up with you?’”   
“Well… I don’t know…” she pouted.  
He made a little ‘aww’ sound and said, “I’m sorry I scared you but I’m a little scared to ask this,” he said, getting serious.   
“Just say it, rip the band-aid off.”   
“Krista wants you to come to therapy with me this week,” he said.   
“Oh… oh, umm why?” she asked.  
“She thinks it will help, I umm well she wanted to know how we act together so she can figure out if it’s a ‘me’ thing or a ‘you’ thing?”   
“What does that mean?” she asked.  
“I guess whether I’m scared to kiss anyone or just you,” he said.   
“Why would it be just me?” she eyed him suspiciously.  
“I kind of told her about your… last relationship,” he bit his lip and looked terrified, “are you mad?”   
“No… no I don’t think so… what brought it up?” she asked.   
“Well she heard us this morning, she asked why you seemed so scared of me when you answered my phone,” he said.  
“Did she think you were mean to me?” she kind of laughed at the thought.   
“No, no she heard my side of it too and said I sounded confused by your reaction, actually I didn’t even need to tell her about the abuse, she figured it out on her own I guess, because she asked me if you had been in a relationship like that,” he explained.  
“So, she’s like really good at this?” she asked.  
“Yea,” he said, “I promise this was all her idea, she brought it up and I never even thought that like… we could go in together like that, I thought a couple’s counselor was a different thing altogether,” he said.  
“So, we are getting couple’s counseling already… that has to be a record,” she said.   
“I don’t know if it’s exactly like that…” he started.  
“I know, I was half joking, I’m just scared,” she said.  
“About what?” he asked.  
“I spend so much time trying to forget the bad things that have happened to me, I just don’t want to deal with it, I wish I could put it all in a bag in my mind and throw it away somehow, create fake good memories in their place,” she said.   
“No, you don’t, I’ve done that, I mean I actually did that… well I told you about the alternate reality place,” he said.   
“The inner world,” she said.   
“Is that the technical term?” he asked.  
“Most people with DID use it,” she said.   
“Oh, so that’s… common?” he asked curiously.   
She smiled, “yes, in almost all cases.”   
He let out a little breath as if he was a little relieved. She was glad she had been able to bring this up accidently and make him feel a little better.   
He looked at her, “you know Krista encouraged me to connect with people but that’s not easy for me.”   
“It’s okay, just a little at a time is fine, whatever works best for you,” she said grabbing his hand across the table.   
“So, you’re not mad about coming?” he asked.  
“Who said I agreed?” she teased, and he tilted his head at her, so she said, “fine if you’re going to go all sad puppy face on me… for you, I will come, but I have to find someone to switch shifts with, what time is the appointment?”   
“Ten-thirty,” he said.  
“So, what it lasts about an hour? Maybe I can just get someone to cover a couple hours,” she said. Elliot sat there with a grin on his face.   
She smirked at him, “you’re pretty pleased with yourself, huh?”  
“I’m just glad you’re coming,” he said, rubbing her hand with his thumb. She had almost forgotten they were holding hands across the table.   
“Well you may have gotten me to go to therapy, but I have you drinking a pumpkin spice latte, so we’re even,” she winked at him to let him know she was just teasing him.   
“It’s not bad, I like peppermint mocha better,” he said.  
“That’s a Christmas drink, in the fall you drink pumpkin spice, around Christmas you have peppermint mocha,” she said.  
“What about the rest of the year?” he asked.   
“Hmm… spring is amaretto, and summer is chocolate coconut,” she said.  
“So that’s what you get in the spring and summer?” he asked.  
“No, I get pumpkin spice… because I like it, hazelnut is okay too,” she said.  
He nodded like he was memorizing all of this, because he probably was. She smiled and drank her coffee.   
“So, tell me about your day, you cooked?” he asked.  
“Yea I’m a great cook,” she said. She told him all about her day and learning to cook from her dad and Papi as a teenager, she told him about her fears and crying every time she left Papi’s. It was different talking to a guy that seemed to hang on her every word and offer advice and comforting words. Luke had been especially terrible, but even the guys she’d went on a few dates with only seemed interested in themselves and her body. She had never slept with anyone besides Luke and Elliot knew this about her. It made her even more nervous because Luke was always telling her how terrible she was at everything.   
“I’d like to meet him sometime,” Elliot said about Papi.   
“Hopefully soon,” she said, “I can cook for you both.” She smiled at the thought of it, maybe she could invite Darlene too. Making a meal for her three favorite people sounded like a great dream.   
“So umm, it’s getting late,” she said.   
“Yea I have a busy day at work tomorrow,” he said.   
“So, I mean, I’m already home,” she laughed.   
“Are you asking me to leave?” he grinned.  
“No, I was wondering if you wanted to sleep with me,” she said a little too loud just as a group of older customers walked by and turned to give her a dirty look. She shook her head at them and said, “JUST sleep.” Elliot was laughing at her.   
She sighed, “you see that? Stuff like that happens to me all the time, how does that even happen in real life?”   
Elliot checked to make sure customers were still there and loudly said, “I’d LOVE to sleep with you,” he paused and looked at them, daring them to say something about it but they just turned and left, he looked at Raine and continued, “now you’re not alone in being embarrassed.”   
She laughed, “thank you but you just ran off some customers.”   
“Oh, I’m sorry.”   
She waved a hand at him, “they’ll be back, our coffee is that good… so you do want to spend the night?”  
“Well like I said, I’d love to, but I get up really early for work and I wear horrible work clothes so…” he shrugged.  
“That’s perfectly fine Mr. Alderson, you’re a good boy, no sleepovers on a school night,” she laughed.   
“Now that sounds like a challenge,” he said.  
“No seriously, it’s fine, I don’t want to wear you out,” she said.   
“You don’t?” he gave her the sexiest grin she’d ever seen.   
“Well… not yet,” she winked at him.   
They finished their coffee and said goodbye, she went upstairs and stayed up worried about what she’s agreed to. She knew she needed therapy, but she just wanted to forget about it and move on from the past. Which was hard to do considering her past was constantly in her facebook message inbox.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raine and Elliot go to therapy and figure out some things.

She finally fell asleep and work the next day went by too fast, because of course it did. Why do days fly by if you’re dreading something that’s coming up? Elliot texted her on and off all day as he worked but he had to work late and her shift wasn’t over until nine. They decided to wait and see each other on Tuesday evening. Then evening turned into night because Elliot had a work emergency. It was eight o’clock and she was working on some painting when Elliot texted that he was downstairs. She walked down in her paint covered sweats and messy bun because despite being a total mess she felt free and sexy when she was dressed like this and covered in art. He smiled at her as she sat down in front of him.  
“I know I’m a mess, I was painting,” she explained.   
“You look nice,” he said.  
“Right,” she said.   
“I think it’s sexy,” he said.   
“Actually, I do too, I always feel less stressed after I let it all out,” she said.   
“Have you been stressed?” he asked.   
“Well I’m a little nervous about tomorrow,” she admitted.  
“So, you’re still coming?”  
“Yes, Elliot I promised,” she tilted her head at him and gave him a serious look.  
“I understand how you feel, but it’s not as bad as you think and I will be right there,” he said taking her hand. It actually made her feel a lot better, usually when people said things like that it sounded empty to her. But not now, not with Elliot, she knew he chose his words carefully and made sure they were real and that they mattered. They got some coffee and talked for a while before Darlene came in and demanded she sleep at Raine’s apartment for emotional support. Raine smiled at her, looking at them both she couldn’t imagine her life without the Alderson siblings now. Though Elliot was her boyfriend, they felt like her family. She just wanted them all to live at Papi’s and be one big family all the time.   
“Raine, hey!...Baby?” Elliot was saying as he shook her hand that he’d been holding across the table.   
“What?” she snapped out of her thoughts.  
“You call her ‘baby’ now? Gross I thought you hated pet names?” Darlene said. Raine looked across at them staring at her with their big eyes and smiled.  
“I used to, it just feels right now,” he said defending himself.   
“And you’re sticking with that one?” Darlene asked, and Elliot leaned his head back exasperated.   
“Are you okay?” Darlene asked her.  
“Yea I was just lost in thought,” she said.  
Elliot squeezed her hand, “you’re not that nervous about tomorrow, are you? You don’t have to come if it really freaks you out.”  
“No, I’m gonna go, I wasn’t even thinking about that,” she looked in his eyes to reassure him.   
“Really?” he asked.  
“I promise, I’ve kind of accepted it, I mean I’m nervous, but I will be fine, now that I’ve had time to process it, I think it’s a good idea,” she said.  
After a while Elliot had to go home, Raine and Darlene stayed up too late talking. She told Darlene all her fears about therapy and they talked about Luke and Raine had a little breakdown so Darlene held her as she fell asleep. The next morning Darlene woke her up and she still had her head on Darlene’s shoulder.  
“You know since you and Elliot haven’t kissed, you and I have gotten just as far as you and him,” she teased.  
Raine laughed, “that’s not funny.”   
“You laughed.”  
“It’s not true either, unless you’ve pleasured yourself to my modelling pictures,” Raine said trying to gross her out.   
“Who says I haven’t?” Darlene threw back. Raine eyed her suspiciously because with Darlene she wasn’t sure it was a joke. “Oh my gosh, I’m kidding, you’re hot and I would do you but you’re like a sister to me, even before you practically married my brother.”   
Raine rolled her eyes, “we don’t act married.”  
“You’re going to couples counseling.”   
“Because we can’t kiss, I think that calls for a professional.”   
Darlene shrugged, “well either way, my brother is head over ass in love with you.”   
“I think it’s head over feet… wait, did he say that?”   
“He doesn’t have to, I can tell.”   
“We haven’t known each other a week.”   
“Don’t pretend like you’re any more normal, you’re in love with him too.”   
“I didn’t say I wasn’t,” Raine said.   
Darlene smiled at her, “I knew it!”   
“I didn’t say I am either… I mean I am for sure headed there, but I need to pace myself, I can’t even explain how it feels,” Raine said.  
“I couldn’t either, with Cisco,” Darlene said.   
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Raine started but Darlene waved her off, saying “I’m fine.” Raine knew it was a lie, but she didn’t push it. Darlene helped her put together her most professional looking outfit and then left. She worked for a couple of hours and another employee; Leanne came in to cover for her.  
“You know I’ve been wanting more hours, so if you need the rest of the day it’s fine,” Leanne said.   
“Thank you, Leanne, you can finish the shift on the clock, but I will probably be back to help just to get my mind off of things,” Raine said.  
Leanne smiled sympathetically and said, “good luck.”   
Her girls knew she was going to therapy, but she hadn’t told them why, she wondered what the rumors had been. She took a cab to Krista’s in-home office. She rang the doorbell and waited. Elliot answered the door and smiled, “you’re here,” he said almost sounding surprised.  
“Am I late?” she asked.  
“No, a little early, I’m just glad you came.”   
“You still didn’t think I would?”   
“Well I’ve been in your shoes and even I never knew if I would show up or not, and mine was mandatory,” he laughed   
“But you always did,” she said.   
“Yea, come in, she still hasn’t gotten a real office since the hack, so she works from home, I think she kind of likes it better,” he explained as he led her to a very nice living room.   
“I certainly do, it doesn’t look like a hospital,” she said. She had told him about her parent’s death and how she had spent three days straight in a hospital waiting for her dad to die when she was fourteen.   
“Good,” he looked at her up and down, “you’re dressed nice.”   
“I don’t like it, but I wanted to look as sane as possible.”   
“You look like a lawyer… with pink hair,” he laughed.   
She pouted, and let out a cry, “I look ridiculous.”   
“No, no I didn’t mean it like that,” he said, grabbing her arms from behind and easing her onto the couch as he sat with her. He kept his arm around her. He was dressed in his work clothes because he was only off for a few hours for his appointment. Dress pants, dress shoes, and a light blue button up shirt that made his blue eyes pop, and of course his signature black hoodie. He was like -A from pretty little liars. She laughed.   
“What?” he asked.  
“Have you ever watched Pretty Little Liars?” she didn’t know why she was even asking she almost knew he hadn’t.  
“Actually, I have, Darlene loved it when she was younger, what my hoodie?” he asked.  
“Yea I just thought of it, I don’t know why?” she said.  
“That’s me, I’m -A,” he laughed.  
“A for anonymous,” she added.  
His eyes got bigger than usual, “Oh man, I am -A,” he began laughing. They were laughing together when Krista cleared her throat, they didn’t know how long she had been standing there but she was smiling.  
“Sorry,” Raine said to her, “I’m Raine,” she got up and went over to shake Krista’s hand.  
“Oh, don’t apologize, this is a great sign, I wish all my patients were in such high spirits when they come to see me,” Krista said, then she looked around Raine at Elliot and said, “are we ready to begin?”   
They went into a room that looked almost like a library, two walls were almost nothing but books. Raine couldn’t help herself she had to read at least some of the titles.   
“I feel like Belle,” she said to herself. She looked back and Elliot was already seated on a large leather couch, Krista sat opposite him in front of a nice fireplace, they were both looking at her expectantly.   
“Sorry, I love books,” Raine said, embarrassed.  
“That’s alright, you don’t even have to sit down,” Krista said, “Mr. Robot likes to walk around and look at things when we talk, it makes him less nervous.”   
“Oh no, I was just admiring your books, this is great,” Raine said looking around, she had never been in a home this nice in her life.   
She sat down and Elliot said, “did you say you felt like belle?”  
She just blushed and vowed to herself to chastise him for bringing it up, later.   
“Is everything okay?” Krista asked.  
“I’m sorry, I’m so nervous, I’ve never been to therapy, I don’t even know how I’m supposed to act,” she blurted out.  
“You can act however you want, this is a safe space but it makes my job easiest if you just be yourself,” Krista said.  
“See you should have worn your thigh high boots,” Elliot said. She knew he was trying to lighten her up so she smiled at him weakly. He realized it wasn’t working so he took her hand, “you okay? Remember I’m right here, nothing said in here will ever be repeated unless you want it to be, you’re safe, Krista is a professional and I trust her completely.”   
She felt herself relax, Krista was watching Elliot curiously, and then turned to Raine, “This doesn’t have to be anything you don’t want it to be, you can share what you want, or just set quietly.” Raine nodded and relaxed even more, so Krista continued, “so I wanted you to join Elliot today to figure out what it is that’s keeping him from being able to express himself physically with you.”   
“Well, as you can see” she said lifting her hand that Elliot was still holding, “we are physical in some ways, holding hands, cuddling, that’s all fine,” Raine said.  
“And I can kiss her on the head, and hand, she actually came up with that as our ‘thing’ to replace regular kissing for now,” Elliot said.   
“Hand kissing?” Krista asked.   
“Yea, well Elliot actually came up with the idea that we could have our own way to show affection until we can kiss,” Raine said.  
“But you thought up what it would be,” Elliot said to Raine.   
Raine turned to Krista and said with a little laugh, “it was a joint effort.”   
Krista smiled, looked pleased and wrote something on her notebook. Raine shifted in her seat wondering what she was writing. Elliot began rubbing her hand with his thumb.   
“So, Raine, I’ll start with you if that’s okay, Elliot tells me you run a coffee shop?”   
Raine told her a little about herself, just general things, that her parents died, Krista was surprised she hadn’t gone to therapy about it.   
“I know I have trauma; I know methods of soothing myself, I’ve studied psychology, that’s why I never sought therapy, I was just trying to handle it myself and I know that’s wrong but…” Raine was unable to defend her choices further than that.   
So Krista said, “But we need to talk to someone else, even professionals, because all of us, as in all humans, lie to ourselves, it’s how our brains work, it’s self-preservation, some people’s coping mechanisms are different but it all comes back to our brains fighting to keep us safe.”   
“That’s why I didn’t want to, you know relive everything,” Raine said, “my brain was like ‘therapy means talking about it’ and I was like ‘we have to talk about it’ and my brain was like ‘nooo’ so I didn’t.”  
Krista chuckled, “That’s one way of putting it, so you’ve talked about your parents, so I assume the trauma you don’t want to talk about is the abusive relationship.”   
Raine froze, squeezing Elliot’s hand so tight he groaned a little. He went directly into comfort mode, “Hey, it’s okay baby,” he said. Hearing his voice loosened her grip enough for him to free his hand and put his arm around her, “I’m here,” he said in the most soothing voice she could ever imagine, and she melted into him because she couldn’t help herself. Krista watched them, nodded almost approvingly and wrote some more in her book. Raine wanted to watch her reactions but Elliot was looking at her like she was on fire, so she calmed herself to look him in the eye, and say, “I’m okay.”   
He brought his other hand to her chin almost like he was going to kiss her and said, “you sure?”  
She nodded then backed away from him a little to face Krista, “sorry about that.”  
“It’s okay, did you see what just happened here?” Krista asked.   
“Umm, what do you mean?” Raine asked.   
“When you realized Elliot was worried, you shed all your nervousness to reassure him,” Krista said.   
“Well what does that mean?” Raine asked.  
“Just an observation.”   
“Okay, sorry you brought that up just like, I wasn’t expecting it, I can talk about it but I think Elliot already told you most of it,” Raine said.  
“Did that bother you?” Krista asked.  
“Well you kind of figured it out from our phone call so it’s not like the told on me,” Raine laughed, “but actually I am glad he told you anyway, so I don’t have to.”   
“Did he tell me… everything?” Krista asked that but what she meant was, had Raine told him everything. At least Krista was trying to be discreet about it.  
“Well I wasn’t there, so I don’t know but probably not, it would take months to sort through everything, but I’m sure you know abusive relationships share a lot of traits, I mean you’ve seen one you can spot them all, I mean details and names change but there are patterns, I’ve read a lot of stories from other women and it’s like reading my own diary,” Raine said.   
“And is this person still a part of your life?” Krista asked.  
“Oh, hell no,” Raine said, Elliot laughed, and Krista smirked.   
“So, he hasn’t tried to contact you?” Krista asked.   
She froze again and Elliot looked at her confused.   
“Why would you ask that?” she said quickly.   
“It’s very common for an abuser to continue communication for as long as legally possible, did you seek legal protection?” Krista asked.  
Raine scoffed, “Oh I sought it and it ran away, they wouldn’t do anything with him, so I just started ignoring him.” Raine braced herself for the next question because she knew exactly what it would be, and she didn’t want to have a noticeable reaction.   
“And did that work? Did he leave you alone,” Krista asked.   
Raine nodded confidently and said, “Yes,” but gave Krista a look, darting her eyes toward Elliot. Krista nodded knowingly and said, “I see.”   
She asked Elliot a few questions to distract him and then asked if she could speak to Raine privately for a few minutes. As soon as he was out of the room Krista asked, “why don’t you want Elliot to know this man is still contacting you?” She was good.   
“It’s not that I don’t want him to know, I just don’t want him to do anything about it and he would.”  
She told Krista about how her and Darlene and Mr. Robot had decided not to tell Elliot and why, when she was done she said, “the last thing I want to do is keep something from him but if it would get him in trouble, you’re his therapist, what do you think I should do? Honestly because if you think he can handle it, I’ll tell him but you know what he does about things like this,” Raine said.   
“Well I think you feel really guilty for something you can’t control and for just trying to do what’s best for Elliot, I don’t think it would help him to know right now but I do think you should do something about this guy, what’s his name?”   
“Luke,” Raine said.  
“And what things does he say?”   
“The basics, that I’m a stupid bitch and I should have died with my parents, you know, the usual,” Raine said, “the cops won’t do anything, so I don’t really have a way to stop it.”   
“Doesn’t Darlene have a girlfriend in the fbi?” Krista asked.   
“Yes and Darlene has offered to ask her to help but I feel like maybe Dom would feel like we are using her, and their relationship is so rocky already,” she threw her hands up exasperated.  
“Do you always do that?” Krista asked.  
“Do what?”   
“Let yourself suffer for the sake of everyone else?” Krista asked. Oh, she was real good.   
“Okay, I’ll think about it, but honestly I don’t think my trauma is Elliot’s problem with kissing, he tried before we talked about it, I mean he knew but we hadn’t discussed it a lot.”   
“You’re changing the subject,” Krista said, Raine didn’t say anything so Krista sighed, “but I did say I would try to fix this problem quickly and I think you’re probably right, but I do want to talk to you more about this, alone.”   
“Okay, I’ll make an appointment,” Raine said and Krista smiled.   
Krista went and told Elliot they were ready for him to come back and when he got there she said, “so Elliot, we don’t think the problem is Raine’s abuse scaring you away.”   
“So, what is it?” he asked.  
“Well you said, ‘if I kiss her, she will get hurt’ why do you think that is?” Krista asked.  
“I don’t know,” he said.   
“Has kissing you hurt anyone else?” Krista asked.  
A look passed over his face, a realization, “Yes, everyone,” he said.  
“And how did it hurt them?” Krista asked.  
“I kissed Shayla, and she died, I kissed Angela and she died, I kissed Olivia and she tried to kill herself,” he said.   
“But Elliot, Shayla and Angela didn’t die because you kissed them, they were murdered…” Krista started.  
“And Olivia didn’t try to kill herself because you kissed her, she did it cause you drugged her,” Raine said, “wait that didn’t come out right.”   
“I have the kiss of death,” he said, ignoring both of them.  
“You also kissed Darlene and she’s fine,” Raine said.  
He finally heard her and said, “but she’s my sister!”   
“But she’s still alive,” Raine said.   
“Being kissed by her brother and finding out he is crazy was probably punishment enough,” he said.   
“Elliot you know that you kissing them had nothing to do with the bad things that happened to them,” Krista said.   
“I know it sounds ridiculous, but it has happened every time,” he said.   
“Elliot that is just a coincidence, and like I said Darlene is fine, and her finding out about your illness isn’t bad, it was a part of your healing,” Raine said.   
“It will take a long time to work through your guilt,” Krista started, “but I assure you kissing had nothing to do with any of those things, can you see how it doesn’t make sense.”   
Elliot thought about it for a minute, “well I guess now that I know, I associated me kissing them with my guilt over their deaths,” he said, then he looked at Raine, “should we try it?”   
“Here?!” she cried.   
“I’m sure Raine would prefer your first kiss to be somewhere other than my office,” Krista said, with a little sympathetic smile.  
“I feel so stupid,” Elliot said.   
“Don’t feel stupid,” Krista and Raine said at the same time.   
“We aren’t responsible for what our subconscious tells us,” Krista started, “yours was trying to tell you that you still felt guilty but it was using the fact that you had coincidently kissed all those people before they died as a way to force you into facing it.”   
“A lot of people died that were my fault, that I didn’t kiss,” he said, mostly to himself. Raine looked at Krista concerned.   
“Elliot, we’ve discussed this, it wasn’t your fault,” Krista said.  
“It kind of was,” he said. Raine felt a sob trying to escape her throat, and tears formed in her eyes.   
“Elliot my parents were on their way to get me when they wrecked,” Raine started.  
“Yea but…” he tried to interrupt.  
“I stayed in an abusive relationship for years, even when I was studying abusive relationships in college,” she said.   
“Neither of those things were your fault,” he said.  
“Why not?” she asked.  
“Because it’s not like you wanted that to happen,” he said, then understanding dawned on him.   
Krista nodded to herself and wrote some more in her notebook. Tears started forming in Elliot’s eyes and he began to cry. Raine wrapped her arms around his head and held him and cried into his hair. When he got settled, they talked about normal things for a few minutes before Krista said, “Raine I did want to ask you something before you leave.”  
“Okay go ahead,” Raine said.  
“Elliot said something concerning at lunch but confusing, he said you had… had sex but not really and wouldn’t tell me what he meant,” Krista said.  
Raine sighed, and Elliot looked like he wanted to run out of the room.   
“I don’t feel like… I’ve ever had sex,” Raine said.  
“And what does that mean?” Krista asked.  
“Every time I’ve ever done it… it felt like…” she looked at Elliot knowing he hated this, but she finished, “it felt like rape.”   
“Was it?” Krista asked.  
“Well mostly, but sometimes I wanted to… have sex, but just not with him so I agreed to do it, because he was my boyfriend… I don’t know what you would call that, because I agreed to it, and I wanted to be doing it, just not with him, and I feel bad comparing that to rape because it doesn’t compare to the other times but it still felt like that in my head,” Raine said.   
“That’s understandable,” Krista said, “all rape is traumatic no matter how it happens.”  
Raine heard a sniffle and she looked over, Elliot had a hand over his eyes and was crying again.   
“Elliot, how does it make you feel hearing this about Raine?” Krista asked.  
“It fucking breaks my heart,” he said.   
Raine touched his arm, “I’m okay,” she started.  
“No,” Krista said, “you deserve to feel your suffering, you don’t have to mask your pain for the comfort of others.”   
“But he’s crying,” Raine sobbed.   
Elliot sucked in a deep breath and put an arm around Raine, he looked at Krista and tears were still rolling down his cheeks, “what should I do to help her?”   
Krista smiled, “don’t let her make her pain about you, Raine I know you want to comfort Elliot it’s natural and you’re more than welcome to do that, if it’s about him, but Elliot is only being compassionate, for you right now, you don’t need to fix that for him, it’s healthy, it’s okay to let things be about you.”   
“I’ll try,” she said.  
“And when you two decide to be intimate don’t do things you don’t want to do to make Elliot happy, even if you trust him and he’s not like your ex, because he isn’t, you control what happens to your body, and I’m sure Elliot would agree with me in telling you not to do that.”   
“I do,” Elliot said, looking at Raine.   
“And Elliot, I know you well enough to know you won’t rush her but don’t be afraid to be with her intimately, she won’t break.”   
Elliot bit his lip suppressing a laugh.   
“What’s funny?” Raine asked.   
“I think she’s telling me to have rough sex with you.”   
“Elliot!” Raine said feeling herself blush and Krista laughed out loud, surprising Raine.   
“That is not my business, but if that’s what you both want, don’t be afraid to go for it, sometimes with survivors of rape it helps to be with someone you truly trust in a similar way and replace the old memories with new safe ones,” Krista said.  
“You’re not wrong but how do you know I trust Elliot so much?” Raine asked.   
“Just observation, you two seem very in sync for such a new relationship, and you seem to have a healthy respect for each other, and have already developed some healthy ways of dealing with each other’s trauma aside from Raine’s habit of sacrificing herself for others which I am positive started long before you two met. I think you’re good for each other,” she said.   
Elliot smiled taking Raine’s hand and kissing it, “that’s good.”   
“And on a personal note, Elliot as your friend, you guys make a great couple, you’re cute together and you haven’t looked this happy… ever, which I told you Sunday, but I wanted her to hear it, and Raine I hope you will come back for your own sessions, you can even wear your thigh high boots if you want.”   
“I will… try to do that,” Raine said laughing, but she already knew she would be coming back, she felt like someone had went stirring around in her insides but also she felt a little bit lighter.   
They said their goodbyes and Krista hugged them both. Raine liked her a lot as she figured she would since Elliot was a good judge of character.   
As they walked out together Elliot said, “I want to kiss you now, and I feel like I could but I want it to be special.”   
“Okay, that’s fine, I can wait.”   
“So?” he said, walking and holding her hand.   
“So what?” she asked, knowing but wanting him to say it.  
“How do you feel? Are you glad you came?”   
“Yea I am, and I like her… I just feel like… like I’m all mess but still somehow lighter, it’s weird because I’ve told those things to you and Darlene but it’s like… it’s like if you’re sick and you tell a friend but you know they can’t do anything about it but then you tell a doctor and as soon as you tell them you start to feel better because it’s almost like it’s their problem now.”   
“Wow, never heard that before,” he said.  
“I think it’s an anxiety thing,” she said.  
“Yea it makes sense, I’ve just never thought of it like that before.”   
“So, you’re going to work?” she asked, as they got to a corner that would split them up in different directions.   
“Yea, look at us, we look like real adults,” he said referring to their clothes.  
“I am changing as soon as I get home, I don’t actually have to go back to work because the girl wants more hours, but I need to go cry or something,” she laughed.   
“Want me to get out of work? Do you need me?” he asked.  
“No, I’m okay, and I actually mean that, I just want to… reflect and stuff, does that sound stupid?”   
“Nah, not at all,” he said, and he almost stepped forward like he was going to kiss her but he stopped himself, “oh right, this isn’t romantic enough.”   
She smiled and lifted his hand to her lips and kissed it lightly but let her lips linger barely grazing his skin, he groaned, “ugh fuck, come on.”   
She giggled, “What?” she said feigning innocence.   
“You know what you did,” he said. He pulled their hands over to himself and kissed the back of her hand quickly, “I’ll text you.”   
“Okay,” she said, and they parted ways.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raine and Elliot have a hard time trying to get their first kiss, and Elliot has plans.

She got another cab home and walked in the shop apprehensively, knowing that they knew. Most of the girls were in the kitchen since they had only two customers and even they seemed to be just using the wifi.  
“How was it?” Leanne asked when she got to the kitchen.  
“Oh, you know, it was therapy,” Raine sighed.  
“You know we are all here for you, anything you need,” Amber said. It was touching and Raine felt tears forming in her eyes.  
“You guys are great employees, you all do more than enough so thank you, and Leanne thank you again for covering, do you guys need any help?” Raine said.  
Brittney laughed, “have you seen it out there? We have been fighting over customers all day, and none of them have tipped yet, we got it covered.”  
“Okay, well I’ll be upstairs if we get a rush, just come get me,” she told them and made her way up to her room. She felt so tired and it was only noon. She stripped her clothes off and changed into a pair of white lounge pants and threw on Elliot’s, now disgustingly dirty, tee shirt. She lay in bed looking at her phone but not really seeing anything. She threw it down and rolled the day over in her mind until she fell asleep. A couple hours later she woke up and went and got some coffee. When she got back, she decided she needed to paint some more so she stripped off Elliot’s shirt because she didn’t want to get paint on it. She wore her pants and a hot pink bra as she climbed up into the loft and began painting. Darlene texted her for a while about this guy who was bothering her at some club she went to for hackers. She told Raine she would be over later but didn’t say what time so Raine went back to painting. Sometime later she had lost track of what time it was, but she heard a knock. “Why is she knocking?” she wondered, Darlene had a key. She had made a copy the other day when she had it for her and Brandon. Raine jumped down onto her mattress and quickly went over and swung the door all the way open saying, “Darlene if you lost that…” she stopped talking when she saw Elliot, standing there holding a cardboard bowl of frozen yogurt, he grinned.  
“Oh Elliot, what time is it, you’re off work already?” she said.  
“Yea it’s five thirty,” he said, he shifted his feet nervously and eyed her body.  
She looked down and realized her very bright hot pink bra was all she was wearing on top, “Oh shit, I’m sorry I was so into painting I just…” she turned and frantically grabbed the shirt on her bed and put it on. Elliot stepped in and closed the door, “I wasn’t complaining.”  
“I thought you were Darlene, what’s this?” she said pointing to the treat in his hand.  
“Oh, I brought you something,” he said as though he’d forgotten he was even holding it, he handed it to her.  
“It’s fro-yo, looks like it’s chocolate?” she said.  
“Swirled with coffee, your favorite,” he said.  
“How did you… Darlene?” she asked, hoping he hadn’t somehow hacked into her fro-yo orders.  
“Yea,” he smiled.  
“Thank you, what’s this for?” she asked setting cross legged on her mattress and taking a bite.  
He lay down in front of her on his side, propping himself up on his elbow, “it’s a gift, as thanks for coming today.”  
“You didn’t have to thank me, today was for both of us,” she said.  
“Still, you deserve it for being brave,” he said.  
She smiled at him, “you want to try it?” He nodded so she got a small spoonful and fed it to him. He made a little ‘mmm’ noise as he took a bite and she didn’t know how someone could make eating fro-yo so sexy. He licked the side of the spoon as she took it out of his mouth, and she felt her hand tremble from excitement. Elliot looked up at her and licked his top lip slowly. This was torture. He grinned and the laid on his back with his hands behind his head. He was still in his work clothes and hoodie.  
“You’re wearing my shirt,” he said to the ceiling.  
“I just grabbed the first thing I saw,” she lied.  
He looked over at her suspiciously, so she said, “okay I wear it to bed every night, sorry I’m so obsessed with you,” she laughed.  
He looked back at the ceiling and smiled to himself, “you can keep it, I like that.”  
“You like that I’m obsessed with you?” she asked.  
“I like you wearing my shirt every night because you miss me,” he said, “I don’t like this idea that people who like each other can’t do what they feel like doing because they are afraid the other person might find out they actually care about them.”  
She smiled, “well I care about you a lot.”  
He propped himself up again and said, “can I have some more?”  
This time she handed him the bowl and let him feed himself, she didn’t want a repeat of last time because she was already on the verge of attacking him. He took two bites and looked at her, then took another, “this is really good.”  
“I know, give it back,” she laughed, she reached for it and he pulled it back playfully so she would have to lay across him to reach it. She still couldn’t reach it, so she backed up a little to face him and pout. She hadn’t realized how close their faces would be and their noses were almost touching. She tilted her head a little and pouted her bottom lip out and whispered, “I want it.”  
He looked at her mouth and bit his lip, “you do?” he said but his voice was trembling and came out so soft it was barely audible. She batted her eyelashes at him playfully and one side of his mouth went up into a sexy grin. He put his hand on the back of her head and started to pull her into a kiss, but the door flew open causing him to close his eyes and whisper, “fuck me,” to himself. Raine giggled as she backed off of Elliot to say hi to Darlene. Elliot gave her the fro-yo so he could lay back down and start rubbing his eyes with his palms, clearly frustrated. Darlene sat at the head of bed so Raine turned to face her. They talked for a while as Elliot lay there trying to compose himself. Finally, he stopped pouting and got up and sat behind Raine draping one arm across the front of her as they took turns eating the fro-yo. Well it was more like, if she left the spoon in the bowl, he would grab it and take a bite. She gave up protesting after the third time he did it. Darlene talked about the guy she had to kick out of the hacker club because security were a bunch of ‘dickless morons’ as she put it.  
“He was seriously sexually harassing every girl there,” she said, “I mean who does that?”  
“Assholes,” Elliot said.  
“Exactly, I mean so what? We have a vagina, does that automatically mean we can’t just function in society and not be seen as sexual objects for men to do whatever they want to our bodies,” Darlene said.  
“It’s not just about sex, it’s entitlement, they feel bad about themselves, so they want to make us feel powerless, usually because we are better at them at stuff, men honestly suck,” Raine said. Then patted Elliot’s arm, “not you, babe.”  
Darlene smiled, “Elliot truly is one in a million, if I hadn’t grown up with him, I would think all men just can’t help themselves, but Elliot was proof that men can be feminists too if they care and can act like they have a dick.”  
Raine laughed and turned and looked at Elliot, “thank you for acting like you have a dick.”  
He grinned, “acting?”  
She raised an eyebrow at him, and he kissed the tip of her nose. Darlene rolled her eyes but chuckled, “I don’t know if this is cute or disgusting.”  
“We love you too,” Raine said.  
“So, I take it couple’s counseling went well,” Darlene said, “I wouldn’t ask, but you two are acting like Mike and Carol Brady so I figured it was okay.”  
“Mike and Carol wish,” Elliot scoffed.  
Raine laughed, “It was… productive, she wants me to come see her on my own now, I guess my ‘pretend to be sane’ dress pants didn’t trick her into thinking I’m not crazy.”  
“I really think this is good for you,” Darlene said.  
“So, Darlene when are you going to therapy?” Elliot asked.  
“I think I need to take off,” Darlene said, laughing.  
“Oh, come on, everyone can benefit from talking to someone,” Raine said.  
“That’s what I have you two for,” Darlene said, “therapy isn’t really my style.”  
Raine rolled her eyes but didn’t push it, she knew how Darlene liked to let things build up, and when she blew Raine would be there for her because it was the least she could do, who was she to judge how Darlene liked to deal with things? They convinced Darlene to stay and she agreed if Elliot would go get her some fro-yo. There was a place down the block, so he agreed. After he left Darlene was like, “Okay now you can tell me how bad you hated it.”  
“Therapy? I really didn’t, I mean it was hard and emotional but all the stuff we talked about was stuff already in my head, so it was really freeing to say it to someone who can… like do something about it,” Raine said.  
“Did you tell her about Elliot asking Mr. Robot to kiss you?” she asked.  
“Oh, he said he told her Sunday at lunch, apparently she chewed him out pretty good about it, but he and I had already resolved it, so she didn’t bring it up, I guess why she didn’t bring it up,” Raine shrugged.  
“I figured that would be a real issue,” Darlene said.  
“Well this session was sort of focused on why Elliot can’t kiss me, and I think he gets now why it was a bad idea, plus I can kind of see his point if I were thinking strictly logically it makes some sense, he was just trying too…”  
“Get you laid,” Darlene finished for her.  
“Something like that,” Raine laughed.  
“That’s Elliot, he’s all good intention and shitty outcomes,” Darlene said.  
“I think that’s a good portion of humanity when you really think about it,” Raine said.  
“With some truly evil people sprinkled in,” Darlene agreed, “speaking of, did you tell her about Luke?”  
“Oh yea, she had Elliot leave for a while so I told her everything… and she thinks that I should do something,” Raine said.  
“Obviously, but what? You won’t let us hack him, not even me or Mr. Robot.”  
“She thinks… she thinks I should ask Dom for help,” Raine winced waiting on Darlene’s reaction.  
“Well duh, I said that as soon as I found out,” she said.  
“You’re not mad?”  
“Are you kidding? Why would I be mad?”  
Raine shrugged so Darlene took her hand, “listen babe, this is about your safety, it’s more important than some silly attempts to play it cool with Dom, besides this gives me a good excuse to talk to her more.”  
Raine laughed, “so we’re doing this? Because I need to get this over with so I can stop hiding it from Elliot, it’s killing me feeling like I’m lying to him.”  
“I got you, I’ll text her to meet me tonight, we have to do this all irl because of Elliot, he can’t know about this until that douchebag is in prison… where he is safe from Elliot… not that I don’t want Elliot to kill him but you know he’d go to jail for murder, you’d have to do conjugal visits,” Darlene said laughing.  
Someone knocked on the door so Raine got up to answer it, it was Elliot holding a fro-yo so she said, “whoa déjà vu.”  
“Yea but this time it’s strawberry and you’re not in a bra,” he said.  
“The bra is still there, it just has a shirt over it,” she laughed and he looked down at her chest like he was trying to see through the shirt.  
“Can I have my fro-yo before you drool all over it staring at her tits?” Darlene said.  
“She’s so eloquent,” Raine said.  
“One thing about my sister, she’s classy,” he said grinning.  
Darlene ripped her treat away from him and said, “whatever dudes, I got a date.”  
“I just brought you that so you’d stay,” he said.  
“And I did, you just took too long, I seriously have to meet someone,” she said.  
“Who?” he asked.  
“Dial it back and chill, it’s just a friend,” she said putting her sunglasses on and walking out past Elliot.  
Raine shut the door and looked at him, he had a curious look like he somehow sensed a plot being formed behind his back. She needed to distract him, “so where were we before she got here?” She pulled his shirt off of herself and threw it at him. He grinned and said, “come here.”  
She walked over and paused in front of him and put a hand on his chest for a second, then slowly walked to her mattress and laid down, “you come here.”  
He let out a deep shaky breath and went over at sat beside her, “baby, my body wants nothing more than you right now.”  
“So, what’s the problem?”  
“I have plans for our first kiss, it’s not all worked out in detail yet but we have been talking about it today and I think it’s gonna be…” he sighed, “I know I almost kissed you earlier in a moment of weakness but I really want to make this special for you,” he said taking her hand.  
She didn’t have to ask who he meant by ‘we’ so she smiled at him and said, “aww, Elliot.” It’s all she could say.  
“I’m hungry,” he said, “you want to go out for dinner or order in?”  
“Hmm, it’s up to you, I’d rather stay here because I don’t want to get dressed,” she said.  
“Oh?”  
“I mean I can put a shirt on if this bothers you.”  
“Bothers? Nah, but,” he paused and glanced at her body, “I can’t even look at you because it physically hurts,” he said looking up and away from her as much as possible.  
“Hurts?” she looked at him confused.  
He let out a laugh, “yea like a… throbbing pain, ya know?”  
“Oh, ohhh I’m sorry, hand me that shirt,” she said, he handed it to her, and she sat up and put it on, “I didn’t mean to be such tease I didn’t know you had plans to wait.”  
“You’re good,” he said, “after Friday it will be better.”  
“Friday? Is that when we’re doing it” she blushed, “kissing I mean?”  
“If that’s good for you?”  
“Yea, I’m off by noon, what are we doing?”  
“I’m working on it, but it will be a surprise,” he said.  
“I can’t wait,” she said and put her hand on his shoulder and rested her chin on her hand, “thank you.”  
“For what?”  
“So many things,” she smiled, “but specifically for trying so hard to make me happy, no matter what it is, it will be the best thing ever because I know how much effort you’re going to just for our first kiss, I never thought someone would ever treat me like this.”  
He looked at her and smiled shyly, like he was humbled by what she had said, “I’ve never done this before, not like this, but you’re worth it.”  
She blushed, “well I don’t know about that, but I do think your stomach just growled so we should order some food.”  
They ordered food and went downstairs to wait on it because they would only deliver to the shop because Raine’s apartment didn’t technically have an address.  
“So, where do you get mail?” Elliot asked.  
“The shop has a mailbox at the post office and packages just come here, the shop’s mail is mine too anyway so it’s just easier having one address,” she said.  
“But the shop’s address is so… public,” he said.  
“Well the physical address is but people don’t know the box number,” she said.  
“Oh, so like if you wanted to shop to be listed somewhere you would only put the physical address?”  
“Well yes, because then they would know where the coffee is,” she laughed.  
“I’m just asking,” he said.  
“Why are you asking so many questions about the shop?”  
“Just curious,” he said but she knew he was hiding something, it seemed harmless, so she let it go. She looked around and realized the shop was dead, they had been all day. Even though she had all the e-coin and no debt, thanks Aldersons, she stressed when she shop wasn’t busy because it would kill her to close it. This was her life, she was raised here, her father and mother had worked here when both their families disowned them for marrying each other. Her father’s family was Italian and her mother’s had been native American and both families were racist against the other, it was a real Romeo and Juliet romance, except worse because it meant everyone living that she was related to by blood were horrible people. She had never met any of them and didn’t intend to try. Papi had taken them both in because he had no kids and no wife and he felt bad for them when he found out their situation, her mother was pregnant with her. Papi had a good bit of money back then when his shop was the only gourmet coffee place in the area. This was the oldest one in Little Italy, so it was special for lots of reasons. She told Elliot all of this on their first night together.  
“What are you thinking about?” he asked her.  
She looked around, “this place… just getting…nostalgic, I guess.”  
“It’s really nice,” he said looking around.  
“Yea but… sometimes I get nervous, it’s silly because it’s only once in a while, but when we have days this slow it makes me think about what it would mean if I had to close it.”  
“I’m sure it’s fine,” he said.  
“Oh it is, I know that but it still just makes me think, I mean I would be fine financially thanks to you, but just emotionally I would be… devastated, this place is a huge part of so much history, Papi has so many stories, mobsters meeting here, Frank Sinatra hanging out over there in that one booth, only that one.”  
“That’s cool,” he said, “maybe he can tell me some stories someday, or you can,” he said.  
“You’d rather hear them from him, I always mess them up,” she laughed, “he remembers every detail, he’ll say ‘ol blue eyes wore a pinstriped suit that night, and a fedora, he ordered…’ you get the point,” she said ridiculously imitating Papi and his accent when she quoted him. Elliot was watching her with laughter in his eyes, so she blushed. When the food came Elliot paid them because he insisted, and they carried it upstairs. They had gotten Chinese which she liked more for the little takeout boxes than the actual food, which Elliot said was ‘so like her’. They sat on her mattress and ate and Raine played music on her phone as they talked and played silly games with each other and their food.  
“You have rice in your hair,” Elliot said. She started looking down at her hair and didn’t see anything, so Elliot picked it off the top of her head.  
“All the way up there?” she laughed.  
“How do you get rice on the top of your head?” he laughed.  
“I don’t know I always find weird things in my hair, especially food.”  
“That’s cause you are the messiest eater on earth,” he said.  
“I just have too much hair, I’m not messy,” she huffed.  
“Yes you are, and it’s so ironic because you take so much time to prepare everything exactly how you want it before you even start eating, and then it takes you forever to actually eat it, how you get food everywhere when you eat so slow is beyond me,” he said shrugging.  
“I don’t get food everywhere.”  
“You had rice on the top of your head.”  
She laughed, “shut up.”  
“Nah, I think it’s cute,” he said.  
“How is that cute?”  
He just grinned at her, and she knew everything he didn’t need to say. He thought it was cute because it was something she did, a part of her that made her who she was.  
“I don’t want to tell you because then you’ll be aware you’re doing it, but I love when you take your hood off and then fix your hair,” she said.  
“Why?”  
“Just do, I remember the first time I saw you do it and I was so jealous because I wanted to do it,” she said.  
“Fix my hair?”  
“Just run my fingers through it.”  
“Well you can, anytime you want… except right now because you’ll probably get rice in it,” he said. She laughed and threw a little rice at him.  
They were sitting cross legged facing each other, when they were done eating Elliot gathered the boxes and sat them in the floor. Raine stretched her legs out and wiggled her hot pink painted toes, wondering if she should change the color. Elliot grabbed her feet and put them in his lap and began massaging them. Raine laughed.  
“Tickish?” he asked.  
“No… it’s you,” she said.  
“Me what?”  
“I don’t know how to be a good boyfriend’ he says,” she mocked him, even changing her voice to a more manly tone.  
“You have sexy feet,” he said.  
“Oh? Foot fetish?” she asked.  
“Nah, I just like yours.”  
That’s when she knew she wanted to be with this guy the rest of her life, not just as his girlfriend or even his wife, it felt like more than that. Like there was no word big enough to hold the connection they had and what she felt inside for him. And they hadn’t even kissed yet. She wondered if they would be this compatible in their sex life. She didn’t tell him all this but he looked up at her and she knew he was thinking it too. She didn’t know how she knew but she did.  
“Tell me something,” she said.  
“Like what?”  
“What are you thinking about?”  
“You…us.” he said candidly.  
“Me too,” she said, he smiled and went back to watching his hands massage her feet. He stopped and put her feet on either side of his body and crawled up her bed and hovered over her, he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her down to a laying position.  
“I thought you wanted to wait,” she teased.  
“I just want to be close to you,” he whispered. He kissed her forehead then her nose, then he laid his head down on her chest and nuzzled his hair against her chin. She put her arms around him and began running a hand through his hair.  
“I like that,” he whispered against her neck.  
“What if I get rice in it?” she asked.  
“Doesn’t matter,” he said.  
They lay there like that for a long time and she heard Elliot snoring softly. She hated to wake him up, but she knew he had work in the morning and flipper needed to go out. Why couldn’t there be a place people could go when they fall in love where the world stops around them, and they don’t have responsibilities for a while. Couldn’t the rest of the world feel this? That something was happening like this, in this tiny one room apartment in the middle of a busy city. She felt it, it was like the whole city was buzzing around them, but they were calm, like the eye of a hurricane. Maybe this was what love was supposed to feel like, a safe place even when everything else was out of control.  
“Elliot,” she said shaking him lightly.  
“Shh…” he said making her giggle softly.  
“I know you want to sleep but you have to walk flipper,” she said.  
“Okay, bring her to me,” he mumbled.  
“We’re at my place,” she giggled. He made some noises as he tried to wake himself up. She knew he was still half asleep when he said, “your tits are the best pillows.”  
“Elliot, wake up,” she laughed.  
“What? oh fuck… I’m awake, what time is it?”  
“Like ten,” she said.  
“Did I just call your tits, pillows?”  
“Yes.”  
“Damn, I thought I was dreaming.”  
“About that?”  
“I usually do,” he teased, at least she thought he was teasing, then he said, “I don’t want to leave, but flipper needs me.”  
“I know, and you have that date to plan for Friday,” she knew giving him a project that involved her would help him leave less sad. She wondered if they were starting to grow co-dependent, or maybe Krista was still in her head. Or maybe this was normal for couples that actually liked each other, she had never been in a couple like that before.  
“Want me to walk you out?” she asked.  
“Nah, you stay in bed baby, get some sleep,” he said as he kissed her forehead and got up and stretched before leaving, locking the door behind him.


	9. chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raine has to reveal some of her past to Elliot and try to keep her and Darlene's secret

She fell asleep quickly and woke up smiling, one day closer to kissing her boyfriend. She felt like a teenager. She got ready for work and went down and walked around like she was floating.   
“Did you get laid last night?” Darlene asked her.   
“No, and he’s your brother so like…” Raine started.  
“Relax, it’s human nature, my brother has sex, big shocker,” Darlene said.  
“Well he doesn’t yet,” Raine laughed.   
“Well damn girl you’re really making him wait huh?”   
“Actually, he wanted to wait, I almost had sex with him to distract him from asking about you meeting Dom, which in hindsight would have been horrible, not that I didn’t want to do it anyway because man he’s so sexy,” Raine said.  
Darlene shook her head, “By the way, the meeting with Dom went well but she wants to talk to you, she needs you to gather up anything you have, print out messages things like that, or just give her your log in and she can watch for the messages herself.”   
Raine sighed, “ugh I wish I had this all over with so I could lead a normal life not scared he’s gonna walk in here and shoot me every day.”   
“I didn’t know you worried about that,” Darlene said.   
“Well I hide it well but deep down I’m terrified all the time, him existing, just knowing he’s out there somewhere…”   
Darlene rubbed her shoulder sympathetically, “we’ll get him.”  
They talked more about what Dom had planned and what they would need to do, Darlene promised that if she did any hacking she would get Dom’s approval so it would hold up in court. Dom came in after Raine was off work to have a meeting about everything. Raine had to tell her everything and Darlene held her hand and comforted her so she could get through it. Dom wanted medical records from the times he had put her in the hospital and it reminded her that she had to tell Elliot about the fact that she would never be able to have kids. Luke had gotten mad when she said she would never have kids with him and told her he’d make sure she never had kids with anyone. He had beat her abdomen so bad he ruptured both her ovaries and she had to have them removed. On the plus side she hadn’t ever wanted kids but the fact that he took the choice away from her made her angry, and she didn’t know how Elliot would feel about it. Thankfully their meeting was over before Elliot got off work, he had to work late but asked if she wanted to come over for dinner at his apartment. He wanted Darlene and her to come together so she wouldn’t be in his neighborhood in the dark alone. When they got there Darlene said, “Delivery, one girlfriend,” then started to leave.  
“You’re not staying for dinner?” Elliot asked.   
“I have plans,” she said.   
“Why have you been acting weird?” he asked.  
“Why is it weird to have plans? Sorry I have a life,” she said. Raine knew it didn’t have anything to do with her case so she wondered what Darlene was doing. Maybe she was seeing Dom for social reasons and didn’t want to get her own hopes up by sharing.   
“Darlene can take care of herself, thank you for escorting me here,” Raine laughed hugging Darlene.   
After she left Raine touched Elliot’s arm, “she’s fine, I’m not sure but I think she’s been hanging out with Dom and doesn’t want to jinx it by telling people,” she said, he relaxed because he liked and trusted Dom.  
Elliot had a pot and pan on his stove and Raine looked at him surprised, “you cooked?”   
“Going to, I went shopping after work and decided to make some stuff, I really wanted grilled cheese, I’ve been craving it ever since we watched that movie,” he said.  
“Where is the ironing board?” she asked. He just laughed.   
“So, we are having grilled cheese?” she asked.  
“Advanced grilled cheese,” he said. She didn’t know what that meant but she was impressed that he was trying. She watched him silently as he got some French bread and sliced it himself into thick slices, then he got four different kinds of cheese and some coconut oil, he spread the oil on the bread and she almost fainted.   
“No butter?” she asked, Papi would be having a fit.  
“Trust me,” he said. He put each slice of bread into the pan individually grilling both sides and laid the cheese on half the slices, then he took out some spices and sprinkled them over the cheese. In the pan he deep fried some sliced potatoes, making homemade potato chips.  
“Wow,” she said.   
“What?” he said as he continued working.   
“Do you need any help?” she asked.   
“Nope,” he said. She wanted to stay and watch him because he looked so sexy doing all this, but she decided to leave him alone because she thought she was making him nervous. She sat on the couch and looked at his laptop, which was open, so she wasn’t snooping. It was open to soundcloud and there it was, her old soundcloud profile from college. She had gotten into a friendship with some musicians and rappers in college and they had made some music together. It wasn’t too surprising that Elliot had found it but apparently he had been listening to it today. He saw her looking at the screen and rushed over to close his laptop. She just smiled at him, “that’s okay, what did you think?” she said.   
He blushed and went back to cooking, “you’re amazing,” he said to the grilled cheese.   
She laughed and got up to go over to him and wrap her arms around his waist from behind.   
“I’m sorry,” he said.   
“Sorry? For what?” she asked.  
“I was looking at your stuff,” he said, “listening to it.”   
“What was it you said the other day about not liking when people don’t feel like they can do what they want because they are scared the other person will realize how much they like them?” she laughed.  
“Yea but it’s different when it’s you… embarrassing,” he said.   
“Oh stop, it’s fine, I mean I know it feels embarrassing but there is no reason for it, I would do the same thing, I do the same kind of stuff all the time,” she said letting go of him and leaning on the counter to watch him finish getting dinner ready.   
“I don’t know why you didn’t tell me about it, you should be proud of it,” he said.  
“I told you I was sort of in a band in college and wrote songs,” she said.   
“But you didn’t say I could listen to it,” he laughed.   
“I didn’t want to seem like I was full of myself,” she said, “like oh hey check out my songs on soundcloud aren’t they good.”   
“They are, you know that right?” he asked.   
“That part doesn’t matter, they saved my life, if I hadn’t had music back then I would have probably killed myself,” she said. He looked sad for a minute then shook his head to shake the thoughts away. “Well then that makes me like the songs even more,” his voice broke a little, but he smiled at her and plated their food, then spun around and sat the plates on the table.  
“Are we eating at the table? Like real adults?” she laughed.   
“Yea, I don’t have anything fancy like a tablecloth or candles,” he said.  
“That’s okay, tablecloths are a pain in the ass anyway,” she said sitting down and looking at their food. He had cut the sandwiches in half and piled the chips between the halves like a restaurant would. She took one of the halves and took a bite.   
“Oh my gosh,” she said as she chewed.  
“Is it okay?” he asked nervously.  
“Elliot, this is incredible!” she said, taking another bite. He just smiled and started eating his own. They chatted about nothing as they ate and when they finished she offered to do the dishes but he wouldn’t let her.   
“I’m good at dishes, picked it up in prison, it honestly relaxes me,” he said.   
She picked up flipper and sat on the couch, “you hear that? Daddy went to prison over you, so you better appreciate him.”   
Elliot laughed and took flipper from her, “she was worth it,” he said cuddling her and then giving her back to Raine.   
“Elliot, I have to tell you something that’s kind of serious,” Raine said trying to run it over in her mind how she should tell him.   
He sat down and held both of her hands, “what’s wrong baby?”   
“Well nothing’s wrong now exactly, it’s just something about my past, and maybe our future,” she said and his eyes got bigger than usual and he licked his lips nervously, so she quickly said, “I can’t have kids… like for medical reasons.”   
“Are you okay?” he asked.  
“Yes I’m fine, it’s not something that will affect me physically except for not having kids, which I never wanted anyway but I thought I would tell you in case…”   
“I don’t want kids either,” he said.  
“Are you sure?”   
“Yes, I’ve thought about it before, I couldn’t handle it, I know I couldn’t and in case my mental problems are hereditary it wouldn’t even be fair to them.”   
“Oh okay, well good,” she said.  
“Do you want to tell me why, like what happened?” he asked.  
“Want to tell you? No but I can, but promise you won’t do anything like just remember what Krista said, and remember that I’m okay,” she said.  
He looked confused and anxious, “okay I’ll try.”   
She knew it was the best he could do so she dove in, “I have never wanted kids but one time me and my ex got into a fight about it, I said that even if I changed my mind I would never have his because he was a monster…” she checked on Elliot and he looked like he was about to blow up so she stopped talking.   
Elliot took a deep breath to calm himself and said, “what did he do?”   
“He said if I wouldn’t have his kid I was never going to have any, so he hit me here,” she pointed to the area where he had hit her, “you know lots of times and so I had to go to the hospital and have surgery because he ruptured my ovaries, both of them, and they were removed.”   
Elliot sucked air through his nose hard and rubbed his face with one hand, “give me a minute,” he said. He stood up and put his hands on the top of his head and paced around his apartment sucking in breaths to calm himself. He put his hands over his face and yelled, “Fuuuck” then said, “I’m sorry.” The yell had made her start to have a panic attack so she sobbed, “Elliot, I need you to calm down, I’m freaking out and I need you to be here for me, this is what Krista talked about, this is about me.”   
“I know, I know it just pisses me off so bad, I’m sorry,” Elliot said.   
“I know, but I need you to be calm, for me,” she said starting to cry. Then she saw the switch, it was quick and she could never describe how she saw it but it was clear to her.   
He came over and sat beside her and said, “hey, it’s not Elliot but come here, it’s okay.”   
Mr. Robot put his arm around her and it felt totally different than when Elliot did it, it was almost fatherly. She started to calm down, “thank you,” she breathed.  
“Cool uncle to the rescue,” he said which made her laugh, he rubbed her back and told her to put her head between her knees and breath in through her nose at a three count and exhale through her mouth. She did as he said and, in a minute, or so she was almost back to normal, but she was shaking uncontrollably like she did every time she came out of a panic attack.   
“Are you okay?” he asked, “you’re shaking.”   
“I do this every time when I come down from panic, the shaking actually comforts me,” she said.   
“You feel better? Do you need anything? Anything at all?” he asked.  
“No, no, umm how is Elliot?” she asked, wondering if this was breaking Krista’s rule.   
“He’s okay, he’s getting calm before he comes back out because he doesn’t want to scare you and you know that information was hard to hear.”   
“Should I have not told him… like I should have left some details out,” she said.  
“No, he wants you to share everything with him, some things are just hard to deal with, but that’s what I’m here for, for you both, since you’re my friend.”  
She smiled at him and he said, “there ya go, that’s better.”  
“I know he didn’t mean it towards me but men yelling is a major trigger for me so…” she explained.   
“You don’t have to explain yourself, we get it, he’s partly co-conscience,” he said. She looked at him curiously wondering when he learned the term, he nodded, “I’ve been learning some new words,” he said raising his eyebrows clearly proud of himself.   
“Oh? I’m really glad to hear that, so were you when I… did you know what I told him?” she asked.   
“Well I was aware of it, I don’t know if he passed it along, but I remember what you said, it’s hard to explain, I’m so sorry for what happened to you.”   
“I’m fine, everything medically is great it’s just you know, I can’t reproduce, which isn’t even a problem just annoying that I never have that choice because of him, but no it’s in the past I just wanted Elliot to know in case we… well we are supposed to have our first kiss tomorrow and I don’t know how far it’s going to go, I didn’t want to wait and explain why as long as we have been tested and I have, I don’t need protection, telling him all this in the moment would ruin it.”   
“So, you’re kind of planning to do more than kiss?” he asked.   
“I’m not planning anything besides the kiss but if it goes farther, I want to be prepared because I wouldn’t be opposed to it,” she said, then kind of blushed.   
“I think you guys are going to have a great time,” he said. Then she realized he couldn’t really date anyone of his own and felt bad. He picked up on it and said, “Why the sad face?”   
“You’ve been helping him plan huh?” she asked.  
“Yea,” he said.  
“Well someday as a thank you, I want to take you out on a friend date, you know platonic but have fun together,” she said.  
He looked like a kid that had just been handed a cake but swallowed his excitement and said, “I’d really like that… you good now? Ready for our guy?”   
“Yea if he’s ready,” she said. She looked away because she didn’t know if he’d be embarrassed to be watched and then she felt the hand on her back loosen then move to her shoulder and pulled her into a hug, “I’m so so sorry I scared you baby,” Elliot said into her hair.  
She backed away, “I didn’t mean to spring this on you either, I just didn’t know how to tell you.”  
“No like you said, this is about you, not how what happened to you makes me feel but how you feel… because it happened to you, do I want to kill him? Of course, but it’s not about what I want,” he said.   
“Krista is going to be so proud of us,” she laughed.   
“She will, and thank you, for being so nice to him, he doesn’t get that a lot,” he said.  
“Well he will from me,” she said patting his knee. Elliot smiled, he looked like he wanted to say something but swallowed and then cleared his throat.   
“What is it?” she asked.   
“I just… you’re so special,” he said.   
“So are you,” she said.  
“I have a bad temper, but don’t ever think I would do anything to cause you pain,” he said.  
“I know that, it’s just yelling, especially men yelling is a trigger, and sometimes any loud noise, even happy loud noises do it, you could have been cheering at a… sports and it might have the same effect.”   
Elliot laughed, “At a sports?”   
“Well I don’t know, do you like any kind of sports?” she asked. He just gave her a look so she said, “yea never mind, well whatever you would cheer about.”   
He looked like he was thinking, “I don’t know if I’ve ever really cheered, does it count if you’re on Adderall?”   
She laughed, “it happened, so maybe?”  
“Were you ever a cheerleader?” he asked.  
She laughed then looked at him, “you’re serious?”   
“Why not? I mean you look like you’d be good at stuff like that?” he said.  
“Not my type of thing, I was on a dance team and did a bunch of dance stuff,” she said.  
“Like ballet?”   
“Like a little but mostly like belly dancing, hula, salsa our dance team learned all the styles of dance from all over the world.”   
“Show me,” he said.  
“No,” she giggled.   
“Just a little?”   
“Okay, let’s do salsa, get up,” she said.  
“Oh no not me I was thinking more like…”  
“Belly dancing, you want a lap dance, don’t you?” she laughed.  
“No… that’s not my type of thing,” he said.   
“You don’t like strip clubs?” she laughed.  
“Not even a little bit,” he said, then he said, “well I might like it if it was you, just us, but not today I feel like after what we just talked about…” he didn’t finish his thought, but she understood. “I just think it’s cool that you can do all that, I mean I’m sure it’s sexy as hell but it’s also interesting… impressive,” he said.   
“I would feel weird just standing in the middle of your apartment dancing alone,” she laughed, “and your neighbors would be really confused if they heard you rocking some Shakira in here.”   
Elliot laughed, “they would think I moved out.”  
She started to stand up but he grabbed her arm, “where you going?”   
“It’s late,” she said sitting back down.   
“I’ll call Darlene,” he said.  
“Elliot, just call a cab, you can walk me to the car and even set me in it if you want,” she said.  
“I also want to check up on her, I feel like she’s hiding something,” he said. This again, ugh why couldn’t Luke just fall off the face of the earth and stop ruining her life.  
“What’s the matter?” Elliot asked.   
“Nothing, just want to go home and sleep as soon as possible… because then it will be tomorrow when I wake up and it will be our day,” she said.  
“You looked like something was bothering you though?”   
“I just don’t know why you’re suddenly so concerned about Darlene, she does things like this all the time, and you’re making yourself worry about stuff that’s not even a problem.”   
“I just have a feeling,” he said.  
“That she’s in danger?” she asked.  
“No, just that she’s not telling me something,” he said.  
“Well so what? Like I said she probably wants to hang out with Dom without the pressure of explaining that they made up and then having to explain they broke up again, it’s seriously getting old and they should stop jerking each other around but it’s still their business, do you feel like she’s with Dom right now?”   
“How would I know?”   
“Well you ‘feel’ she’s hiding something? So, what do you think it is?” she said.   
“I think you’re right but somehow it’s more than that,” he said. Was he freaking psychic?   
She hated this but she shook her head, “Well it’s probably nothing bad, it might even be something good so don’t worry about it.”  
“Do you know anything?” he asked. She knew if she lied, he would be able to tell, she didn’t know how she knew that, or how he would but she still knew he would.   
“I know that you’re worrying about nothing, and I know if Darlene is hiding something, she has a good reason,” she said. He looked at her suspiciously and she sighed and said, “let it go.”   
“Why?” he said.  
“Because I’m tired and you’re just making something out of nothing and stressing me out, like panic attacks make me sleepy and tired, I just don’t want more things to worry about,” she said.   
“Why is it making you worry if you think it’s nothing,” he asked.  
“I’m not worried about her, I’m worried about you, worried that you’re going to obsess over stuff and get all stressed yourself when I know you don’t need to because she is fine,” she said, wording everything carefully to tell the truth and give nothing away.   
“I don’t want you to worry about me,” he said.  
“Well too bad because I worry about everyone I lo-“ she stopped herself, “that I care about.”   
She looked at him to see if he’d heard her near slip and knew he had when she saw that he looked equal parts happy and in shock. At least half of it was happiness, that was a good sign.   
“I didn’t mean to…” she started.   
“Mean to what?” he said pretending he had no idea what she meant but she could tell he was hoping she would say it.   
She bit her lip, “I’m sorry I’m all over the place today, I was so worried about telling you all day and you know I’m glad you stepped up and did everything to make it easier, but even saying it is really draining so I just don’t want to… like dinner and everything was great but maybe I just want to wait on some things so they don’t get mixed in with the bad things, I’m not making any sense.”   
“Nah I got you,” he said, putting his arm around her and pulling her to him so he could kiss her forehead, “I’ll call a cab so you can sleep, we’ll start fresh tomorrow, no more bad stuff,” he whispered against her head. She nodded and he let her go and got up to call a cab. She let him help her up and they walked slowly downstairs to wait, he held her hand. They stood on his stoop, he was standing one step below her making them almost the same height. She put her arms around his shoulders, he put his around her waist, she hugged him, kissing the side of his neck, “you’re my favorite person,” she whispered in his ear and he hugged her tighter and moaned lightly in a way that was more loving than sexual. The cab pulled up and he walked her to it and opened the door for her. He took her face in his hands and asked, “we good?” She nodded and smiled at him. He looked at her a bit longer like he was trying to memorize her face.   
“Text me in the morning,” she said.  
“Okay,” he let go of her face and grabbed her hand and kissed it as she got in the car, then shut the door for her. She gave the driver her address and Elliot watched her with his hands in his hoodie pockets as they started to pull away. He looked sad so she stuck her tongue out at him, and he grinned.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raine and Elliot finally have their first real date and things go from a slow burn to a raging fire.

She went home and went almost immediately to sleep; she woke up happier and more refreshed. She got ready for work and the morning went by quickly. After work she had a few hours before Elliot got off, to get ready, but she didn’t know if that would help. She had no idea what they were doing or where they were going so her entire wardrobe was in the floor. She texted him and asked what she should be dressed for. All he said was casual and that they would be outside, Elliot at an outside activity? She finally decided on a cute sleeveless halter dress that would work outside or maybe the beach or a boat. It was white and was loose around her thighs, the white popped against her naturally dark skin. She kept her hair in loose waves, which was its most natural state. She texted Darlene to come up and help her pick out shoes.   
“This is impossible, I look to frilly but thigh highs aren’t going to work, and we will be outside so we might be going to the beach or walking around a lot, I just wish I knew where we were going,” she cried as soon as Darlene walked in.  
“Calm down, I’ve got this,” Darlene said typing on her phone, then after a beat she said, “ohh okay.”   
“What?”   
“I just asked Elliot where you are going,” she said.  
“And?”   
“I can’t tell you but I can help you pick out some shoes, your hair is pink so you won’t look too lame in frilly clothes,” she said. She grabbed a pair of light pink converse shoes and handed them to Raine.  
“Really?” Raine asked.   
“Trust me, it’s super casual and your feet will thank me, plus you’ll look super cute, and Elliot loves converse.”   
Raine knew this was true, it was all he ever wore outside of work. So, she said okay and thanked Darlene.   
“I can’t wait for you both to get laid so you’ll chill out,” Darlene said.   
Raine laughed then stopped, “did you see Dom last night?”   
“Maybe, why?” she said.  
“Elliot is getting suspicious and I almost told him everything last night,” Raine said.  
“Just wait until Luke is in jail, it won’t be long, just put it in the back of your mind and let Dom and I take care of it,” Darlene said, “go make my brother happy.”   
Raine hugged her and she left, she sat around waiting on Elliot and got sick of just setting so she went downstairs and got a coffee, it was around three, but he was going to try and leave work early. Fifteen minutes later he said he was on his way.   
When he got there, she almost didn’t notice him because he wasn’t wearing his hoodie, he was carrying it like Linus from ‘Peanuts’. He looked like he had somehow cleaned up more than usual, he was wearing a light grey long sleeved tee shirt that fit him perfectly, and some dark jeans that also fit him perfectly. From the side it hit her that he could actually be a model or something. He had all the right features and with the sunlight coming through the front of the shop and without the dark hoodie his skin looked more golden than washed out. She watched him walk towards her apartment stairs and Brittney stopped him, looking him up and down covetously. She pointed him the opposite direction where Raine sat waiting. He turned around and walked toward her, pulling his hoodie off his shoulder and laying in down in the seat across from her. She had chosen a small table with two chairs so she could sit elegantly with her legs crossed like a girl in a sad French film, because she sometimes did weird things like that. If she could’ve worn heels it would have added to the effect but according to Darlene that would be a mistake.   
“Hey,” he said, and he seemed nervous.   
“Hi there,” she said leaning forward.   
“You ready?”   
“Where are we going?” she asked.  
“You’ll know when we get there,” he said. She pouted at him and batted her eyelashes and he said, “cute but I’m still not telling.”   
They took the subway and on the way there she figured out where they were going but pretended to be surprised when they got to Coney Island. It was cute but not a romantic place, not that she cared, it meant something to him. They went directly to a broken-down arcade, Elliot led her to a door down the alley beside it and they went in. He turned on the lights and everything lit up.   
“Wow,” she said, “this is pretty cool.”   
“We aren’t gonna stay in here, this was the place where 5/9 went down,” he said, “this was our place and I wanted to show it to you so you could see all of me, I want you to know every part of me.”   
“Elliot,” was all she could say, she felt guilt rising up in her because of what she was hiding from him.   
He showed her around and told her all that he remembered happening in here, including the things that only happened in his mind. He told her about his time’s in the ferris wheel with Mr. Robot and that it was an extra special place for him too.  
“I wanted us to have a special place to share but I didn’t know what to do, so I just brought you somewhere that was special to me, so you can be a part of it,” he said.  
She smiled, “I’m glad you did, but you could’ve kissed me in the subway and I would have been happy.”   
“I’m not kissing you in here,” he said.   
“Oh?”   
“No, that’s something we planned, Mr. Robot suggested it, he insisted that it would be romantic, not that I would know.”   
She smiled, glad that Elliot had no clue about romance, it meant all the sweet things he did were genuine and from his heart. “It’s sweet of him to help you with this, I mean I know that’s kind of his thing but it’s sweet,” she said.   
“Yea… so you ready?” he asked.  
“For what?” she asked.   
“We’re at coney island we need to play games and ride things,” he said.  
“Oh, so it’s like a 1950’s carnival date? I am dressed very appropriately for that,” she laughed.  
“You look amazing,” he said looking her over.   
“And you look sexy,” she said tugging on his shirt, wanting to tear it off. He just grinned and took her hand and walked her out. They did all the things normal couples would do, they ate the unhealthiest foods on the planet and rode rides and played games. She laughed at him because she saw a cute stuffed pink elephant she wanted, and he got so frustrated trying to win it.   
“Why are you laughing at me?” he asked.  
“You’re just so determined, it’s sweet,” she said. Eventually he finally got it for her, and they walked along the boardwalk talking and sharing cotton candy, feeding it to each other. For some reason he kept looking at his phone.  
“Expecting a phone call?” she asked.  
“Checking the time,” he said.  
“Ohh are you bored?” she laughed.  
“No never when I’m with you,” he laughed and she decided to take it as a compliment, instead of a comment on how erratic she was, he continued, “I’m waiting for the right time.”   
She knew he was precise about stuff, but did he want to kiss her at a specific time of day? If he did, he had a good reason so she didn’t tease him about it.   
A while later he said, “Okay come on.” He led her to the Ferris wheel, they got in, and she started to sit, “no on this side,” he said pulling her next to him, putting his arm around her. As they went up she realized what he had been waiting for, and everything made sense. From this side of the cage they could see the ocean and the sun was setting. It was so beautiful, the colors in the sky and on the water were everything she wished she could paint. It took her breath and caused tears to form in her eyes.   
“It’s so beautiful,” she said, she looked at him and he wasn’t even looking at it, he was watching her reaction. He looked so happy, he wasn’t smiling but his eyes were bright. And in this lighting they reflected the sun and seemed to glow. She bit her lip to keep from saying anything to mess this up. She couldn’t take her eyes off of his, she hadn’t seen them like this before. On the second time up he took his knuckle and lifted her chin, he leaned down and just barely brushed her lips with his and she got light headed. He moved away just a little his eyes were closed and he let out a shaky sigh, like he had waited his whole life for this. He kissed her lightly again just a little harder and she felt how soft his lips were, they tasted like cotton candy. Again, he stopped for just a second and whispered, “I love you.”   
This time she kissed him softly and whispered with her lips barely touching his, “I love you too.” She felt him smile before he pushed his lips more firmly on hers and he moaned softly into her mouth causing her to part her lips welcoming all of him. They both had tears streaming down their faces, because they were so full of love and overwhelmed by their emotions. She grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer and he ran his hands through her hair, holding the back of her head desperately. He moved his tongue against hers and she wanted more. She pulled away to lightly lick his top lip and he groaned, he kissed her deeply then stopped to nibble on her bottom lip, she shivered and let out a whimper of pleasure. He pulled away, “cold?” he asked.  
“No why?”   
“You shivered,” he said.  
She giggled, “oh, that… come here,” she said pulling him to her and whispering in his ear, “I shivered because,” she paused to nibble on his ear, “I want you so bad.” He shivered and she giggled, “yea like that.” They started kissing again because they couldn’t stop and before they knew it the ride operator was banging on the cage and said, “alright you two, get a room.”   
They tore themselves away from each other and gathered their things to climb out; he grabbed her waist to help her hop down.   
“We got in trouble,” she laughed as they walked away.   
Elliot put his hoodie over her shoulders and carried her elephant for her, “so what now, want to stay and do more or go home now?” he asked.  
“Home now, for sure, like right now,” she said. He grinned with one side of his mouth which was the sexiest thing she had ever seen. Especially now that she knew what his lips felt like on hers. She wondered what they would feel like on other parts of her, then she wondered if he was thinking the same kinds of things. He loved her, and she loved him, and she felt like this could not be real life. She put her arms in the hoodie and wore it on the way home. They sat on the subway, he had his hands in his pants pockets, so she held his arm and leaned on his shoulder. She didn’t usually like PDA but they were in love and everyone else would have to deal with it.   
“You have to name it,” he said. She had been thinking about what would happen when they got home so this statement took her by surprise because she had just been thinking about what ‘it’ would be like.   
“Name it?” she nearly shouted. He took his hand out of his pocket and grabbed the elephant he had set beside him and held it up so she said, “oh that, okay,” she let out a sigh of relief. Elliot looked at her confused, so she laughed and said, “Do not ask.” But he laughed possibly guessing what she had thought he meant.  
“Well?” he said.  
“You can name it, you won it,” she said, unable to focus on much besides what she wanted to do to him.   
“I won it for you baby,” he said, handing it to her.  
She let go of his arm and took the toy and hugged it tight, “I love it, thank you.”   
“I love you,” he said.   
She smiled, “well I think I love you more.”   
“Not possible,” he said leaning his head back and closing his eyes. It seemed like a gesture of stress but he looked so peaceful and happy. Like he was just trying to take a moment to soak up all the goodness he felt. She let him be until they got to their stop and he got up and took her hand. They walked to his apartment and he led her in, as soon as she got in, she set the elephant on the table and unzipped the hoodie. She took it off and put it on the back of the chair, then she took off her shoes.  
He was standing in the middle of the room watching her every move intensely, “what do you want to do now?” he asked.  
She didn’t say anything and walked over to him, she put her hands around his neck and pulled him into a kiss. He put his hands on her hips and she slid her hands down to the bottom of his shirt and started tugging it upwards, gesturing to him that she wanted it gone. He stopped kissing her long enough to pull his shirt off then he grabbed her and pulled her to him, she didn’t even care at this point where she kissed him, she just kissed his face and his neck and he started breathing harder. He slid his hands down her back and grabbed her ass with both hands and she giggled. He grinned at her and kissed her deeply, moving his hands down below her ass and picking her up off the floor, she wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her to the bed and laid her down gently.  
“You sure?” he asked.  
“Mmm hmm,” she said raising up to unlatch her dress and let the top part fall down exposing her bra. Elliot bit his lip as he watched her stand and undress, all she left on were her white panties. He stood up and took off his shoes, then started unbuttoning his jeans as she laid down on his bed, waiting. He pulled his jeans off and he stood there in black boxer briefs, he looked at her.  
“Take those off too,” she said, and he quickly did as asked and climbed into bed beside her, leaning over her, looking her up and down.  
“I just want you to know you’re in control here, anything you want or don’t want, and anytime you want to stop, just tell me okay?”   
“Okay,” she said.   
“And if…” he started.  
“Elliot,” she interrupted, “are you ready to do this?”   
“I am very ready,” he said looking down at himself, at the proof that he was.   
“Then shut up and fuck me,” she said.   
He let out a groan that was almost a growl and rolled over her. He started kissing her, she could feel how hard and big he was on her stomach and she wanted it. He started kissing her neck and he cupped her breast, massaging. He moved down and took her breast in his mouth sucking and licking her nipple. She writhed underneath him and made noises she’d never heard herself make before. He then started kissing her stomach all over, he took his fingers and pulled on her panties, she could hear how hard he was breathing and she felt his breath against her skin and she just wanted him so much. He took her panties off and returned to kissing her right at her bikini line, then he kissed her inner thigh teasing her. He looked up at her and said, “Can I?”   
She knew what he meant and she said, “no one’s ever done that before, but yes please,” she said. He kissed her there, then licked and she cried out, gripping his sheets and twisting them as he buried his face in her. She had to put her fist in her mouth to muffle her screaming, he took his time and would pause to bite her inner thigh which drove her wild. He moaned as he worked, stopping to say, “you taste amazing baby, I could eat you all day.”   
When she got close to the edge she said, “Elliot come here.” He stopped, crawled up the bed and rested on top of her, “you alright?” he asked.  
“Yes, just wanted you up here” she said.   
He licked his lips and said, “can I kiss you?”  
“Clean up a little first please,” she said, and he grabbed his blanket and did as she asked.   
“No one’s ever done that for you before?” he asked.  
“No, but I love it,” she said.   
“Why did you want me to stop?” he asked.  
She grabbed him around his dick and he groaned loudly, she said, “I want this.”   
He quickly positioned himself, closing his eyes and taking shallow breathes as she stroked him, “baby,” he whispered.  
She stopped, “go slow because I’m… different.”   
“What do you mean?” he asked.  
“I have an abnormally… tight, you know, like my doctor told me, so…” she said, embarrassed.  
Elliot sucked in a sharp breath and growled, “fuck, could you get any sexier?”   
She giggled and put her hand on his face and pulled him into a kiss, he started very slow and moaned each time he moved further. She felt when he was all the way in and breathed a sigh of relief, not that it hurt but because she was worried that since she was so small and he was so large they wouldn’t fit each other.   
“You okay?” he asked.   
She nodded and started moving her hips against him, “you feel so good,” she moaned.   
He moved his hips with hers and she loved all the sounds he made, and his face, she had seen porn and almost all men made the worst sex faces, but Elliot’s were perfect, he bit his lip and looked at her with sultry eyes like he had trained himself to have sexy sex faces, she loved watching him and he looked at her like she’d never had anyone look at her before. They kissed and she got so close she had to shove her mouth into his shoulder to keep from screaming. She wanted to dig her nails into his back but didn’t know if that would be okay. She could feel him getting close and it drove her to the edge.   
“Baby, you’re so tight,” he moaned, “mmm fuck, I love you so much.” That did it for her and she felt herself tighten around him as she came. She let out a series of moans and whimpers and he started shaking all over buried his face in her hair and groaned, “oh fuuuck,” over and over as he thrusted. He let out some deep trembling breathes and raised up to kiss her. She kissed him and realized if they kissed too long it would be round two already. He rolled over and lay beside her catching his breath.  
“Oh my… mmm” he said.  
“What?” she asked.  
“I’ve never…” he shook his head in disbelief, “I need a cigarette.”   
She laughed, “Yea me too.”  
“You don’t smoke.”  
“I know, that’s how good it was,” she laughed, he grinned.   
“I can’t in good conscience, give you a cigarette.”   
She laughed, “I know I was kidding… well about the smoking part, it really was that good.”   
He got up completely naked and walked over and got his ashtray and cigarettes, lighting one on his way back to bed. She watched his body and started to get turned on again so she looked away. Elliot was laying on what she considered ‘her side’ of his bed and she on his. He looked at her, “come over here.”  
“I’m right here,” she said.  
“No, here,” he patted his chest and she scooted over and laid her head on his chest as he put his arm around her and began running his fingertips up and down her spine.   
“Elliot,” she whispered.  
“Yea?”   
“I love you,” she said.  
He kissed her forehead, and said, “love you baby.”   
Then he said, “do you feel okay? I wanted to make you feel safe and comfortable.”  
“You did, you’re perfect,” she said. She rose up to look at him, “it was the best…” she paused having a realization.  
“What’s wrong?” he asked, looking up at her concerned.  
“I just realized that theoretically, we could say that you just took my virginity,” she laughed.   
He smiled, “I guess you’re right.”   
“That makes me really happy, and you’re the only guy who’s ever even offered to go down on me,” she said.  
“Selfish asshole,” Elliot muttered to himself, then to her he said, “did you really like it?”   
“Are you kidding? Oh my gosh, there are no words, you…” she bit her lip.   
“Well I liked doing it, it wasn’t just sex talk, you taste so good,” he said, and it made her want to jump on him. Instead she laughed, “well that’s good to know, it makes me feel less insecure.”   
“You shouldn’t anyway, I have called you perfect but… this might sound bad at first but listen, I know you’re not ‘perfect’ but you are to me, no matter what. I want you to know that when I say that, that’s what I mean, I don’t mean that you need to be perfect, I mean that you will be to me no matter what happens, even if the sex was bad, the fact that it was best sex I’ve ever had a hundred times over is just a bonus.”   
She smiled and leaned over to give him a quick kiss, “best ever?” she asked.  
“By far,” he nodded, and she could tell by the look in his eyes he was telling the truth, maybe it had more to do with how they felt about each other than skill but he meant it.   
“And you,” she said.  
“Me what?” he said.   
“I know given my past… if I say you’re the best you won’t get how good it was for me based on the other times. But like… even when I do that for myself, it’s not as good as what you just did to me,” she said.  
He put his cigarette out and grabbed her leg and pulled it over him, causing her to straddle him, he looked up at her, “you want more?”   
She grabbed him and slid down over him moaning. He threw his head back and bit his lip.   
“Now I really am in control,” she said, and he looked over her body, she said, “Elliot, I don’t know if you’re ready.” She winked at him.   
“For what?” he asked.  
“Hula and bellydancing are all hips so I’m not sure how this will be for you because no one ever let me on top before but I’d brace myself if I were you,” she teased.   
He grinned, “nah, I can handle it.”   
She started moving her hips the way she would if she were dancing. Elliot tried to watch her but he couldn’t keep his head from going back, the veins in his neck turned her on as she rode him. He shook under her and tried to cuss but he couldn’t talk.   
“You okay?” she whispered.   
He looked up at her and nodded and gritted his teeth, “Yes,” he could barely get the word out. He gripped her hips and sunk his fingers into her. He held her like that for while then moved one hand up to her breast. She gave him a little break and just rode him normally, so he raised up and buried his face in her chest and cupped her breasts, he gave them each attention with his mouth and kissed her neck. He took one hand and started rubbing her with his fingers. He kissed her and she moaned into his mouth. She pulled back and watched him move his fingers over her clit.   
“You like that baby?” he asked.  
“Yes,” she whined.  
“What else do you like?”   
“I love riding you,” she moaned.   
“I love you riding my dick,” he said.   
“What else do you like?” she asked.   
“Everything you do,” he said.  
She laughed, and he looked at her, “I’m serious, you could do anything to me, I’d to anything you want, I’m completely yours, I’m so madly in love with you, you’re everything I’ll ever want, I am totally wrapped around your finger and I am not even a little ashamed.”   
It was sexy and super sweet all at once, she was so touched she started to tear up, she kissed him so he wouldn’t see and think it was a bad thing. She pushed him down and said, “I love you Elliot Alderson.” They finished together and agreed they should put on some clothes and take a break. He threw her a shirt and she said, “was that sex talk? That stuff you said?”   
“No baby, I’ve felt that way since the first night you came here,” he said.   
“Aww, Elliot,” she said putting on another one of his shirts, “I won’t steal this one, I promise.”   
He shrugged, like he didn’t care if she took everything he owned.   
“I can’t believe I forgot to bring my things,” she said.  
“What things?” he asked.  
“My things, you know stuff I need, my things,” she said.  
“That tells me nothing,” he laughed.   
“You know, toothbrush, deodorant, makeup…” she started.  
“First thing, Darlene lives here part time, there are several things you need in the bathroom, makeup, deodorant, lotion, body spray and it’s Darlene’s so I know you won’t mind sharing, second thing, toothbrush, you can use mine,” he said.  
“Eww no, I can drink or eat after you but toothbrush, no that’s gross,” she said.  
“I just had my face in your pussy and kissed you after, but you can’t use my toothbrush?” he laughed.  
“Elliot,” she said.   
“Okay, PG version, we kiss, how is it different than kissing?” he asked.   
“Because it’s all in my head and I know that, but it doesn’t matter, facts don’t change my weirdness,” she said, “also I can’t wear these panties I had on.”   
He nodded, taking them from her and putting them in his hamper and handing her a pair of boxers. She put them on and went over to the couch, “you want to get stoned?”   
“Yea, I gotta take flipper out first, and I’ll go get you a toothbrush,” he said.  
“No, I guess I can use yours I don’t want to be like… high maintenance,” she said.  
“It’s not a problem, you need one just to have here anyway,” he said.   
“Want me to come?” she asked, he looked at what she was wearing and she said, “oh, yea never mind.”   
He got flipper ready and she walked over to hug him around the neck, she whispered in his ear, “be quick, I want to get high and have sex all night.”   
“Damn,” he said, “you’re…” he grinned.  
“A slut?” she teased.  
“No! no, I’d never call you that,” he said.   
“I was kidding,” she said.   
“Still…” he said.   
She kissed his cheek, “you’re sweet, we don’t need to do it all night, if you don’t want to.”   
“Oh, I want to… I was just surprised you wanted to, good surprised, really, really, good,” he said.  
She laughed, “get out of here Alderson,” she pushed him away lightly, flirting.   
“Hey!” he said, “give daddy a kiss,” he said teasing her about what they called him to flipper, not knowing how sexy it was.   
She put her hands on his face and gave him a quick kiss, then another and she kept doing it until he laughed, “okay, she’s going to pee in the floor, I love you.”  
“Love you,” she said as he left.   
“Lock the door,” he shouted back to her as he walked down the hallway.   
She shut and locked the door and rushed to her small purse to get her phone. She texted Darlene.  
R: hey, at Elliot’s he just took flipper out but we’ve been back a while

D: did you kiss

R: yes! Many times !! 

D: did you get laid?

R: Darlene!

D: usually you say ‘darlene no’ so I’m taking that as a yes

R: a couple of times… so far

D: TMI b/c DNA 

R: lol what are you doing?

D: at your place with Dom going through your social media and emails

R: kidding?

D: nope

R: well… alright

D: we must 

R: well if you must, btw why didn’t you tell me oral was so fun

D: then I would have to show you and you’d be in love with me and not my brother, I know I’m better at it than him, biology… I know what the vag likes

R: why do I set myself up for this every time? 

D: you love me, you guys gonna blaze?

R: yea

D: jealous, my fbi agent might arrest me if I smoke

R: you mean handcuff you? you wouldn’t make it out of the room

D: oh shit, where is the weed? I’m about to start something 

R: Where it always is

D: can I have some?

R: it’s not my weed, it’s our weed, we are weed married, you know this 

D: my girl, love you don’t put Elliot in the hospital with them hips that don’t lie

R: how did you know that?

D: he’s texting me too 

R: What’s he saying

D: can’t tell you  
D: lol kidding you can read it all later

R: I love you so much

D: Kisses ;) 

Raine really wanted some decaf but she couldn’t ask Elliot because she felt bad about him doing so much for her. She went in his bathroom to freshen up and look through Darlene’s belongings to see what she had to work with. She looked at herself in the mirror and groaned, her hair and makeup were a mess. She decided to wash her makeup off and see if Elliot still liked her without it. He needed to get used to it someday. She put her hair up in a messy bun and washed her face. Darlene had some good stuff, things she herself would use, which Raine was thankful for. She made faces at herself in the mirror for a little while then went back to the couch. She wanted to get on Elliot’s laptop and look through everything he had. Not to try and find something, just out of curiosity and desire to know him better. Maybe this was how he felt when he hacked some people, ones he liked. He hadn’t hacked her when she’d asked Mr. Robot but who knew if he did it after that? She didn’t care at all except for him finding out about Luke. She put the thoughts away as Darlene had advised. She needed to be good for Elliot and she couldn’t do that stressing about that monster. She got her phone and browsed her social accounts, it was boring, but Elliot didn’t have a tv. But he did have a record player, she got up and went over to it. She started looking through his albums, found one she wanted to play and put it on the record player. She turned it on at a low volume to not disturb the neighbors, it was a sublime album and she started dancing around to the music. This would be better if she was stoned but it was still fun. She took her hair down because this kind of Woodstock dancing required it. She must not have heard the door because she felt a furry thing rub her leg and she screamed. She looked down and saw flipper and spun around to see Elliot standing by the door grinning. She quickly turned the music off.  
“Why’d you turn it off?” he asked.  
“Uhh, did you see me… acting totally stupid?” she asked.   
“I saw you dancing, it wasn’t stupid, it was sexy,” he said.  
She tilted her head and met him in the middle of the room, “you have to say that you’re my boyfriend, I’m so embar-“ Elliot stopped her by grabbing her around the waist and kissing her hard. He threw a bag on the table and put his hands on her face and kissed her until she thought she would start floating. When he finally stopped, she took a minute to regain her composure.   
“What was that for?” she said.  
“Nothing, I just missed you,” he said getting things out of the bag and putting them away, he had gotten her a pink toothbrush. He handed her a cup he had apparently sat on the table while he watched her make a fool of herself.   
“What’s this?” she asked.  
“Decaf latte,” he said. She looked around wondering if this was a dream or if he was a mind reader. She sat on the couch and watched him clean up his place a little, then said, “you know Elliot, the thing about kissing is that it’s a good way to shut someone up without making them mad.”   
He laughed, “that’s not why I did it… I mean you don’t need to be embarrassed and whatever you were about to say was probably wrong, but I just couldn’t help myself.”   
“Wrong? Oh, I’m never wrong,” she said.   
“Yes, ma’am,” he said sarcastically.   
“That’s so embarrassing though, seriously.”   
“Drink your latte, I’m turning it back on,” he said. He turned it on and turned it up a little, then he came over and they started smoking and talking about sublime and other bands they liked, and just stoner talk.  
“We should listen to your stuff,” he said.  
“No, that’s awkward,” she said.  
“Why?” he asked.  
“Just is, I’m right here, it’s hard to explain,” she said.   
“Well I know you won’t dance for me, but will you dance on top of me?” he asked.  
“You want that again?” she asked.  
“If you want?”   
“Here?” she asked.   
He nodded so she did as he asked on the couch but this time she didn’t go as easy on him, she kept going to the beat of the music until he was finished. She had finished long before him because his reaction to the sensation was so hot. She started to get off of him, but he stopped her.  
“I just want to stay inside you all the time,” he said getting a cigarette and lighting it.  
“Well, that would make it hard to go places, we’d have to get specially made clothes…” she started mocking until he tickled her on the side of her breast, making her giggle.   
“So, you just want to hang out like this for a while?” she asked.  
He just nodded and took a hit off his cigarette; she watched him and bit her lip. He grinned knowing she found it sexy.  
“It’s still sexy and I literally just got laid, so I guess it’s just you,” she said.  
“Maybe it’s cause you love me,” he said.  
She leaned forward and kissed him, then she said, “weed makes me want sex so bad though, it always has but you know.”   
“Yea it can cause that,” he said, “it never did it to me, but it does make it better.”   
“It’s like it makes you less inhibited and more relaxed and you can enjoy every sensation,” she mused.  
“I’m sorry I got to finish, and you didn’t,” he said.   
“Oh, I did,” she said.   
“When?” he asked.  
“Somewhere near the middle of it, you looked so hot I couldn’t help it,” she said.  
“I didn’t even realize,” he said.   
“Yea you were kind of… you know in your own throws of ecstasy.”   
“Is this real?” he asked.  
“What? Yes of course,” she said looking at him concerned.  
“I’m not asking in a dissociative kind of way,” he said to ease her concern, “I mean it in the ‘pinch me I must be dreaming’ kind of way.”   
“Oh, I ask myself that about you a lot,” she said.  
“Really?”   
“Well while you were gone, I was thinking I wanted a decaf latte, but I didn’t want to text you and ask for one because I don’t want to be needy, then you get home and there it is,” she told him.  
“Wow, that’s crazy because flipper told me she could sense you wanted one,” he said.  
She laughed and gasped mockingly, “flipper, are you psychic?” she asked. Flipper sat on the floor, looked at her and tilted her head trying to understand. Raine looked at Elliot, “I wonder what she thinks we are doing right now?”  
“Most people would, at this moment,” he said because they were still attached.   
Raine laughed, “you know it’s not that weird though, I mean I’m comfortable… but seriously, dogs have sex so when they see us doing it, do they know we are doing it?”   
“You’re stoned,” he said.   
“But I’m not wrong, I mean it’s a valid question.”   
“She’s a virgin so she doesn’t even know what dog sex is, she’s probably like ‘what is daddy doing to mommy’?” Elliot said, making her laugh.   
“Am I flippers mommy?” she asked.  
He nodded, “if you want to be.”   
“Oh, I do, so much,” she said excited, she turned to flipper, “hi baby I’m your mama.” Flipper wagged her tail happily.   
“She is very happy about it,” Elliot said, then he looked at her more seriously, “I am too.”   
“That I’m her mama?” she asked.  
“That you’re mine,” he said. She kissed him for a long time and he started to get excited again so they had sex again, but she didn’t put him through the dancing kind because she thought he might actually end up in the hospital if she did. At one-point Elliot said, “you like riding daddy huh?” she knew he was just teasing her, but it was hot. When they were done, trying to catch their breath she said, “Okay this time I have to get up because this is messy and I’m so sweaty.” She walked to his bathroom, naked and stoned and freshened up, while in there she remembered she didn’t have any makeup on, she had forgotten all about it, Elliot hadn’t acted even a little different. She came out and he went in to clean up as she got dressed. When he came out, she said, “do I look different?”   
“Should you?” he asked.  
“I mean when you came home did I look different?”   
“You kind of reminded me of Janis Joplin for some reason,” he said.  
“Make fun of the dirty hippie, such a square man,” she said in her stoner voice.   
He laughed and said, “No seriously, why would you look different?”  
“I washed all my make up off while you were gone,” she said.  
“Oh, yea I know, but you don’t look different, just… your eyelids are less pink.”   
She laughed, “well that’s interesting.”  
“I know this is gonna sound like one of those things you think ‘boyfriends are supposed to say’ but you don’t need makeup, it’s cool if you wear it, it’s your face and I know you like matching things up, but even if you weren’t my girlfriend I would think, that girl has great skin and your eyelashes are really pretty,” he said as he got dressed.   
She blushed little, “well thank you.”   
He sat beside her and gave her a little kiss, “you’re one foxy lady.”  
She nodded sarcastically, “Jimmy Hendrix, funny.”   
He bit his lip to suppress a laugh, “don’t be mad baby.”   
“I’m not mad, but I can’t wait til you do something embarrassing so I can tease you about it,” she said.   
“It’s not embarrassing, I’m not teasing you about the dancing I’m teasing you because you’re embarrassed about it, just stop being embarrassed and I won’t have anything to tease you about.”   
“Yea, it’s so easy, this is my fate though, you know that right? The first time we met I was barefoot in the middle of a public place,” she laughed.   
“Yes and because of that I sent Darlene there and all this good stuff happened,” he said taking her hand, referring to their relationship.   
“That’s true… maybe that’s like my karma, every time I do these humiliating things it starts a chain reaction to bring something good to my life.”   
“There ya go,” he said.  
“Or maybe I’m really stoned,” she said.  
“It’s definitely… both.”   
“Do I look stoned?” she asked.  
“No but I know you are,” he said.  
“How?”   
“You have a tell.”   
“No, I don’t… do I?”   
He laughed and nodded.  
“Tell me what it is,” she said.  
“No cause then you’ll be able to hide it, I’m not giving up my secrets.”   
“Please,” she said and pouted.  
He sighed, “alright…your voice gets lower and you start talking slower.”   
“Doesn’t everyone when they smoke?” she asked.  
“Nah,” he said, “you saw Leon.” This was true, Leon talked slow normally but when he smoked he talked ninety miles a minute.   
They talked all night and had sex several more times, she actually lost count at one point because they would just do it for while and take a break randomly whether it was ‘over’ or not. Elliot said sometimes the ending wasn’t the point, but just being together. So, she wasn’t exactly sure what counted as each time. It was up near at least seven or eight. She knew she fell asleep before him because she remembered falling asleep to the sound of him whispering nice things in her ear as they lay together, her back to him. She woke up and he had rolled over on his back at some point so she turned around to cuddle him. She saw him trying to open his eyes so she whispered in his ear and asked if he wanted her to finally return the favor of oral, last night he said no because he wanted it to be all about her. This time he let his eyes stay closed grinned and said, “yes.”   
She was a little insecure about this because Luke always told her she was bad at it, even though he made her do it all the time. She kissed Elliot and he kissed back even though he was half asleep. She started at his neck and kissed almost every part of him down to his waist. He moaned softly as she did. She pulled his sweatpants and boxer briefs down and he helped her.  
As she started on him his soft moans turned into moans loud enough to be considered yelling. He put his hand gently on the back of her head and played with her hair. He groaned compliments and cuss words until he was almost finished, then he told her as a warning that he was almost done. She moaned “mmm hmm,” around him.  
“You’re gonna swallow?” he asked, she moaned her agreement again. He lost control and finished, writhing and moaning loudly. She kept going a little after which caused him to twitch under her. When she was done teasing him, she went back up to him and he was fully awake and panting. She watched his chest rise and fall as he caught his breath. He grabbed her head and pulled her into a kiss. She pulled back and said, “so was that okay?”   
“What? That was way more than okay,” he said biting his lip thinking about it, “I would love to wake up like that every morning.”   
“Would you settle for weekends?” she asked.  
“That works,” he grinned. She started to get up, but he held her arm, “where you going?”  
“I need coffee,” she said.  
“Well come here a second,” he pulled her over to him and kissed her softly, “I love you.”  
“Love you,” she said smiling.  
“Now you can go get your coffee,” he said, slapping her ass lightly as she crawled away.   
She went over and started making a pot while Elliot got out of bed reluctantly. He went to fridge and brought out a bottle of coffee creamer, pumpkin spice and sat it on the counter.  
“What’s this?” she said.   
He rubbed his eyes with his palms, “oh I just picked that up yesterday for when you’re here.”   
She walked over and kissed him on the cheek, and he said, “what’s that for?”   
“Because you’re sweet,” she said patting him on the chest. He blushed and then went in the bathroom to shave. He left the door open and she leaned on the kitchen counter to watch him. She found everything he did to be endearing. He saw her watching him and shut the door slowly as she pouted at him. She got her coffee and sat at the table, curled up with her feet in the chair. Elliot came out and started to get some cereal, he offered her some, but she shook her head. He ate his fruity pebbles at the table across from her and looked at his phone as she sipped her coffee. She wondered if this was what it would be like to be married to him. She shook the thought away, because she was getting way too ahead of herself. They had only been dating a week.   
“What is it?” he asked.  
“Just thinking, you know we became ‘official’ one week ago at around this time,” she said.   
“It’s our anniversary?” he teased.  
“Our weekiversary!” she laughed. He raised his eyebrows and continued eating.   
“I don’t know how you can eat those, they get soft so fast,” she shuddered.   
“What kind do you like?” he asked.   
“I like almost all cereal, but I like it crunchy, and mostly I eat it dry like a snack instead of for breakfast.”   
“What do you have for breakfast?”   
She held up her coffee, “I can’t eat right after I wake up, I have to wait, I just got used to it.”   
He nodded sympathetically remembering that she told him Luke had pushed her into an eating disorder, she was allowed to eat vegetables from one in the afternoon to six, as much as she wanted but nothing else.   
“You know what my favorite thing is now?” she said to change the subject.   
“What’s that?” he asked.  
“Cotton candy.”   
“Would yesterday have something to do with it?”   
“Yes, but not just because we had some,” she smiled, excited to tell him.  
“Well why?”   
“Because the first time you kissed me all I could think about was how your lips were so soft and that they tasted like cotton candy.”   
Elliot blushed but looked happy, “so did yours.”   
“So… do we have plans today?”   
“Yes, very important ones,” he said.  
“Oh?”   
“We are going to spend all day in bed, get high, eat junk and fuck.”   
“Well that sounds very important… wait can we do something else really quick?”   
“Sure, what?”   
“Saturday is usually mine and Darlene’s laundry day, we can take your clothes and go get mine and do laundry and come back and do your plans, or well you don’t have to come I can take your clothes if you want and wash them.”   
“No, I want to come,” he said.   
“Now that I’ve said it out loud it sounds so boring and domestic,” she said.   
“There’s nothing wrong with domestic, if it’s with the right person, I’ve been doing laundry since I was twelve, it was fun,” he said.   
She remembered him telling her this, his father had died, and his mom gave up doing anything for her kids, Elliot cooked, cleaned and did laundry for himself and Darlene. He would make a fun game out of doing laundry to make Darlene happy because they never got to do anything fun. It dawned on her that, that was why Darlene had treated laundry like a fun adventure, to her it always had been, because of Elliot making sure she had a least some good childhood memories. He had raised Darlene pretty much on his own, no wonder he felt no need to have kids. She looked up at him lovingly, she had been attracted to men before, she even liked Luke at some points, but this was the first time she had truly admired a guy she liked. He was setting there eating his cereal, totally immersed in something on his phone, he looked so childlike and clueless. She loved him so much, so she said, “Elliot, I love you.”   
“Love you, babe,” he said without looking up. It made her wonder what he was looking at, but she left it alone. She was never that type of girlfriend, even with Luke who had cheated all the time, so she really didn’t feel the need to be possessive of Elliot. She trusted him and knew how loyal he was, he was the type to run and hide behind his girlfriend like a scared child if another woman so much as looked at him flirtatiously. After he washed his dishes, she asked if she could use his shower.   
“Yea, I need one too,” he said.   
“If we shower together, we can save time,” she said.   
“Are we in a hurry?” he asked.  
“No,” she said winking, then stood up and took her shirt off and began walking toward the shower.   
“Okay,” he said standing up and following her.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Raine and Elliot enjoy their day, Raine tries to keep Luke a secret as things escalate, and Raine ends up in an embarrassing moment

They showered and had shower sex, then he left her alone in the bathroom to get ready. She came out and decided to wear her dress from the day before to the shop, but she had to wear his underwear because hers were dirty. He was dressed and messing around on his laptop.   
“Are you working?” she asked.  
“No not really, I’m working on something personal,” he said.   
She didn’t ask because it seemed like he didn’t want to tell her. Then she gathered all his and her dirty clothes and realized there was no way he had a laundry bag, so she used a trash bag instead.   
“Are you not wearing a bra?” he asked when he saw her put hers in the bag.  
“This dress doesn’t really require one for such a short trip, I’m changing when I get home,” she said, he just looked at her, so she said, “does it bother you?”   
“Nah, not really, but that’s kind of hot.”   
“Do you think we will make it out of here without having sex again?” she laughed.  
He laughed, “we have to try at least, how many times have we done it since yesterday?”  
She started counting on her fingers and then gave up, “I can count at least seven, but we were so stoned, and it seemed like after we went to bed, we just didn’t stop until I fell asleep.”  
“We took breaks,” he said.   
“What did you do after I fell asleep?” she asked.  
He blushed.   
“What?”   
“I was awake for about thirty minutes…”   
“And?”   
“I just kept telling you how much I loved you and stuff, I guess I thought it would make you have good dreams… I was stoned.”   
“Well you’re sweet when you’re stoned,” she said, walking over and pushing his shoulders back to straddle him.   
“I thought you wanted to make it out of here,” he said.   
“I’m just setting here,” she said feigning innocence.   
“Baby, the sooner we get it done the sooner we can come back and have sex all day.”   
She thought about it and sighed, “fine, come on.”   
They walked to her place, Elliot carried the bag of clothes, she wore his hoodie because it was cold. He wore a black tee shirt and black jeans, this indicated to her that he wanted to be comfortable. It was his comfort outfit. She texted Darlene on the way to make sure everything was good and let her know they were coming. Dom had just left, so she must’ve spent the night. When they got there Darlene had already started on Raine’s clothes so she left them both in the back room and went up to change. She wanted to wear something cute but knew they would be in bed all day so she opted for some grey lounge pants and a long sleeved white crop top that came just below her breasts and said ‘nirvana’. She decided not to wear a bra to drive Elliot crazy. She put her hair up in a ponytail and wore her white converse shoes. She picked up the dirty clothes she had just taken off and went downstairs.  
Darlene and Elliot were already folding the first load when she went in. It wasn’t just a laundry room, it was the stock room and business office too.   
“Darlene washed the shirt I gave you,” Elliot said before even saying hello.   
“Well… that’s okay,” she said.  
“I didn’t know,” Darlene said.  
“It’s fine, Elliot take off your shirt and put that one on, it’s the same anyway.”   
“So you want to keep the one I’m wearing now?” he asked.  
“Oh no it has to be the other one, because it’s from the first night, I just need you to wear it all day so it smells like you again,” she said like it was perfectly normal. He did as she asked without hesitating though.  
Darlene rolled her eyes, “you guys are weird.”   
“Who wants to be normal?” Raine laughed.  
“Not me,” she said.   
“So how was your night?” Raine asked her.   
“No how was your night? Elliot was just telling me you guys did it all night,” Darlene said.  
“She asked me,” he said apologetically.  
“It’s okay, I would have told her if you hadn’t,” Raine said.  
“That’s what I figured,” he said.   
“So, I need some girl talk… Elliot go get us some coffee and have a smoke out back,” Darlene commanded.   
“Shouldn’t I smoke before I get the coffee?” he asked.  
“Shut up, whatever we need to talk alone,” she said.   
“You don’t have to get me anything, but I would like to talk to Darlene,” Raine said touching his arm.   
He shook his head but smiled, he gave Raine a quick kiss and left the room.   
“So, he does whatever you tell him, we can use that,” Darlene laughed.  
Raine tilted her head like she was saying ‘how dare you’ then said, “so what happened, is this about you and dom or the other thing?”   
“Well she couldn’t find anything yet, and he didn’t message last night, but she said the medical records are the most important thing.”  
“So, we’re still where we were yesterday?”   
“No, she has your log ins and is logged in all your accounts on a burner phone, if he sends a message, she’ll have it first thing and can track down where he is and everything, I taught her how to do that, if we can trap him out somewhere drunk we might be able to get a confession of some sort.”   
“Darlene don’t put yourself in danger for this,” Raine said.  
“I have the fuckin F.B.I. as back up, they know about the case and approved it.”  
“Really? Domestic violence from two years ago?”   
“Dom’s new boss is a major hard ass feminist,” Darlene smiled.   
“Okay is that all for that?”   
Darlene shrugged, “yea.”   
“So, what else did you guys do, she spent the night?”   
Darlene smiled and bit her lip, “we hooked up… but don’t be too impressed we only did it once, not what eight times.”   
“Eight times last night, once this morning… or twice if you count the other thing.”  
“What other thing?”   
“Oral but it wasn’t for me, I did it to him,” Raine said.   
“Oh, good job, I know you always had a problem with that,” Darlene said.  
“I hope he liked it,” Raine said, “so where are the texts from him?”   
She read them.  
D: did you grow some balls and kiss her yet?

E: yes she’s amazing

D: duh, how was the sex

E: who says we did that

D: she did  
D: so? Twice, impressive

E: why didn’t you tell me she could dance like that?

D: you went dancing?

E: no 

D: ohh so she finally got to be on top

E: she ‘dances’ like shakira

D: I’m so proud of her for so many reasons

E: you’re not proud of me?

D: for growing a pair? Yes. she won’t tell me details because you’re my brother… I can hear about how she is in bed but if she starts describing things about you, I’m out

E: understandable  
E: do you think she’d like a pink toothbrush? 

D: how should I know… wait you’re already keeping a toothbrush at your place for her?

E: I love her so much; I’ve never felt anything close to this for anyone 

D: I know I see how you look at her, she hung the moon and all that, I’m really happy that I, me, Darlene, had the foresight to set you two up

E: I will never stop thanking you sis, I’m close to home, love you be careful

D: love you

Raine smiled and told Darlene all the sweet things he had said and done. Elliot opened the door and peaked in, “are you done talking about me yet?”   
“No, I was just telling Darlene about the shower…” she turned to Darlene, “so I put my one foot on the side of the tub, you know, to anchor myself…”   
“Hey,” Elliot interrupted.   
“I’m kidding,” she laughed.  
“That was a good idea though, gave us good traction,” he said.   
“Okay, that’s enough for me, oh you really got us coffee?” Darlene said.   
“Yea,” he said handing them their lattes.  
They talked and laughed and did laundry, Raine showed Elliot some of the office things and file cabinet just to have something to distract her from wanting to kiss him continuously. Darlene got all her clothes done and left them alone, Elliot’s clothes were almost dry so Raine took all her clothes upstairs and threw them on the bed to put away later, she grabbed something she could wear to Papi’s tomorrow to skip leaving Elliot’s early and stuffed it in a big purse along with all the things she needed to spend the night with him again. She didn’t need a toothbrush now, but she did want some of her own things.   
She went back down and walked in and Elliot was waiting on her leaning on the drier with his arms crossed. She walked over to him, “well who are you, mysterious, sexy stranger?” she said winking.  
He grinned and said, “I just followed you in, because I wanted to rip your clothes off as soon as I saw you, I waited in here because I wanted to set you up on the drier and fuck you until you can’t walk.”   
“Is that so? What’s your name?” she asked. He put his hand over her mouth and said, “Shh… whatever you do don’t scream, understand?” she nodded and tried not to smile. He held his hand there and with his other arm he picked her up and spun around and sat her on the drier, it rocked beneath her. He pulled her pants and panties off but then she realized she hadn’t locked the door. “Elliot the door isn’t locked,” she said.  
He grinned and spread her legs apart and pulled her to him, “that makes it more fun.”   
She slid closer to him and they had sex on the drier, she kept watching the door until he made her feel so good, she didn’t care if the whole staff walked in. She moaned loudly a couple times so Elliot put his hand back over her mouth and for some reason she found this incredibly sexy. She moaned against his hand and he seemed amused at his effect on her. When they got done, she got dressed and said, “well I’m never going to be able to do laundry in here again without getting turned on.”   
“Did you like it?” he asked.  
“Couldn’t you tell? I was practically screaming into your hand,” she said.  
“I meant the role playing?” he asked.  
“Yea, I started it,” she said.  
“That kind of surprised me, but I liked it too.”   
They finished their laundry and got ready to leave.   
“Are you wearing that to my place?” he asked.  
“Yea, why?”   
“I mean if you lift your arms, I can see your tits,” he said.   
“Yea that’s why I’m wearing it to your place… I want you to see my tits,” she laughed.   
He grinned but said, “well put my hoodie on until we get there, I’d hate to have to kill someone on the way home for saying something about your body.”   
“Elliot are you jealous?” she giggled.   
“I don’t like it but yea a little bit,” he said, “I’m sorry, I’m not trying to tell you what to do but you’re not wearing a bra.”   
She laughed, “I know, this was for you only, I was totally planning to wear something over it outside… but it’s kind of hot that you’re jealous.”   
“No, it’s not good, I don’t want to be controlling, I mean you should be able to wear what you want wherever; I just know what the reaction would be… and I’d have to kill someone.”   
“Like, literally?” she asked. He shrugged, “I don’t know, depends, I just know my temper and if anyone said anything to you that was disrespectful, I don’t know what I would do.”   
“Well I’m not trying to cause drama, give me the hoodie,” she said. She felt a little nervous, not that she was scared of Elliot for herself but because what he had said made it clear he couldn’t find out about Luke’s messages. If he read even one of them, he’d probably lose it. She zipped up the hoodie and smiled at him weakly.  
“I’m sorry I don’t mean to talk like that… you don’t have to wear anything at all if you don’t want to, I’m just saying…”   
“Elliot,” she interrupted, “I don’t want anyone else to see my boobs either… well besides my doctor… but yea you talking like that, about… killing people, it makes me nervous.”   
“I’m sorry, I’m fucked up, I fucked up,” he said shaking his head.   
“It’s fine, just…” she sighed, “don’t worry about me so much, I’ve been through hell, I don’t need a bodyguard, I need… trust, that I can handle myself.”  
He looked conflicted but nodded, “I do trust you, it’s just… I don’t know if I could handle it, not because I think you need me to defend you, it’s just… my flaw.”   
She sighed, “it’s not a flaw, I mean it’s natural because you care about me…”   
“Love you,” he corrected.   
“You can do both silly,” she laughed, “you love and care about me, it’s animal instinct to defend what you care about… I just don’t want you to do something that would get you in trouble or something you would regret.”   
“You’re talking about this like you’re preparing me for something,” he said. Damn it! Did he have to be this smart and observant?   
“I am, because someday someone will say something like that, we know it will happen, we live in New York,” she said.   
“I’ll talk to Krista about it this week,” he said.  
“Okay. I’m proud of you,” she said.  
“What for?”   
“Doing things the right way, and for knowing what things you need to work on, most of the population lives in denial about their issues and you just always want to improve, it takes a lot of strength to do that,” she said.   
“Took me a long time to get here,” he said.  
“I know,” she smiled and led him to the kitchen because she wanted another latte and she offered to show him how they are made. Two of the girls, Ashley and Kaitlin, were in there and gave each other a look when they walked in. They eyed Elliot like he was Channing Tatum, probably recognizing him from the news. Raine showed him all the steps and made him try it when she was done. The girls were still in there giggling and whispering like middle schoolers. When Raine heard one of them say, “Look at him you know he’s got a big…” she interrupted and said, “Hey guys, do you mind sharing with the rest of us?”   
“Oh sorry,” Ashley said, “we ummm…” she looked at Elliot and blushed.   
Raine put her hands up to calm her, “you’re not in trouble for talking and laughing, obviously but it kind of seems like you’re talking about us,” she pointed at herself and Elliot.  
“Well we heard… umm… those walls are really thin,” Kaitlin said. Elliot almost choked on the latte and Raine felt like melting into the floor. She looked at Elliot desperate for help but he just shrugged. She wished Darlene had been in here to tell them to just mind their own business, because she couldn’t do that herself, it wasn’t even their fault. How were they supposed to react to hearing their boss moaning in the other room?   
“I’m sorry you guys,” she started.  
“We aren’t judging you, I wish my boyfriend could make me make those kinds of sounds,” Ashley laughed.  
“I wish I even had a boyfriend, and you’re taking risks, good for you, so how big…” Kaitlin started.  
“OKAY,” Raine stopped her, she put her hands up and shooed them out, “get back to work or at least whisper better, don’t tell anyone… wait who else heard it?”   
“Well just us two, Kyle the guy who delivers napkins, Amber, Leanne, Brittney, Darlene…” Ashley said.  
“So, everyone?” she put her hand over her eyes, “okay, whatever, I had sex in the back room, we are adults so can we move on?”   
Ashley and Kaitlin nodded and left the room quickly, Raine turned to Elliot who was leaning on the counter looking amused and she said, “what did I tell you?”   
He laughed and she glared at him, he held out his hand and said, “aww come here.”   
“Nope, that’s what started this to begin with, you touching me,” she laughed slapping his hand away playfully, “and stop drinking all my coffee,” she huffed.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raine and Elliot get closer and find it hard to keep their hands off each other. Then Elliot finally reveals what he's been working on behind her back.

They made it back to Elliot’s without any more incidents, she relaxed and stripped his hoodie off as he put his clothes away.   
“Well that was an adventure,” she said.   
“Are you alright though? I mean with them hearing us?” he asked.  
“I have to be, I can’t undo it,” she said.  
“Oh,” he said looking sad.  
“I don’t regret it though, it was hot, and you know what? they are adults, they can handle it, it’s not that bad… just a little embarrassing,” she said.   
“Are you doing that thing Krista said where you act fine to make me feel better because you’re not allowed to do that,” he said.  
She laughed, “no, I maybe overreacted about it to begin with, but not allowed? I’m not ‘allowed’ to do that? How are you going to stop me?”   
He grinned, “hmm I’ll think of something.” He was refolding some clothes and he looked so adorable. She went over to him and tugged on one of his beltloops, “you could spank me.”   
He let out a sharp breath and said, “damn what are you trying to do to me?” He threw what he was folding on the floor and grabbed her pulling her to him and kissing her. She pushed him away and threw herself on his bed.   
“I’ll be good,” she said.   
He started toward her and stopped himself, “we do need to try and control ourselves a little,” he said picking up the shirt he had abandoned.   
She stretched out on his bed and he watched her licking his lips, he twisted the shirt tightly in his hands, she smiled at him, “you gonna fold that?”   
He looked at the shirt and then back up at her, “fuck it,” he said tossing it down. She giggled as he came over and buried his face in her neck, nibbling. They kissed and she started to undress but he stopped her saying, “let’s just make out for a while.” So they did and it was almost better than sex. After a while her stomach growled so they stopped and Elliot made her some macaroni and cheese. She rolled a joint that they shared as he cooked. When the food was almost done she saw the stuffed elephant he had won her last night and went and got it.   
“We never named this,” she said.   
“Sam,” he said.  
“Why Sam?”   
“From Benny and Joon, then I’ll get you something else that you can name Joon,” he said.  
“What about Benny?” she laughed.  
“I’ll get you a Benny if you want,” he said. She hugged Sam and Elliot handed her the rest of the joint, she was able to get one last hit before she licked her finger and put it out.   
Elliot laughed, “I’ve never seen a girl do that.”   
“I’ve been smoking since I was twelve, Papi used to give it to me for my anxiety,” she said.   
“Did your parents know?” he asked.  
“No not really, I mean I think they kind of did but we didn’t tell them, mom wanted me to get on anxiety meds but for some reason suddenly stopped pushing it after Papi started smoking weed with me, he said it was safer than pills… he wasn’t wrong.”   
“So Papi is a stoner?” Elliot asked.  
She laughed, “well I guess so, you would never guess it by the way he always dressed and acted, he was… is so classy.”  
“How so?”  
“He always wore a suit, everyone thought he was a mafia don or something,” she said.  
“Was he?”   
“What? No,” she laughed, “they never talked about it to me but I think that’s why Papi left his family, and my dad left his in part for the same reason, they didn’t want that life, I found pictures of some really well known crime bosses, I think they were related to Papi, but they’re all dead now… if you’re into batman Papi has the same kind of personality as Carmine Falcone, he could run a city but he’s too sweet deep down.”   
“Might have been what it needed,” Elliot said.  
“Yea but he didn’t have it in him to make the hard decisions to get to the top,” she said, “I can’t see him busting knee caps… but all those types respected him, and all the old musician’s and actors loved him, his place was the place for all that stuff.”   
“Now it’s your place.”   
“Yea but it’s not the same, I can’t generate that kind of family feel to it like he did,” she said.  
“Yea you do, it’s not you it’s the city, it’s different now, but your employees seem to like you and feel comfortable with you.”   
“Enough to tell me they heard me having sex with my boyfriend you mean?” she laughed.  
“Well you could take it as a compliment that they aren’t scared of you, and don’t see you as ‘the man’” he said.   
“They really don’t and I’m glad, I feel like an outsider enough without everyone like going quiet when I walk into my own home.”   
“I hate when bosses have that energy,” he said.  
“You never talk about your job, is it top secret or just…”   
“Incredibly boring…” he finished for her, “well not boring to me but I know you don’t want to hear all that techie stuff, and it’s really mild compared to what I used to do.” He handed her a bowl of mac and cheese and she curled up on the couch. He got himself some and sat on the other side.   
“I don’t know it’s kind of hot,” she said.  
“The food?”   
“No, you… I mean you’re literally the best hacker in the world,” she said.  
“I don’t know if that’s true,” he said.  
“Darlene said you were,” she told him.  
“Maybe but there’s some kid out there or maybe they are older, they are learning new things I haven’t, there’s always the next thing, and the next person.”   
“But you are like seriously a genius, I mean not just with that kind of thing, with people, and well everything, it’s so sexy.”   
“You say that about everything I do,” he laughed.  
“Who’s fault is that? Stop being so attractive,” she said.   
“I thought girls didn’t like nerds,” he teased.  
She looked him up and down, “That’s a myth, but you don’t even fit the typical nerd stereotype, because you look like a…” she stopped, trying to find the right word, “I don’t even know but it’s working for me.”   
“Well that’s all that matters,” he said, reaching out to her so she would come closer to him. She got up and sat crossed legged facing him.   
They ate and then took flipper for a walk, she wore his hoodie again, instead of holding hands she held his arm with both hands. They would stop to talk and kiss and play silly games. Elliot made her hold flipper’s leash as he dashed into a store to look for something. He brought out a bag of cotton candy.  
“We need to save this for after we smoke again,” she said. They went back to his place and smoked, then they fed each other cotton candy until it drove them to the bed where they continued to playfully eat it and feed it to each other as they had sex. It was a sexy sticky mess and Raine had never been so happy. After they were done, they went into the bathroom to wash the melted sugar off of themselves.   
“Should we even bother getting dressed again?” she asked.  
“Darlene has a key,” he said.  
“So, you need to get dressed,” she laughed.   
“Do girls normally just not care if other girls see them naked?” he asked.  
“It depends on the girl, Darlene and I are like sisters,” she said.  
He shook his head, “that’s weird for me,” he laughed.  
“Well not really, I mean if we were married she’d be my sister-in-law,” she said then panicked, “I mean, not that I think about us being married, I…”  
He kissed her to shut her up then said, “you don’t?”   
“I mean I’m not really big on the whole thing,” she said. He looked a little disappointed so she continued, “I mean not the way other people see it, I want to be married someday but I don’t want a wedding, I don’t want like a typical suburban life, I’d be happier if it were just me, the guy I love and a dog… anywhere, doesn’t have to be a house, it could be a tent, that’s what I want for my married life… eventually, a long time from now,” she said.  
“How long?” he asked.   
She smiled at him, “someday…about twenty-four hours after you ask me,” she teased kissing him lightly. He kissed back harder and pushed her against the bathroom wall. Apparently, what she had said pushed a button and he went at her like an animal. He lifted her up and held her against the wall, she wrapped her legs around him, and they had sex like that, she couldn’t keep herself from moaning loudly and clawing at his back. Her fingernails in his skin made him go at her even harder and he put his face into her shoulder and started softly biting her neck and moaning so deeply that it sounded like he was growling. When they finished, he didn’t set her down, so she said, “aren’t you getting tired?”  
He shook his head ‘no’ and laid his head on her shoulder and softly kissed her all along her neck where he had bitten, “sorry if I was too rough baby,” he whispered.   
“No, you weren’t, it was… there are no words, you could have been rougher if you wanted,” she said pushing her hair off her sweaty forehead. He sat her down but kept her backed into the wall. He took both her wrists and raised them above her head and held them against the wall with one hand, she couldn’t even talk because she was so excited for whatever he planned on doing. He kissed her passionately for a while then said, “keep your hands up.” He let go of them and grabbed her ass with his free hand and spun her around so she was facing the wall. He grabbed her wrists again with one hand and held them against the wall. Then he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back, so she was bent over facing the wall. He slapped her ass lightly and she cried out in pleasure.   
“That didn’t hurt,” she said, pretending to be defiant.   
“Oh yea?” he said doing it a little harder.   
“Harder,” she whispered, he hesitated, he wanted to play this game but he was still sweet Elliot so she had to push him, “how am I supposed to learn to be good if you don’t teach me my lesson? hit me harder,” she demanded.   
“You sure?” he asked.  
“Please, I’ve been so bad,” she said in her most innocent sounding voice. He hit her harder but still not as hard as she could take but she let him think it was enough because she knew he wouldn’t let himself hit her very hard, it wasn’t in him. He spanked her hard a few more times before he went inside her, he didn’t have a problem going at her hard with that. It caused her to start actually screaming and that made him more excited, but he told her sternly to stop screaming so she said between gasps, “keep spanking me daddy and that might teach me to stop.” This caused him to lose control, he couldn’t keep ahold of her wrists because he had to grab her on both sides of her waist as he moaned, “oh fuck, I’m cumming already, you’re too fucking hot.” She put her hands on the wall and waited on him to finish.   
“I’m so sorry,” was the first thing he said.   
“For what?” she asked straightening up and turning to look at him.  
“You didn’t get to finish, I just couldn’t take it,” he said.  
“Then why are you sorry, that means I won,” she laughed.  
He grinned, “I’ll get you back, I didn’t hurt you any did I? Are you okay?”  
“No, it didn’t hurt,” she said, not telling him it wasn’t hard enough because she knew once he got used to it and realized he wasn’t going to hurt her he would be more comfortable being rougher. She continued, “you were spanking me on the ass, it’s like all meat.”  
“Oh, I know, you have a nice fat ass,” he said, then he winced like he had said something wrong.  
“Thank you, I think,” she laughed.   
“That was meant to be a compliment, I’m sorry, your ass is perfect,” he said, slapping it lightly and biting his lip, “I still wish I could’ve got you off though.”   
“That doesn’t matter, it was hot and fun, in that position it’s almost impossible for me anyway,” she said toweling sweat off herself.   
“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said.  
“Stop apologizing, you’re the one that said that’s not even the goal every time, it was super sexy and probably what I’ll think about the most when I can’t see you and I have to take care of myself,” she said. He looked at her like he wanted to go at it again but instead he shook his head and grinned, he grabbed the towel she was using away from her and said, “go get dressed… please?”   
She kissed his cheek and whispered, “yes, daddy,” in his ear, he groaned and started biting her neck playfully to tickle her, she giggled and struggled away. As she closed the door behind her, she said, “love you.” He yelled it back after the door was shut and she smiled to herself. She got dressed then sat on the couch in Elliot’s spot, he came out the bathroom naked and walked over to his clothes and put on half of them but left his shirt off. She glared at him.  
“What?” he asked.  
“You can’t wear a shirt? We have to wait at least five or ten minutes before we do it again,” she said.  
“Who says?”   
She laughed, and said, “whatever I just won’t look at you.” He walked over and stood in front of her and said, “you’re in my spot.”   
She closed her eyes and waved her hand at him, “go away tempter.”  
He laughed and bent down and picked her up causing her to yelp. He moved her down the couch out of his spot and sat down. He got his weed and packed a bowl for them then started to play ‘half baked’ on his laptop.  
“Nope, I can’t watch that,” she said.  
“Why?”   
“Do you see Darlene?”   
“You can’t watch it without her?”   
“No, it’s in the unwritten vows.”   
“Vows?”   
“We are weed married, I can’t watch stoner movies without my weed wife,” she said holding up her arms like it was the most obvious thing in the world.   
He shook his head and turned it off, looking for something else.  
“Has Darlene ever watched a stoner movie without me?” she asked.  
“No, last time I tried with her she said the same thing, then she explained it, but I thought that was just her being weird… I guess you’re in on it too.”   
She ignored his comment and said, “aww she’s faithful.”   
Elliot put his head in his hand and laughed, usually when he laughed, he let out just a few soft inaudible breathes while smiling. This time he was actually laughing for real the first time she had heard. His laugh was so indescribable and adorable she almost hugged him but held herself back.   
She said, “you wouldn’t happen to like really old movies would you?”   
“Like what?”   
“Hitchcock, Cary Grant, Doris Day, Jimmy Stewart, Hepburn: Kathrine and Audrey… those are my favorite things, they are so special.”   
“I’ve seen a few but not many, what should I start with?”   
“Rear window for sure,” she said.  
“And what’s that?”   
“It’s Hitchcock, Jimmy Stewart, Grace Kelly, Thelma Ritter, Raymond Burr…”  
“Perry Mason?”   
“Yep but in this he’s different… all the acting is incredible, I could listen to Jimmy Stewart read the phonebook, I love the way he talks.”   
“Is that an accent?” Elliot asked, more interested in her excitement over this, than the information.   
“No, it’s actually a speech impediment and in a few of his earliest films he tried to hide it for the roles but people wanted it, so directors told him to leave it alone. In some movies he does it worse than others based on the character but in this one it’s probably about his normal way of speaking.”   
“So, he amps it up for characters that are like…” he tried to think of a word for it.  
“’Aww shucks’ characters? Yea he definitely does, I love it.”   
“You know a lot about this stuff,” he said.  
“My parents liked some of the more family friendly stuff, or that’s all they let me watch, but Papi was all about it, let me watch Psycho when I was nine and he was babysitting me, these actors and directors were his customers and friends.”  
“Oh shit really?”   
“Yea Jimmy was his favorite actor partly because he was so down to earth and nice in person,” she said.  
“He seems like he would be,” Elliot said.   
“He also liked hitchcock’s sense of humor but said he could be a dick sometimes,” she shrugged, “we all know that.”   
“Do we?”   
“Oh honey, I have so much to teach you,” she said, patting his face.   
“Can we watch this first?” he asked, grinning.   
“Am I getting carried away, I do this about some things,” she asked.  
“A little but it’s very adorable,” he said. She giggled and he kissed her unexpectedly and said, “I love watching you talk about things that excite you, your eyes get bright and you start talking faster because you’re so excited.”   
She gave him a little kiss and said, “okay remember that when you see Grace because she is next level.”   
“Is that her name in the movie?”   
“No, it’s Lisa, oh but she’s not just a pretty girl she’s a badass in this movie,” she said.  
“Don’t spoil it,” he said.   
“A fifty-year-old movie? You don’t know the plot or anything?”   
“No, I’ve seen only the most basic of old films, Casablanca, Psycho obviously because it’s a must, the birds, maybe some others I can’t remember.”   
“Psycho is good, but it doesn’t even scratch the surface of good Hitchcock, I’m glad you’re going into this blind because that will make it way more fun,” she said.   
“Okay, we will smoke and watch this, then order in for dinner?” he asked.  
“Sounds good,” she said.   
They smoked and watched the movie, Elliot kept asking her questions, he felt sorry for the lonely woman on the first floor, worried worse than Jimmy Stewart about Lisa when she was trapped with the bad guy and cried when the dog died. When it was over Elliot just said, “wow.”  
“You had all the exact right reactions,” Raine told him.   
“You didn’t tell me a dog died,” he said.   
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think about it, I was too excited about the movie.”   
“It was a great movie but man, that dog looked so much like flipper,” he said. Upon hearing her name flipper looked up at him from the little bed Elliot had for her in the kitchen under the table.   
“Aww she’s a baby,” Raine said to her, then to Elliot, “she’s fine and no actual dogs got hurt.”   
“Yea I know but that was so sad,” he said.   
“Yea it was but that system she had set up to let the dog down into that courtyard, oh man that was almost the best part,” Raine said.   
“I know, I wish I could do that with flipper, and you were right, Lisa was a badass.”  
“Right? And so likable in a way people don’t expect women in old movies to be, most characters aren’t in the movies I like, but especially Hitchcock, they are all so bold… even though he was a sexist creep in real life, he did like a strong and sassy blonde.”   
“I like this about you,” Elliot said grinning at her.  
“What?”   
“When you care about stuff you go all in and know everything there is to know and analyze it perfectly, you’re smart, which I knew already but this is a new side of you and I love it so much.” She didn’t say anything, just kissed him softly on the cheek.  
“What do you want for dinner?” he asked. She put her hand on his thigh almost to his zipper and he jumped at the surprise.   
“Oh?” he said. He unbuttoned his jeans and got himself ready as she kissed his neck and nibbled his ear. He started stroking himself so she said, “can I watch this for a second?”  
“Really?” he asked.   
“It’s so hot,” she nodded. So, he did and she continued to kiss him and bite his ear. Then a few moments later she couldn’t take it anymore, she leaned over and took him almost all the way into her throat. Elliot let out several moans and cuss words and put his hand on her head. She moved up and down a couple of times and then while she had almost all of it, she took her tongue and swirled it around his head, and moaned.   
“Oh baby, I’m done already fuck how are you so good oh fuck,” he said gripping and tugging her hair. She moaned over him as he finished. She continued lightly sucking and licking it. He jerked and groaned, “I’m finished.”   
“I know, I want to make sure I get all of you,” she whispered, licking and sucking one more time causing him to shake all over.   
“What the fuck?” he said leaning his head back and rubbing his face.  
“What?” she asked, worried she’d done something wrong.   
“How are you this good at that? Did you take classes? That was seriously two minutes from when I took it out,” he laughed lightly.   
“I didn’t know I was good at it,” she said honestly.  
“No not good, fucking incredible, and I love you, I love you so much but even if you weren’t my girlfriend and I was married to someone else, I would still let you suck my dick, and I would never cheat, but that might be worth it, that’s how good it is.”   
She laughed, “well I guess it’s good that you aren’t with someone else.”   
“That’s one of the many reasons I’m glad I’m not with anyone else, I fell in love with you before we even kissed, all this is piling more nice things on top of that,” he said, getting his pants buttoned and zipped.   
“We are just good together I think, no one else liked me doing that,” she said.  
“How many did you… I mean I’m not asking out of jealousy, I just don’t see how anyone could not like that.”   
“Just one, the bad one,” she said.  
“Oh well no wonder,” he said looking less confused, “of course he liked it, he was just an asshole.”   
“Well I had nothing else to base it on, no one else’s opinion,” she said.  
“Have you ever done anything with anyone else, kissing even?” he asked.   
She shook her head no, and said, “just him and you, I was young when that started, but it makes me wish I could erase him even more cause then it would just be you.”  
“So, you never went on dates or anything?”   
“Well yea, I went on dates and talked to people casually before him and after him but I never ended up kissing any of them… I just always found out they only wanted sex or after him it was mostly cause he always messed it up,” she started to feel queasy and nervous like she did sometimes when he came up, more so when telling Elliot things about him, so she said, “Elliot can we talk about something else, I’m starting to feel sick.”   
He rubbed her back, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean for…”  
“No, it’s my past it’s hard to talk about some parts of it without remembering that person unfortunately,” she said, breathing deep trying not to hyperventilate.   
Elliot turned her around away from him and started massaging her shoulders, “you are in a shitty but cozy apartment, there is cute puppy named flipper under the table, you can pet her whenever you want, you’re with your boyfriend Elliot who loves you and would never let anyone hurt you, you just watched one of your favorite movies in a safe place.”  
The more he talked the more she relaxed, she moaned a little because he was surprisingly really good at back rubs, “thank you,” she whispered.  
“Feel better?”   
“Yes, how’d you know to do that?”  
“It’s a grounding exercise I read about on the internet for people with PTSD.”   
“Oh, I didn’t know you had PTSD,” she said.  
“I learned it for you,” he said. Tears filled her eyes and she tried to stop them from coming out, but it didn’t work. She let them fall silently. Elliot somehow sensed it and whispered, “you okay?”   
“Yea I’m just really touched that you did that for me,” she said wiping her eyes.   
“I told you I’d do anything for you,” he said.  
“But I didn’t even ask,” she said.  
He turned her around and took her hand and kissed it, “you don’t have to ask, if I think of something that would make you happier or make your life easier, I’m doing it.”  
“You haven’t kissed my hand in a while, it still feels like ‘our thing’,” she said.   
“It still can be,” he said, and did it again.   
Then he put his hands on her shoulders, “now tell me what you want to eat, and it can’t be any of my body parts this time.”   
She laughed, “umm… can we get Mexican?”   
“If that’s what you want.”  
“What do you want?”   
“For you to get Mexican,” he said.  
She tilted her head and sighed, “seriously?”   
“Hey, I made you eat Coney Island hotdogs yesterday, I owe you,” he said.  
“Fair enough,” she said, he looked up the nearest delivery and she scanned the menu, “I’m such a picky eater, like majorly.”   
“Really? You didn’t mention that before I made you eat Coney Island hotdogs,” he laughed.   
“They aren’t that bad, they just have a bad reputation,” she said. She got a piece of paper and pen and wrote down her very specific order for him and he called it in.   
As they waited Elliot randomly mumbled, “I owe you two, no three.”   
“What?” she asked.  
“I got off three times that you didn’t, so I owe you three,” he said.   
“No Elliot, you don’t ‘owe’ me anything, that’s not how this works,” she said.  
“But I feel bad,” he said.  
“There’s no reason to feel bad, I did those things with you because I wanted to, not just to ‘get you off’, when you say things like that, that you got something out of it and I didn’t, it makes me feel like you didn’t think I was a part of it.”   
“Oh.”   
“Yea.”   
“I didn’t think of that,” he said.   
She didn’t say anything, so he said, “are you mad?”   
“No, of course not, I get what you felt about it, but that’s not how I feel about it, and we don’t do this, I don’t want to start any part of our relationship being about keeping score, you would beat me by a long shot because you’ve done a lot for me and most of it you didn’t even know you were doing for me, before and after we met, but I know that one of the most dangerous things for a relationship is to keep score, of good things and bad things.”   
He nodded but didn’t say anything for a long time and looked like he was deep in thought so she leaned over and kissed him.  
He looked surprised, “Why’d you do that?”   
She shrugged, “felt like it.”   
He put his arm around her and pulled her to him, “I have something else for you, it was an accident that it is finished on our anniversary, but I guess you can think of it as a gift if you want.”   
“A weekiversary present? What is it?” she teased.   
He laughed and leaned forward to get his laptop and typed in a web address. When the page popped up, she saw a picture of the front of ‘Papi’s coffee’.   
“Elliot, what is this?” she asked. Just then someone knocked at the door, Elliot handed her his laptop and said, “just look through it.” As he stood up and looked for his wallet, she began looking at the site. It looked so professional, there was a picture of Raine on it at the bottom. There was a big write up about the history of the place, Elliot had done research. She read it trying to imagine him writing in such a professional tone. There was a gallery with pictures current ones and a few from the past. There were links to a message board and a menu. The coloring and look of the whole thing was exactly what she would have wanted. Elliot was putting their dinner out on the table as she looked.   
“Elliot,” she gasped.  
“You like it? I have your log in so you can get on as the admin and change whatever you want or add things. I had to wing it on some things but I can change whatever you need me to,” he said.  
“No, it’s perfect, I love everything about it,” she said, “why did you do this?”   
“Well I know how Little Italy isn’t as big as it used to be and how important keeping the shop open is to you and probably the whole community so I thought maybe this would help bring in business and let people know it’s about more than just coffee and pastries.”   
She had been crying and this made her cry harder.   
“Are you okay?” he asked.   
She nodded with her hands over her face, “I don’t even know what to say.”   
“Well there are some things I wanted to put on there that I didn’t have, like pictures, old pictures I was hoping you have or maybe Papi has some, anything you can find to put on there you can bring them to me and I can put them up.”   
“All this work just for me?” she asked.  
“Yea, and well it’s good for historical reasons and the city, plus I haven’t been able to do much work that’s personal, since I’ve been trying to stay out of trouble, this was something positive I could do that wasn’t for work, just like writing is a passion for you, doing stuff like this is my passion, with this I won’t get in trouble, you can use it or not it’s up to you but I’d like to continue working on it for fun if you let me.”  
“Of course, you’re officially hired to run our website, except your paycheck will be… imaginary,” she laughed.  
“Can I have a raise? I’d like one kiss a day from the hottest girl that works there,” he said.  
She eyed him curiously, “who?”   
He rolled his eyes, “it’s obviously you.”   
“I don’t know I think Britney has a little crush on you and Ashley and Kaitlin seemed very interested today,” she teased. He walked over and took his laptop away from her and sat it on the coffee table, he took her hands and pulled her up, wrapping his arms around her waist.   
“I just want you,” he kissed her then stopped, letting his lips linger almost touching hers, “for the rest of my life,” he whispered.  
She sighed happily, “okay, I’ll pay you in kisses… like a prostitute,” she joked.  
“I was kidding, I want to do this, it helps me a lot, so really it’s not a very good gift for you.”  
“It’s a wonderful gift for me, even more so if it helps you,” she said grabbing his face and pulling him down for some more kissing. She made herself stop before it went too far and he groaned his displeasure as she pulled herself away. She giggled, “be good.” He tickled her and she struggled free laughing, then he pretended like he was going to chase her, and she ran away playfully screaming. Flipper jumped up and ran over to Raine and hopped up on her leg and barked, almost as if she was asking if she was okay.   
“Aww mama is alright, daddy was just playing,” Raine said picking her up and kissing her. Elliot watched them smiling. She cuddled flipper for a minute then sat her down and washed her hands.   
Elliot threw the shirt he had given Raine on, “maybe if you’re lucky I’ll get food on it and it will remind you of me,” he said.   
“Oh, yea thanks, please make it as gross as possible because you know I won’t wash it,” she laughed. They sat down to eat and she said, “where did you get the pictures of the shop, besides the internet? I know some of them weren’t online.”  
“Darlene took them for me,” he said.  
“Oh, so she was in on it?”   
“Yea.”   
“She did a great job, I can’t wait to tell Papi and get into his old pictures, I have some at my place but I can look through his at his house tomorrow, he’ll love that… probably not tomorrow but next Sunday do you maybe want to come with me?” she asked.  
He stopped eating and thought about it, then said, “I’d like that, but see if he’s okay with it first, I don’t want to cut into your time with him.”   
She smiled to herself, Elliot was the polar opposite of Luke in every way. Luke even was tiny in some areas while Elliot, well, was the opposite. She giggled to herself a little.  
“What?” Elliot asked. She blushed and shook her head and he said, “tell me.”   
She told him about how him wanting her to be alone with Papi was the opposite of her ex and then the rest of what she had been thinking and he almost choked on his food.   
“I’m sorry,” she said.  
“No, it’s fine, I didn’t know you thought I have… you know.”   
“I don’t think it, it just is, very,” she said.   
“Maybe compared to him,” he said.   
“Not just him, I have facebook do you know how many I’ve seen? Even though I really didn’t want to?” she laughed.  
“I don’t know why people do that,” he said, looking annoyed.  
“People are idiots… some of them, be glad you don’t have social media.”   
“I am, I don’t know why you have it,” he said.   
“Well tumblr, it’s just entertainment and I share my writing there, I like sharing my art on Instagram, facebook…” she stopped, he looked up at her, “I don’t know I just haven’t deleted it yet, I don’t even use it.”   
“You should delete it,” he said.   
She didn’t respond because she didn’t know what to say, she couldn’t tell him the truth, if she deleted it Luke might come after her in person because it was his only way to contact her. She hated that they were even having this conversation because it might push him to hack her, if he hadn’t already. She needed to change the subject so she started asking him what songs of hers he liked. Apparently, he had thought about it a lot because he had very detailed answers and reasons for liking some more than others. They talked about that and her musician friends as they ate. Those friends weren’t on Luke’s side at least but they all lived far away and lost touch long before her last break up with Luke. They were all guys, potheads and none of them had ever hit on her. Them and the music they made got her through some of the roughest parts of her relationship. Luke had hated all of them but he couldn’t stop her from seeing them because she lived on campus with them. She wondered sometimes if he didn’t scare them off after she had to drop out.   
“Do you think you’ll ever finish your degree?” Elliot asked.   
“I don’t know, I love learning all that stuff but to do that everyday, I’d love to help people but it’s so emotionally draining, I’d like to do something in the field that didn’t involve me getting attached to people because I am too emotional for something like what Krista does.”   
“And you like your job now,” he said knowingly.  
“Yes I do, I love it, and it gives me enough freedom to do my art… spend time with you, I don’t have to work shifts but I want to, I like making coffee and pastries, and I don’t want to completely detach from the day to day things because you can’t run a place if you don’t know that stuff.”   
“Smart,” he said watching her, she blushed. They finished dinner and she brushed her teeth, then she turned on some music on her phone, she straddled him and they kissed between taking hits of a joint.  
“Just kissing you is better than sex with anyone else ever has been,” he said, she kissed him and giggled into his mouth.   
“Is that funny?” he asked, pulling away to take a hit.   
“No, you’re just cute,” she said.   
He took another hit and she quickly kissed him, sucking the smoke out of his mouth and inhaling it, she blew it out and said, “you took my hit.”   
He grinned, “we should smoke like that all the time.”   
She kissed him again, licking his top lip which was one of her favorite things to do, he moaned because he liked it too. They made out and finished the joint. As Elliot put it out she grabbed his shirt and pulled it off him. He lifted her shirt up and pulled her up so his face was in her breasts. He cupped them both and went from one to the other with his mouth making her crazy. After a while she took her shirt off and threw it. He picked her up and stood at the same time, an impressive move.   
“Wow,” she laughed.   
He grinned and took her to the bed and laid her down, getting on top of her. He moved down and started kissing her stomach and pulled the rest of her clothes off. She pushed herself up further on the bed to give him more room to go down on her. She let him do it until she was done and she was worried she had hurt him because of how hard she was pulling his hair. He went into bathroom, she assumed to wash his face. He came back wearing black sweatpants, grabbed his cigarettes and ashtray and laid down.   
“Did I hurt you any?” she asked.  
“How?”  
“Pulling your hair?”   
“Nah, it was really sexy, let me know you liked it,” he said.   
“Well now you have gotten me off by myself,” she teased.  
“No, I didn’t,” he said.   
“Umm yea you did, I got off,” she said.  
“So did I,” he said, then blushed a little.   
“How?” she asked.  
“It just happened, I got so turned on by everything you were doing, how you were reacting and the way you taste,” he licked his lips absentmindedly and it made her shiver.   
“I don’t know how you guys do that, it’s a lot.”   
“You get wetter than anyone I’ve ever seen, it’s hot,” he said. She didn’t understand why guys liked that but apparently it was a compliment. She got up naked and went and got her phone. It was still playing a station on her pandora. She picked up the shirt he had been wearing and put it on. She danced a little on the way back to bed to make him laugh, but he bit his lip instead. Not the results she had wanted but still good. She got her bag and pulled out a fresh pair of panties and started to put them on.  
“If those are all you brought, I’d leave them off until you’re ready to leave tomorrow,” he said.   
“Good call,” she said. He pointed to his dresser and said, “the top drawer.” She got a pair of his boxer briefs and put them on.   
“That’s so sexy,” he said when she had them on.   
“I love wearing your clothes,” she said crawling in bed, “I’m on your side again.”   
“Is that my side?” he asked. It was the side his computers were on, he was laying on the side near his closet.   
“Well you sleep on this side and I always sleep on that side, but it seems like we always switch when we are just hanging out.”   
“Does it matter?” he chuckled.   
“No, I just noticed it,” she said, “I’m weird.”   
“Yes, and I love it,” he said, taking her hand with the one he wasn’t smoking with and kissing it.   
“I love you,” she said.   
“I love you more,” he responded.  
She smiled and said, “not possible.”   
He laced his fingers with hers and kissed her hand again then held it to his chest. She was setting cross legged beside him, facing him.   
“Does my smoking bother you?” he asked as she waved some of his smoke away.   
“No but you should quit, it’s bad for you,” she said only half serious.   
“Hadn’t heard that,” he said with a serious tone. She giggled and he said, “I love when you laugh like that.”   
“Why?”   
He shrugged and squeezed her hand, “just do.”   
Flipper jumped up on the bed and walked over and looked at them one at a time then crawled up into Raine’s lap. She laughed and stuck her tongue out at Elliot, he scratched flipper behind the ear and said, “I don’t blame you.”   
“Aww she loves daddy too,” she said.   
“She’s gotta go out in a little bit,” he said. They both played with flipper for a while until she jumped down and went to the door like she had understood Elliot.   
“Guess that’s my cue,” he said. He kissed Raine and threw his hoodie over his shirtless torso and zipped it. She stayed on the bed and he looked back at her as he opened the door, he did that thing where he looked like he was trying to memorize her and left. After he left she hopped off his bed to go look at the website some more on his laptop. She teared up again thinking about Elliot doing this for her. She needed to do something for him, at least a gesture he would appreciate. She got an idea and got up and turned his record player on. She went into the bathroom to take her hair down and put a couple braids in her waves. Then she took off Elliot’s shirt and put on her nirvana one. She found one of Darlene’s headbands and put it on across her forehead. She turned off some of his lights and rolled a joint. She looked at the window and Elliot was starting to head in. She turned up the music a little and lit the joint.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning comes too early, Raine spends the day with Papi and then makes a mistake with Elliot and starts their first fight.

When she saw the doorknob turn she lit the lighter and held it up and began a bohemian type dance in the darkness of Elliot’s bedroom area. She heard him laughing, his real outloud laugh. She turned and smiled, “hey man,” she said throwing a peace sign. He shook his head and took flippers leash off. He walked slowly over to her and took the joint out of her mouth and took a hit.   
“Like it?” she asked gesturing to herself. He nodded and grabbed her around the middle with one hand and pulled her to him. She continued dancing against him and he handed her the joint. She took a hit and said, “come on, you’re not dancing with me.”   
“You’re doing good enough for both of us,” he said.  
She spun around and pushed her hips into him as she moved, she felt his hardness through his sweatpants the more she moved. He gripped her hips and let her hold the joint for him when it was his turn to hit it. After a while of this, his hands started gripping tighter and he let out little sounds. She walked over to the bed leaving him standing there frustrated. She put the joint out in the ashtray and motioned for him to come over to her. When he got there she pushed him down on the edge of the bed. He sat there biting his lip as she told him to scoot back some. He did as he was told and she straddled him. She ran her hands through his hair and pulled it gently as she gave him a little lap dance. The tug on his hair set him off and he groaned. He didn’t even bother taking her clothes off, he just moved part of the boxer briefs she was wearing, which were too big on her, over and pulled his sweats down enough to get himself free. She giggled a little as she rode him.  
“What?” he whispered.  
“You could have waited so I could get undressed,” she said.  
“No, no I couldn’t,” he panted against her neck. He stood up picking her up with him and turned around and laid her down on the bed, “take your clothes off,” he commanded.  
She did and he took his off and got on top of her.   
“I love you baby,” he gasped as they started having sex again.   
“I love you,” she said.  
“Is it okay if I go harder?” he asked.  
She giggled, “yes please.”   
He did, and she had to tell him harder over and over until it was how she wanted it, she was screaming cuss words she never said, and scratching his back til he bled. Elliot trembled and tried to keep himself from moaning too loud because she knew he thought it would trigger her. But in this moment she didn’t think her mind could focus on anything except how good he felt. She came so hard that her tightness around him made him unable to move. He tried to cuss but couldn’t even talk so he let out a whimper and bit his lip as his eyes rolled back. She waited for the waves of ecstacy to finish as she let out little cries of pleasure, Elliot collapsed on her and sucked in sharp breathes trying to handle her.   
“I’m still coming,” he whispered. All she could do was moan a response because she was too. She grabbed his ass as the final wave took her and her legs shook around him. She tightened a little more and Elliot shoved his face in the bed beside her to muffle himself yelling, “fuuuck, oh fuck.”   
Finally, her grip relaxed and they lay there for a moment, “damn,” she whispered.  
“The fuck was that?” Elliot asked.   
“I don’t know, I’ve never done that before, it was like I couldn’t stop having orgasms,” she said trying to catch her breath, “they just kept coming, wave after wave.”   
Elliot rolled over on his back and blinked, “damn, come here.” He leaned over her and put his hand on her neck, rubbing her chin with his thumb. He kissed her deeply then whispered, “I love you so much.”  
“I love you,” she whispered. She closed her eyes and moaned softly.  
“You alright?” he laughed.  
“About half,” she said, smiling, “I still can’t move, what did you do to me Alderson?”   
“Me? What about you? I was stuck, I didn’t know that was even possible,” he said.  
“Did it hurt?” she opened her eyes concerned.  
“Nah, it was…” he blew out a deep sigh then shook his head and grinned, laying back down. He looked over at her, “this is beyond needing a cigarette, like the next level,” he said.   
She laughed, “what do you need if not a cigarette?”   
“Nothing, just you.”   
“Aww baby, I would kiss you if I could move any part of my body,” she said.   
He got up and kissed her then stood up and held out his hands to her. She reluctantly raised up and grabbed his hands and he pulled her all the way up easily.  
“You’re very strong for a nerd,” she said. She had to place her hands on his chest to steady herself, her legs felt like rubber bands.   
“I got you,” he said holding her around her waist until she recovered, then he said, “I hope I didn’t hurt you.”   
She laughed then said, “I’m fine, just shaken up… in a good way.” She was able to make it to the bathroom by herself to clean up a bit and she hoped he was getting dressed because she couldn’t go another round for a while. When she came out Elliot was at his computer in his black sweatpants and a black tank top. She had to do a double take because she didn’t know he owned any shirt without sleeves. It was clean and well fitted enough to look more ‘hot guy at the gym’ than ‘redneck beating his wife’. Elliot might have been a nerd, but he knew what worked on his body. Or maybe he didn’t care and his body made everything look good on it’s own. He didn’t turn around to look at her so she put on the shirt he had given her and put the boxer briefs back on. She took a guess and said, “I’m decent.” He turned around and said, “it helps but only a little.”   
“What are you doing over there?” she asked.  
“Darlene texted me, I was in the news again.”   
Her heart stopped, what had he done? “What for?” she asked trying to sound casual.  
“Same thing, they just found more stuff at the plant, incriminating White Rose more, they just mentioned me because I stopped her.”   
“So, you’re not in trouble?”   
“Nah, I just want to see what they say about the dark army, keep an eye on things.”   
“Oh well that’s a relief,” she said.  
“Do you worry about me?” he asked sounding surprised.  
“Of course, I do Elliot, I love you, if you…” she stopped and tried to swallow the lump in her throat.  
He spun around, “Hey, I’m okay, come here,” he said patting his leg. She walked over and sat on his lap and he spun the chair back around. She put her arms around his shoulders and leaned her head against his. He went back to looking at the screen, reading some articles. She read along to some of them, she hadn’t even looked the event up because she knew the basics, and knew the details were probably horrifying. She couldn’t bear to think of her sweet boyfriend who liked fruity pebbles being held in a nuclear plant by some lunatic and her cult following as it went Chernobyl around them. The next article he clicked showed a picture of the site after the explosion of the machine. Then some more pictures, Raine watched them as he scrolled. Then one came up of Elliot right after the blast, on a stretcher unconscious and bloody. She made a noise that was a whimper mixed with a groan and looked away. He quickly scrolled away from the picture and stopped to rub her arm. She buried her face in his neck and started crying softly, she knew he was fine but she couldn’t help it.   
“I didn’t know that picture existed, I’m sorry,” he said.   
“Don’t be, I know you’re fine, it’s just hard to see that,” she said wiping her eyes. She held his face with both hands and rubbed his hair above his ears slowly as if she was comforting the wounds that she knew weren’t there anymore. He leaned his forehead into hers and closed his eyes. He whispered, “kiss me.” She gave him a little kiss and he opened his eyes, for some reason being this close and him looking so directly into her eyes was jarring. It felt like he was looking into her instead of at her. She didn’t back away though, she looked back at him trying to see inside of him the way it seemed he was doing to her. Everything else seemed to melt away and she started to feel better. He was here, and he was better than he’d been in almost his entire life. He kissed her softly and said, “go to bed baby, I’ll be there in a minute, I don’t want you looking at this stuff.”   
She just nodded and got up and went over to her side of the bed and curled up under the covers. She was almost asleep when Elliot turned off the lights and came to bed.   
“You asleep?” he whispered.  
She turned around and snuggled up to him and put her head on his chest, “no.”   
“You sound sleepy.”   
“I don’t want to sleep.”   
“Why?”   
“Because I don’t want this night to end.”   
He squeezed her shoulder, “you’ll have fun tomorrow, at Papi’s.”  
“I know but I have to leave you,” she said.   
“You want to take my hoodie?” he asked.  
“Oh, I couldn’t do that, you might need it,” she said, not referring to the weather.   
He didn’t say anything, so she knew he was apprehensive about giving it up. She said, “you offering, is the sweetest thing ever, so thank you, but you keep it.”   
“I’d give you anything,” he said.   
“I know but I wouldn’t take everything,” she said hoping he got that she meant so much more than what she said. She wanted to give him things too but she didn’t have anything to give.   
“I have your tee shirt, and Sam,” she said, “you don’t have anything of mine here.”   
“Yes I do,” he said.  
“What?” she asked. He put his hand on her chest and part of her wanted to joke about her boobs but she knew he was serious so she said, “oh yea, you have that for sure.”   
“And you have mine,” he said.   
“See this is what I want forever, I don’t want things to get bad.”   
“Why would things get bad?” he asked.   
“I just get scared because you seem too good to be true.”   
“You think I’m hiding something?” he asked.  
“No, not at all…I just get scared you’ll wake up and realize you’re too good for me.”   
“But I’m not, if anything it’s the opposite.”   
“No, you’re so good, and I don’t just mean because you do good things for me, but because you do good, you are good.”   
“You’re good too,” he said.   
“I don’t feel like I am,” she said.  
“You’re good because you always put everyone else ahead of yourself, you make Darlene happy and you’re a good influence on her, you take care of Papi and want what’s best for his legacy, and you are good because you make my life mean something, you make me glad I stayed in this world, you and Darlene… and flipper are my reasons for living… almost no one has made me laugh like you have, before I met you I rarely laughed, I rarely had… fun, you brought me that, you’re a light that makes my life brighter.”   
She got up and kissed him, and they ended up making love, it was so gentle and slow, the total opposite of the last time and somehow just as good. She was crying and so was he, they didn’t say anything until the end when he said, “I love you so much baby,” and she said “I love you, Elliot.”   
She fell asleep on him right after, neither of them had bothered to put clothes back on. About five hours later just before sunrise, he woke her up by kissing her neck, she must’ve rolled off of him during her sleep because she was on her back.   
“Come here,” she whispered.  
“I’m here,” he said.   
“No, on top of me,” she said.  
“You sure, are you even awake?”   
“Awake enough,” she said. They both were half asleep, but they did it again until the sun started to come out. Then they both fell back to sleep. She woke up before him and watched him sleep for a while. Then when he didn’t wake up she decided to make coffee, she drank her coffee and looked at her phone. Elliot was still asleep so she went over to make sure he was okay. He seemed alright and looked happy so she let him be and went and took a quick shower and got ready. She came out to get dressed and after she got her dress on she heard him moving. He was reaching for her on her side of the bed but when he didn’t find her he got up in a panic, and looked around. When he saw her, he relaxed, she smiled at him.  
“You’re already up?” he asked.   
“It’s ten thirty,” she said.  
“It’s early, come back to bed,” he said.   
“I’m already dressed,” she said.   
“Are you leaving now?” he asked.  
“No,” she said, she walked over and sat down beside him on the bed, “I was planning to wake you up like yesterday but since you’re awake…” she started.  
He laid back down and closed his eyes, “I’m asleep.”   
She laughed, got undressed and got back in bed, giving him what he wanted. They had sex and afterwards she said, “Okay, I need more coffee.”   
He had his arm around her and when she tried to get up he squeezed her and said, “I have a better idea.”   
“What’s that?” she asked.  
“Neither of us leave this bed ever again.”   
“Then how would we have sex on the couch? Or on the drier? Or the shower? Or with you bending me over the table?” she teased.  
“I never bent you over the table,” he said.  
“Yet,” she giggled.   
He grinned and let her get up, she went to get some more coffee completely naked and he got out of bed completely naked.   
He walked over to her and got so close she could feel him against her ass. He whispered almost pleading, “now?”   
“Nope, I want you to think about it until the next time I’m here,” she said, turning and bumping him away playfully with her hip.  
“She’s so mean,” he said under his breath but so she would hear him.   
She sat at the table and drank her coffee and pretended she hadn’t heard him so he sat down across from her, “so we are just gonna walk around naked and not have sex?”   
“I didn’t tell you not to get dressed,” she said.   
“You’re such a tease,” he laughed.  
“We just had sex, I think you’ll be alright,” she said winking. He got up and walked over behind her and leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Then he went and threw his sweatpants and tank top on.   
“You’re not getting dressed?” he asked.  
“Well we’ve been wearing clothes off-and-on all weekend, and it hasn’t slowed us down even a little bit, so how could this hurt?”   
“But maybe it did slow us down, imagine how many times we’d have done it if we were naked all weekend,” he said.   
She turned and raised an eyebrow at him, “now that sounds like a fun future experiment.”  
He laughed and threw the shirt he gave her, at her. She put it on and then put on her panties. She packed her stuff up while Elliot rolled a joint.   
“You roll better than me,” he said.   
She took it from him and examined it, “you’re not bad, I just have more practice, I don’t think you realize how much I smoked in high school, I was that girl.”   
“Stoner girl? That’s cute,” he said.   
“I don’t know how I’m not burnt out, and I’m not immune at all, I can’t smoke a whole joint by myself, well I could and have and it was not okay.”   
“What happened?” he said lighting the joint and taking a hit.   
“Well I’d had a bad day, I’ll leave it at that, and I was so mad and upset so I just like rage smoked a big fat joint…I was in my dorm and I don’t know exactly what all happened but I got sort of arrested by campus security because I went to the café on campus and got like so much ice cream, I kept filling bowls and tried to carry it all home, I was covered in ice cream but like oh I forgot… I was in my underwear covered in ice cream, in the security office just like laughing my ass off, because the officer looked like some guy from a cartoon …I don’t know it was a disaster… that’s how I met my first musician friend, that group looked me up after that.”   
Elliot was laughing and then he said, “so you were right?”   
“About what?”   
“When you said every time you humiliate yourself, it brings something good to your life, that’s how you met those friends,” he said.   
She smiled because it was true and because Elliot remembered everything she said, she wasn’t used to many people doing that.   
“Yea I guess I was,” she said.   
“And the fun I’m going to have, knowing that story,” he said. She rolled her eyes at him and he said, “if I let you smoke this, you’re not going to get naked walking home?”   
“Shut up,” she said taking it from him and taking a big hit.   
After they smoked, she had to get dressed and leave. She fought back tears as she started to say goodbye, “I’m so embarrassed,” she said.   
“Why?” he asked.  
“I’m just leaving for the day and I feel like crying, that’s ridiculous,” she said.   
“Aww come here baby,” he said, holding her and kissing her forehead.   
Him hugging her made her cry more, “oh my gosh, what is wrong with me?” she said wiping her eyes.   
He held her head in his hands and kissed her tears and she said, “I love you.”   
“Love you,” he said kissing her, “I can come over later for a little bit.”   
She shook her head, “you don’t have to, I’ll be fine, maybe I’m just hormonal.”   
“What if I want to?” he asked.  
“That’s okay too,” she laughed, kissing him quickly. She said goodbye to flipper and Elliot walked her downstairs. Instead of kissing her goodbye he kissed her hand as she walked away. She carried her giant purse and Sam down the street and when she was almost home she got a text, it was Elliot and all it said was: ‘miss you’. She smiled and sent back ‘me too’ before she went to get in her car. She put Sam in the passenger seat and put his seatbelt on just to make herself laugh. She took a quick picture of it and sent it to Elliot. He sent back ‘lol very responsible’. She didn’t reply because she didn’t want to seem needy. She started the car but got another text. It was Elliot.

E: text me when you head home, and I’ll come over if that’s okay, I miss you so much! 

R: Okay, yes I want to see you ASAP 

E: love you, have fun 

R: love you

At least he had it as bad for her as she did him, she thought as she pulled out of the ally. She got to Papi’s and he was at the kitchen table making homemade pasta.   
“Papi, you’re not supposed to be working.”   
“This isn’t work, I need to have something to do with my time,” he grumbled. She sat down and started helping him shape the dough, something her dad had taught her when she was a toddler. Papi always had her do this when she was upset or nervous about something because he said the repetitiveness calmed the mind. It had always worked for her.   
“Papi are you okay? You’re not doing this because you’re nervous about something are you?” she asked, and he hesitated which was a ‘yes’ from him. She waited because she knew it took a lot for him to open up.   
“I’ve been talking to Anton from mulberry street, he says he’s about to go out of business,” he said. Papi always got nervous about the shop when there was bad news from mulberry street. Anton owned the most successful authentic Italian restaurant south of central park, he just liked to complain.   
“Papi Anton’s business is thriving and the shop, it’s going great but it’s about to do better I presume,” she said.   
“Why’s that?” he asked.  
“We have a website!” she said excitedly.   
“When do you have time to run a website? No you do too much,” he said waving a hand at her.   
“I didn’t put it up and I’m not running it… Elliot is,” she said hesitantly.  
“This hero boyfriend?” he asked.   
She blushed and smiled, “yea, he made the site for us and offered to run it.”   
“How much is he charging?” Papi eyed her suspiciously.  
“He isn’t, he wanted to do it… for me, for the community, and for himself, he thinks it’s fun,” she shrugged.  
“Ha! Fun?” he shook his head and chuckled.   
“I know, the internet is ruining everything,” she said.   
“I didn’t say that, people, people ruin things, good people use it for good, but bad people use it for the worst things imaginable,” he raised an eyebrow at her.   
“You’re right Papi, and Elliot’s good people and this is a good thing,” she said taking out her phone and showing him the page. He couldn’t read the small writing, so she read it to him. Tears formed in his eyes as she read about his history, the history of the shop. His parents were Italian immigrants and his dad had taught him at home how to make Italian gourmet coffee, Papi grew up obsessed with baking pastries and making all sorts of new coffees, he learned French style and new American styles and blended them with his father’s recipes and put everything he owned into buying the old building to open the shop. It had been his life. The write up mentioned some of the celebrities that frequented the shop and Elliot had found some quotes about the shop from some of them.   
“Who wrote all this?” Papi asked her.  
“Elliot,” she said.  
“How does he know these things?” he asked.  
“I told him a lot of it, and he did research on the internet,” she said.  
“I didn’t even know old blue eyes said that about me,” Papi said, lip quivering.   
“You are so special Papi, to a lot of people, and this site just shares that with the world to let them know it’s more than just coffee,” she said patting his arm. He dabbed his eyes with a handkerchief, and she showed him the pictures Elliot had posted, “he wanted me to look and see if you had any more pictures?”   
“Yea boxes and boxes,” he said, “can he put them on there?”   
“Yep, I’ll get them out when we get done and we can pick some out, I have some at my apartment too,” she said, she had stopped and got a manila envelope to put them in on the way to Papi’s so they wouldn’t get ruined.   
“This Elliot seems like a fine, and smart young man, how old is he?” he asked.  
“He’s thirty,” she said.  
“Older than you,” Papi said raising his bushy black-grey eyebrows.  
“Only four years,” she said.   
“Well he seems fine, but you know I always say you can’t tell a thing about a man until you look into his eyes, you can see a person’s soul in their eyes, I’d like to meet this fella,” he said.  
“I think you should, I was thinking about bringing him with me next week anyway, if that’s okay?” she said.  
“He already agreed to this?” he asked.  
“Yea, he’s a little shy around people but he wants to meet you… you know because he knows how important you are to me,” she said.   
“That’s a good sign,” he said.   
“Is it?” she asked.  
“That Luke kid never wanted to know me, he knew I could see right through him, if a boy doesn’t want to meet the father figure in a girl’s life it means he’s up to no good,” Papi said shaking his finger at her.   
“Well I would say that’s a little old fashioned, but you were right about Luke and I think you are right about Elliot being the opposite, well he really is the opposite of Luke,” she said shrugging.   
“That is a relief,” he said making her laugh. Raine got out all the boxes from the storage room that used to be her bedroom. It was still the way she left it except with a bunch of stuff piled on top of it. They looked through them at the table and laughed and Papi told stories about so many of them that they didn’t get half-way through before she looked at her phone and realized how late it was getting.   
“I have to start cooking dinner, it’s getting late,” she said. Papi looked a little sad so she said, “I haven’t even scratched the surface, so I’ll probably have to come over a couple of times this week and do this again.”   
Papi fought a smile and said, “I didn’t know it would take this long.”   
“We aren’t in a hurry, I’ll take the ones we picked tonight, and we can just take our time looking through, then Sunday Elliot can help us, I think he wants to hear some stories about me as a kid.”  
“Oh, I have so many of those,” he said.  
“And I’m sure every one of them is humiliating,” she laughed.   
“You were always a special child,” he said. She had gotten up and started cooking so she looked back at him and he was smiling, she couldn’t decide if it was a compliment or not, so she just shook her head and went back to cooking. Papi chuckled behind her, not knowing she heard him. She cleared the table and sat the boxes where he wouldn’t fall over them and they ate dinner and talked, Papi said he wasn’t feeling up to church but she knew he just wanting to spend more time with her. She stayed as late as she could let herself because they were having such a good time. When she finally got to her car she decided to call Elliot.   
“Hello?” he said on the second ring. As soon as she heard his voice she burst into tears. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he said panicked.   
“Nothing, I just got in my car, I’m fine,” she sobbed.  
“Why you crying, baby?”   
“Papi and I went through pictures, and it just… I hate leaving him, it’s so hard every time but tonight it’s worse, he didn’t want me to leave.”   
“Can you drive like this? You want a cab?” he asked.  
“No, I’m okay to drive, I cry when I drive all the time,” she said.   
“Why?” he asked.  
“I just think and talk to myself when I drive and I don’t know I’m weird,” she said.   
“Well I wish I could be there, how is he other than wanting you to stay?”   
“He seemed great, he was making homemade pasta when I got here, because he was nervous about the shop, he’s so excited about the website, I read him the stuff you put on there and he cried,” she told him. Elliot didn’t say anything for a while so she said, “Elliot?”   
“Yea, that’s so good,” he said, but she thought she heard a crack in his voice, he was about to cry himself. She smiled.   
“I’m sorry I’m leaving so late, are you still coming over?” she asked.   
“Yea I’m here now, was talking to Darlene,” he said.   
“Oh okay, I’ll be there soon,” she said.   
“Be careful, love you.”   
“Love you,” she said.   
When she pulled into her parking spot she saw Elliot and Darlene setting on the picnic table smoking. She got out and got her stuff, Elliot walked over to see if she needed help. She handed him the envelope with the pictures and then she walked around to the other side to get Sam out of the passenger seat. Darlene laughed when she saw the seatbelt on the small toy elephant, “you’re so cheesy.”   
“This is Sam, Elliot won him, it took him a really long time,” Raine laughed.  
“Not that long,” Elliot scoffed.   
Raine tilted her head with mock sympathy and said, “you guys smoking?”   
“Not yet, we waited for you,” Darlene said.   
“That’s my girl,” she said.   
“Wife,” Darlene corrected.   
“You know if Raine and I get married for real you can’t call her that anymore?” Elliot said.   
Raine just blushed because it was way too soon to be talking about marriage, wasn’t it?  
“Ugh, don’t tell me you guys are engaged already,” Darlene said.   
“No, of course not,” Raine said laughing. Elliot looked at her and took a hard hit off his cigarette. Maybe she shouldn’t have said that so casually. He leaned against the wall and put his hood up. That was a bad sign, and Darlene picked up on it saying, “give me your shit and I’ll take it upstairs, so you two can be alone, you better not be doing it when I get back.”  
Raine laughed and said, “shut up.”   
When she went in, Elliot had his eyes closed, his hands in his hoodie pockets and he had leaned his head back on the wall. Raine walked over to him and stood in front of him, slipping her hands into his pockets and lacing her fingers in his.  
He opened one eye just a little and looked down at her, “you feeling better?”  
“Yea, hey I didn’t mean…” she started.  
“Nah, don’t worry about it,” he interrupted.   
“You cold?” she asked.  
“No why?”   
“You have your hood up,” she said.  
He closed his eye again and sighed.  
“Elliot, talk to me,” she said.  
“I’m not, not talking to you.”   
“Papi suggested meeting you before I even told him we had planned it,” she said trying to brighten his mood.  
“Oh yea?” he said grinning a little.   
“Yea, so you want to come?”   
“I said I would,” he said.   
She huffed, he was being stubborn.   
“What?” he said looking down at her again through barely open eyes.   
“What’s wrong?” she asked.   
“I just… I don’t know if you think I should slow myself down.”   
“Like how?”   
“Like I know you said you don’t think about stuff, but I really do and maybe I shouldn’t… not if you don’t,” he said.   
She knew the ‘stuff’ he was talking about was being married, so she said, “I think you and I just don’t think of the same thing when someone says that word, you think of it like that’s the thing that makes it real and for forever… to me it’s already real and for forever, with or without that word… but it scares me, not because of you I already told you what I would say if you asked, even if you asked me right now probably… but the idea of that in general, just brings up this image of being a stepford wife to me.”   
“I get that,” he said, relaxing a little, then he grinned, “if I asked you right now?”   
“Maybe,” she blushed.   
“Well,” he sighed, “that’s good because…” he paused giving her time to freak out, he shrugged and said, “it just is.”   
She slapped his arm and then put her hand behind his neck, pulling herself up to kiss him. He took his hands out of his pockets and put them around her and he laughed as she kissed him.  
“You’re an asshole Elliot Alderson,” she whispered.  
“And you’re stuck with me,” he said, grinning.   
“Oh, is that so?” she said.   
“Yeah, that word or not,” he said nibbling her lip. She smiled and they kissed until they heard Darlene open the door. Raine backed away and straightened her dress.   
“We good?” Darlene asked.   
“Yea,” Raine said.   
“I’m sleeping here tonight,” Darlene said.  
“Cool,” Raine said. They smoked and talked for a while, Darlene laid down on the top of the picnic table and Elliot sat on the seat with Raine sitting on his lap sideways. Darlene started singing ‘last dance with mary jane’ and Raine joined in. “Come on babe, sing with us,” Raine said.   
“Nah, I’m good,” he said puffing his cigarette. She watched him as he blew smoke into the air and he saw her watching him and hid a grin. She giggled lightly, and he gave her a little spank and said, “be good.”   
“It’s hard,” she said.  
He raised an eyebrow and started to say something then shook his head, and instead looked at his phone and said, “I should probably head home, I have to be up early tomorrow.”   
They stood and he said goodbye to Darlene and then he told Raine he’d text her when he got home.   
“Okay,” Raine said touching his face as he kissed her goodbye.   
He pulled his hood up over his head and walked away. She felt an ache in the center of her and let out a little whine.   
“You have got it bad,” Darlene said, throwing her arm around Raine.   
Raine sighed and said, “I am pathetic, he’s right there walking away, and I miss him, everything inside of me wants to run after him right now, that’s pathetic, like I feel desperate and pathetic.”   
“It would be pathetic, if he didn’t feel the same way,” Darlene said.  
“So, what is it called when we both feel this way?” she asked.  
“It’s love, duh,” Darlene laughed.  
“I guess I’ve never been in love before,” Raine said almost to herself.   
“Come on Juliet,” Darlene said.  
“No, that story ends bad,” she said.   
“So, why’d you name the elephant Sam?” Darlene asked. Raine explained it to her as they walked up to her apartment. When they got in Darlene said, “So good news about your case.”   
“Thank God, what happened?” Raine asked.  
“Well I got Dom your medical records,” she said.  
“How did… never mind, continue,” Raine said.  
“Well they all look very incriminating, but we tracked down a nurse who was on duty when you lost your ovaries, and she remembered him very clearly bringing you in and yelling ‘I think I killed her’ repeatedly.”   
“Wow,” Raine said.   
“I know I can’t believe she remembered,” Darlene said.  
“I can’t believe he cared if I died, I didn’t know who even took me to the hospital… because afterward he kept telling me he wished I would have died.”   
“Well maybe he didn’t want to go to jail for murder,” Darlene said.  
“True, is that all?”   
“Dom said the nurse wanted to go to the police and you said you didn’t remember what happened, so she didn’t think you’d press charges, she gave Dom an official statement and is willing to testify against him.”   
Raine rolled her eyes and wiped a tear, “I didn’t remember at that time, it took weeks to dig that out of my subconscious, I guess I should have known.”   
“Hey, it’s okay, we will get him now, we are so close, and what about the time you were in the hospital for malnourishment?” Darlene asked.   
“Oh, he kept me locked in his basement for like two weeks… he fed me a little but not enough and I passed out, I think he thought I was dead then too,” Raine said.   
Darlene let out a stream of cuss words, then said, “if we don’t get him, I’ll kill him myself.”   
“No, now you sound like Elliot,” Raine said.  
“Does he know any of this?” Darlene asked.  
“I left out a lot so he wouldn’t have a reaction like… that,” she said.   
“Good, don’t tell him, he doesn’t need to ever hear that,” Darlene said. Raine agreed then as if knowing he was being discussed Raine’s phone rang and it was Elliot.   
“Hello?” she said.  
“Hey baby,” he said.  
“Hi,” Raine said sweetly, Darlene rolled her eyes and pretended to gag herself jokingly.   
“What are you doing?” he asked.  
“Talking to Darlene,” she said, “she’s making faces at me because we are too cute.”   
“Tell her to shut up,” he said.   
“Elliot said to stop,” Raine laughed.   
“Tell him to suck my dick,” Darlene said.   
Raine laughed and Elliot sighed, then he said, “anyway, I know I said I would text but I wanted to call instead, just to hear your voice.”   
“Aww, I’m glad you did,” she said, flipping off Darlene who was making lewd gestures at her.   
“Really?” he asked.  
“Yes, of course, I felt physical pain when you left just from like, missing you, and that was before you even got out of the ally,” she said, then wondered if she’d said too much and asked, “is that pathetic?”   
Elliot laughed, “no, but I’m sorry you felt that, maybe you can cuddle with Sam and feel close to me.”   
“I am already,” she said.   
He let out a little sexy laugh and she felt like melting into her mattress, then he said, “I can’t wait to see you tomorrow, if you want I’ll probably be at work late but maybe you can come in and have lunch with me?”   
“Oh, yea I get off at like three though so noon?” she asked.  
“I meant I’d be working late as in all night, I’ll take a late lunch after you get off work,” he said, “that’s why I wanted to do that because there’s no way I’ll make it out in time to see you outside of work.”   
“Oh okay, yea that sounds fun,” she said, though she was a little nervous to be in such a corporate environment.   
“Cool, I’ll text you the address and we can talk about details tomorrow,” he said, sounding almost professional.   
She giggled a little, “yes sir.”   
He laughed lightly again and a tingle went up her spine, Darlene was on her laptop trying to ignore her probably.   
Elliot said, “I’ll let you go so you can get some sleep.”   
She whimpered jokingly and said, “okay, I guess.”   
“I miss you too, love you,”   
“I love you,” she said.   
He moaned and whispered, “say it again.”   
She giggled, “I love you.”   
“One more time,” he said.   
“Elliot,” she said.   
“Okay, I’ll stop,” he said.  
“I love you,” she said.  
“Thank you,” he laughed, “love you, goodnight.”   
“Goodnight,” she said, then hung up. She laid there smiling at her phone and Darlene turned around. Raine looked at her and then hugged her phone.   
“Ugh, you guys are literally so cute it’s disgusting… like actually disgusting, you know that right?” Darlene asked.  
Raine giggled, “you don’t understand, he’s a baby lamb and I love him.”   
“Oh, that explains it,” Darlene rolled her eyes, but Raine could see that she was happy for both of them.   
“What all did he say about this weekend?” Raine asked.  
“Well he left off the details but said, you guys screwed like rabbits and mostly he kept going on and on about how in love with you he is, he seriously told me that he’s sure he’s going to marry you,” Darlene said.   
“There’s no way Elliot used the phrase ‘screwed like rabbits’,” Raine said.  
“No his exact words were, ‘stop asking me if I got laid yet, Darlene, we had sex at least once every hour and I fucked her until she couldn’t walk, does that answer your question’ and I said, gross and he said ‘that’s why you don’t ask your brother about his sex life’,” Darlene said shrugging. Raine started laughing and got up to change into Elliot’s shirt, Darlene started to comment but Raine said ‘don’t say a word’ and got back in bed and hugged her best friend.   
“What was that for?” Darlene asked.  
“Because I love you, and because you’ve done so much for me, we can talk about Dom and I’ll shut up about Elliot if you want, I know I’ve been talking about him too much,” Raine said.  
“No, Dom and I haven’t had any cute conversations, just talking about the case, we’ve hooked up a few times but we don’t talk about us, besides you’ve been single since I’ve known you, I have talked your ear off about my relationships, it’s your turn, you deserve this happiness, so come on tell me everything,” Darlene said laying down and covering up like she was waiting for a bed time story.   
“Well first of all the whole ‘until I couldn’t walk’ thing is true, I was… I mean I know I shouldn’t tell you this but damn he’s so good, that’s all I’m going to say, but aside from that what did he say about getting married?” Raine asked.  
“He was going on and on telling me things he loved about you, which by the way is everything apparently, and he just accidently blurted out, ‘I will marry that girl someday’ and I was like Elliot you’ve been dating a week and he insisted that he just ‘knew’ you were his soulmate,” Darlene shrugged.   
“I think he’s right,” Raine said.   
“You would marry him? Like soon?” Darlene asked.  
“I would, if he asked, you know how I feel about marriage but since I know Elliot wouldn’t want me to be some weird housewife and would let me just be me, like I don’t care if we are married, I just want to be with him for the rest of my life and see him all the time,” Raine said.  
“That’s what marriage is in the real world, you know outside the minds of disturbed misogynists like your ex, I mean most marriages do suck but I think the only real point is supposed to be to promise to be together forever,” Darlene said.   
“I need to rewire my brain to stop thinking it’s what Luke always said it was, maybe Krista can help, but as far as Elliot being with me for the rest of my life, it wouldn’t suck,” she laughed, “I do think we need to be together for a while longer to really be sure, the only real problem is him finding out this whole Luke thing, once we get through this, things will be easier for me, I can’t marry him with this secret, I don’t even want him to ask me until he knows this because he knows I have this baggage but he might not want to be with someone who has this problem still in her life,” Raine said.  
“I don’t think that will be a problem, I think he will be mad and hurt that we kept it from him but he’ll get over it, we did it for his own good,” Darlene said. They talked more about everything until they fell asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raine takes a trip to Elliot's work to visit and finds out some new things about him.

Morning came fast and they got up in a daze and got ready for work. They were working the same shift today and Raine was glad because she loved working with Darlene, not only was it more fun but Darlene made her job so much easier, they were in sync with each other and could get more done together than three times as many people would. They weren’t that busy so at around one, Raine went into the office and made sure she was caught up on paperwork and bills. She avoided looking at the drier as she worked and before she knew it her shift was over. Elliot texted her at exactly three o’clock, it said, ‘what’s your eta?’ she laughed but his professional language gave her an idea. She told him around four or four-thirty and ran upstairs to change. She put on some light mint green skintight skinny jeans, and even though they were jeans they looked professional. She put on a white sleeveless button-down blouse tucked in. Then she put her hair up in a professional looking bun that showed mostly the black parts of her hair and hid a lot of the pink. She kept it a little loose so she could have some short tendrils in the front to look more business-sexy than business-business. She did her makeup and wore bold red lipstick that made her thick lips stand out against the light colors she used on her eyes. Then for a final touch she put on fake black rimmed glasses that made her look like a sexy teacher. She wore white high heels that looked like something a professional would wear and headed downstairs. When she got to the kitchen Darlene said, “whoa.”   
“You like it?” Raine laughed.  
“You’re having lunch with Elliot in that?” Darlene asked.  
“Do I not look professional?” she asked.  
“Yea but you are working them jeans and if I were Elliot, I’d be having you for lunch if you came to my office in that,” Darlene said.   
“That’s the point,” Raine laughed.   
“You’re trying to kill my brother?” Darlene teased.   
“Oh, come on it’s not that sexy, it’s professional with a splash of sexy,” Raine said.   
“Splash like a tsunami,” Darlene said.   
“Is it too much? Should I tone it down?” Raine asked.  
“No you just look really hot, I think it will be good for Elliot to be seen with you at work, I think a lot of the people there see him as a recluse that never gets laid, he’ll be so happy to show you off in that,” Darlene said.   
Raine asked Elliot if he wanted her to bring lunch or wait until she got there and he said he was ordering in, the company has a service apparently. So, she got a cab and headed out to the business district. She paid the cab and walked up to the looming building, it looked so new and clean and big. It wasn’t a tech company but they had a tech department where Elliot worked, on the seventh floor. She walked in and her heels clicked on the tile and it made her feel more confident, like she belonged in a building like this. She started to go directly to the elevators at the back of the lobby but heard someone say, “Excuse me.”   
She turned to the secretary who was seated behind a tall round desk with a taller counter on the outside of the desk.  
“Can I help you?” the secretary asked. Raine walked over and read her name tag, it said ‘Cindy’.  
“Hello Cindy, I’m here to see Elliot Alderson, he works in tech on the…” she started.  
“I know who Mr. Alderson is,” Cindy scoffed rudely, “what is your business with him?”   
“Well actually it’s personal, I was meeting him for lunch,” Raine said, setting her small white clutch on the counter and putting her hand on her hip. Cindy rolled her eyes and handed her a clipboard, “sign in, he’ll have to confirm your meeting before I let you upstairs.” Cindy looked around thirty-five, pretty, clean and polished. Raine wondered why she seemed so cold and hateful and wondered briefly if she had a crush on Elliot. Cindy picked up her phone and pushed a few buttons, after a moment she said, “Mr. Alderson you have a visitor downstairs, she says she’s meeting you for lunch.” After a beat she said, “the new building policy is that you have to confirm a guest down here.” Raine knew this was true because she had saw the spot on the sign in sheet for Elliot to initial his confirmation of a guest. She had to write her name, his name and her reason for being there, then he had to initial at the end of the line. It was true; however, she saw several lines where the initial part was blank, meaning it wasn’t always strictly enforced. Cindy hung up and smiled smugly up at her, Raine crossed her arms and waited for Elliot. When she saw an elevator in the long line of elevators start to open, she straightened up and tried to look sexy and uninterested, Cindy watched her, seeming annoyed. When the doors opened Elliot walked out in a pair of black dress pants and a black button up shirt, no tie or jacket, he looked amazing. When he saw her, he stopped in his tracks and his eyes grew wide, he looked her up and down and grinned a little. She gave him a little wave and he started toward her. Before he went in for a kiss he remembered where they were and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek politely, “hey baby,” he said softly. She saw Cindy glaring at them out of the corner of her eye.   
“Hey there,” she said seductively. He sucked in a breath and took her hand and started to walk away.   
“Don’t you have to initial this?” she asked pointing to the clipboard. He rolled his eyes and went to sign it, Cindy was seething. He didn’t even look at Cindy before he turned and put his hand on Raine’s elbow and said, “you look… great.”   
She smiled at him and waited until he looked away before she raised an eyebrow at Cindy, who just took the clipboard and threw it down on the desk behind the counter angrily. Elliot led Raine by the arm to the elevators and pushed the button for ‘seven’. As soon as the doors closed he pulled her to him by her waist and kissed her, she let out a little giggle of surprise and kissed him back. Then the elevator stopped on the second floor, so she quickly pulled away and wiped the lipstick off his lips with her thumb. He wiped his lips a little to make sure it was gone and stepped over to allow three tall men in suits some room. They all looked like they took themselves way too seriously and Raine smiled politely at them. She remembered what Darlene said about Elliot being kind of a loner at work and his coworkers thinking he was weird, these men confirmed that by the way they eyed them both. They were looking at him like he was beneath them and her like she was a fresh piece of meat, Elliot put his hand on her back protectively. The guy she knew probably thought of himself as the alpha of the group chuckled and said, “Elliot are you gonna introduce us to your friend?” Elliot just glared at him so Raine held out her hand and told him her name.  
“I’m Jake Rodgers, marketing, Raine… that’s a pretty name,” Jake said, shaking her hand, trying to be charming.  
“Thanks,” she said politely but without any warmth or kindness.   
Jake didn’t let go of her hand and said, “so your Elliot’s…?”  
“Fiancé,” she said, she saw Elliot’s look of surprise out of the corner of her eye and she took her free hand and put it on the back of Elliot’s shoulder.   
Jake looked at her hands and said, “fiancé? Where’s your ring?” like he didn’t believe her. The other two men chuckled, to them they were the jocks and Elliot was the nerd, because some people never grew out of high school. They thought they were better than him, even though Elliot was smarter and hotter. They were all plain looking white men in business suits and looked like a group of clones, while Elliot even wearing a suit still had enough character in his face to stand out, he couldn’t help looking like a male model with his jawline and big blue eyes.   
“It’s being cleaned,” she said, jerking her hand out of his, “it’s a beautiful calla cut, I love it…” she put her hand on the front of Elliot’s shoulder on top of her other hand and looked at him lovingly, he glanced at her then looked forward and fought a smirk. She continued, “but not as much as I love my future husband.” Her voice cracked on the last word and she realized this part of the statement rang truer than she thought. Elliot looked at her surprised but touched and she gave him a soft kiss forgetting everything but him for a moment. Afterwards, she saw Jake look away, embarrassed. They all mumbled congratulations to Elliot as they got off on the sixth floor. She relaxed when they were alone again.   
“What was that?” Elliot asked, smiling.  
“Some people don’t take the word ‘girlfriend’ serious enough, I wanted him to know for sure he had no chance in hell,” she said.   
“Because of me?” he asked.  
“Yes… but even if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t date a guy like that if we were the last two people on earth.”   
Elliot laughed and shook his head, “and then you called me…” he stopped as they got to his floor and the doors opened. She smiled at him and he took her hand and led her out to a hallway. They walked around a bunch of cubicles and most were empty.   
“Only certain people have to stay late on days like this, I’m always one of them,” he explained.  
“Where is your cubicle?” she asked.   
“Office,” he corrected.  
“Oh, so you have an office? fancy,” she teased. They got to the far corner of the floor and there was an office, the inner wall facing the cubicles was all windows and she could see into it. It had an L shaped desk with several computer monitors and several other electronics on it, she could tell right away it was Elliot’s. On the far wall was a big window with a rounded top and a great view. Elliot opened the door and she looked up in time to read the sign on the door: ‘Elliot Alderson: Chief Technology Officer- CTO’, she stopped in surprise. Elliot turned and watched her, waiting on her to come in.   
“I didn’t know…” she started, pointing at the title.   
“It’s nothing,” he interrupted, “come in.”   
Elliot sat in his office chair, which was big nice and leather. The seats across from him in front of his desk were shorter but still leather. They didn’t roll like his did, so she sat down and looked around the room. She turned as a group of people walked past and looked in at them curiously. They looked more friendly and less douchey than the men in the elevator, probably because they were in tech too. She wondered what they thought of Elliot, wondered if they gave him the respect he had clearly earned. She couldn’t really imagine Elliot bossing people around.   
“I can close the blinds,” Elliot said, pushing a button on his desk causing a row of blinds to cover the whole wall of windows, blocking them from the rest of the floor.   
“Wow, this is like… so cool,” she said.   
“Want to touch it?” he asked.   
She spun around and said, “can I?” He nodded. She hopped up and went around to his side, he pointed to the button in a row of buttons. She pushed it and the blinds opened again.   
“Ekk,” she said, “I’m so excited.”   
Elliot laughed, “Do it again.”   
She did and the blinds closed again, and she said, “you don’t understand, the thing about buttons is you’re never allowed to push buttons as a kid but the joy of getting to never goes away.”   
“It’s my favorite part of this job,” he said, and she didn’t know if he was kidding or not.   
“I just want to push all the buttons!” she said.   
“Okay, calm down, come here,” he said, pulling her down onto his lap, facing away from him. He wrapped both his arms around her and grabbed both her wrists playfully and said, “can you be good?”   
She wiggled a little and pretended like she was trying to get free, then she sighed, “I guess I can try.”   
He chuckled lightly against her neck and she got cold chills, he kissed her lightly and whispered, “if there weren’t cameras in here I’d bend you over this desk right now.”   
She bit her lip and whimpered, “can’t you disable them?”  
He lifted her off him and laughed, “of course I can, but I’m not going to, I’m supposed to be staying out of trouble.”   
She turned around and leaned on his desk, “so how do we order food, you push a button and Rosie brings our trays?”   
“Rosie?” he asked.  
“Jetsons,” she answered.   
He laughed, “yes, those trays with the very realistic dome covers? that’s exactly how it works.”   
“Right? Has anyone in the history of the world actually used those covers? Where do cartoons get the idea that, that happens, especially for just like a Tuesday at home?” she laughed.   
“What about anvils?” he asked, “are those real?”   
“Gilmore Girls?” she asked.  
“What?” he asked, confused.   
“The bit from Gilmore Girls where Lorelei is talking about where all the anvils went,” she said.  
“I’ve never seen Gilmore Girls,” Elliot said.   
She laughed, “wow so I’m dating Lorelei, nice.”   
“Who’s he?”   
“She is one of the Gilmore girls,” she laughed, “I think we should watch that, it’s actually pretty good, it’s silly, but you would love Luke,” she said then realized what she’d said and made a face.   
“What is it?” Elliot asked.   
She felt panic starting but fought it, “I just umm, I just realized how hungry I am, I haven’t eaten much all day.” Elliot knew she was lying; she could tell, but he dropped it. He brought up a list on one of his monitors of what all they could order. She picked out some chicken strips and fries with green tea. Elliot laughed at her for ‘playing it safe’ and he got a steak and salad.   
“Oh steak, so brave,” Raine said.   
“I’ve tried almost all of the stuff on here, I know what I like,” he said.   
“And so do I, which is almost nothing,” she said.   
“You can have some of my steak if I can have some of your fries,” he said.  
“I don’t like steak, and you should have got your own fries,” she laughed.  
“You don’t like steak?” he asked  
“Nope, it’s too meaty,” she said. He laughed at her then someone knocked on his door and he said, “come in.” The server brought a cart in and sat out their food and drinks and Elliot took out his wallet.  
“It’s paid by the company,” the server said.   
“I know, this is for you,” Elliot told her, handing her a bill that Raine couldn’t see well enough to tell how much it was.   
“I don’t know if I’m supposed to take tips,” she said.   
“Well then it’s not a tip, I’m just handing it to you,” he said.   
She smiled taking it and said, “thank you Mr. Alderson.”   
As she left Elliot said, “I’ve never seen her before, she must be new.”   
“Does everyone here call you Mr. Alderson,” she asked.   
“Most of them, except the ones you met earlier and their… gang,” he said.   
“Marketing is the tough crowd huh?” she asked, and he grinned.   
“Nah, they’re just dickheads,” he said.   
“So, if you’re CTO are you their boss?” she asked.   
“In a way, they aren’t directly under me because they aren’t in my department, but I guess if you get into it I rank above them,” he said.   
“So, you can’t fire them?” she asked.  
“I can recommend them for termination but what’s the point? There will just be more assholes that replace them, in a company this big, it’s mostly assholes,” he said.   
“So how many people rank above you?” she asked.   
“The CEO, the vice president,” he said.  
“And?” she prompted. Elliot just blushed and took a bite of his salad. She had never cared about what kind of job a guy had, and especially Elliot, he could work in fast food for all she cared. But this was surprising information, and it was kind of intimidating.   
“Does this bother you?” he asked.   
“No, no not at all, I mean I don’t care either way, I just didn’t know… I’m a little surprised is all,” she said.   
He grinned, “you didn’t think I could get a job like this?”   
“I didn’t mean it like that, I just can’t see you like being an authority person, you just seem too nice to boss people around,” she said.  
“You can be kind and manage people, you do it,” he said.   
“At a small coffee shop… but I guess you’re right, it’s kind of the same thing in theory,” she said trying her chicken after she had arranged everything the way she wanted it.   
“Like it?” he asked.   
“It’s good,” she said, though it didn’t compare to Papi’s or hers. But she didn’t complain, she wasn’t really here for the food anyway. They ate and he kept stealing her fries but she didn’t complain, she kind of liked that he felt comfortable enough with her to do something like that.   
They talked about his job some but most of it went over her head, he explained it well and she nodded and tried to follow it. He could be reading the phone book and she would be enthralled, his voice made her feel like she was dreaming. Then he said, “I didn’t know you wore glasses.”  
“Oh, I don’t, these are fake, I just wore them,” she shrugged.  
“To drive me crazy?” he asked.  
“You don’t like them?”   
“No, I do, too much, you look like a sexy teacher, but I can’t do anything about it here.”  
“I’ll wear them again when you can,” she said.   
He grinned, “and what else?”  
She laughed, “that’s a surprise.”  
Then she remembered something, “oh I talked to Krista, she wants me to come in before your appointment this week, but only like half an hour before so the last half of mine will be the first half of yours and we can have some time with her together.”  
“Okay,” he nodded, “I’m so proud of you for going baby.”  
She smiled and finished her chicken, sliding the remaining fries over to him. He took one and said, “you know you eat fries weird right?”  
She sighed, “I was hoping you didn’t notice.”  
“You touch each one before you eat it,” he laughed   
“I’m checking the texture, I can only eat certain ones if they are the right texture,” she said defensively.  
He shook his head and laughed, “okay, but you should taste this steak, it’s really good.”  
“No,” she said, “you know how slow I eat, steak takes longer than most things so I don’t even bother.”  
“Just a little bit, that won’t take long,” he said.  
She sighed, “fine but just a teeny bite.”  
He cut the tiniest little piece and stabbed it with his fork, then he held it out and fed it to her across the desk. She took it in her mouth and he watched her. She chewed it and it tasted like ordinary steak, she swallowed and shrugged, “it’s okay.”  
“You didn’t like it?” he asked.  
“It was okay, I’m not a big meat person,” she said.  
He raised his eyebrows and looked away.  
“Don’t start,” she laughed.   
“Actually, I just wanted to feed you something,” he said.  
“Why?” she giggled.   
“It’s just sexy,” he shrugged.   
She leaned back in her chair and sighed, “I think everything we do together is sexy.”  
He gave her a look that made her shiver, she swallowed to calm herself and looked out the window at the city to distract her mind.  
“Hey,” he said and she looked at him, he continued, “earlier, in the elevator,” he swallowed and she could tell he was nervous to bring it up. She stood up and walked over the to window and leaned against the wall so he wasn’t setting directly across from her, she thought this might make him calmer.   
He started again, “why did you… when you said that it sounded like you meant it.”  
“When I called you my future husband?” she asked.  
“Yea,” he almost whispered.  
“I did mean it, I was going to say it just to mess with them but when it came out it just felt… real.”  
“Are we crazy? I mean love you but is this too soon for us to want these things?” he asked.  
“Probably but who cares? And I said future husband, that could mean in ten years or something,” she said.  
“But I want it, soon,” he said, “is that wrong?”  
“No, it’s what you feel and feelings can’t be wrong, they just are,” she said.   
“But it’s not what you want, I know we talked about this but when you said that I just… realized how bad I want it.”  
“I didn’t say I didn’t want it, in fact, I just said I did,” she said.   
“I know I’m sorry, I’m just getting too wrapped up in my own insecurities, and I know Krista or anyone else would say I’m crazy for knowing this soon, but I do, I know,” he said.   
“Know what?”  
“I want to be with you, only you, for the rest of my life,” he said looking back at her.   
She smiled and sighed, “come here.” He got up and walked over to her.  
“I want all that too, so stop worrying about labels and what anyone else will think or say about it, just enjoy being in love,” she said.   
“I should, it’s just hard for me, I’m not used to things going right or being happy,” he said, “I feel like I’m just waiting for something to mess this up.”  
She instantly thought of her case against Luke and shifted nervously. Elliot picked up on it and said, “what?”  
“I do the same thing, about everything, I always have, but if we feel this strongly for each other and if it’s meant to be, nothing that happens will change that, I know nothing could happen to change how I feel about you,” she said.   
“Me either, I’m not worried about my feelings for you changing, I know they won’t, I just worry about outside forces messing stuff up,” he said.  
“This is about us, just you and me, nothing out there,” she gestured out the window, “should matter, no one else does matter, it’s just you and me.”   
He pushed a piece of her hair off her forehead and kissed her softly, “I’ll try and remember that.”  
She pouted sympathetically at him, “I know what it’s like to overthink things, I do it so much too, but we talk about it, that’s healthy and it makes me so happy that you trust me enough to just open up like that, you know you can tell me anything.” She touched his cheek and he looked down and sighed.  
“What’s wrong?” she asked.  
“You don’t know everything about me,” he said, “there’s things in my past, really bad things that I can’t talk about with anyone but Krista and Mr.Robot and I hope that if you ever know these things they don’t scare you off, I guess I feel like the sooner we are married the sooner I can know you aren’t leaving,” he said.  
“Elliot, are you faithful?”  
“Of course,” he said   
“And do you mean the things you say to me?” she asked.  
“Of course I do baby,” he whimpered tearing up.  
“I know, and that’s what counts, and I know, I know with your disorder there are certain things…” she paused wanting to be as sensitive as possible, “in your past, I know that in order to have it, things had to have been a certain way, and that is all up to you to talk about with whoever you want to, I would never judge you for something someone else did.”   
He was crying softly so she wiped his tears away, “I will never leave you, even if you decided you don’t want to be with me, I will never not be here for you,” she said. He leaned forward and put his head on her shoulder and she cradled his head and rubbed the back of his head.   
He calmed down and said, “I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be, I love you, and I’m so proud of you, it’s so hard to be open like that,” she said.  
“How are you so perfect?” he asked, pulling back to look at her.  
She shook her head, “I’m not perfect, I…” she wanted to badly to tell him about the case, he waited for her to continue, after how he’d opened up she had to give him something, it would be wrong of her to not say something, “there’s some things you don’t know about me either, but you will, I just need to make sure it’s the right time.”  
He nodded, “you okay?”  
“Yea it’s just something I… I can’t…” she didn’t know how to explain it without telling him everything, she gave him a desperate look and shook her head.  
“Hey, whenever you’re ready,” he said, she knew he probably thought it was something to do with her past and not her present but at least he knew something, she felt a little bit of the weight lift from her shoulders.  
“You’re not mad?” she asked.  
“About what?” he asked.  
“I feel like not telling you is like… I’m hiding something, I mean I kind of am, but I have really good reasons, but I feel horrible, I have felt horrible for not telling you, I want you to be in every part of my life and I want you to know all of me.”  
He looked a little confused, but he said, “you are faithful and mean what you say to me?”  
She smiled, “yes, one hundred percent.”  
“Then that’s all I need to know,” he said.   
She felt so relieved that she burst into tears, he held her until she stopped  
“Okay, when is your lunch break over?” she asked, wiping her eyes.   
He looked at his phone, “about ten minutes ago.”   
She laughed, “well I should go then?”   
“Nah you can hang out for a while, I can work with you here,” he said. She walked over and sat down in his big chair and spun around a little. He walked over and spun her to face him and put his hands on the arms. He leaned down and got close to her face and tried not to grin, “get out of my seat,” he whispered.  
“Ohh bossy, that’s very sexy Mr. Alderson but I don’t work here, and you can’t tell me what to do,” she said.  
He hung his head and let out a little laugh, then looked back up and kissed her softly, “please?”   
She pretended to sigh like she was bothered and said, “okay since you said please, but don’t forget, it doesn’t matter what your title is here… with me,” she grabbed his collar teasingly and pulled him close to her, “I’m in charge.” He moaned a little and she kissed him. Then she stood up and he watched her licking his lips.  
“You really are,” he said.  
She laughed, “Elliot, I was just playing.”   
“But I’m not, I already told you, I’m wrapped around your finger,” he said pulling her by her waist and kissing her again.   
“We have to be good, or I’m going to have to ask you to throw me on this desk and … well you know, and since you have to do what I say, you’ll do it,” she teased.   
“Oh I would?” he said.   
“Yea, you would,” she giggled.   
He laughed and sat down, she loved this, the way they could just play like this. She leaned on his desk and pestered him as he worked. After a while she told him she had to go, as she ran her hand through his hair, and he got up to walk her out. They took the elevator alone, the whole building seemed empty. It was kind of creepy, actually. They were talking and laughing as he walked her out to the lobby. Cindy was still there, glaring at them as Elliot made her giggle and held her hand. She pretended like she was going to walk away without kissing him and he pulled her back and said, “No, come here.” He kissed her and then kissed her hand and said, “love you.”   
“Love you,” she said. He turned and walked toward the elevator and she started walking out. She looked at Cindy and smiled, “have a good night, Cindy.”  
Cindy looked surprised that she was being nice and said, “you too.”   
She didn’t want to be one of those bitter girlfriends who was mean to the other women Elliot had to interact with, she wasn’t threatened anyway. Who cares if Cindy likes him, who wouldn’t? She listened to some music on the cab ride home, and a song came on that made her set up and say, “oh my gosh.” The driver turned and looked at her, they were stuck in traffic. The song was ‘sex and candy’ and it made her think of her and Elliot, and their cotton candy escapades. She listened to the words more carefully and realized how sweet it could be, with a different sound. She started forming an idea and ran upstairs as soon as she got home. She changed into comfortable clothes. She spent all evening working on slowing down the melody on her keyboard and writing a percussion for it on her rock band app. She recorded it all on her laptop with an MIDI cord. Then when she had all the music laid down, she recorded the vocal. She thought about Elliot as she sang, pictured them licking the cotton candy off each other’s fingers and body. Elliot’s tongue reaching for the fluffy pink sweetness as she held it just out of his reach. She sang like she was making love to him with her voice, she wanted to be sure he felt what she did when he heard it. Not only the sexual side but the love and sadness. The lyrics painted a picture of a man who was lonely and stuck in his own mind until ‘she’ appeared, bringing lightness to his darkness. A girl lounging in his chair, taking over the spaces in is life that were most intimate. Teasing him with longing looks, begging him to challenge her and daring him to try and push her away. Him being unable to comprehend how something this good could be real in his life. It was perfect for them in so many ways, and by the time she had finished recording the vocals she was both turned on and crying. She worked on editing the track for an hour or so until her phone rang. It was Elliot, “Hey there,” she answered.   
“Hey, it’s me,” he said.   
“I know, you off work?” she asked.  
“Not yet, just taking a break, outside smoking,” he said.   
“Hot,” she teased, and he let out a sexy little laugh.   
“What are you doing?” he asked.   
“Working on a present,” she said excitedly.  
“For who?” he asked.  
“You of course,” she said.   
“What for?” he asked sounding a little excited himself.  
“Because I want to, I just thought of it on the way home and I just finished it before you called,” she said.  
“What is it?” he asked.  
“Elliot, I can’t tell you that,” she said playfully.  
“Is it some kind of art?” he asked.  
“Maybe but not the kind you’re probably thinking of,” she said.   
“Okay, so it’s not a painting…” he started.  
“Stop trying to guess, you’ll ruin the surprise,” she scolded.  
“Okay baby, I’m sorry I’m just really excited,” he said almost completely monotone. She giggled because it was just his way of speaking and he couldn’t help it, but it sounded ironic.   
“What’s funny?” he asked.   
“Nothing, you just don’t say that a lot… that you’re excited,” she said.   
“I’m not used to the feeling either, haven’t felt it much… until I met you,” he said.   
She smiled feeling warm inside and said, “Well when do you want it?”   
“Whenever you want to give it to me,” he said.   
“Ohh really?” she teased.  
“Be good, I have a long night… alone,” he said.   
“Well I can send it tonight,” she said.  
“Send it how?” he asked.  
“To your phone or email or whatever,” she said.  
“So, it’s a file?”   
“Yep an audio file,” she said.   
“You can send it through text, it should work,” he said.   
“Okay, I need to get it on my phone first,” she said.  
“Do you know how?” he asked.  
“Yes, Elliot, I’m not a total idiot about tech stuff, maybe compared to you but I know how to upload a file,” she laughed.  
“Sorry,” he said.  
“No you’re good, I know how it is, when you’re an expert at something it’s hard to know what level other people are on, I’m like that with coffee, I don’t even train people because I end up treating them like idiots, Amber trains everyone on our drinks,” she laughed.   
“Yea that’s a good way of explaining it, thank you for understanding… shit I have to get back, I want to get out of here before midnight.”   
“Okay, tell Cindy I said hello,” she said.  
“Who’s that?” he asked.  
She laughed, “never mind, I’ll tell you later when you aren’t in a hurry.”   
“Okay baby, I can’t wait to get the file, love you.”   
“Love you,” she said, and they hung up.   
She uploaded the file to her phone and sent it to him, then waited, five minutes later he still hadn’t responded. But she knew he was busy, and he probably wanted to wait until he got home to listen to it so he could be completely focused. She put all her electronics away and felt the familiar relief she always felt when finishing an art project. She wanted a treat so she went downstairs and got one of the cupcakes they hadn’t sold today and some decaf cappuccino, because she felt like having something light with lots of foam. Darlene came home at around ten and had a cupcake as Raine finished hers. They talked and laughed until it was time for bed. Elliot didn’t respond to her text until around midnight.   
E: Holy shit babe, I wanted to call so bad but you’re probably asleep, I love it so much, I listened to it five times already

R: I’m awake, I’m glad you like it

E: It’s perfect, every word is us, your voice killed me and I’m dead… did you make all that music?

R: Yes, keyboard and rock band lol it’s not super professional but it’s all I know, I’m dating a texting ghost now? 

E: lol yes… seriously baby it’s perfect, best present I’ve ever gotten, thank you so much, I love you I have a lot more to say but I’m crashing

R: Me too, I love you, goodnight

E: Goodnight

She smiled as she fell asleep thinking about Elliot listening to her version of what was their first official song. She had never seen him so excited about anything and she felt like she was going to burst because she was the reason for his joy. She wanted to tell Darlene about it, but she was already snoring. Instead she hugged Sam until she fell asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when things seem perfect in Raine's life...

Tuesday, she spent the day shopping with Darlene after work because she missed hanging out with her and she wanted some new things to wear. Elliot worked late but not all night so he said he’d come over after they got back, mostly to help Darlene carry the things she had bought back to his place where she kept most of her clothes. They had been co-parenting Darlene for a while like this, she sometimes crashed other places like Dom’s or some guy’s but she actually lived with Elliot and Raine, even before they met each other. Elliot came in wearing his trademark hoodie and black jeans but instead of a black shirt it was white. Raine hoped he took his hoodie off because she’d never seen him in white. When he shut the door he opened his arms for Raine to hug him and she put her arms around his neck as he hugged her tight picking her up a little. She kissed his neck and whispered, “hi baby, I missed you today.”   
He moaned a little and sat her down, “me too,” he said and gave her a quick kiss.   
“Hi Darlene, my sister who I love,” Darlene teased. Elliot actually walked over and hugged her too. She looked surprised but didn’t protest, she looked a little moved by the gesture. Not that they were never affectionate, but it usually required one of them to be upset or for something big to be going on. Raine smiled at them as she started folding the clothes Darlene had bought and tried on at home. Raine had hers thrown around too because they had a fashion show and paired new things with old shoes and things.   
“It is a disaster in here,” Elliot said.   
“It’s just clothes,” Raine said, “we had to try them on with our shoes and things.”   
He shook his head and Darlene started asking him what all he had to eat at his place. They had gotten dinner so Raine didn’t know how she was still hungry but she was probably hoping to coax Elliot into getting her fro-yo. Eventually that’s what he offered and she smiled and started packing her stuff.   
“Hang on, I want to hang out for a second,” he said. Raine sat on the bed with her legs crossed and he unzipped his hoodie and threw it over to Raine who got it and folded it up and sat it beside her. She looked up at him in his white shirt and dark skin and instantly wanted to be alone with him. He sat down on the bed then laid down with his head in her lap. His shirt came up a little revealing a little of his belly. He was saying something to her but she was distracted thinking about the happy trial of hair she could see going down into his jeans.   
“Did you?” Elliot asked.   
“Did I what?” she asked looking down into his eyes, he grinned and pulled his shirt down, she had no idea how he knew.   
“Let Darlene hear your song?” he asked.  
“It’s your song,” she said.  
“Our song?” he asked.  
“That works, but no I haven’t,” she said.   
Elliot took out his phone and Raine said, “no, not while I’m here, it’s embarrassing.”   
He looked up at her and she gave him a serious look, so he sighed and put his phone away and said, “well it’s really good, I lost count of how many times I listened to it.” Then he blushed and she tilted her head inquisitively. He glanced at Darlene to let her know it was private.   
“I love all your music,” Darlene said casually, missing the private exchange between them.   
“Thanks guys,” Raine said, “can you get up a second babe? I need to move my legs.”   
He and Darlene started talking about her songs as he raised up so she could stretch her legs out. Then she leaned back on her headboard and pulled her legs back bending her knees. Elliot scooted back between her legs and leaned back on her, resting his head on her breasts and his arms on her knees. She let one arm fall over him on his chest and used her other hand to comb his hair with her fingers. She listened to them discuss her music and enjoyed the feeling of his soft hair against the palm of her hand and in between her fingers.   
“You don’t have a favorite?” Darlene asked her.   
“That’s like asking which of your kids are your favorite,” Raine said, “but the last one, it’s a cover and I still love it so much.”  
“You made it your own,” Elliot said.  
“What song did you cover?” Darlene asked.   
Raine didn’t want to say it out loud because Darlene knew about the cotton candy, and Raine knew she would tease them. Elliot however didn’t know she knew about the cotton candy so he said, “sex and candy.”   
“Ohhh, and why that song in particular?” Darlene asked knowingly.   
“She knows?” Elliot asked.  
“Yep,” Raine said. Elliot sighed and Raine made a mental note to ask if she should not tell Darlene so much about their private time. She didn’t have any other girlfriends to talk to, so even the stuff she told Darlene wasn’t as much as she’d normally tell a girlfriend. But he knew how private Elliot was especially when it came to things like this. Suddenly, Elliot grabbed her hand and kissed it, he must’ve felt her tension.   
“What was that for?” she asked.  
“It’s okay… plus you were going to put me to sleep,” he said referring to her playing with his hair. He was such a mind reader, how did he know that she was concerned about her blabbing to Darlene? She looked down and half expected him to answer her thought. He didn’t so she scratched the short hair behind his ear with her fingernails and he leaned his head toward her hand like a puppy would.   
“Stop,” he laughed.   
Darlene fell down on the bed and crawled up and cuddled beside of Raine. Raine looked over at her, “I wish you both could just sleep here with me, I’m going to be alone,” she pouted at Darlene.   
“Come home with us,” Elliot said.   
“We both have to work in the morning, and I still need to organize my notes of what I need to tell Krista,” Raine said.   
“I’m pretty sure that’s not how therapy works,” Darlene said.   
“Well I’m so happy in my life right now I know how it will be if I don’t, I will end up just setting there saying ‘I feel great’,” she laughed.  
“You can tell her good things too… so what has you so happy?” Elliot teased, playing with one of her rings.   
She laid her head on his and said, “hmm… I don’t know, I did meet a guy named Jake yesterday.”   
“Oh yea? Was he hot?” Elliot asked.   
Raine couldn’t continue the joke so she said, “nah… but he was a douchebag, I’m sure that works on lots of women.”   
“The sad part is that it does,” Elliot chuckled.   
“What about your work girlfriend?” Raine asked.  
Elliot leaned forward to look back at her, “who?”   
“Cindy,” Raine said mockingly.   
“You keep saying that name, who is that?” he asked, getting up and turning to face her.   
“The secretary, she has a crush on you or something because she was so rude to me,” Raine said.   
“Oh yea, she’s like that, she has dated a lot of the guys that work there, I think I’m the first one to say ‘no’ to her, but they all just use her anyway, I think she’s lonely,” he said.   
“So, she asked you out?” Raine asked.  
“Uh oh,” Darlene said getting more interested. Raine and Elliot rolled their eyes, and he said, “yea, once, nothing major just wanted to go get drinks after work but you could tell what she meant.”   
“When was that?” Raine asked.   
“I don’t know three or four months ago,” he said.  
“Why did you say no?” she asked.  
“Just wasn’t interested,” he shrugged, “why? Are you jealous?”   
She scoffed, “no, why would I be?”   
“You seem jealous,” Elliot said.   
“Shut up,” she said, grabbing Sam and throwing him at Elliot.   
“You really do seem jealous,” Darlene said.   
“I am not! you guys, stop,” Raine said covering her face.  
“Aww,” Darlene said wrapping her arms around her head.   
“Darlene can we have a minute?” Elliot asked.   
Darlene got some of her stuff and kissed Raine on the cheek and told her goodbye because they did need to be leaving soon. After she was gone Elliot got beside of her and let out a little laugh.  
“It’s not funny,” she pouted at him.   
“I know, I’m sorry, are you though? I mean it’s okay if you are, you can tell me,” he said.   
“No, well not really,” she sighed, “I trust you, and I don’t think she would ‘steal you’ or something weird like that,” she started.  
“Of course not, I didn’t want her before I even met you,” he said.   
“I know, but it’s just the thought of her asking you that, I just don’t like thinking about it, it makes me feel like beating her ass,” she said.   
Elliot laughed out loud, “I can’t see that happening.”   
“What? You don’t think I could?” she asked.  
He picked up her arm and looked at it, “you’re kind of small to be talking like that.”   
“I’m small but I can be feisty, I’m half Italian,” she said.   
He smiled at her, “calm down, you’re not worried about her.”   
She laughed, “well no not really, but it still just,” she shook her head, “I just feel like you’re mine and no one else’s.”   
“I am, you know that, don’t worry about anyone else,” he said, pulling her face to him and kissing her.   
“We are so good at this,” she said.   
“Kissing, I know,” he said going in for another one.  
She stopped him and said, “no I mean… conflict resolution.”   
“That’s cause we talk and are honest with each other,” he said, then thought about it, “mostly.”  
She knew what he meant otherwise she’d have pushed it, they both had something they weren’t sharing but it was for their own good for the time being.   
“Speaking of sharing, what was that look earlier, when you said you listened to my song repeatedly?” she asked.  
“Oh,” he blushed, “well you know what you were singing about, I just picture that every time I hear it, us, that time that we…” he stopped.  
“You mean when we were in your bed licking candy off each other?” she asked.  
“Yea,” he said.  
“I know that’s what I was thinking about when I sung it, is that why you blushed?” she asked.  
“No, well kind of, just listening to you, thinking about that I got so… and well I just…” he stammered.  
“Oh, I see,” she interrupted. She bit her lip and smiled at him, “that’s hot.”   
“I don’t know why you think that, it’s embarrassing,” he said.   
“No it’s not, it’s flattering and sexy,” she said pulling him by his shirt into a kiss.   
“I did that too, last night,” she whispered. He just whimpered into her mouth and pulled her by her waist so she was laying beside him. Then he got on top of her and kissed her, “what were you thinking about?”   
“Obviously you, it was the song, the memories, it got to me,” she said.   
“Do we have time to fuck?” he whispered.  
She giggled and shrugged, then someone knocked on the door, “damn it,” Elliot whispered.   
“Same,” Raine said, pushing him off of her.  
“Just ignore it,” he said.   
“I can’t,” she got up and opened the door. It wasn’t Darlene like they expected, it was Amber.  
“What’s wrong?” Raine asked panicked, it was rare for someone from the shop to come up this late.  
“You have a phone call downstairs,” Amber said. It was late for a supplier to be calling so Raine tried to think of who would call her on the shop phone and realized the only person it could be was Luke, she had changed her cell number so many times but the shops number was listed.   
“I’m so sorry Elliot, it could be important,” she said. He started to get up quickly and she said, “take your time, just don’t lock me out, I’ll see you tomorrow, love you.” She kissed him quickly and ran down the stairs in her socks.   
She ran to her office where the main phone was, the other was in the kitchen, she yelled ‘got it’ and picked up the phone.   
She waited for the ‘click’ on the other line and took a breath, she knew who it was from his breathing, “Owner and operator speaking,” she said because she wouldn’t dare admit it was her, to him.   
“You’re still trying to hide but I know your voice,” the voice on the other line said, Raine thought to herself ‘if snakes could talk, this is what they would sound like’. She wished she had her cell with her so she could text Dom. She was shaking uncontrollably and wished she had told Elliot about this, just so he could be there with her at this moment.   
“What do you want?” she finally said.   
“Oh, honey you know what I want, forgive me and come back,” he said.  
“Luke, you’re drunk, go sleep it off,” she said, voice trembling.   
“Fuck you I’m not drunk,” he said. She felt herself get dizzy and knew she was about to start hyperventilating, she knelt on the floor and remembered what Mr. Robot taught her about putting her head down and breathing, she sucked in air and counted one, two, three and exhale.  
“HEY!” the phone shook, she knew it was impossible probably, but she felt it. She looked over at it and glared like he could see her through the phone. She wanted to hang up on him, but he had gone through all the effort of tracking her down, she didn’t know what had caused his sudden motivation but she didn’t know how far he would go.   
“Luke,” she said into the phone.   
“Listen to me you whore, one of my friends saw you with a guy at Coney Island, I told you if you ever tried to be with someone else I’d kill you or him, so tell me his name and I’ll leave you alone,” he said. She smirked a little, the dumbass just let her know he didn’t know who Elliot was, which was half the battle.   
“His name is Jake,” she said.   
“You must not like him too much to let him die in your place,” he said.   
“Just leave me alone,” she cried, “leave Jake alone please,” she begged, to sell it.   
“I’m just messing with you sweetheart, break up with him… and I will know if you don’t, or I’m going to do it, but not cause I want you in that disgusting body I ruined, I have moved on too, she’s hot and doesn’t complain like you did, you’re a bitch, and she’s sweet, young enough to train.”   
Raine’s blood ran cold, “how young?”   
He laughed, “younger than you were when I started on you, I learned my lesson, you were set in your ways.” Damn it, if only she’d have had Dom tap the phone line, he’d be pretty much caught on statutory, or at least suspicious. She was seventeen when they started dating, this girl had to be sixteen or younger and Luke was thirty-one. She wanted to kill him. She heard a noise in the background that sounded like a child laughing. Surely it wasn’t his new victim, she sounded like a kid.   
“Oh, she’s back now, jealous?” he asked. She almost gagged on the phone.   
“I’m happy for you Luke, what’s her name?” she asked.   
He laughed, “I’m not that stupid, remember, I’m watching you.” He suddenly just hung up and she fell to the floor and started sobbing. She couldn’t even hang up the phone. She heard the door open and quick footsteps and someone was shaking her, all she could think was ‘I hope it’s not Elliot’. She knew if it was, there would be no hiding it anymore. And if he saw her like this and knew Luke caused it, no one could stop Elliot from killing him.   
“Please get up, Elliot is gonna come back here and see you,” she heard Darlene whisper. She mustered all the strength she had to set up and wipe her face. Darlene helped her stand up and straighten up her hair and clothes and then Darlene grabbed the phone and hung it up. Raine started to get weak again and Darlene held her by the arm.   
“I need to sit down, I’m going to be sick,” Raine said.   
Darlene grabbed the trash can as Raine fell into the chair and leaned over, getting sick into the trash can. That’s when Elliot came in, he ran over to her instantly and said, “oh shit are you okay?” She was still getting sick so Darlene said, “I don’t know what happened, she said someone prank called her, and we were just talking and she seemed okay, then she just got sick, all at once.”   
Elliot knelt down beside her and she hated this, she knew it was disgusting but he didn’t even seem bothered, he started gathering her hair up and held it behind her.   
“You okay, baby?” he said softly, and she started to cry, which made him panic, “I’m taking her to the hospital.”   
Darlene, who knew exactly what was wrong, she had thrown up from stress before too, said, “Elliot she had sushi and that makes everyone sick.”   
“There’s no way she ate sushi, she hates sushi,” he said.   
“Well it was probably something she ate,” she said.   
“You think you need to go to the doctor?” Elliot asked Raine.  
She had finally stopped puking, so she shook her head ‘no’ and tried to take deep breaths to steady herself. Elliot rubbed her back gently, “you sure?”   
“Yeah, I’m fine, I think Darlene’s right, it was a one-time thing, I feel better now,” she said. She was still shaking all over and crying a little.   
“Why you crying?” he asked, as he took the bottom of his shirt and started wiping her face and mouth with it. She couldn’t believe this guy, she wrapped her arms around his neck and said, “you’re just being so sweet,” it truly was part of the reason she started crying. He pulled her into a hug and she rested her head on his shoulder as he rubbed her back.   
“I really want to take you to the hospital, just to be sure,” he said.   
“Elliot I’m fine,” she said.  
“You’re trembling,” he said pulling back to look at her and move her hair away from her face, “and pale, please.”   
She sighed, “you have to get up early and since there’s nothing wrong they will do a bunch of tests and we’ll be there all night, not only do we both have to work early we have an appointment with Krista.”   
He looked really worried, so she said, “if I get sick again, I’ll go, I promise.”   
“Okay but I’m spending the night here, I’ll help Darlene take everything to my place and come back and bring my work clothes, it’s closer to work anyway,” he said.   
“I’m glad you guys aren’t having kids, Elliot you’d be a helicopter dad,” Darlene said. He didn’t respond and Raine smiled at Darlene, who gave her a knowing look. This could be bad if Luke called back. But Raine knew she had pretty much no say in the matter, if she locked him out, he’d climb in the window. And if she made him go home, he’d stay up worrying all night.   
“Okay,” she said finally, “and change your shirt, I’m sorry you had to get that on it.”   
“It’s okay,” he said and started to stand up, he got her hands, “you feel like getting up?”   
“Not yet, just tell Amber to come back when you leave and ask if she can bring me some water?” she said.   
Elliot kissed her forehead and they said their “I love yous” and he started to leave, Darlene hung back and came over to hug her, she whispered, “phones tapped, I’ll call Dom.”   
This actually did make her feel a lot better, she nodded and smiled, Darlene kissed her forehead and said, “bye babe.”   
Amber brought her some water and she told her a little of what really happened, Amber had worked for her long enough to know Luke personally. Then she helped Raine up to bed, “Elliot should be here before you close, he doesn’t know about Luke still bothering me so don’t say anything.”   
“Why? Is he jealous?” Amber asked.   
“No… he’d kill him,” Raine answered.   
“If I were you, I’d let him,” Amber said.   
Raine laughed, “I would but he’d go to jail, I have a cop working on it, thank you for everything Amber, I’ll give you a little extra this week.”   
“Don’t worry about it, just stay safe,” Amber said. Raine agreed not to pay her extra but she was going to anyway. Amber went back downstairs and Raine got up to brush her teeth and get ready for bed, she washed her face and checked her hair to make sure it was clean. She wanted a shower but was too scared while alone in the apartment, even though the shop was open. She hadn’t gone through this fear in a while, she didn’t shower at home alone for a few months after she broke up with Luke. She took her clothes off and put on Elliot’s shirt and a fresh pair of panties. She left her door unlocked for Elliot and cuddled in bed with Sam. She was still shaking a little, she hadn’t heard Luke’s voice in a year and a half. She couldn’t hide this from Elliot much longer, hopefully the call would give Dom more to work with. She almost couldn’t stand the thought of being here alone at all, maybe Elliot had somehow sensed it. Or maybe it was fate, if he weren’t coming back, she’d be going crazy at the thought of being alone in the building when the shop closed. She laid there for a while and almost fell asleep, then she heard a light knock. Elliot slowly opened the door and walked in.   
“You awake?” he whispered.   
“Yea,” she said sitting up.   
“Don’t get up, you feeling better?” he asked.  
“Yea, I’m fine, I guess it was a one-time thing.”  
He sighed heavily like he knew she was lying about something but she wasn’t technically lying, she just wasn’t telling the whole truth. She slid over so he could crawl in beside her, he sat his work clothes on the floor. He pulled his clothes off down to his underwear and laid down and stared at the ceiling. She knew he knew something was up and she turned away from him and cuddled with Sam, she felt physical pain from her guilt and she let a few silent tears roll onto the pillow. She felt Elliot get close to her and he pulled her shirt sleeve up to kiss her shoulder a few times.  
“You want to have sex?” she asked.  
“No, not tonight, it might upset… whatever caused you to get sick,” he said, like he knew it had to do with her mental state, then he said, “why? Did you want to?”   
She just shrugged and he wrapped his arm around her and held her close. She felt like shit, like every problem they had was her fault. If it weren’t for her PTSD he could be sleeping at home or at least they could be enjoying each other. Elliot deserved someone who could be as good to him as he was to her. She didn’t even have the emotional strength to have sex with her boyfriend.   
“You okay?” he asked, and she nodded, he hesitated and then said, “you want some space?”  
“What do you mean?” she asked, was he breaking up with her?  
“On the bed, am I crowding you?” he asked.  
She calmed and took his hand and kissed it, then let him lace his fingers with hers, “no I like you holding me,” she said. She felt his breath on the back of her neck, and it calmed her.   
“I love you,” he whispered, and she shivered from the sensation of his voice on her neck, and then she felt warm all over as she thought of his words and what they meant.   
“Say it again,” she said.   
He let out a little laugh and said it again, she pulled his hand to her chest and said, “I love you Elliot.” She started crying softly and she knew he could tell but he didn’t say anything about it. She softly cried herself to sleep.   
Sometime later she awoke to the sound of the door slamming open, she turned over quickly and saw Luke jump on Elliot and start choking him. In shock she just stared as she saw the life leave Elliot’s face, she started screaming his name and crying and telling him she loved him. Luke turned to her and then started to beat her and hold her arms down. She closed her eyes and fought, clawing at him. Then she heard Elliot’s voice saying her name and telling her to wake up. She opened her eyes and Elliot was on top of her, she was panting and gasping wildly. Elliot held her down by her wrists and he had a bloody scratch on his jaw. When she saw this, she started sobbing and Elliot let her arms go and picked her up and held her to his chest as she cried.   
“It was just a nightmare,” he whispered over and over.   
“I hurt you,” she said looking up at him. He looked confused so she pointed at his jaw, he touched it and looked at his hand and saw the blood, he shrugged and said, “it’s just a scratch.”   
“That’s what Mercutio said,” she sobbed.   
Elliot let out a little laugh, then said, “Hey, what’s going on?”   
“It’s a PTSD nightmare, I’ve had them before, but it’s been a while,” she said trying to calm down.   
“So, you get a mysterious call, then get sick and then this, does this have anything to do with what you say you can’t tell me?” he asked.   
This is how effective hiding things from someone as smart as Elliot is, she thought. She didn’t respond.   
“Who’s Luke?” he asked.   
She gasped and looked up at him, “why?”   
“First you were saying my name over and over and it woke me up, I thought you were having a sex dream but then you started crying, then you kept saying ‘Luke no, I love him, leave us alone’ and you started swinging your arms and kicking, I thought you were gonna hurt yourself because you were hitting anything you could connect with, so I got on top of you,” he said.   
She swallowed hard, “Luke is… my ex, I dreamt he came in here and killed you and then he tried to kill me, I’m so sorry I scratched you.”   
“Is he who called tonight?” he asked, she nodded. She expected him to go off but he stayed calm, “how long has this been going on?”   
“Tonight is the first time he’s called,” she answered honestly, “I changed my number when we broke up, that’s why he called the shop… the reason he was so desperate to call tonight though was because someone he knows saw us, you and me, at Coney Island, I don’t know if they told on us because they are on his side or someone he knows just casually mentioned seeing me not knowing what the consequences would be, probably the latter. But he has sent me messages, on facebook, not a lot, just whenever he gets drunk or mad, I don’t know,” she said.   
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Elliot asked looking hurt.   
“I didn’t want you doing something about it, and getting yourself in trouble,” she said.   
“Well I have to do something,” he said.   
“No, you don’t, I’m taking care of it,” she said and he looked confused, “I asked Dom to help me build a case to send him to jail, Darlene and her have been investigating and the FBI is behind them,” she said. Elliot relaxed a little, this was going a lot better than she had expected.   
“Are you mad?” she asked.  
“At him? Of course, I want to kill him but at you? No, no I’m not mad at you, but I’m a little hurt that you didn’t trust me,” he said.   
“If you found out about it and the FBI weren’t doing something about it, what would you have done?” she asked.   
He looked caught and said, “I would kill him, I would call Leon and we would get rid of him and no one would know.”   
“See? That’s what I didn’t want,” she said.   
“What did he say?” Elliot asked, “on the phone?”   
“I don’t want to talk about it… please… can we just stop talking about it until we see Krista?” she pleaded.   
He nodded and pulled her close, “you’re okay,” he kissed her forehead and she cried softly as he rocked her to sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tragedy strikes

When she woke up Elliot was still asleep and it was just beginning to get light out. She looked at her phone, it was a couple minutes before six, she knew Elliot set his alarm for six so she just waited, head on his shoulder and watched him sleep. When his alarm went off, he woke slowly and she turned it off for him. He looked at her concerned and she smiled.   
He smiled back, “you’re awake?”   
“Yea I just woke up a couple minutes ago, and watched you sleep,” she said.   
He blushed, and grinned, “you okay? You seem better.”  
“I feel a lot better just like emotionally hungover,” she groaned. He put his hand on the back of her head and pulled her into a kiss. She kissed him for a while and then climbed on top of him asking, “do you have time?”   
“Yea, you sure you’re up to it?” he asked.   
“I’m not letting someone else keep me from what I want,” she said, “this makes me feel in charge of my life.”   
“You are, don’t let anyone tell you you’re not, you’re stronger than you know,” he told her. She kissed him and they had sex quickly so he would have time to get to work.   
He showered and got dressed, she stayed in bed until he started buttoning his shirt. She got up and walked over to him pouting.  
“What’s wrong?” he asked.  
“Look what I did to your perfect face,” she said touching the scratch, it was smaller than she thought it would be now that it wasn’t bleeding.   
“It’s fine, I didn’t even feel it,” he said.  
“I feel awful that I did that,” she said.   
“You didn’t do it on purpose, you weren’t even conscience,” he said and put his hand on her face, “don’t worry about it okay?”   
She nodded reluctantly and kissed him goodbye, “I guess I’ll see you at Krista’s,” she said.   
“Okay, umm… do you want me to have Leon come and go to Krista’s with you?” he asked.  
“What? Why?” she asked.  
“So you don’t have to be alone,” he said.   
“Elliot, don’t do this, I can’t live my life scared, I have refused to do that for two years, so please don’t push me to that, it would be easier but I don’t want it,” she said sternly.   
“I thought maybe just for today…” he started, then stopped, “I know you’re not, but I’m scared, I don’t like the idea of you being alone.”   
“I’m fine, he’s all talk, I will be fine,” she said. He sighed and put his hoodie and backpack on and she giggled.   
“What?” he asked.  
“Big powerful CTO, with his backpack,” she laughed.  
He rolled his eyes but seemed happy that she was laughing, “make fun of me all you want, I’m still the boss.”   
“Of them, not me,” she teased.   
He smiled and gave her and kiss and hugged her tight his voice cracked as he said, “be careful, I love you.”   
“You too, I love you,” she said, and he left. She had to get ready for work, she heard Amber downstairs opening up and getting things ready for the day. She took a quick shower and it was only a little frightening. As weird as it was, she was tempted to take Elliot up on his offer to have Leon escort her everywhere. It would make her feel safer, but she couldn’t let herself submit to her fear like that.   
Everyone at work was so nice to her all day so she asked Amber what they knew. Amber hadn’t told them what happened but just that she’d had a bad night. Darlene came in even though she was off and demanded she escort Raine to Krista’s and she swore Elliot didn’t put her up to it. Raine told her what happened last night on the way there.   
“It’s a good thing Elliot was there then?” Darlene asked.  
“Yea, and he handled it way better than I thought he would,” Raine said.   
“Probably because you needed him to,” she said. Raine told her not to come back to escort her back to the shop but she insisted so Raine just dropped it and said fine. The Alderson’s were going to be the death of her. She knocked on the door and Krista came to answer it.   
“Hello, come on in,” Krista said.   
They walked in and Elliot was sitting on the couch, so Raine said, “what are you doing here?”  
“I just wanted to come early and make sure you got here okay,” he said standing to kiss her cheek.   
“And did you have Darlene come and follow me here?” she asked.   
“Darlene? No,” he said, his tone suggested he was telling the truth, so she sighed and turned to Krista.  
“It’s been quite a week,” Raine said.   
“Well lets go talk about it, I’ll be out to get you in a little bit Elliot,” Krista said, Elliot nodded and sat back down.   
“So did Elliot tell you what happened last night?” Raine asked, when they sat down in Krista’s office.  
Krista nodded, “is that alright?”   
“Saves me the time of doing it,” Raine shrugged, “was he okay, he handled it well in front of me but you know.”   
“He feels a little betrayed but he’s not shutting down or acting irrational, he has feelings of revenge, of wanting to protect you, but it’s not uncommon, so long as he isn’t acting on those feelings, he came to me so he wouldn’t act on them, so that’s a good sign,” Krista said.   
“Yea that’s all I was worried about, of course anyone would be mad, I’m mad, Darlene’s mad, even my employee Amber is mad… but as long as Elliot stays out of trouble…” she trailed off.   
“Tell me about this phone call,” Krista said.   
Raine told her everything from start to finish, including all the stuff the FBI was doing and how they had tapped the phone, she had a few breakdowns telling her but she made it through.   
“I’m glad you took my advice, your PTSD seems quite severe, is there any way you could come in twice a week?” Krista asked, “just for now, while things are ramping up to his probable arrest?”   
“I think it’s manageable,” Raine said, “is that all?”   
“On a much lighter note, Elliot said you have kissed, would you like to talk about that?”   
Raine smiled and felt herself light up, she sighed, relieved, “I would LOVE to talk about that.”   
She told Krista about their romantic date, and the sunset and cotton candy and the toy he won her. She left out all the vulgar details but told her that they hadn’t been able to keep their hands off each other all weekend.  
“It’s like waiting to kiss was pulling back a slingshot, we went way in the other direction,” she laughed, “but it was good, he was so respectful and careful with me at first to make sure I was okay, I couldn’t have asked for a better first person to be with in that way,” Raine said.   
“First person?” Krista asked.   
“Well maybe not realistically but theoretically, since I’ve never felt like I truly slept with someone by choice, it just feels like Elliot is the only person I’ve ever been with, because in a way he is, I’ve never felt so connected to anyone in my life, is that bad?”   
“No,” Krista smiled, “as long as you retain a healthy independence individually, you are supposed to feel connected to your partner, it’s rare actually, what I see in you two.”   
Raine smiled, “I know, he’s been so great about everything, he’s not perfect and I’m far from it too, but he’s so good deep down you know, everything he does comes from this pure place, I love that about him.”   
“Well since his ears are probably burning should I go get him?” Krista asked.   
Raine nodded and waited on them to come in, she stood and looked around at the books for a minute. Then they came in and Elliot came and asked what she was looking at.   
“Just looking around,” she said.   
“You alright?” he asked.   
“Yes, I’m fine,” she said a little annoyed that he had asked her that every three seconds since last night.   
He looked a little hurt at her tone and she sighed, “I’m just looking at books, stop worrying so much.” She went and sat back down on the couch and Elliot followed.   
“Does Elliot’s concern bother you?” Krista asked.   
“No, I mean, I understand it,” she turned to Elliot, “and babe you’re so sweet, and I love you but if I’m just looking around at books,” she shrugged, “I’m obviously okay.”   
“I’m sorry,” he said.   
“Don’t be sorry for caring about me,” Raine said, “it’s just that I worry about you worrying and then you can tell I’m worried and it starts a vicious cycle.”   
He looked like he wanted to say sorry again but didn’t, so he just looked sad and desperate for something to say so Raine turned to Krista, “this is okay, right? I mean it’s not like these are normal circumstances?”   
“If it were normal circumstances I would say it it’s an issue but after what you told me about last night, I have a feeling this is temporary, and a natural reaction from both of you, Elliot you are concerned about how she is feeling, which is natural but you’re also treating her like she’s fragile which makes her defensive, which is also natural,” Krista said.   
“What should I do?” Elliot asked her.  
“Well you both just try to be understanding of how the other is feeling,” she said.  
“We are usually really good at that, last night just… it’s been hard on us both,” Raine said taking his hand, “sorry I snapped at you.”  
“It’s okay, you’re dealing with a lot right now,” he said.  
“But so are you, if you were going through something like this, I would be a wreck, if you hurt, I hurt,” she said.   
“Me too,” he said.   
“Okay,” Krista said taking notes, Raine wondered what she was writing.   
“There is also the issue of, well I think we’ve both said we were concerned that other people, might think we are ahead of where other couples would be in terms of how far our relationship has progressed,” Raine said.   
“Does that bother you?” Krista asked.  
“Oh no, not at all, we’re both fine with it, right?” Raine asked Elliot. He nodded.   
“Well there is no real timetable for couples, there is common and uncommon but not ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ when it comes to the timing of relationships,” Krista said.   
“Awesome,” Raine said.   
“So, this is uncommon?” Elliot asked.   
“Well I would call it rare, just like I would call ‘true love’ rare,” she said smiling, implying she thought that’s what they had.   
Elliot smiled and blushed a little.   
“I hope it’s okay I brought that up?” Raine asked him.  
“It’s fine, you keep the list, I wouldn’t have remembered it,” he said.   
“What list?” Krista asked. Raine explained the list of topics she kept for things to discuss in therapy in case she forgot.   
“Is that weird?” Raine asked her.  
“No, I have actually recommended patients do that before, right Elliot?” she smiled.   
“Yea I’m not that organized,” he shook his head at himself.   
“Well now you have me for that,” Raine said, he smiled at her.   
They all talked a little more, Elliot told Krista about the song Raine had recorded for him. Not for any therapy related reasons, Raine thought he just liked to brag about her. It made her feel good, but it was a little embarrassing. He told Krista he’d play it when Raine was out of the room because she didn’t like to hear herself. They talked about how to handle Raine’s PTSD and Krista assured Raine it wasn’t abusive that she scratched Elliot in her sleep during her nightmare.   
Finally, Krista said, “as far as your relationship I don’t see a reason to keep seeing me together, but I do think for now, because of Raine’s PTSD, you should continue this, just so I can help you, help her,” Krista said to Elliot. He nodded and walked Raine out to the living room.   
“Are you leaving now or waiting until I’m done?” he asked.  
“I’ll wait,” she said, which is what she knew he wanted, but was trying not to ask for.   
He smiled, “good, I’ll see you in a little while baby.” He kissed her and went back into Krista’s office. She decided they needed a little fun, so she texted him, ‘every time you call me ‘baby’ it makes me want to jump on you’ and it was actually true. He didn’t respond so she figured he’d read it when he got out. A little bit later she got a text from him that said, ‘next time, do it’, she smiled. She heard music coming from the other room and figured that’s why he saw her text, he was getting his phone, shamelessly forcing people to listen to her song. She shook her head and laughed, he only thought she was so good cause he loved her, but he didn’t realize that. She looked around Krista’s living room, forcing herself not to snoop out of curiosity. She got on her phone and looked at her social media. Nothing going on there, so she logged into the shop’s website. Elliot had added pictures and some more stuff Raine had mentioned. It was looking great. She couldn’t wait to go to Papi’s this evening to look at more pictures with him. It would help her. She wondered what Elliot would think about her driving out of town alone, she couldn’t take Leon to Papi’s. Well Papi would love Leon because Papi loved Seinfeld too, but it would still be weird. Darlene had met Papi a few times and they liked each other but she didn’t want to take Darlene out of her life. It would be okay to take Elliot, but she didn’t want to spring him on Papi, she knew Papi would want to prepare for their meeting. The nurse would also be there today because it was a weekday. It looked like Elliot would just have to let her go alone. But it really bothered her too, if she was being honest. She liked being alone normally, but she was still shaken up about everything. Elliot came out when he was done and Raine made an appointment for Friday. Krista told her it would probably be on Wednesdays and Fridays every week. Krista told her she had a lovely voice and she blushed. Then they said their goodbyes and left.   
Darlene was waiting for her when she came out, how she knew what time to be there was beyond Raine. But Darlene looked different, sort of shaken up.   
“What is it?” Raine asked.  
“Luke was arrested,” Darlene said.   
“Well that was fast,” Raine said.   
“No, not because of you, Luke was arrested for murder,” Darlene said.  
Raine felt her knees get weak and Elliot caught her and helped her set on Krista’s stairs. Raine put her head in her hands, “who was it?”   
“A girl, Sarah, she was fifteen, he brought her to the hospital, she died of head injuries,” Darlene said.   
Raine started to hyperventilate instantly, the girl she heard laughing on the phone. Elliot sat beside her and he was crying. Darlene fought tears too possibly because of Elliot crying.   
“If I would’ve done something sooner,” Raine breathed.   
“Don’t talk like that, no one would have known,” Darlene said.   
“I knew! I knew he was dangerous; I knew he was with a little girl…” she started.  
“SO DID THE FBI!” Darlene yelled, not out of anger at Raine but at the world, at Luke.   
“This is not your fault, baby please don’t even start to think that,” Elliot said.   
Raine put her head in her hands and screamed as loud as she could. A moment later Krista came running outside asking what happened. Darlene and Elliot explained it to her and Raine just fell over crying into Elliot’s lap as he stroked her hair.   
“One good thing is that, that asshole is in jail, and he’s not getting out this time cause of some douchebag buddy, Dom and her boss are making sure of that,” Darlene said, “he’s not dealing with some redneck minimum wage cops, he’s got the FB- fucking- I after him, and I’ll make sure Leon’s connections in prison beat the shit out of him daily.”   
Raine finally stopped crying and said, “Elliot you have to go to work.”   
“I have to call in, I’m not leaving you like this,” he said.   
“Elliot he’s in jail, this didn’t happen to me, it happened to her… and her family,” she said, starting to cry again.   
“I think Elliot’s right, you shouldn’t be alone like this,” Krista said.   
“I need to go to Papi’s later,” Raine said.   
“Alone? Driving for thirty minutes?” Elliot asked frantically.   
Raine looked at Krista for help, but instead Krista said, “look I know you want to act like nothing happened, and no one is saying you’re weak, but this is a lot to handle for anyone, you don’t have to be strong all the time, sometimes it’s healthy to let the people who love you help you carry some of the load, be glad you have people willing to do that.”   
“But I promised Papi, I’d come, and I really want to see him,” she sobbed.   
“Darlene or I would be happy to drive you there and be with you, but are you going to tell him all this? Do you think he can handle it?” Elliot asked.   
“Papi can handle anything, but I’m not telling him Luke has been bothering me, just that he’s in jail, he’ll be happy about that at least,” she said, “I just hate to have your first meeting tainted by all this.”   
“I’ll go if you want me to,” Darlene said, “whatever you need.”   
Raine looked at Krista, “is it wrong that part of me is relieved, that I feel safer, I feel guilty that she had to die for me to feel safe.”   
“No it’s not wrong, everything you’re feeling is expected but you don’t need to feel guilty, all of his actions are his own, you tried to stop him a long time ago, you tried hard, if anyone should feel guilty besides Luke it’s the police department you went to,” Krista said, more personal opinion than professional.   
“I went to more than one,” Raine sighed.   
“They rarely take domestic violence as seriously as they should,” Krista said sounding irritated.   
They all sat and stood there for a minute processing and then Raine said, “Elliot you can go to work if you want, and Darlene and I will go to Papi’s,” she looked at Darlene, “if you don’t want to stay you can take my car and go wherever you want, and come back and get me, it’s up to you.”   
“I like Papi’s house, it’s cool, if you want time alone, I can just watch tv in the living room,” she said.   
“No, he’ll be really happy to see you,” Raine said getting up.   
Krista hugged Raine goodbye, “you have my number, if you need anything, at any hour, call me.”   
“Thank you so much,” Raine said.   
Krista went in and the three of them started walking to the corner to hail a cab, Raine took Elliot’s hand, “you can come too if you want.”   
“Are you sure?” he asked.  
“I mean, I had the perfect day planned but that would probably get messed up too, so why not? I mean if you want to go back to work, I’ll be fine, but I’d like to have you there too,” she said, “I just feel like I want all my people right now.”   
Darlene put her arm around her, and Elliot called into work telling them he had a family emergency.   
When they got to the shop, Raine went in to make sure everything was covered and get her car keys. She met Elliot and Darlene at the car and Elliot was standing by the driver’s side door.   
“I’m driving,” he said.   
“No, I’m driving,” Raine said, “you don’t even know where it is.”   
“You need rest,” Elliot said.   
“Driving relaxes me,” she said.   
“Excuse me, I know where it is and I feel fine,” Darlene said grabbing the keys out of Raine’s hand. So, they let Darlene drive and Raine rode in the passenger seat because she pouted at Elliot and said she wanted to control the radio. They drove out of the city and Darlene turned the radio up loud as her and Raine sang along to every song on the radio. It was therapeutic and made Raine feel almost normal. She looked back at Elliot and he was looking out the window like he was deep in thought. She turned down the radio and said, “you okay babe?”  
He looked over at her and nodded but he looked nervous, this was the only equivalent she had of Elliot meeting her dad, so it was understandable.   
“I called before we left, so Papi is prepared for company, don’t be nervous,” she said.   
“I can’t help it,” he said.   
“I know, but it will be okay, Papi talks a lot and you can just smile and nod, and look who he has to compare you with, you’re miles ahead already,” she said.   
Elliot tried to smile and put on a brave face but she could see he was still nervous. She turned around and sighed, then turned the radio back up. When they pulled in, after Darlene going to the wrong house twice, Raine turned to check on Elliot. He looked terrified so she said, “hey, it’s okay, I’ll be right beside you.”   
He took a deep breath and opened his door, Raine and Darlene got out and they followed Raine up the sidewalk. Elliot had his hands in his hoodie pocket, and he was watching the ground, making him look like a little kid almost. Raine knocked because the nurse, Bethany, was here and hopefully she had gotten Papi ready for company.   
Bethany answered the door and said ‘hello’ to Raine, then Raine introduced her to Darlene and Elliot. Darlene was on her best behavior because she respected Papi, and Elliot was polite. Bethany had been working for Papi for five years, she was older and had three teenagers in school. Raine liked her, and trusted her, which was very important. They walked into the living room and Papi sat in his favorite chair, smoking a cigar, he was dressed up a little in a button-down shirt and tie and dress pants. Raine and Bethany helped him stand up and Raine hugged him around the neck. She fought back tears because if he were younger she’d tell him all about her day and Luke and unload on him, she couldn’t do that now. Darlene gave Papi a hug and he said, “well look at you, have you been staying out of trouble?”   
“Not if I can help it,” she said.   
“That’s my girl,” Papi teased and they all laughed.   
Elliot stepped up and stuck out his hand, “Hello Sir, I’m Elliot Alderson, it’s nice to meet you.”   
Raine could tell he had practiced exactly what to say and in what order on the way here, but it came out natural enough.   
“Nice to meet you, young man, my name is Carmine Bianchi, but everyone calls me Papi,” Papi said.   
Elliot nodded and stepped back, while Papi motioned for Bethany to help him into the kitchen. Raine and Bethany helped him to the table and Darlene and Elliot waited for Raine to motion for them to come in. Elliot sat on one side of Papi and Darlene sat across from him. Papi looked Elliot up and down, Elliot stared at his hands.  
“So you’re the fella that has my Raindrop all giddy?” Papi asked him.  
“Papi!” Raine scolded but they ignored her.  
“Well I hope so,” Elliot laughed.   
Papi chuckled, “I haven’t seen her this happy in years, that last one was a piece of shit.”   
Raine took the opportunity, “Oh, Papi, speaking of Luke, he’s going to prison probably.”   
“That’s good, really good, who’s life did he ruin this time?” Papi asked.   
“Some girl, she was fifteen,” Raine said holding back tears.   
“Was?” Papi asked knowingly.   
Raine sat down and nodded, Papi let out a deep breath, “poor child, I thank God every day that you didn’t end up like that.”   
Raine felt tears forming in her eyes, and she managed to say, “I know Papi, I do too.”   
Elliot cleared his throat, trying to keep it together, he said, “Sir, do you like the website?”   
Papi laughed, “son you don’t have to call me ‘sir’ I appreciate the respect, but I’m just a poor old man, you can call me Papi.”   
“Okay,” Elliot said, unsure if he’d just been scolded or not.   
Raine smiled at him to let him know it was alright and he relaxed. Then Papi started telling Elliot how much he liked the site and asked him questions and started telling him all the old stories. Darlene joined in asking Papi questions about the old days and Raine smiled. She decided to make homemade lasagna as they talked. Normally it wouldn’t take very long, but she started from scratch. She made homemade Italian dressing first to set in the fridge so it would be cold by dinner. She felt Elliot watching her and winked at him. He was doing great and she was so happy to have these three with her on such a hard day. Bethany asked if she could run some errands since Papi wasn’t alone, but Raine thought she might want to give them time alone.   
“Sure, take your time, but you can have dinner with us if you want, if not I’ll save you some back,” Raine told her.   
“You don’t need to do that,” Bethany said.   
“I make a lot, I’ll send some home with you too, trust me we won’t finish it.”   
“What are you making?” Papi asked her.   
“Lasagna, the homemade kind, homemade garlic bread and I made Italian dressing because I’m making a kale salad with feta cheese, you do have feta right?”   
“I always have feta,” Papi said, almost offended, then he turned to Elliot, “if you aren’t in love with my Raindrop yet, you will be when you taste her cooking.”   
Raine turned and smiled at them, “Papi, stop you’re going to give him high expectations that I can’t meet.”   
“He should have high expectations, you’re the best cook I’ve seen since your father,” Papi said.   
She shook her head at him and laughed, “I think dad was a little better than I am.”   
“So humble, you should take pride in your work, always,” Papi patted her hand that she had placed on her shoulder.   
“She’s like that with her singing too,” Elliot said.   
“Oh, teaming up on me?” Raine winked at him.  
“She sings like a nightingale,” Papi agreed, ignoring Raine.   
“Darlene please give them a reality check, be on my side,” Raine teased.   
“Don’t look at me, I think you’re awesome, not as awesome as me, but close,” Darlene said.   
“That girl is thinking right,” Papi said, then pointed at Darlene, “you should always feel awesome it’s good for the spirit.”   
Raine laughed at Papi for saying ‘awesome’ and then he lectured her on the true meaning of the word, and she let him talk as she returned to cooking. Elliot offered to help her but she made him sit down. They looked at pictures and picked out some for the website, Darlene and Elliot were enthralled by Papi’s stories. Raine put dinner in the oven and joined them, sitting across from Elliot. She watched him listen to Papi, taking in every word. Like he was writing it all down somewhere inside his head. She knew he would have a bunch more to put on the site. When dinner was ready, Raine and Elliot moved the pictures and Darlene set the table. Raine served the food with red wine, and they all ate and drank and she forgot almost all about Luke and Sarah for a while. Elliot went at his food like Raine had never seen before, she smiled. After they ate Papi wanted to smoke a cigar in the living room and talk to Elliot alone. Elliot and Raine helped him to his chair and she lit him a cigar and handed it to him. He offered one to Elliot, but he said no and smoked a cigarette instead.   
“After a meal like that, you have to smoke something,” Papi said.   
Elliot relaxed on the couch and Raine went over and kissed him, he looked apprehensively at Papi who hadn’t even noticed. Then Raine went and got Darlene and told her they needed to smoke a joint outside. After they smoked Raine went in and Elliot looked okay so she figured their private conversation had went well. Darlene asked Papi for a cigar and they smoked together as Raine told Elliot she wanted him to see her old bedroom.   
“Is that okay?” he asked Papi.   
Papi chuckled, “yes that’s fine, just keep it in your pants.”   
Elliot looked frightened but Raine laughed, “he’s kidding.”   
“Ahh she wouldn’t listen to me if I was serious,” Papi waved a hand at them.   
Raine took Elliot by the hand and led him to her room, “this is it,” she said.   
He looked around at her old posters and then at her bed, “it’s cute.”   
She sat down on the bed and he sat beside her, “we can’t do anything in here.”   
“I know, I just wanted a minute alone, to check in,” she said.   
“I love you,” Elliot said kissing her.   
She giggled, “is that the official update?”   
“I like Papi, you cook… amazing, everything I find out about you makes me love you more,” he said pushing hair away from her face.   
“My life is a mess, I’m a mess,” she said shaking her head.   
“No, you’re a strong,” he kissed her quickly, “smart,” another kiss, “sexy woman, and I love you. I’m so proud of you for all that you are.”   
She sighed and felt her lip quiver, she put her hands on the side of his face and kissed him deeply and started to pull him on her as she leaned back onto her old bed.   
“Baby, we can’t,” he whispered.   
“Yet you call me that, knowing what it does to me,” she teased.   
“Come on,” he said standing and taking her hands. She reluctantly got up and put her arms around his neck and kissed him again.   
“I’m trying to make a good impression,” he said pushing her away gently.   
She sighed, “okay, I’ll be good.”   
He grinned and gave her a nod and they walked back into the living room and sat on the couch with Darlene.   
“That didn’t take long,” Darlene said, and Elliot looked mortified.   
Papi let out a hearty laugh, “I like this one, she’s feisty, don’t worry boy no one’s waiting with a shot gun here, I always have let my girl make her own choices… no matter how much I disagreed with them, this time I just happen to agree with them, you’re a fine young man.”   
“Thank you, Sir, umm Papi,” Elliot said.   
“Papi is a feminist,” Raine said.   
“Call it what you want, I just believe men and women are equal in the eyes of God, and there’s no reason to treat a young lady any different than a young man, I’ve seen men become the best chefs in the world and women that could fight two men at once, that’s the truth, and this one,” Papi pointed at Raine, “she’s the strongest minded little girl I’ve ever met, gets if from both her parents.”   
Raine got up and kissed his forehead, “thank you Papi, I needed that today.”   
“I know you, I know you got a lot weighing on you about that old jackass, I can see it in your eyes, I want you to know you are welcome here anytime if you need me.”   
She sat back down as she started tearing up, “thank you.” It was a lot for him to say something so emotional, so she knew he saw how bad it was for her, which she didn’t like because she didn’t want him to worry, “I’m okay though, I’ll be okay.”   
He eyed her suspiciously, and Elliot said, “Darlene and I are watching out for you too,” he put his arm around her, then said to Papi, “I don’t know if you know me well enough to believe me when I say this, but I would die to keep her happy.”   
Raine watched Papi’s reaction, no one else would see it but she knew Papi believed Elliot, she could see it in his eyes, and he looked pleased and a little relieved. They talked a little more until Bethany got back and then they had to leave because it was getting late. Darlene hugged Papi and Elliot shook his hand, Papi pulled him in to slap him on the back, Elliot let him but looked a little uncomfortable but smiled at him. Then Raine hugged him tight, “I love you Papi,” she said.   
“I love you Raindrop, you let yourself be weak now, don’t try and hold it in,” he said.   
She let out a laugh, “I could say the same to you.”   
“I’m old and set in my ways,” he teased. She helped Bethany set him back down and paid her a little extra for today because she knew they had left a little mess, “I’m sorry I just didn’t get time to clean, we got to talking.”   
“Don’t worry about it, I can’t take this,” Bethany shoved the money at her.  
“Take it, for me, it will make me feel better,” Raine said and she finally relented.   
They got out to the car and Elliot drove this time because Darlene was high and little drunk, she had drank, a lot more wine than anyone else at dinner.  
“You’re not crying like you usually do when you leave?” Elliot asked.   
“No, I feel better than usual, maybe because Bethany is there and I’m not leaving him alone,” she said as Elliot pulled out and she directed him how to get back to the highway.   
“I love your grandpa,” Darlene mumbled as she laid all the way down in the back seat, Raine laughed and didn’t correct her, Darlene knew Papi wasn’t her real grandpa, she was just drunk on wine.  
“She should stay at my place, so you don’t have to worry about walking her from the shop to your place, or I could drop you guys off in the car,” Raine said.   
“You’re staying home alone?” he asked.   
“Elliot I’m probably safer now than I have been in several years,” she said.   
“I meant emotionally, you might not want to be alone tonight,” he said.   
“Honestly, I just really want to have sex,” she said.   
This made Elliot swerve a little and Darlene yelled “whoo hoo!” from the back seat, either from what Raine said or from the swerve, it was hard to tell.   
“Right now?” Elliot asked.   
“No, not right now, geez Elliot, you’re driving,” she laughed. He shrugged a little and she laughed, “plus Darlene is here… physically anyway.”   
“Oh yea, never mind,” he said.   
“Driving isn’t a deal breaker on its own?” Raine asked.   
He shook his head and grinned, “We can take Darlene to my place and I’ll drive you home and we’ll go from there.”   
They parked in front of Elliot’s apartment and helped Darlene into Elliot’s bed. Raine undressed her, which made Darlene giggle, as Elliot got work clothes to change into in the morning.  
“So, you’re staying over?” Raine asked.   
“I texted Dom, she’s gonna come and stay with Darlene,” he said.   
“You don’t have to worry about me, he’s in jail,” Raine said.  
“Well this is just easier for everyone, you’re closer to uptown anyway,” he said.   
“By fifteen minutes,” she said.   
“That’s a lot early in the morning, and can’t I want to be with you without it being about concern?” he asked.   
She tilted her head and smiled, “I’m sorry, yes you can sleepover, you can braid my hair.”   
He blushed, “I actually know how to do that, Darlene and Angela taught me when we were kids.”   
“Good, I might need your help someday,” she giggled, “I’m driving to my place that alley is a bitch to get into.”   
He handed her the keys and they went to the shop, “I have to talk to my crew really quick,” she said as they went in the back door. She went into the kitchen and told everyone to gather around, Elliot stood behind her.   
“Okay, first of all, no one is in trouble and you’re all doing a great job, you’ve all been super helpful, second, I want to have a small meeting tomorrow between first and second shift because I’ve had some personal things come up and I’ll be needing a few days off a week, and maybe more,” she said. Everyone nodded and looked relieved that no one was in trouble.   
She continued turning to motion toward Elliot, “this, as most of you know is my boyfriend, Elliot Alderson, he’s made us a website for the shop, it won’t add to your duties at all but if you want to look at it and read about the history of where you work, I encourage that, I also encourage you to leave a nice review if you want, if you want to leave a bad review you can do that also but know that it will hurt my feelings,” she said to scattered laughter.   
“Anything you want to add?” she asked Elliot. He shook his head and she said, “okay that’s all I wanted, spread the word about the site and meeting tomorrow, thank you.”   
They all dispersed but Amber stopped her on her way up the stairs, “you alright?”   
“Yea I just need a couple days a week for therapy and Luke got arrested and I’ll probably have to testify,” she said.   
“Well that’s good right? That he’s in jail?” Amber said.   
“It’s good in that he’s in jail but he didn’t get arrested because of me…” she paused and took a breath, Elliot touched her back for support, she continued, “Luke murdered someone, a teenager.”   
Amber gasped, “oh no, oh that’s awful, I’m sorry to hear that.” She hugged Raine and told her to get some rest, “we all love you and I think you should tell the rest of the crew what’s going on.”   
“I might, thank you Amber,” she said.  
“Is Elliot staying tonight?” Amber asked. Elliot nodded and Amber said, “good, make sure she doesn’t push herself.”   
“I will,” he said, they said goodnight and went upstairs.   
Raine collapsed onto her mattress and groaned, “what a day.”   
“Do you need anything?” Elliot asked, taking off his hoodie and hanging it on the doorknob.   
She got up and walked over to him and started unbuttoning his shirt. He grinned but said, “you sure this is what you want tonight?”   
“I just want to forget everything but you for a while,” she whispered, kissing him softly as he pulled his shirt off and started pushing her toward the bed. He kissed her hard and she lowered herself slowly and pulled him down with her. They made love and Elliot was more gentle than usual. When they were done Elliot started to roll off her but she held him and touched his face, “stay here for while.”   
He took her hand off his face and kissed her fingers and settled back down on top of her, “I love you baby.”   
“I love you, I’m so sorry I kept things from you,” she said.   
“I forgive you, I understand why you did it, and I know how much you hated it, Krista and I talked about it, it’s in the past,” he said, then she saw something dark pass through his eyes.   
“What’s wrong?” she asked.   
“I still haven’t told you everything,” he said.   
“That’s okay, whenever you’re ready,” she pulled his head down and kissed his forehead and he closed his eyes and she kissed his eyelids softly. He let out a deep shaky breath like he was trying not to cry.   
“You alright,” she asked. He kept his eyes closed but nodded, then laid his head on her chest and let her run her fingers through his hair. She was extra gentle with the shorter hair on the side of his head by his ear and he mumbled, “that feels good.”   
She didn’t respond but kept doing it until they both fell asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elliot agrees to a couple of surprising things

When she woke up she was alone, cuddled up with Sam. She sat up wondering where Elliot went until she heard her shower running. He must have gotten up and put Sam under her arm as a replacement. She heard the shower turn off and she stood and walked over to her dresser and waited, holding the blanket over her bare breasts. Elliot came out wearing one of her pink towels around his waist.   
“Good morning baby,” he said.   
She dropped her blanket and he grinned walking over to her.   
“Good…” she started but he kissed her, and she giggled. He sat her up on her dresser and she pulled the towel off of him and twirled it above her head and threw it. He laughed and wrapped her legs around his waist.   
“We have to be quick,” he whispered, kissing her neck.   
“Then quit messing around and fuck me Alderson,” she teased. He did what she asked and she was glad the shop wasn’t open yet, as the dresser banged hard against the wall, and she screamed her appreciation. After they were done, he kissed her softly, “I wish I could stay with you and do that all day.”   
“It would be nice huh?” she said pulling on some panties and slapping him on his ass playfully. He got dressed quickly and grabbed her hand pulling her to him. He kissed her until she got lightheaded, and she almost lost her balance.   
“Alright?” he asked, smirking.   
She giggled, “yea, I am just dating the best kisser.”   
“Oh yea? What’s he like?” he teased.  
“Perfect,” she whispered, giving him a quick kiss.   
“I love you so much,” he said.   
“Love you,” she said.   
“I hope the meeting goes well, I’ll call you when I get off,” he said as she pushed him out the door before he was late for work.   
She kissed the palm of her hand and put it on his cheek, he took it and kissed it softly before he walked quickly down the stairs. She heard him say hello to someone downstairs so the opening crew must have started already. She shut the door so no one would see her standing there in only her panties. She got ready and went down to work. The day went by quickly and she made sure everyone knew about the meeting.   
Once almost everyone was gathered in the kitchen, she started telling them about her situation, not everything but the basics as Darlene held her hand to keep her steady.   
“I posted a signup sheet on the bulletin board, just sign it if you want more hours and I’ll make up a new schedule to cover the days I need off and call in on a rotation if I need off to testify in court, I also wanted everyone to know about the website, the address is posted on the bulletin, I’m sure most of you know that Papi has owned this business since the forties, it is one of the oldest gourmet coffee shops in the united states, so if you want to see the history of this place Elliot has posted pictures and stories on the site, I have hired Elliot as our website manager, he has refused payment so from now on if he orders anything, don’t charge him, ummm you’re all doing a great job and I have no complaints, I’m sorry I dragged some of you in on your day off… and if you have any questions now is the time to ask.”   
Britney raised her hand, and Raine laughed, “okay Britney.”   
“Are you okay?” Britney asked.   
“I am fine, better than ever in some ways, therapy is for getting better, so if you thought I was crazy before, you were right but I’m getting better, and the sad news of the murder is hard but I feel safer with him in jail than I have in years, and of course I will be here most of the time, even when I’m off work so if you need anything as always, I’ll be available.”   
“Well I kind of meant like, we all really care about you and the least we can do is cover a shift or two, some of us were talking and we were kind of wondering if there is anything else you need?” Britney said.  
Raine teared up and put her hand on her chest, “no Britney, you’re all doing great just by doing your job, this place means so much to me and Papi and you guys are so important in keeping it going, I can’t really thank you guys enough.” She wiped her eyes and said, “okay anyone else?”   
No one said anything so she said, “okay, disperse.”   
Everyone went back to doing things and one by one everyone came over for a hug, she was crying by the time she hugged everyone. Once they were all back to work or had left, Raine and Darlene went up to her apartment.   
“Darlene, I didn’t want to say it in front of everyone, but I want to say thank you to you especially,” Raine said.  
“What for?” Darlene asked.   
“Are you kidding? You’ve done everything for me, you’re my best friend and you do so much for me, I don’t know how I made it without you.”   
“Don’t thank me for that, we’re sisters, you’d do the same for me, you have done a lot for me too, you gave me a chance and took me into your home, no one would look at me like you do, no one trusts me like you do, look at me, you looked past every wall I put up and got to know me,” Darlene said, “I love you.”   
“I love you,” Raine said hugging her.   
“Let’s go dancing,” Darlene said.  
“What? Tonight?” Raine asked.   
“Yea, we need to let loose and have some fun,” she said.   
“What do you think Elliot will say?” Raine asked laughing.  
“He can come,” she said.  
Rained laughed out loud, “you’re joking right?”   
“No, he can hang out and watch you dance, I’m sure that would make him happy,” Darlene said.   
“Well we can invite him, but he’ll probably say no,” Raine said.   
When Elliot called Raine told him that her and Darlene were thinking about going out dancing and asked if he wanted to come. To her surprise he said he wanted to come, so her and Darlene got ready in her apartment. It almost made her feel normal, to laugh and pick out something to wear with her best friend. She wore a black frilly skirt with a black tube top and her thigh high boots. She got some really short black spandex shorts to put under the skirt in case her skirt came up while dancing.   
“What’s this about, trying to be modest?” Darlene teased.  
“I think Elliot will appreciate it, it’s probably going to be bad enough watching people try and dance with me,” she said.   
“I’ll dance with you to keep them off,” Darlene said.   
“That will probably make it worse,” Raine laughed.   
They told Elliot to meet them at the shop and they could get a cab to a place Darlene knew, they didn’t plan to stay out late because Elliot and Darlene had to work the next day and Raine had therapy. Darlene wore a red leather skirt and biker books, with a long-sleeved black shirt. Raine was laughing at something Darlene said when she saw Elliot walk in. She stopped breathing for a second and Darlene looked over to see what she was staring at.   
Elliot sauntered in a show white, tight sweater and black jeans, it looked like he had combed his hair back, which was rare. She smiled at him and he looked at her up and down and grinned.   
“You look nice,” he said.   
She nodded because she’d never seen him look like this and she was speechless. Darlene nudged her with her elbow.   
“Where’s your hoodie?” was all Raine could manage to say.   
“I made myself leave it home,” he said, laughing a little.   
“Oh,” she breathed unable to stop looking at him.   
“Is something wrong?” he asked.   
“I umm, you look… good,” she stammered.   
Darlene laughed at her and Elliot blushed, he took her hand and kissed her cheek. She wanted to forget all about dancing and take him upstairs but resisted. Darlene started out the door and Elliot walked with her leading Raine behind him by the hand. Darlene asked if he was planning to dance with them and he laughed and said no but he had a plan. Raine followed them out the door like a puppy, she swore she almost started panting watching the muscles moving under his shirt as he walked. She touched her mouth to make sure it was closed and thankfully it was. They got a cab and Elliot let Raine in behind Darlene, she wondered what kind of plan he had for when they got there, it made her a little nervous.   
They got to the place Darlene had instructed the driver to take them to, and they got out. Elliot pulled Raine close and whispered, “are you wearing shorts under your skirt?”   
She laughed because he could only know that if he were looking, “yes why?”   
“I just never saw anyone do that before,” he said.   
“I just don’t want anyone seeing things they shouldn’t,” she said.   
He didn’t say anything and followed Darlene, there was a long line around the block, but Darlene went straight to the door. The bouncer looked her and Raine up and down and said, “you two are hot enough,” then he looked at Elliot, “so are you,” and he let them in without even carding them. The place was crowded and Raine could feel Elliot’s anxiety, so she squeezed his hand. He sat at a table in the corner and she leaned over and whispered, “thanks for doing this, I know you hate it.”   
He waved his hand and said, “go have fun.”   
Darlene dragged her out to the dance floor, and they danced together, occasionally shooing men away. Elliot watched and drank slowly, Raine watched him watching her body as she moved. It was almost a form of foreplay, and she made sure he could see every part of her in the crowd. After a while he got up and started walking toward them. Surely, he wasn’t going to join them. She put her arm around his neck when he walked up to her, but he stopped her from kissing him.   
“Probably not a good idea, sweetheart,” he said, it wasn’t Elliot.   
“Oh, was this his plan?” she said loudly.  
“Well he thought this way you and I could both have some fun, platonically of course,” Mr. Robot said, holding out his hand. She took it and he spun her around and she laughed. He started dancing but instead of dancing the way she’d expect someone his ‘age’ to dance, he was dancing more like someone Elliot’s age. He moved his body and she had flashbacks to watching the backstreet boys. Darlene whooped and said, “is Elliot drunk?”   
“It’s not Elliot,” Raine said.   
“Oh,” Darlene said waving at him, he winked at her and she smiled, dancing away. It was hard for Raine to watch him move like that knowing she couldn’t touch him. It was extra difficult because he shared a body with Elliot, who she was used to touching however she wanted, whenever she wanted. Elliot was capable of moving some of his body like that, she knew because he’d done it in bed. She bit her lip before she realized, he gave her a little look and she looked away apologetically. They danced together and she tried not to get too worked up, she kept reminding herself that it wasn’t actually Elliot.   
“I didn’t know you could dance like this,” she said when he was close to her. He put his hand on her back and rolled his abs against her.   
“I think you inspired me,” he said. She turned away from him and danced against his body, she was having fun but she really wished it were Elliot so she could enjoy it without feeling a little guilty. It was sweet of Elliot to give her this, and she knew Mr. Robot was enjoying it too. She didn’t get close enough to find out how much, she didn’t want to know that. If that was an issue, she’d leave it between the two of them to figure out how to deal with. As if reading her mind, he whispered, “he wouldn’t allow this if he didn’t trust us both, relax.” She tried not to think about it and danced as she would if she were dancing with Elliot. Some people stopped to watch them, he was quite impressive considering she was partially professional, he kept up.   
A while later he said, “I’m gonna go set down for a while and see if I can convince him to give it a go, everybody here thinks they’ve seen him doing it already.”   
“That’s true, thanks for this, I had fun,” she said.  
“So did I, keep your head up kitten,” he said hugging her. She watched him walk away and hoped he could get Elliot to dance. After Mr. Robot had set down, she found Darlene and danced with her for a while. She looked at Elliot and he motioned for her to come to him. She started to walk over and someone who worked at the club came up and ask if she wanted to dance on the stage, she refused and walked over and sat on Elliot’s lap.   
“What was that about?” he asked motioning toward the man who had stopped her.  
“He asked me to dance on stage,” she said casually.   
“I’m not surprised, you’re better than anyone in here,” he said.  
“So are you… well him,” she said, confused.   
“Thanks, from both of us,” he kind of laughed.  
“So, he couldn’t get you to do it?” she asked.  
“Not tonight, maybe some time,” he said apologetically.   
“Maybe when we’re alone?” she prodded.  
He laughed, “maybe.”   
“The way your body moves, if it had been you, you’d have been in trouble,” she said hoping he wouldn’t get jealous.   
He just blushed and pulled her into a kiss, she pulled away and said, “I’m kind of tired, you want to go?”   
“Yea, can you stay at my place since you don’t work tomorrow?” he asked.  
“Yea, I’ll go get Darlene,” she said getting up and searching for her. Darlene didn’t want to leave yet, and she wasn’t drinking so Raine let her stay alone. She was going to stay at Raine’s tonight since Raine was going to Elliot’s. They got a cab to Elliot’s apartment and Raine walked in first and went straight to pick up flipper.   
“Aww mama missed you so much, I haven’t seen you all week” she said. Flipper licked her face and wagged her tail.   
“She missed her mama too,” Elliot said petting flipper on the head.   
“You know I didn’t bring anything to wear,” she said.  
“Is that a problem?” he asked.   
“I guess not,” she said, “but I want out of these clothes.”  
“We have so much in common,” he said.   
She giggled, “you look so hot tonight.”   
She started to kiss him and then pull his shirt off, but he stopped her, “I gotta take flipper out.”   
She pouted playfully, “okay.”   
“I’ll try to hurry,” he said.   
She waited until he left and took her skirt off, leaving her boots on, she didn’t wear a bra and her tube top looked like lingerie with her black lace thong. She decided to leave the boots on and sat on the couch for a while waiting. When she heard his keys in the door she got up and pulled a chair from his table and propped one foot on it and put her hands on her hips. He opened the door and saw her and dropped flipper’s leash.   
“Shut the door,” Raine giggled. He did as she asked and locked it, then he fumbled wildly with flippers leash and she ran off, he left the leash laying on the floor. He walked quickly towards her, but she put her and up and said, “stop, sit.”   
She took her foot off the chair and he sat down, looked at her, his eyes scanning her head to toe. She turned and put one leg over him, facing him, she sat and started kissing him. She ran her hands through his hair and pulled a little, he groaned. She gave him a little lap dance and took his shirt off.   
She leaned over and whispered in his ear, “remember that bending me over a table thing?”   
She nibbled his ear a little and he lifted her off him and stood and spun her around. She’d never seen anyone move so fast to get undressed. He grabbed the side of her thong and tore it apart and pushed her back forward, so she was bent over the table. She was sure the neighbors would come knocking any minute, but no one did. After a while he asked if she could finish like this and she said it was okay if she didn’t, but he stopped and took her and laid her on the couch and got on top of her. After they were done, he said, “I’m sorry about your panties, I think the boots got to me.”   
She laughed, “it’s okay I have more.”   
He got up and got her something to wear to bed as she finally took the boots off. She got her ripped up thong and threw it in the trash. She saw Elliot watching her closely as he got dressed, “What? Did you want to keep them?” she laughed.  
“No, just embarrassed that I did that,” he said.   
She giggled, “you were really in a hurry.”   
“I’ll buy you a new pair,” he said.  
“Don’t worry about it,” she said, “it was worth it.”   
She crawled into his bed and stared at the ceiling. Elliot got on his computer and she cuddled with flipper.   
“Elliot?” she called to him.  
He spun around and looked at her, and she continued, “this is perfect, I just want you to know that, no matter what’s going on out there or how bad it is, being here with you makes me happier than anything in my life ever has.”   
He tilted his head and got up and leaned over her on the bed and kissed her, “I feel the same way about you.”   
She held his face and kissed him again, “you can go back to the computer now,” she whispered.  
“I don’t have to,” he said.   
“No, it’s fine, I like this, I feel connected to you even if you’re over there,” she said, “is that weird?”   
“No, I get it,” he said, “I felt like that when you were cooking the other day.”   
She smiled and he kissed her forehead and then went back to his computer. She didn’t know what he was doing on it but she wasn’t too worried, only a little. She texted with Darlene for a while and then Amber to make sure things at the shop were good. Everything was fine with the both of them, Darlene was meeting Dom at the shop and maybe taking her upstairs. Raine hoped they could be on again for good and stop the back and forth. She was still texting dumb stuff to Darlene when Elliot turned off the lights and crawled in beside her. She let him put his arm behind her head and let him read her phone as she texted. When she was done, she laid the phone down and rolled over on Elliot.   
“Thanks for tonight, it made me feel more normal,” she said.  
“I’m glad, I think he had fun too, he’s been a big help to me, I know I don’t always talk about him but he’s usually around helping me,” he said.   
“That’s good, I appreciate him too, let him know that,” she said.   
“I will,” he smiled.   
They talked about everything and nothing until she started falling asleep. Elliot kissed her goodnight and said, “I’ll talk until I fall asleep so maybe you have good dreams.”   
She smiled and curled up in his arms as he whispered about beautiful places with cute animals she could cuddle with. She fell asleep feeling safe and loved.   
The next morning Elliot woke her up and he was already dressed for work. She pouted at him and said, “why didn’t you wake me up earlier.”   
“You looked so peaceful so I didn’t want to wake you at all but I didn’t want to just leave without saying goodbye,” he said.  
“Ugh just quit your job and get back in bed,” she groaned.  
He laughed, “baby, we have all weekend after I get off today.”   
“Fine, but I have to get dressed before we leave.”   
“No, you stay in bed as long as you want, well don’t miss your appointment, but stay and make yourself at home, umm lock up before you leave,” he kissed her goodbye and left quickly. She looked at the clock and realized he was just going to be on time if he hurried. She fell back to sleep quickly as soon as she set an alarm for later. She woke up to her alarm and flipper licking her face. She got up and turned off the alarm and saw that Elliot had texted her apologizing for rushing off. She told him it was okay and that she’d see him later. She got some coffee and wondered around Elliot’s apartment. She was tempted to snoop around just out of boredom but decided it was better not to. She took flipper on a short walk wearing one of Elliot’s sweaters, she was surprised he owned. And her spandex shorts she had worn the night before with her boots. She got some funny looks but didn’t care really, she was just glad Elliot didn’t see her like this. She took flipper back in and gathered her things, then wore a pair of his sweatpants home with his sweatshirt and her thigh high boots underneath the pants. She looked ridiculous but she didn’t have many options and it was a little chilly out. She texted Elliot and told him she’d have to leave some clothes and shoes at his place in case of nights like last night. He asked what she was wearing home and she told him. He begged her for a picture, but she refused. He teased her about hacking her webcam to see it anyway. She knew he could do it but figured he probably wouldn’t do it to her. She closed her laptop when she got home anyway even though Elliot had forced her to tape over her webcam already. She didn’t wake Dom or Darlene and tried to avoid looking at them out of respect for their privacy. She showered and put on skinny jeans and Elliot’s sweatshirt and some ankle boots to wear to her appointment. She gathered some things to take to his apartment later and left it on the dresser. She snuck out so she wouldn’t wake the girls and went to Krista’s.   
The appointment started out light with Raine updating her on everything and telling her about the night before. Krista looked shocked that Elliot would agree to go out and said, “that’s a big step for him, you must be really special.”   
Raine just blushed.   
Then they started talking about how Raine met Luke and the beginning of the relationship. Raine went into more detail than she’d ever gone with anyone.   
“There are things that I don’t remember, like when I lost my ovaries,” she said.   
“That’s normal for trauma, your brain is protecting you.”  
“I remember the argument, I remember him coming toward me and I froze, then the next thing I remember I was waking up from surgery.”   
“Have you ever tried to remember?”   
“No, because I know it’s going to hurt, when I have a flashback like that, I feel it, like it’s happening right now, it’s like I’m actually back there,” she said.   
“That’s common, but it is very difficult, do you have any ways to cope with flashbacks,” Krista asked.  
“I try and do grounding exercises but that requires me to know that I’m in a flashback and not actually back in time, umm Mr. Robot helped me through one once,” Raine said.   
Krista looked a little surprised and Raine told her about it.   
“So Elliot yelled at you?” she asked.  
“No, not at me, just at the room, he was angry at Luke, but it has happened when someone yelled loud over a football game and things like that, it doesn’t have to be anger it’s sometimes just any unexpected loud sound,” she said.   
Krista wrote something down, and Raine asked her what she wrote.   
“I’m making a note to start an exercise with Elliot next week, in a relationship, especially one as passionate as yours, there will be arguments in the future, it’s not unhealthy to argue and yelling isn’t the best way to resolve them but it will happen, it’s just human nature, I want to make it easier on both of you by you understanding that if Elliot does yell, even at you, that he’s not a threat, unless you truly feel like he might hurt you that is.”   
“Oh, he wouldn’t,” Raine said.   
“I don’t think so either, but we have to cover all bases,” she smiled and continued, “so Elliot was mad at Luke because you told him Luke took away your ability to have kids?”   
“Well he was mad that he had hurt me that badly, neither of us want kids anyway so in some ways it helped because now I don’t have to worry about it… although I do have to get hormone shots once a month.”   
“For how long?” Krista asked.   
“The rest of my life,” Raine said, her voice cracking.   
“Why does that upset you?” Krista asked.   
“Well the shots aren’t a problem, a little inconvenient to have to go every month, but it’s like every time I go, I think about why I’m there, I’m reminded of him every single month, like he did something that will affect me the rest of my life and I’ll never be able to forget about him completely, it’s not only upsetting it makes me mad.”   
Krista gave her a sympathetic nod and she continued, “I don’t buy into the idea that a woman’s ability to reproduce makes her more of a woman, I know better logically, but still, he took that from me, I didn’t want kids but it makes me angry that he took something from me that wasn’t his to take, he took my choice, and my organs, I mean who wouldn’t be mad?”   
“It is a very natural reaction,” Krista said, “how do you express your anger?”   
“What do you mean?” Raine asked.   
“What do you do when you get angry? Some people scream into a pillow or listen to music or go to the gym, do you do anything to alleviate your anger?”   
“I used to sing and write music, but that wasn’t about anger, it was about survival, with my anger I just ignore it… and I hope you don’t think less of me but sometimes I smoke weed.”   
Krista smiled, “that’s okay, the cannabis I mean, the ignoring it part is a little more troubling.”   
“I don’t want to take it out on other people, and I can’t take it out on Luke,” Raine said.   
“Anger is an emotion that is a part of every human, you don’t have to turn it on someone else, but you should find a healthy way to express it, I think that is part of why you’re PTSD has remained so severe, you’ve expressed your sadness and managed the fear but you’ve never gotten to release your anger.”   
“Well how do I do that?”   
“Well you’ve suppressed it so deep that it might take a little bit of prodding to bring it out but I think your art is a perfect way to start expressing that, I want you to start writing all the things you would want to say to Luke knowing there will be no consequences to whatever you say, Elliot says you paint, think about all the things that make you angry and let it out in your art, and I also think I have an idea, I’d like to be there to make sure you are okay so how about a date?” Krista asked.   
Raine laughed, “with you? Like you and me?”   
“And Elliot and Jason, if they want to come, since we want to help Elliot get out more and help you express your anger, I think it would be perfect.”   
“How is going out going to help me express my anger?”   
“Simple, karaoke,” Krista smiled.   
“Oh, I don’t know, that’s… I don’t know I’m not really a performer type, I sing when I’m alone,” she said.   
“It could be fun, and I’d like to see you and Elliot out in public together to make sure he’s truly doing as well as he seems.”   
“You’re making it about helping him to convince me,” Raine laughed, “if you want to hang out with us you could just say so.”   
“I do, but I’m being honest about it being therapy related, singing about your anger can be very therapeutic, I think it will help to let Elliot see that side of yourself as well, that you aren’t made of glass and that you have a power inside, so he stops coddling.”   
“How do you know I have any power inside?” Raine asked.   
“Trust me, I know,” Krista said smiling a little.   
“I’m not sure he’ll agree to it but I’ll ask him,” Raine told her.   
They finished their session and she hugged Krista goodbye. She went home and Darlene was there alone, Dom was called out for Luke’s case. They hung out and talked until Elliot came over after work.   
“Hey umm I have something to ask you, but you can say no,” Raine said.   
“Well first, how was therapy?” he asked.  
“That’s a part of what I wanted to ask, Krista recommended an unorthodox method of therapy for me… a karaoke double date,” she said.  
Elliot physically recoiled and Raine laughed, “believe me that was my reaction too, but she said I need to express my anger, I think she really wants to have a double date too, I don’t know maybe she is bored in her relationship.”   
“I don’t know why she thinks we could spice things up,” he scoffed.   
“We can say no, but she said it would help you to be social and she wants me to sing out my anger and some other stuff,” she said, “I’m sorry, we’ll just tell her we can’t.”   
He sighed, “just for a little while?”   
“Yes, she said the place is really a restaurant that also has karaoke, so probably just dinner with them and she’s forcing me to sing so…” she shrugged.   
“I like hearing you sing, maybe if other people tell you how good you are, you’ll believe me,” he said.   
“She also wants you to see my anger, whatever that means,” she said.   
“I’ve been trying but you’re too sweet,” he teased, pulling her into a kiss.   
She sighed, “so I guess we’re doing this?”   
“It’s for therapy so let’s just get it over with,” he said.   
She texted Krista that they would come and asked for all the details, she said the dress was sort of formal.   
“I guess I have to change clothes,” Raine said.   
“Is that my sweater?”   
“Yea, I didn’t have anything else and it was chilly this morning,” she said.   
“It’s fine, looks good on you, I’ve never worn it, Darlene got it for me because I didn’t have any,” he said, he sat down on the small iron chair she had in front of her closet. She took her shoes off and he motioned for her to come over to him. She stood in front of him and put her hand on the back of his head. He put his hands on her hips and pulled her closer, she giggled. He lifted the sweater just a little and started kissing her belly in soft little kisses.   
“Elliot,” she gasped.   
“Hmm?” he moaned against her.   
“I was gonna get ready,” she said.   
“We have time,” he whispered, unbuttoning her jeans. He continued kissing her belly and nibbled her hip bone as he unzipped her jeans. He looked up at her with his big eyes, asking permission to continue.   
“I didn’t say stop,” she laughed. He grinned and got her bottom half undressed as she pulled the sweater off. He held up her panties, “these are sexy, don’t want to tear these up.”   
She laughed and took them away from him and threw them across the room. He kissed her across her all around her center and finally started in and she grabbed the back of his head by his hair. He did this until she almost fell down, so she backed away.  
“Want me to stop?” he asked.   
She shook her head ‘no’ and went over to her mattress, he quickly got up and started toward her undressing himself. He continued on her with his tongue and fingers and she knew she should be quieter because the shop was open but she couldn’t help herself. She gripped his hair as she finished and he quickly crawled up to finish himself on her stomach. She shivered as he licked the fingers he had used on her.   
“Why’d you do that?” she asked.  
“You’re so good,” he whispered, going back to lick her inner thighs, then he said, “you taste like candy I swear baby.”   
She giggled, “you’re exaggerating, come on you’re going to start me up again and I still have to do my hair and makeup.”   
“This is why I wanted to stay home all weekend,” he said getting up.   
“It’s just a couple hours then we can be the only two people in the world all night and all-day tomorrow,” she said.   
“What about laundry tomorrow?” he asked.   
“We can skip a week,” she said, “since you’ve been a good boy and are going out, I’ll think of something special for you tomorrow.”   
“I just want to be home, with you,” he said, “not just for sex, just to be with you and do what we want without other people.”   
“I know, I want that too but it’s against doctor’s orders,” she rolled her eyes, “but I do love Krista and she knows her stuff so maybe it will help and maybe even be fun.”   
He sighed but started getting dressed, “I guess what I wore will be okay?”   
“Yea that should be fine,” she said.   
She got her bra and panties on and straightened her hair, then started putting on makeup, she went for a smoky eye and nude lip. Elliot laid on her bed and watched her in her mirror as she sat on the edge of her mattress, makeup scattered on the floor around her.   
“You’re watching me,” she said.   
“So?”   
She turned and smiled at him, “I’m done now, does it look okay?”   
“You always look good.”   
“Okay but how does the makeup look?”   
He shrugged, “looks like it’s supposed to, I guess.”   
She laughed and threw a pillow at him.   
“I am sorry about this, I didn’t know she’d want to do all this,” she said.   
“It’s fine, I just was expecting to be home tonight, I’ve readjusted now,” he said.   
She put on a tight black off the shoulder dress that hugged every part of her body and put her black ankle boots back on. Then she put on a black choker, made sure her hair was smooth, and turned to Elliot.   
“Okay, come on,” she said grabbing her overnight bag and a small clutch for her phone and lipstick.   
He got up and pointed at her bag, “what are you gonna do with that?”   
“Darlene is downstairs but she’s gotta go get some things from your place, I’m just gonna have her drop this off there… am I overdressed?”   
“No you look… like someone that would never be with me,” he said.   
She tilted her head, “don’t say that.”   
“You do,” he said.   
“Well she wants me to be angry and this is super uncomfortable so I’m already a little pissed off from the fact that I can’t breath and my feet hurt,” she laughed.  
“Well you look nice,” he said.   
“No more compliments, the goal is to make me angry,” she said.   
“Not at me,” he said.   
“No, but it’s hard to be mad at all when you’re being… you,” she said. He just grinned and she made him leave before they ended up in bed again.   
They took a cab and met Krista and Jason at the address she had given them. They were waiting outside when Elliot and Raine got there.   
“This is so awkward,” Raine mumbled and Elliot put his hand on her back to ease her nerves. They greeted each other politely and Jason held the door for them all.   
Elliot took Raine’s hand and rubbed the back of it with his thumb, she knew he was nervous but at least he didn’t have to sing in front of all these people. Something she’d reminded him of more than once in the cab on the way over.   
“You look so lovely Raine,” Krista said as they sat down at the round table the host had brought them to. It was near the small stage set up at the front of the room and it had a cloth tablecloth, a sign Raine didn’t take lightly.   
“Thank you, so do you,” Raine said, which was the truth, Krista was beautiful anyway but seeing her in something other than her professional clothes brought out the brightness in her face. Jason was smiling at Krista lovingly and Raine looked at Elliot who was looking at his hands in his lap, she stifled a giggle.   
They made small talk and ordered drinks, Raine got champagne to ease her nerves even though she normally didn’t drink. When they ordered their food, Jason ordered the lasagna which got Elliot started bragging about Raine’s cooking. She sat quietly and blushed as he went on about her homemade Italian dressing, and handmade pasta.   
“I’m sure it’s great here, but her lasagna, I’ve never tasted anything so good in my life except…” he stopped suddenly and looked at Raine, panicked. It dawned on her what he almost said, and she almost choked on her champagne, she laughed and swallowed her drink.   
“Oh, that’s a little inside joke, Elliot and I had our first kiss at Coney Island, we had eaten cotton candy, so our lips tasted like sugar, that’s not that embarrassing,” she said to him, saving him the real embarrassment of what he was actually thinking.   
“That’s very sweet,” Krista said.   
“Literally,” Jason said, which was cheesy, but they laughed to be polite.   
Elliot looked relieved and put his hand on her knee under the table and squeezed it gratefully. She went on talking like nothing happened, telling them about the shop and the history behind it. Then they started in on Elliot’s job, Jason asked him lots of computer questions and Krista winked at Raine indicating that she had tipped him off on what topic to be prepared with. They clapped politely at the people brave enough to try singing but Raine could see the cringing on everyone’s faces every time someone tried it. It made her that much more nervous knowing they would probably have the same reaction to her. Krista made her go pick out a song, she told her to pick one that most represented what she’d like to say to Luke. When she saw ‘uninvited’ by Alanis she almost yelled, “that one!”   
“You sound very sure, which is good, why that one?” Krista asked.   
“I’ve listened to it a lot and it always made me think of him, every line, even though some of them don’t sound mean enough, all the lines mean something to me regarding him,” Raine said. An explanation she also texted to Elliot since he knew she was singing to Luke and she didn’t want him to think she was being the least bit sympathetic. Elliot didn’t respond but when they sat down, he leaned over and whispered, “don’t worry about me, just do what feels right, this is about you feeling better.”   
Krista overheard him and nodded to her. They went through a couple more singers who were horrible and then got to her name on the list. She grabbed Elliot hand on the table when they said her name, “I don’t know if I can do this.”   
“Baby you don’t have to do it, but I promise if you do, you’ll be okay, just pretend like you’re alone, this is for you to let out all that stuff,” he was trying to be discreet because Jason was there, “you’re amazing, just focus on the real reason you’re doing this.”   
She looked at Krista who just nodded in agreement at what Elliot had said. She took a deep breath and stood up and walked to the stage, climbing the stairs. A couple people whistled, and she looked at Elliot who looked annoyed at them but gave her an encouraging nod. Krista watched his reaction and Raine couldn’t read her expression. That woman would clean house at poker.   
Raine spoke into the microphone, “hello, I’m Raine, I chose this song because someone from my past hurt me very badly, so please be kind as I try and get through this.”   
She closed her eyes and imagined no one was around her, then she saw herself being with Luke, Luke doing unimaginable things to her, Luke who murdered a fifteen-year-old innocent girl. The music started and she was so angry she forgot her stage freight. She knew the words by heart, so she barely looked at the screen in front of her as she sang. During the second verse she started to cry and during the lyric break she let herself cry into her hand. She saw Elliot start to stand but Krista put her hand out to stop him. She wasn’t crying from sadness it was anger, she gathered that anger and turned it to strength to finish the last verse. When the song ended everyone in the building was quiet and staring at her, the waiters stood watching. No one clapped for a second. She didn’t care if they didn’t like it, she felt a lot better for letting out her feelings, but then to her surprise everyone started clapping and some even stood up. She was still crying as she said, “thank you,” into the microphone and walked off the stage.   
She walked quickly back to their table and Elliot was standing to greet her. He hugged her and said, “I’m so proud of you baby.”   
She sat and Krista said, “how do you feel?”   
“Exhilarated,” she said, wiping her eyes, she turned to Elliot, “do I have mascara on my face?”   
He took his thumbs and cleaned her makeup up, she saw Krista watching them, she hadn’t told Elliot that Krista would be watching their behavior with each other because she didn’t want him to feel performative.   
“Is it okay?” she asked when he stopped.   
“You look perfect,” he said, giving her a quick kiss.   
“I have to say that was very impressive,” Jason said.   
“You’re not the only one that thinks so,” said a voice behind her, she turned to see the waiter smiling at her, he continued, “it seems quite a few of the other patrons are requesting an encore.”   
Elliot smiled at her, “I told you.”   
“Oh, I don’t know, I kind of had a reason for the one song and I did that so…” she started.  
Krista touched her hand, “then do it for fun,” she smiled.   
Raine looked at Elliot who raised his eyebrows and smiled, “do it.”   
“But we want to get home early,” she said.   
“I’m fine, if you want to do another one or two,” he said.   
“Okay, one more but that’s all,” she said, she went and found another one and they picked at their dinner until her name was called. She had another glass of champagne to loosen up more and had a little buzz. When her name was called she went back up and felt a lot more comfortable than the first time.   
“I wanted to do something fun this time, and everyone is strongly encouraged to sing along, it’s ‘what’s up?’ by the four nonblondes.”   
Several people cheered and she looked over at her table where Elliot was beaming, and Krista was smiling at her. She started the song and at the sexier parts she flirted with Elliot from onstage. He grinned at her and looked like he couldn’t wait to get her home. She also knew this song by heart and didn’t even look at the screen once, she didn’t just sing it, she performed it. The restaurant sang along at the appropriate parts and cheered when she was done.   
“Thank you,” she said into the microphone and quickly left the stage.   
The waiter brought their check and Jason tried to pay for all of them, but Elliot insisted he pay for himself and Raine. They talked and laughed some more, and the waiter brought their receipt and leaned down to Raine and whispered, “this place is usually stuffy, because of you these people have probably had more fun than they’ve had in years, please come back soon.”   
“Thank you, I will… try to do that,” she said politely knowing she probably would never do this again. They parted ways outside and said their goodbyes, and Elliot got them a cab.  
As they rode to Elliot’s, he put his arm around her and said, “how do you feel?”   
“Honestly? A little tipsy, I had a few glasses of champagne and I never drink unless it’s a couple sips of wine with dinner… how do you feel?” she asked.   
“I feel great, I’m so proud of you,” he kissed her forehead.   
“So, you’re glad we went?”   
“Very, are you?”   
“Yes, I feel powerful and I don’t know how to explain it,” she said.   
“I’ve never seen that side of you,” he said.  
“Me either, so what do you think?” she asked.  
“I love it, like the rest of you,” he said kissing her until she noticed the driver watching them in the rearview and pushed him away, embarrassed.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The couple maneuvers several obstacles in their relationship and Elliot reveals a secret to her.

They got to his apartment and she stripped her clothes off before he even shut the door. For some reason the warmth of the cab had made the champagne hit her harder and she was really buzzed.  
“Ugh sweats or nothing from now on,” she said. She was wearing a strapless bra and she took it off and threw it in her bag.   
“Are you drunk?” he laughed.  
“No!... well a little,” she giggled, “but you just don’t understand the pain of girl clothes.”   
“Well as far as I’m concerned you can wear anything… or nothing,” he grinned at her.   
“You’re so sexy Elliot,” she said kissing him and pulling him over to his bed.   
“Wait, I gotta take flipper out,” he tried to say as she bit his lower lip.  
“I’ll be so quick,” she pouted, setting on the edge of his bed.  
“You can wait five minutes,” he laughed.   
“Okay, but I might pass out, so you have my permission to do me in my sleep,” she said.   
“I don’t think I’ll be doing that,” he laughed kissing her nose, “make some coffee, sober up a little I don’t want to take advantage of you when you’re drunk.”   
She scoffed, “I’m serious, you could do what you want to me, even when I’m asleep, it’s fine, I love you.”   
“I love you too, but we’ll see what you say about that when you’re sober okay?” he said getting flipper ready.   
“Fine but I’ll write it down and I will say the same thing then,” she said crawling back into his bed.   
“Please stay inside, please,” he said leaving and locking the door behind him like she couldn’t unlock it from the inside.   
She laid on the bed waiting, the room started to spin so she got up and walked around. She started to make some coffee but then someone knocked.   
“I’m naked, who is it?” she yelled.   
“I forgot my key,” Elliot said.   
She looked through the peephole, it was indeed Elliot, so she opened the door and he walked in and said, “you always answer the door like that?”   
She stood there holding the door open and he took it and shut it quickly.   
“Sometimes I answer in a hot pink bra remember?” she asked.   
“Yea I remember,” he said and took flippers collar off. Then he took her by the shoulders and sat her at the table, “why didn’t you get dressed?”   
“I didn’t want to,” she said standing up.   
He sighed and unbuttoned his shirt and untucked it, she giggled, “you’re so hot.”   
He grinned and brought the shirt over and put it around her and she put her arms in it then he pulled the front closed around her. She looked down at herself, “I like it.”   
He nodded, “sexy, now sit and I’ll make some coffee,” he said.   
“I started to, but you came back,” she said sitting at the table. He started making coffee then changed into sweatpants. She laid her head in her arms on the table, “Elliot?” she called to him. He came over and said, “what’s wrong?”   
“I don’t like this,” she whined into her arms.  
“Being drunk?” he asked.   
“I’m not drunk but almost, I don’t like it,” she said.   
“I know, I’ll get you some coffee and maybe you’ll feel better okay?” he rubbed the back of her head. He fixed her a cup and she started to drink it as he straightened up his apartment and got on his computer. She sobered up a lot after a couple of cups and walked over to him. He looked over at her and she opened her shirt and closed it quickly, flashing her breasts at him. He laughed and slid his chair back turning to face her. She pointed at his computer and said, “what are you doing?”   
“Nothing,” he said quickly exiting out of a bunch of screens. She saw some newspaper articles about Luke’s trial, and she sighed frowning at him.   
“Don’t lie Elliot, what are you doing?”   
“I was just checking the news about what’s going on, I know you don’t want to so I’m keeping up with it,” he said.   
“Dom will let me know what I need to know, when I need to,” she said and walked over and laid down on his bed. He jumped up and came over, so she turned over facing away from him.   
“Now your mad?” he asked.   
“I don’t know… I’m processing,” she said.   
“I won’t look at anymore, of it,” he said.   
“I didn’t say that you couldn’t, I’m processing, I’m thinking about what I would do in your position,” she said.   
“Oh,” he said softly.   
“I would probably do the same thing, I would be super curious, I’m not gonna act like I didn’t look at stuff about Angela and Shayla, I looked at Olivia’s Facebook,” she said.   
“Why?” he asked.  
“Curiosity? Jealousy? I don’t know, but none of them were like Luke, but I didn’t tell you, so I guess we’re even,” she said.   
“I just didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want you to think about it,” he said.   
“I know,” she said, “you’re not hacking him and stuff, are you?”   
“No, there’s no reason, he’s in jail, if I could make things worse for him I would, jail isn’t going to be easy for him, Leon will see to that,” he said.   
“Elliot,” she scolded.   
“It can’t be traced back to me, do you really think they are going to investigate a douchebag like him getting beaten every day in jail? They don’t care about why fights happen, they happen all the time, especially to rich entitled assholes like him.”   
She tried to find some sort of sympathy for Luke, at the very least to let Elliot know it was wrong, but she could find none, so she just shrugged. He was right, Luke would’ve gotten himself in fights daily anyway.   
“Don’t have him killed,” she said.   
“I won’t, I want him to suffer every day,” he said with a darkness in his eyes.   
“When I have to testify, I think you should stay home,” she said.   
“I want to be there for you,” he said.   
“I know but I don’t want you to be in the same room as him, I don’t know what will happen,” she said.   
“I will be fine, if I lose my temper Mr. Robot will be there to stop me from reacting,” he said.   
“Does he know this?” she asked.  
“Yea we already talked about it, one of us will be there for you the whole time,” he said.   
“Luke will probably have a whole cheerleading section,” she scoffed. Elliot just looked down like he knew something.   
“What is it?” she asked.   
“There is umm…” he started.  
“Just tell me,” she said.   
“There are petitions and protesters, idiots from his frat and people like that,” he said.   
She blinked, “I’m not surprised, all those people harassed me for him whenever he asked, I’ll just have to make sure the charges stick.”   
“The evidence against him is undeniable but they are going to use character witnesses to try and make him sympathetic,” he said.   
“That’s exactly what he is to those people, a character, a role he plays to make people like him, the real him is a monster,” she said.   
He rubbed her shoulder and she turned over to him, “can you hold me for a while?”   
He pulled her to him, and she started kissing him softly. She grabbed him unexpectedly and he groaned loudly.   
“Right now?” he breathed. She nodded and attacked him, letting out all her frustration on his body. He didn’t mind, he let her do what she wanted to him and she rode him and started to cry into his hair.   
“You want to stop?” he asked.   
“No, I need this please,” she sobbed. He looked up at her concerned and she said, “I feel like I’m just letting everything out.”   
“Okay baby,” he said kissing her neck and letting her continue. The bed banged against the wall so hard she was sure they were going to break it. Elliot lay there helpless, trying to cry out but unable to do anything but whimper with pleasure. She liked having this power over him, the ability to make him like this. When she was done, she fell over on her side of the bed gasping for air. Elliot lay there still moaning and started finishing himself on his stomach.   
“I didn’t know you weren’t done,” she said.   
“Second time,” he gasped, “damn baby, you were like a fucking animal.”   
She giggled, “you okay?”   
He just groaned in response, so she leaned over him and finished him off completely with her mouth. He yelled some cuss words and twitched as she took him all the way in.   
Afterward, she cuddled up to him and fell asleep fast, probably due to a combination of her overexerting herself physically and emotionally, and the alcohol.   
The next morning, they slept in and then Elliot made her coffee before she woke up. She declared it ‘sexy Saturday’ and told him they couldn’t get dressed, they had to stay in their undergarments unless someone came over. They stayed in bed until it was around three and Darlene came over to smoke. Elliot threw on sweatpants and Raine just put his work shirt back on since it was just Darlene. They smoked and Darlene gathered Elliot’s laundry and said she was gonna do all their laundry. Raine protested but Elliot just let her do it, because he knew Darlene better and if Darlene wanted to do something, there was no stopping her.   
“So Dom says they are pushing for a quick trial, public opinion has a lot to do with his conviction and the FBI wants the facts to be presented and then bam, life in prison,” Darlene said.   
“So he might get off?” Raine asked.   
“A ‘not guilty’ is almost impossible at this point, the FBI pretty much won’t even allow it, they were watching him because of you and that’s how they have so much evidence, they all but watched him do it,” Darlene said.   
“So he’s caught because of you,” Elliot said, “you should feel good about that.”   
“I do, so if they’re so convinced he’s guilty what is the trial for?” Raine asked.   
“Well he has a great lawyer, the FBI is sure they are going to argue that he was a good man pushed to his breaking point,” Darlene said.  
“By what?” Raine asked.   
“Not what, who,” Darlene corrected.   
“Me?” Raine shouted.   
“Baby, calm down,” Elliot put his arm around her and gave Darlene a look.   
“She should know before they spring it on her in court,” Darlene said.   
“She’s right,” Raine said to Elliot, “you can’t protect me from everything, I’d rather be prepared, I’m pissed but at least I can prepare myself.”   
“The prosecutor will probably call Krista in to prove you have PTSD and are… I hate to call it this but ‘damaged’ by Luke, that you’re the victim and not him,” Darlene said.   
“Well obviously I am, he took my internal organs and killed someone, what illegal things have I done? Smoked some pot?” Raine said.   
“Of course, we all know that sweetie but it’s just the angle his lawyer is going to take,” Darlene said.   
“When does the trial start?” Raine asked.   
“They are pushing for this week, but if they do start this week you won’t be called to testify until next week probably, they want to present all the evidence, and this is if the FBI gets the speedy trial they want,” Darlene said, “the entire FBI is on your side, so don’t worry, I just wanted you to know ahead of time so you’re ready.”   
“Do you think Dom or the prosecutor would set down and talk to me about what they might ask me?” Raine asked.   
“Oh yes Dom will as a favor but the prosecutor will anyway because it’s his job,” Darlene said.   
“I am so glad for you and Dom both doing all this,” Raine said.   
“I’m glad you asked someone for help before it got worse, if they hadn’t caught him who knows what he would’ve done next,” Elliot said.   
“I wish I would have sooner, Sarah would be alive,” Raine said.   
“But if you hadn’t done anything who knows how many girls he’d have went after,” Elliot said.   
“And you tried a long time ago,” Darlene reminded her.  
“Yea it’s just because the FBI actually wanted to do something about him finally, the police could have stopped him a long time ago if they’d have listened to me,” Raine said.   
“I hope you keep reminding yourself of that, you did try as much as you knew how to, only him and the police that ignored you are to blame for this,” Elliot said. Elliot didn’t like to say his name and even when he said ‘him’ he spat it out like it was disgusting.   
“Well he’s not the only one, the police and the entire justice system are bad about ignoring domestic violence… like it’s a lover’s spat,” Raine said, “it’s not, it’s violence and those men end up doing unspeakable things.”   
“You should say that, when you testify,” Darlene said.   
“I don’t know, you think the court would side with me if I badmouth them?” Raine asked.   
“Someone needs to say it,” Darlene said.   
“Do what feels right to you,” Elliot said, “we’ll all be there for you no matter what.”   
She smiled at them, “I don’t know what I would do without you guys, I’d be alone aside from Papi… and my employees, who are great, but we aren’t close like this.”   
“We’re overjoyed to be a part of your life too babe,” Darlene said.   
After they talked some more and smoked and ate some snacks, Darlene left with Elliot’s dirty clothes. Elliot was still hungry so they ordered dinner early and Raine just shoved hers in the fridge for later because she was full from the munchies she’d eaten.   
“Oh were you coming over to Papi’s tomorrow?” she asked him.   
“Yea if you still want me to,” he said.   
“Yes I do, I was just going to say I’m cooking again,” she said.   
“Oh man, now I can’t wait, what are you cooking?” he asked.  
“I don’t know yet, Papi just buys what he wants me to cook on Sundays when he goes shopping,” she said.   
“Oh he goes shopping?” Elliot asked.   
“Yea, he can walk with a walker, it just takes a lot longer than most people, his nurse takes him to the farmers market and the store, he likes fresh ingredients, sometimes I bring stuff with me if I have extra time,” she said, “I wanted to go over last night too but you know, had therapy homework.”   
“We can show him you singing,” Elliot said.  
“What? How?”   
“I recorded it, with my phone,” he said.   
“Elliot, you asshole,” she laughed.   
“I just wanted it for myself, but I’m sure he’d love to see it,” he said.   
“Okay, but just this once I’m gonna let that slide, don’t record us doing it or something without my permission,” she said.   
“Okay what if I have permission?” he teased.   
“If anyone could keep it private it would be you, you’d destroy the internet if it got out,” she laughed.   
“I wouldn’t record that to begin with, and don’t ever send me things like that, it’s too risky,” he said seriously.   
“I won’t but I did just remember something,” she said.  
“What’s that?” he asked.   
“Last night you thought I was just drunk when I said you can do whatever you want to me, even when I’m asleep or drunk or whatever,” she said.   
“It couldn’t be anything, I mean nothing dangerous,” he said.   
“Would you want to do something dangerous to my body?” she laughed.   
“Well no,” he said.   
“That’s why I said whatever you want to do, I know you wouldn’t do anything bad, I trust you,” she said.   
“I wouldn’t want to have sex with you if you’re not awake,” he said.  
“Well I know, I don’t mean with me sleeping the whole time, but like if you wanted to wake me up by doing whatever, you know, or if I’m a little drunk, which I never am anyway, just for future reference because last night I was barely even drunk and you were like ‘oh no I can’t even touch you, I’m perfect’,” she said.   
“You were drunker than you thought,” he said.   
“Regardless, I really wanted to have sex, so next time, if there is one, just do it,” she said.   
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he grinned, “what about now?”   
“I haven’t drank anything today,” she said, pretending she didn’t know what he was talking about. She got off the couch and walked over and threw herself on his bed. He abandoned his food and followed her. They spent the rest of the day just hanging out in his apartment, he played a couple of movies but they couldn’t watch much of either of them because they couldn’t stop making out and kept ending up in bed, or on the floor or the couch having sex.  
As the last movie ended she said, “I’m pretty sure we’ve had sex on every inch of your apartment.”   
“Is that a challenge?” he laughed lighting a cigarette.   
“Maybe, but I need a little break,” she said, “I’m hungry.” She got the Ramen she had ordered and heated it up. She sat on the opposite end of the couch from him and crossed her legs facing him. She was stoned and enjoying her food when she noticed him looking at her, “stop staring at me.”   
“I’m just watching you eat,” he said.  
“Why? It’s gross,” she said.  
“Nah, it’s cute,” he said.   
“How is me slurping Ramen, cute?”   
“It just is,” he laughed.   
“Is it cute or do you just want some?” she asked.   
“It is cute but yea I want some,” he said.   
She got some on her fork and held it up, “you have to come and get it.”   
He leaned over and took a bite and ate it, then grinned at her.  
“Stop it,” she said.   
“Stop what?”   
“Being so… so.”   
“Annoying?” he offered.  
“Adorable,” she said, “you want more?”   
He nodded and she fed him a little more. It was the stupidest thing in the world for her to find appealing, but she did. He must’ve felt the same because he kissed her quickly and said, “okay I have to stop so you can finish it before we end up fucking, covered in Ramen.”   
She laughed and pushed him away playfully. They spent the rest of the evening talking and having sex. She let Elliot show her the videos of her singing from the night before. It was odd and she didn’t know how she felt about it, but he seemed pleased. They went to sleep at different times because Elliot wanted to check out what he could online about her upcoming case. She fell asleep waiting for him to be done. Sometime in the night he woke her up by cuddling up behind her and kissing the back of her neck and he almost had his hand down the front of her panties.   
He hesitated, and she whispered, “it’s okay.”   
“I thought you might want this because you kept talking about it,” he said.   
“I do,” she said. He continued then undressed her, and they started having sex in that position. They fell asleep when they were done, and they didn’t even bother putting anything back on. The morning came and she groaned as Elliot woke her up, “how is it Sunday already?”   
“Want me to make weekends longer?” he asked.  
“If someone could do it, it would be you,” she said.   
“I would, for you,” he said kissing her. She giggled and they made out a little and started another sex session but then there was a knock on the door.   
“Who the fu-?” Elliot said as they pounded loudly the second time.   
“Ignored it,” Raine said. Elliot hung his head and sighed. He jumped up grabbing the shirt she had worn all day the day before and covered his front with it.   
He opened the door and said, “what are you doing here?”   
A female voice said, “well hello.” She was clearly pleased with what she saw so Raine got up and wrapped the blanket around her and hobbled over.   
“Is something wrong at work?” Elliot asked.   
“No, I was just in the neighborhood…” she stopped talking when Raine got over to the door, Elliot opened it a little wider to show Cindy she was there.   
“Hi Cindy,” Raine said politely and coolly.   
“Oh, I didn’t know you had company,” Cindy said.   
“He doesn’t, I live here,” Raine said, she saw Elliot raise his eyebrows and bite back a grin out of the corner of her eye. Then he put his free arm around Raine and inched a little behind her to cover his body more.   
“How did you know where I lived?” Elliot asked.   
“Oh, it’s in the… files,” Cindy stammered, embarrassed. Raine felt a little bad for her but she knew Elliot wasn’t interested and this was a little much.   
“Well, we were kind of in the middle of something,” Raine said.   
“I know it’s against the rules to look at someone’s file, but I just looked at the address, that’s all,” Cindy said to Elliot, ignoring Raine. This added another layer that Raine hadn’t thought of, she could be fired for this, what was she expecting to happen? Raine looked at her skimpy outfit and realized what she had planned. Elliot sighed and looked at Raine for help.  
“Cindy, can you wait here while we get dressed?” Raine asked her. She nodded and looked like she was about to cry.   
Elliot shut the door, “what are you doing? Shouldn’t we just tell her to leave?”   
“Something is wrong, you don’t do all this over a little crush,” Raine said, taking the shirt from him and putting it on. He started to put on his sweatpants.   
“I swear I didn’t even know that woman’s name…” he started.   
“No, I know, I don’t think you’ve led her on, I think there’s something wrong with her, like she’s lonely or something, I feel kind of bad.”   
“She went through my file, she could be fired,” he said.   
“I know, that’s why I think she was desperate, she’s fixated on you to avoid some other thing wrong in her life, I don’t think you should tell on her.”   
He tilted his head confused and frustrated.   
Raine sighed, “just give her one more chance to stop this, tell her if she does anything like this again she’ll be fired, but just give her a chance.”   
“I figured you’d be more pissed than me,” he said.   
“I am a little, but I don’t know what led her to this point,” she said.   
Elliot opened the door and motioned for Cindy to come in, she looked around the apartment curiously. Flipper ran over and greeted her by licking her leg and she started to cry. Raine sighed and looked at Elliot, he held his hands up and shook his head so Raine went over and hugged her.   
“I’m sorry,” Cindy said, backing away and wiping her eyes.   
“It’s okay, so Elliot has agreed to let this slide, just this once, right?” Raine looked at him, he nodded.   
“Thank you,” Cindy said, unable to look at either of them.   
“Seriously, you can’t do anything like this ever again and you have to leave Elliot alone, we are engaged, and he’s committed to me completely, so not only will you have trouble at work, I will take it personal,” Raine said. Cindy looked up at her a little frightened. Raine felt a little bad for saying it, this is why she couldn’t be mean to people, she always felt bad afterward.   
“That being said, I think you should talk to someone, we have a great therapist but you seeing her would be a conflict of interest, so I’ll see if she can give you a recommendation,” Raine said.  
“You think I’m crazy?” Cindy asked a little offended.  
Raine winced at the word, “no, I think you’re lonely, this is a big city with a lot of people but it’s so hard to find people to actually connect with, talking to someone helps, but Elliot is off limits.”   
“I’m so embarrassed, everyone at work will look at me like a freak,” Cindy said.  
“I’m not gonna tell anyone about this,” Elliot said.   
“Why are you guys being nice to me?” Cindy asked.  
Raine shrugged, “maybe someone has to be, I know how tough it is to be lonely, maybe eventually we can be friends.”   
Cindy nodded and Raine got her cell number so she could connect her with a therapist, Elliot stayed far from both of them and let Raine lead her out the door. Raine shut the door and fell against it and huffed, “my gosh.”   
“I’m so sorry about that,” he said.   
“Not your fault, I’m just glad I was here,” Raine said.   
“Me too, I would have freaked out and slammed the door in her face,” he said.   
“Even if you were single?” Raine asked. He nodded, she looked at him skeptically then realized he was telling the truth. He probably would’ve gone for it if it was someone else, someone younger and that he didn’t work with. But only if he were single and really that wasn’t her business.   
“You’re really different than most people,” Elliot said.   
“What do you mean?” she asked.   
“Not many people would be that nice about it.”   
She shrugged, “if she doesn’t stop, I’ll claw her eyes out but I think she just needs someone to talk to.”   
Elliot laughed and sat on the couch, “come here.” They finished what they had started earlier and Elliot had breakfast while Raine showered. He took one as she got ready and when he was dressed and ready they went to the shop to get her car.   
She drove them to Papi’s and reminded him to not be nervous. He didn’t seem as nervous as the first time. Papi was feeling better than usual and they went through the last of the pictures. “I guess this means you won’t have to come over this week?” Papi said.   
“I can still do that Papi, I am taking Wednesdays and Fridays off now for therapy, so I can come on one of those days,” she said.   
“Therapy? You okay?” he asked.  
“Yea I’m just dealing with a lot, about Luke and the trial,” she said.   
“What does his trial have to do with you?” Papi asked.   
She was so distracted cooking she couldn’t stop letting things slip out.   
“She’s gonna be a character witness to help put him away longer, that’s all,” Elliot said, saving her the trouble of telling him everything. It wasn’t exactly a lie, but Elliot made it sound like it wasn’t mandatory. Papi looked at them both suspiciously, he knew better, he knew a lot about the law but he let it go.   
“Just be safe, is this therapy helping you?” he asked.   
“Yes, it helps a lot, I think I’ve needed it for a long time,” she said. She changed the subject and cooked for them. She made chicken and mashed potatoes with homemade rolls.   
Elliot moaned as he tasted it, then said, “this is fucking delicious… oh I’m sorry.”   
Papi laughed, “son if the worst habit you have is cursing, you’re doing a lot better than most.”   
Raine could tell Papi liked him a lot, she smiled at them and watched them enjoy the dinner she’d made them. She kind of wished Darlene could be with them, maybe she’d take her some leftovers, if Elliot left any. He ate it like he had been starving for weeks and got a second helping of everything. Elliot showed Papi the video he’d taken of Raine singing and Papi let a few tears fall from his eyes. Papi told her she should sing more often and she just shrugged, embarrassed. They took Papi to church and Elliot sat quietly listening and taking it all in, Raine wondered if he’d ever gone before. She got to take Darlene some food and Darlene spent the night with her. Elliot was so busy with work the next couple of days that Raine barely talked to him. Not that she minded that much, she needed the two days to prepare the shop for her not being there as much in the upcoming weeks. She didn’t see Elliot until their therapy appointment on Wednesday. He wasn’t there when she got there but he came in a half hour after her session started. Raine stood to greet him and he hugged her and lifted her off the ground and swung her a bit.   
“I missed you so much, I’m sorry I’ve been so busy,” he said.   
“It’s fine, I have been too,” she said, then she said to Krista, “sorry about that, we haven’t seen each other since Sunday night.”   
“That’s alright, how are you guys doing, relationship wise?” Krista asked.   
“Perfect,” they said at the same time as they sat on the couch.   
She smiled, “was that rehearsed?”   
Raine laughed, “no actually, I didn’t know he was going to answer.”   
Elliot took her hand and kissed the back of it and said, “I have no complaints, except the past two days have been excruciating.”   
“We’ve both been busy with work,” Raine explained.   
“Well I wanted to try something and see how it effects you… Elliot I want you to yell at her,” Krista said.   
“What? No I can’t do that,” Elliot said.   
“Why do you want him to yell?” Raine asked.   
“I want you to get over your fear of loud noises, men yelling and since you trust him so much, I figured it would be the best way, we talked about this last week.”   
“I can’t do it,” Elliot said shaking his head.   
“You’ll be helping her,” Krista said.   
Elliot finally agreed if he could look away and stand on the other side of the room. They went through the exercise a few times and Raine only jumped a little when Elliot yelled each time.   
“You’re not being triggered,” Krista said.   
“Well I know it’s coming and why,” Raine said, “he’s not even actually mad.”   
“It’s still a good sign,” Krista said.   
They went through some more things and then Raine left a half hour before Elliot. She waited for his session to be over in the living room. Elliot walked out and smiled when he saw her, “I was hoping you would stay.”   
“Of course, I haven’t seen you in a couple days,” she said putting her arms around his neck.  
“Come to work with me?” he asked.  
“Is that allowed?” she asked.   
“It should be fine,” he said.   
She went with him and they walked in and she waved at Cindy who waved a little but looked down like she was embarrassed. Elliot didn’t acknowledge this at all and walked past the desk like no one was sitting there. When they got in the elevator Raine asked him why he didn’t say anything to Cindy.   
“I don’t want to encourage anything,” he said. She smiled to herself and took his hand, he looked at her and grinned a little.   
When they got to his floor she started toward his office but he pulled her the other direction around to a small hallway. No one was around and there was a door to a janitor closet. Elliot knelt down and picked the lock. He pulled her in and shut the door and locked it.  
“What are you doing?” she giggled.   
“We have to be quiet,” he whispered.   
He picked her up and held her against the door, they had sex as quietly as possible. When they were done and getting dressed she said, “this is kind of risky for you.”   
“It was worth it, I couldn’t wait any longer,” he said.   
She tilted her head and started fixing his hair for him where she had messed it all up. He kissed her again and then went out the door, “wait a minute or two then come to my office.”   
She shut the door behind him and counted to sixty and then went out. She rounded the corner and ran directly into the back of someone. It was Jake, he turned and smiled at her.  
“Well, hello Raine, or is it Mrs. Alderson yet?” he asked   
“Not yet, but I like the sound of that,” she said honestly.   
“What are you doing back there? There’s nothing but a janitor’s closet in that hall,” he said. There was another man standing there holding a clipboard who she’d never seen before. She thought quickly and held up her cell phone, “I had to make a phone call, wanted some privacy.”  
“Oh, Mr. Martin, this is Raine Valarian, Elliot’s fiancé,” Jake said to the man, raising his eyebrows in amusement.   
Mr. Martin shook Raine’s hand and said, “it’s nice to meet you, I have to say I’m a little surprised Elliot got himself a woman like you.”   
She smiled and bore holes in him with her eyes, “Elliot is a wonderful person, I’m lucky to have him.”   
“Oh I didn’t mean anything by that, we are lucky to have him too, I just meant he’s a little on the shy side,” Mr. Martin said.   
“Well he’s not shy where it counts,” she fired back but giggled a little. They both laughed and Jake patted her on the back making her flinch, she continued, “it was nice to meet you but if you’ll excuse me.” She tried to angle around Jake but he turned to face her and get in her way. She looked up at him seething, “Excuse me.”   
“I just want to ask you when he’s not around, what do you see in that guy?” Jake said.   
She gaped at him for a second shocked that he would have the nerve, “Elliot is the best person I’ve ever met, he’s a genius, he’s beautiful inside and out,” she paused and got closer and whispered so only Jake could hear her, “and he’s got the biggest… well you know, that I’ve ever seen.”   
Jake’s mouth dropped open and she pushed past him without another word, she sauntered to Elliot’s office grinning to herself. She went in without knocking and Elliot saw the look on her face.   
“What’s going on?” he asked.   
“Nothing,” she said sitting across from him.   
“The truth,” he said sternly.   
“Jake caught me coming out of that hallway,” she said.   
Elliot started to get up and she said, “sit down, I handled it.”   
“What did you do?” he asked apprehensively.   
“I told him I was making a call and needed privacy,” she said, Elliot nodded approvingly, then she continued, “then he introduced me to some Mr. Martin guy and…” she stopped not wanting to tell him what Jake had asked.   
“What?” he asked.   
“He wouldn’t let me through and asked me why… why I was with you,” she said wincing.   
“Oh,” Elliot said, looking down at his hands.   
“So I told him why, I said you’re wonderful, smart, hot and have the biggest dick I’ve ever seen,” she said.   
Elliot’s head jerked up, “What?! No you didn’t, in front of Mr. Martin?”   
“Well I whispered the last part so only Jake could hear,” she said.   
His expression was unreadable, he looked shocked and then confused, then he relaxed a little and shook his head.   
“Are you mad?” she asked.   
“No, I just wish you hadn’t done that,” he said.   
“Why? He needed knocked down a peg,” she said.   
“By saying that?” he asked.  
“That’s a big deal to guys like him, I can tell it matters to him a lot, everything in his life is nothing but compensation, I don’t really even care that much about it, most girls don’t but he does and knowing that, about you, will eat him alive, every thing he thought about you has changed now, now it makes sense, why you don’t seem to care what people think, why you don’t try to impress anyone, his worst fear was just confirmed, that all the guys he’s bullied didn’t kiss his ass because they knew deep down that they were better than him, because they are, maybe not all of them in that way but still that’s the only thing he needed to hear.”   
He watched her for a moment and sighed, “I know your right… maybe it will help, I don’t know, what if he tells other people?”   
“Is that really the worst thing? You know they talk shit about stuff they make up in their idiot heads anyway, I just hope he doesn’t tell Cindy,” she said.   
Elliot laughed, “Oh man, what am I going to do with you?”   
She shrugged, “I’m sorry but I just wanted to hit him where it hurts.”   
“So it’s not true? The stuff you told him?” he asked.  
“Yea it is, that’s the best part,” she laughed, “I just said the truth, I mean he asked why I like you, so I told him.”   
“You like me for my…?” he grinned and shook his head like he was embarrassed to say it.   
“I meant all the things I said before that mostly, but that’s a bonus, I never cared much about that but it is what it is,” she shrugged, “I love every part of you.”   
“I love you too, come here,” he said. She leaned over his desk and kissed him and quickly sat back down.   
Someone knocked on his door and Elliot said, “come in.”   
Mr. Martin came in looking nervous, “sorry to bother you Mr. Alderson but I wanted to see if I could talk to you for a moment, alone.”   
Elliot looked at Raine, “can you give us a minute?”   
“Sure,” she said standing up, she smiled at Mr. Martin as she walked past him and out the door. Elliot told him to have a seat as she closed the door behind her. She didn’t know who Mr. Martin was but she hoped Elliot wasn’t in trouble because of her. She looked around and people working took turns eyeing her suspiciously. She wasn’t dressed for work at all so they had to know she was just a visitor. She had on a white skirt and a Soundgarden teeshirt with tall socks and converse shoes. A short stocky man walked up to her and stuck out his hand, “you must be Raine,” he said.   
She shook his hand and said, “y-yes, I am, how did you know?”   
“Elliot talks about you a lot, I’m Lloyd, I used to work with him at Allsafe, he got me a job here, good guy.”   
“Yes he is, it’s nice to meet you Lloyd,” she said, Elliot had mentioned him once or twice as one of the very few people he’d worked with that he could tolerate.   
“You look kind of lost so I thought I’d come say hi and keep you company while he’s busy,” Lloyd said.   
“Oh thank you so much,” she said inching away from Elliot’s door and out of everyone’s way.   
“We have a break room if you want to go get a coffee with me,” he said.   
“I’d like that,” she smiled, she waved at Elliot as she walked past his window with Lloyd and he looked surprised but smiled at them. She followed Lloyd to the breakroom and they had coffee and made small talk until Elliot walked in.   
“I’ve been looking for you,” he said, sitting beside her.   
“Did you get in trouble?” she asked.   
“For what?” he asked.  
“What I said to Jake,” she said.   
Elliot laughed, “no, Mr. Martin just started here today, he had a lot of questions.”  
“What did you say to Jake?” Lloyd asked.   
“Don’t ask,” Elliot said.   
“Oh, now I have to know,” Lloyd said.   
Raine smiled at him, “I just let him know that he didn’t have chance in stealing me from Elliot because Elliot’s a bigger man than him.”   
“Yea, Jake’s a douchebag,” Lloyd said, missing the innuendo. Raine smiled at Elliot who just shook his head.   
“Thanks for looking out,” Elliot said to Lloyd and nodded toward her.   
“Oh yea no problem, you’ve talked about her so much I knew she had to be special,” Lloyd said. Elliot blushed and wouldn’t look at Raine.   
“What does he say?” Raine asked.   
“Well he made me listen to you sing and he showed me your picture,” Lloyd started.  
“Hey man,” Elliot interrupted and gave Lloyd a look.   
“Yea and that’s it, that’s all,” Lloyd said.   
Raine looked at Elliot and pouted because she wanted to know what all he’d said but he still wouldn’t look at her directly. She took his hand and asked if he was ready to go back to his office. They said goodbye to Lloyd and she let go of his hand as they walked past some other employees. Elliot put his hand on the small of her back as they walked, she wondered if he wanted be sure people knew she was his girlfriend or if he just did it without thinking. They went in to his office and she followed him to his side of the desk and leaned back on it.   
“Why didn’t you want him to tell me what you said about me?” she asked.   
“He exaggerates a lot, I don’t talk about you all the time,” he said.   
“Oh,” she said getting up and going to the other side of the desk to sit down. She stared down at her lap as Elliot typed into his computer.   
“What’s wrong?” he asked.   
“Nothing,” she said.   
“Don’t lie,” he scolded.   
She sighed, “I just thought it was cute that you talked about me to your friend all the time, but you don’t so I don’t know…”   
“I didn’t say I don’t, just not all the time, I talk about other things too,” he said.   
“Okay,” she said.   
He sighed, “I didn’t want you to think I go around talking about you all the time like a love sick puppy.”   
“You’re not a love sick puppy?” she asked.   
“Do you think I am?” he asked.   
“I hope you are,” she said.   
He stared at his computer screen and fought a grin, “I just get embarrassed when people call me out like that.”   
She tilted her head sympathetically at him, “I know, I shouldn’t have pushed him to say more but I really wanted to know, I love that you talk about me, as long as it’s good stuff.”   
“It is, I’d never say anything bad about you to anyone besides you or Krista,” he said honestly.   
She laughed, “wow, thanks.”   
He smiled, “you know what I mean, if I had a problem I’d tell you directly.”   
She nodded, “I’m just not used to someone being proud to be with me, it makes me feel good.”   
“Why wouldn’t anyone be proud to be with you?” he asked, still looking at his screen. She sighed and he realized what he’d said and looked at her, “nothing he said to or about you was real, you know that right?”   
“Yea kind of, it’s just if you hear something over and over with no one to tell you different you start to believe it, even if you know it’s not true it still gets in your head,” she said. Elliot pushed the button to close his curtains and slid his chair back a little and patted his knee. She got up and went over and sat on his lap.   
“Are we going to get in trouble for this?” she asked.  
“I don’t care,” he said, “but probably not.”   
She put her arms around his shoulders and he continued working as she sat there watching his screen. Soon it was lunchtime and they went to the break room to have lunch with Lloyd. Most of the rest of the floor went out for lunch or ate alone at their desks at various times. She left after lunch so she could get ready to go to Papi’s. Elliot was coming with her because she still didn’t feel like driving all that away alone. Luke was in jail but his followers were getting more agitated according to Elliot. She knew she would have Elliot and Krista with her but she felt apprehensive about all those people who were protesting at his trial daily. According to Dom it had started Tuesday, thanks to the FBI pushing for a speedy trial. It could be this week or early next week that she’d have to testify. Elliot came over when he got off work and brought something to wear to work the next day because he planned to spend the night with Raine and Darlene and Dom were staying at his place with flipper. Elliot wanted to drive to Papi’s so he would know how to get there better. They spent the day cooking, Raine let Elliot help because she thought it would be fun. Papi watched them as he sat at the table going through the very last of his pictures. He told Elliot old stories about Raine’s childhood, starting with her birth. Elliot loved it and Raine scolded him repeatedly for embarrassing her, but he paid her no attention. It got her mind almost completely off the trial and Luke, except for when Papi asked her updates and she just left the room as Elliot filled him in. She went in the living room and heard Papi whisper, “how is she doing, really? She puts up a front with me.”   
“She’s doing better, I think we’ll all feel better when he’s in prison, she doesn’t talk to me as much about it either, just Darlene and Krista, I think she’s afraid I’ll have him killed or something,” Elliot said.   
“Would that be so bad? I’d like to see him six feet under myself,” Papi chuckled.   
“I wouldn’t do that, I’ve thought about it, but I don’t know if I could live with myself if I intentionally took a life, even someone as bad as him,” Elliot said.   
Raine relaxed and smiled to herself, not only because of what he’d said but also because of who he’d opened up to about it. Papi didn’t respond but she could imagine his proud expression. She went back to the kitchen and continued cooking beside of Elliot, he kissed her forehead lightly and kept stirring the sauce they’d created. They fixed dinner of spaghetti and Raine’s special meat sauce that Elliot had altered slightly with his own ideas. It turned out really good and Papi seemed to approve of it. After they were done they helped him into the living room so he could smoke a cigar. Elliot smoked a cigarette and Raine sat there trying to breathe with all the smoke in the room. As they left Papi held her tighter than usual, “anything you need let me know.”   
She asked Elliot to drive because she could feel a crying fit coming on, and as soon as they pulled out, it started. She laid her head down in his lap and cried almost all the way home, but she fell asleep before they got there. He woke her up so she could help him navigate into the alley. She rubbed her eyes and tried to get woke up to go upstairs, he asked Britney for a couple lattes for them. They went up and she laid on the bed without even taking her shoes off. Elliot got undressed and crawled in beside her.   
“I’m so tired,” she said.  
“Go to sleep,” he said.   
“No, I want to spend time with you,” she said trying to get her shoes off. He got up and helped her get undressed then they both got under her blanket and cuddled together. Then Elliot turned over on his back and patted his stomach, “when we get married I’m going to get fat.”   
She giggled, “why do you think that?”   
“Well if you cook often I will,” he said.   
“Aww that’s cute,” she said.  
“How is it cute?”   
“Just you with a pudgy belly,” she said trying to pinch his belly, but there wasn’t enough to pinch.   
He laughed and squirmed away a little, “don’t tickle me.”   
“Oh you’re ticklish?” she asked.  
“Little bit,” he grinned, “are you?”   
“No,” she lied.   
“Oh okay,” he said, and waited a second before attacking her tickling her on her sides. She squealed and giggled. She tried to fight him off, but he got her by the wrists and held her hands above her head with one hand and tickled her with the other.   
“Stop, please Elliot,” she cried out between fits of laughter. He stopped and smiled at her then kissed her. He let go of her hands and she put them on his face as they kissed. He stopped and put his hand under her back to unlatch her bra and bit his lip. He waited for her to nod before he took it off her and threw it behind him. They made love slowly like they didn’t even want it to end. After they were done they drank their lattes in bed completely naked.   
“Elliot?” she said as he put his arm around her and played with her hair.   
“Yea?”   
“Is this what it would be like?” she asked.   
“What, what would be like?” he asked.   
“If we were to ever get married?”   
He grinned but then looked like he was trying to think of the right thing to say, then looked at her and nodded, “mostly yea, I mean I don’t know if we’d want to live here or my apartment or get a house, but I don’t care about that, I just want to be with you,” he paused then said, “why do you ask?”   
“I’ve just had this picture in my head for so long of what a relationship is and marriage, even my parents made me scared of it, they loved each other but they fought all the time, mostly about money… then you know my first relationship was a literal nightmare, it was like living in hell.”   
“I know, but this isn’t that one,” he said.   
“I know, this is like a dream, I can’t believe how happy you make me and it just makes me realize that I was wrong about all of it, I wanted to be single for the rest of my life until I met you, I never told anyone that, not even Darlene, I thought we would have a fling or something, you and I, but then as soon as you came out there that night with a light for my joint I knew…” she said.   
“Knew what?” he asked.   
“I had wanted to keep walls up and be tough and aloof, but I opened my eyes and saw you standing there, and I knew it was hopeless. You say you’re wrapped around my finger, but I am just as wrapped around yours.”   
“Cause I lit your joint?” he teased.  
“No,” she giggled, “because you came to check on me, you didn’t even know me.”   
He laid his head back on her wall and closed his eyes, he looked like he was trying to soak up what she’d just told him. She stared at him until he opened one eye a little and peaked down at her.   
“I’m glad you told me that,” he said.   
“Me too,” she kissed his cheek softly.   
“I want to tell you something too,” he said, and the he swallowed hard and got a pained look on his face.   
“What’s wrong?” she asked.   
“I told you how there was something, really only one thing you don’t know about me, about my past,” he said, she nodded and he continued, “this was a long time ago, I haven’t told anyone but Krista, so please don’t say anything to Darlene, it would hurt her too much.”   
“Baby I promise I won’t,” she said.   
“I know Darlene has told you that our dad died, and that he and I were close,” his voice cracked and a tear fell to her mattress. He looked away from her and continued. He cried hard as he told her everything. She cried with him and when he was done she didn’t hold him because she knew he might not want to be touched.   
He finally looked at her, “now you know everything about me, more than anyone.”   
“Oh Elliot, I’m so sorry,” she sobbed.   
“It’s a lot huh?” he said. Her heart was breaking into pieces for him and she couldn’t stop crying.   
“I just wish I could take that pain away for you,” she said.   
“Well that’s why Mr. Robot exists,” he said. She just nodded and then he said, “you still want to be with me? Knowing I have this much baggage?”   
She let out a sob then said, “Elliot, of course I do, of course, I love you so much.”   
He dropped his head and sighed in relief, then started crying softly.   
She put her hand on his shoulder to see if he’d be okay with it, he leaned into her touch and she rubbed the back of his neck gently, “none of that changes how I feel about you, you’re the best person I know, and as much as I can I want to make you happy.”   
“You do,” he said softly. She sat her latte in the floor and laid down, letting Elliot curl up in her arms. She ran her fingers through his hair until he fell asleep. She started to drift off to sleep but Elliot woke up and started kissing her neck, “you awake?” he whispered.   
“A little,” she giggled.   
He moved his hand down her body until it was between her legs and he started touching her softly. She gasped his name and he continued to kiss and nibble her neck. She hadn’t expected him to want to do this tonight but she knew healing came about in different ways so she let him do what he wanted. He explored her body with his mouth, he kissed her arm all the way down and her shoulders. Then he moved down her body, all the way down her leg, he kissed the top of her foot softly and then made his way back up. By the time he reached her center she was already about to come apart. He put one of her legs over his shoulder and kissed her gently and she started to tremble. He kissed her there again and she grabbed his hair with one hand and twisted her sheets with the other, finishing right then.   
“Damn baby,” Elliot chuckled.   
She started to catch her breath as he crawled up to kiss her nose, then she felt him enter her and she felt another wave catch her. She tightened around him and he groaned loudly, “fuck, already?”   
“You feel so good,” she moaned. It didn’t take him long to finished after that, and he rolled over and got a cigarette.   
He laughed to himself as he took a hit.   
“What’s funny?” she asked.   
“You,” he said.   
“You did it, it was that kissing,” she said turning over and laying on his chest.   
“You like that?” he asked, blowing smoke away from her.   
“A lot,” she nodded and cuddled up tight against him, he put his hand on her head and ran his fingers through her hair, “this is perfect,” she whispered.   
“You are,” he said.   
“So are you,” she said. He kissed her head but didn’t say anything.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the trial coming up Raine gets more nervous

She didn’t remember falling asleep, but she woke up and the sun was coming through her window and Elliot was still asleep. She sat up and got her phone to check the time and it was almost time for Elliot to wake up for work. She saw that she had a text from Dom, it said that they’d be calling her and Krista in to testify tomorrow and the prosecutor wanted to meet with her today to go over what she might be asked. She groaned and put her hand over her eyes, she’d have to get someone to cover for her today.   
“What’s wrong?” Elliot said roughly, trying to get his voice.   
She handed him her phone so he could read the text, and he sat up as he read it. He handed it back to her, “you alright?”   
“Yea I think so, I’m glad it’s sooner than I thought because I want to get it over with but I’m nervous,” she said, texting Dom back asking what time they should meet.  
“Hey, you got this, okay? You got this,” Elliot said, putting his arm around her.   
She took a deep breath and laid down hard groaning, “thank you babe, I think preparing with the prosecutor will help, I’m just scared of what they are going to ask me.”   
“They know he’s guilty, even his lawyer knows that, he’s just doing a job he probably hates himself for, all you have to do is tell the truth,” he said, he started to stretch, and she watched his skin move with his back muscles. She touched his back and it startled him, he turned and grinned at her. She raised one eyebrow and that’s all it took for him to throw himself over on top of her. After they were done she said, “I actually feel better now, less nervous.”   
Elliot chuckled, “glad I could help, I’ll help more if you want.”   
“You gotta get ready for work Mr. Alderson,” she teased, “and I have to call someone in to cover for me today.”   
Elliot kissed her and got up and walked to the bathroom naked, she watched his body as he moved, and she almost told him to come back but stopped herself. She threw on some lounge clothes and went to get some coffee before the shop opened. She got one for Elliot too and then heated up a couple of muffins in the microwave. She put it all in a drink carrier and went back upstairs. She sat it all on her dresser and waited for Elliot to get out of the shower.   
“I brought you some muffins honey,” she said holding them up to him as he came out of the bathroom in a towel.   
“Thanks, I’ll get them in a minute,” he said, taking the towel off and running it over his wet hair.   
She tilted her head at him and tried to focus on his face as he walked past her to his clothes.   
“You’re mean,” she said.  
“Why?” he asked.  
“Teasing me, walking around naked,” she said leaning on her dresser.   
“I’m not teasing you, maybe I’m trying to seduce you,” he laughed.   
“We don’t have time,” she said.   
“Well maybe this will be on your mind all day instead of your nerves,” he said, and there it was, the real reason he was doing this. Even when it seemed like he was being sexual there was a layer of sweetness to it. She smiled at him and watched him get dressed. She walked over and started buttoning his shirt for him.   
“Do you have a busy day today?” she asked.  
“Probably not, why?” he asked.   
“Just wondering, I’ll probably do some admin stuff in the office before my meeting,” she said.   
“You could just relax,” he said rubbing her arms.   
“No, I can’t, I need to keep my mind busy,” she finished his buttons and fixed his collar for him.   
He gave her a concerned look and pulled her into a hug, “if you need anything call me, I can leave anytime and be right there with you okay?”   
She sighed, “thank you.”   
“I love you,” he said kissing her goodbye.  
“Love you,” she said holding back tears, he hesitated, and she pushed him out the door, “go, I’m fine.”   
After he left she got back in bed for a while, just trying to relax and get rested. Then she got ready and went downstairs to work in the office for a while. Darlene was going to come to the meeting with her, so she came into the shop for a pep talk. They went out back and smoked a little to calm Raine’s nerves before they left to meet Dom. Dom drove them to the precinct to talk to the prosecutor. He gave her the list of all his planned questions and talked to her about her experience with Luke. Then the hard part, he gave her an idea of what kind of questions Luke’s lawyer would probably ask. The questions were infuriating but she knew she had to stay calm and answer well. The prosecuting attorney’s name was Avery Knight, and she liked him, he practiced her reactions to horrible questions for a long time.   
“Now you know he will be there right?” Avery asked her.   
“In the room? Yea I figured, that’s going to be really hard to deal with,” she said.   
“You haven’t seen him since you broke up?” he asked.   
“No, and even a phone call triggered me majorly,” she said.   
“Well that may actually help the case, I know it won’t be enjoyable but if the Judge sees how frightened you are of this man it can only help us put him away for life, that’s our goal, life in prison,” Avery held her hand and patted it tenderly, he was an older attractive man with salt and pepper hair. Then he slapped his knees and stood up, then he said, “okay, it’s getting late, and I think we’ve prepared as much as we can, now remember I asked you things he might ask you, but I can’t know what he will come up with so be prepared for anything, I know this is the angle he’s going to try because it’s the only one he’s got but as for specific lines of questioning, who can say.”   
“Thank you, I really hope we can get this over with and put him away for a long time, he really is dangerous, I just want to feel safe again,” she said her voice catching.   
Dom put her hand on Raine’s shoulder for support like she had done a thousand times during their meeting and Raine smiled at her, “I’m okay.”   
Dom and Darlene wanted to go out to lunch but Raine decided to pick up some fast food to surprise Elliot at work. She texted Lloyd, who’d given her his number and asked if Elliot had taken his lunch yet. Neither of them had so she decided to pick up something for Lloyd too just because she had a feeling he didn’t have that many friends. She walked in with two bags and a drink carrier with three milkshakes. Cindy waved at her and she said hello, not bothering to ask about the sign in sheet. Raine had texted her the number Krista had given her for a therapist and she wondered if Cindy had gone yet. She went up to Elliot’s floor, praying the whole time she didn’t run into Jake again. She stepped out of the elevator and headed straight for Lloyd’s cubicle, she sat his bag down and carefully pulled his chocolate milkshake out of the carrier and handed it to him.   
“What’s this for?” he gapped at her in shock.   
“A thank you, and an attempt to buy good karma, got a big day tomorrow,” she said.   
“Thank you for what?” he asked.   
“Rescuing me yesterday,” she smiled and walked away before he could protest or attempt to pay her. She walked up to Elliot’s door, she could see he was so into his work that he didn’t see her walk up.   
She knocked and he said, “come in.”   
She opened the door and went in, he looked up and saw her and jumped up surprised, “is everything okay?”   
She giggled, “everything is fine, I just wanted to bring you lunch.” She sat the bag on his desk and the set the milkshakes out. Elliot walked around his desk to give her a kiss. She looked up at him and said, “I hope it’s okay that I came.”   
“Yea it’s great, thank you,” he said peering into the bag.   
“I got you fries and a chocolate milkshake, and some chicken nuggets, chicken strips and a cheeseburger, fish… I didn’t know what you’d want so I just got everything,” she said.   
“I’ll eat what you don’t want,” he said.   
“I’m not hungry, I got myself a strawberry milkshake, that’s all I want,” she said.   
“I can’t eat all of it, you take something,” he said.   
She sighed, “I really don’t feel like eating, I might take what you don’t eat home.”   
“How was the meeting?” he asked apprehensively.  
“It was… fine, I feel more prepared at least, but it was hard… hearing all those accusations they are going to throw at me,” she admitted. He gave her a sympathetic look and said, “come here,” as he pulled her into a hug. She let out a deep sigh his ear and felt her tension ease a little.   
“Okay?” he asked.  
“Yea, I just want you to hold me all day,” she said, “but you’re at work and we have to act normal.” She backed away and straightened his collar then put her hand on the side of his face, feeling his perfect jawline. He looked at her concerned but all she could think about was how beautiful his face looked.   
“Want me to leave early?” he asked.   
“No, no I’m fine, all of this is for the best, the goal is to put him away for life because he deserves at least that,” she said. Elliot nodded and she started pulling food out of the bag and sat it all in a row on his desk. Elliot grabbed the fries and started eating them three at a time. She had gotten two large orders because she knew he loved them, and now she knew that had been a good idea. He grabbed the milkshake and cheeseburger then went back to his side of his desk and sat down. She sat across from him and ate a few of his fries and pieced at a couple of chicken nuggets. She sipped her milkshake as Elliot inhaled his food and only paused to try and make her laugh to get her mind off things. When he was done and refused to take anything else she packed it back in the bag and kissed him goodbye.   
“I’ll call you when I leave,” he said.   
“Okay, love you.”   
She walked out and waved to Lloyd when she passed him. In the elevator she stuck a twenty in the bag. When she left the building, she walked down the street and handed the bag to the first homeless person she saw then hailed a cab. She went home and decided to work some more in the office to keep her mind busy. She got everything done and then some in an hour so she went upstairs to take a nap, she undressed to her underthings and put her headphones in and listened to music until she fell asleep. When she woke up she felt arms around her, normally she would panic but she knew the feel of these arms.   
She took her headphones out and shut off her music, “Elliot?” she whispered.  
“Yea,” he said, his breath on her neck making her shiver.   
“When did you get here?” she asked.   
“A little while ago, I didn’t want to wake you up, and you said earlier you wanted me to hold you,” he said.   
“How did you get in?” she asked giggling. He didn’t say anything, so she said, “did you pick my lock?”   
“I’m sorry I texted and called and you didn’t answer, so I came over and you didn’t answer the door, so I got worried,” he said.   
“I must not have heard it over my music, the texts and calls must have blended in with it,” she said, “I’m sorry I worried you.”   
“Nah, you’re good, I found a way to you,” he said pulling her tighter to him.   
“I’m glad you did,” she said putting her arms on his, “but I do need to figure out what I’m going to wear tomorrow.”   
She got up and started looking through her closet for something that would garner sympathy.  
“I called off tomorrow,” Elliot said as he turned over on his back.   
“You didn’t have to do that,” she said.   
“I said I’d be there for you,” he said.   
She smiled at him, part of her was glad he would be there, but the other part kind of wished he would stay away. He’d never even been in the same room as Luke and she had no idea what would happen.   
“You want to stay at my place tonight?” he asked.   
“Do you want me to stay at your place?”   
“Yes, actually I think I should get you a key,” he said.   
“And you don’t need one for my apartment,” she teased.   
“What about when the shop is closed?” he asked.   
“You can’t pick that lock?” she asked.  
“I could but someone might see me and call the police.”   
“Okay I’ll get you some keys made,” she said. She picked out an outfit and then gathered up stuff to take to Elliot’s. They walked slowly to his place enjoying the weather and talking about nothing. They spent the evening playing with flipper and Elliot fixed them mac and cheese. She still couldn’t eat much because of her nerves. They smoked some weed and Elliot asked if he could watch any of her favorite old movies. She knew he was trying to distract her as much as he could. She had a conversation with Mr. Robot who promised to be available in case Elliot couldn’t handle being around Luke. She felt a lot better after talking to him and she asked Elliot to get her some ice cream because she got some of her appetite back. She didn’t know if she was more nervous for herself or for Elliot, but she couldn’t ask him to stay away because him not being there was somehow worse. The night went by way too fast and before she knew it she was waking up to a full-on massage.   
“What are you doing?” she asked him.   
“I want you to have a good day,” he said, she knew what he meant so she relaxed and let him rub her all over her body relaxing all her muscles until she was almost asleep again. She was on her stomach and Elliot straddled her and rubbed her shoulders. She asked if they could have sex and Elliot put a pillow under her hips. She shoved the other pillow into her mouth to muffle her screams as Elliot had just the right angle. When they were done he kissed her shoulders and let her rest as he got up and lit a cigarette.  
“One of these days we are going to break this bed, I don’t think it can take much more,” she giggled turning over and setting up.   
Elliot grinned at her from the couch and took a hit off his cigarette instead of responding, it was one of his habits that she found incredibly attractive. Most people would feel annoyed at his nonverbal interactions, but she loved when his only response was a grin or a look, it was just so him. She pulled her knees up and put her arms around them and tilted her head at him.   
“Don’t look at me like that,” he said.   
“What?” she asked.   
“You know what, that sexy look, you’re wearing me out,” he said.  
“I just looked at you,” she giggled.   
“Exactly, you don’t even realize you’re doing it,” he said. She sighed and grabbed his work shirt from the day before that had somehow ended up hanging off the dresser by the bed. She put it on and buttoned some of the buttons and grabbed a pair of boxers she didn’t know why Elliot had because he always wore boxer briefs, black. She got up and made herself some coffee while Elliot sat on the couch smoking, naked. She sat at the table drinking her coffee as he got a shower. When he was done she took one and they both got ready in silence.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raine has to be a character witness at Luke's trial

She was due at the courthouse at ten, but she wouldn’t know when she’d be called to the stand until it happened. Elliot suggested they try and get there early to avoid the protestors, she knew most of the people would know her. She was genuinely scared of what they might do to her, but she was also ashamed. Ashamed that Luke had so many people on his side and she was mostly alone aside from Elliot and Krista. When they pulled up in the cab at the courthouse she saw the protesters, there were maybe fifty of them, mostly overgrown frat douches.   
“How are we going to get through?” she asked frantically.   
“Don’t worry about it,” Elliot said. Then she saw that there was a straight path through the crowd. People stood militantly along each side of the path holding back protestors. She saw Leon, Darlene, Krista, Jason, some of her employees that weren’t working day shift, and several men she’d never seen before.   
“Elliot, what’s going on?” she asked.   
“Called in some favors,” he said. They walked up to the crowd, and Leon nodded at her so she smiled at him. She turned and grabbed Darlene’s hand as she walked past her, she nodded at Krista and Jason. They walked up the pathway and when she got to the top of the steps she saw Bethany, holding Papi by the arm.   
She ran up to him, “Papi, what are you doing here?”   
“Someone thought you could use the moral support,” Papi said, motioning toward Elliot. Raine hugged Papi around the neck and they walked in with Elliot taking his other arm to help him inside. Leon, Darlene, Krista and Jason came in behind them and stood waiting for the trail to resume for the day.   
“Elliot who were all those people?” Raine asked.   
“People Darlene knew from when she was running fsociety and some were people Leon knew from the dark army, the good ones,” he said.   
“And you called my employees?” she asked.   
“I called the shop and talked to Amber, told her the situation and she took care of that part of the group,” he said as they set down in the hall waiting area. Raine sat between Papi and Elliot. Krista, Jason and Darlene sat across from them and Leon stood talking to Bethany, about Seinfeld, of course.  
“Thanks all of you for this,” Raine said looking around at them.   
“Yo, he might have fans, but you got something better, what you got is family,” Leon said putting a hand on Elliot’s shoulder. Elliot didn’t back away like he usually did when someone besides her or Darlene touched him.   
“I do, don’t I?” she said, smiling at Elliot and taking Papi’s hand.   
“Do you need anything? You didn’t eat much yesterday you want a snack?” Elliot asked her.   
“There is no way I could eat right now,” she said.  
“Who knows how long we could be in there, you should eat,” he said looking concerned.   
“You didn’t eat yesterday?” Papi asked. She winced and Elliot put his head down apologetically. “I ate, just not a lot,” she patted Papi’s hand, someone telling Papi she didn’t eat all day was the equivalent of telling anyone else she’d just snorted cocaine.   
“I think you should have something,” Papi said, and Elliot nodded at her. She looked at Krista for help with these two and Krista said, “Darlene, why don’t you, Raine and I go see if we can get everyone some coffee?”  
“That sounds perfect,” Raine said, standing up, she stood too quickly and got dizzy for a moment and Leon grabbed her before she fell over.   
“Damn girl, maybe you should eat something,” Leon said.   
“I’m fine I just stood up too fast,” she said.   
Elliot started to protest and Krista said, “I’ll make sure we get her some crackers or something,” then she looked at Raine, “you can probably eat a few crackers right?”   
Raine nodded and Krista and Darlene led her away from the group.   
“Thank you, I don’t know if having him here is a good idea, I love him dearly but he’s driving me insane,” Raine said.   
“He’s just concerned and he’s not wrong to be, you do need to eat something and keep your strength up,” Krista said.   
“But he doesn’t have to treat her like a two-year-old,” Darlene said.   
“I know, I understand the frustration but he’s not wrong in being concerned, this is big deal,” Krista said.   
“I know, and I love that he brought everyone here and made sure I had my own support, but it’s just easier for me to deal with when he doesn’t treat me like I’m a child, when he does that it just reminds me of where I am and why,” she said.   
“But is he right? Did you not eat yesterday?” Krista asked.  
“I tried, I ate a little mac and cheese, and some ice cream, he was there when I ate it,” Raine said.   
“A little as in?” Krista pushed.   
“A couple bites,” she admitted.  
“And how much ice cream?” Darlene asked.   
Raine sighed, “I don’t know like four or five spoonsful.”   
“So, his concern is justified?” Krista asked.   
“He doesn’t know I didn’t eat anything else all day,” Raine said.   
“But you didn’t” Darlene said.  
“Okay guys this is hard enough, just get me some crackers so we can all move on,” Raine said.   
“Well with your history of anorexia it’s a little bit of an issue,” Krista said.   
“I wasn’t not eating for any reason other than I’m just so nervous, once this is over I’ll be fine,” Raine assured her. They went and got some coffee and Krista managed to get a pack of saltines from the staff lounge. They went and sat in the waiting area again and Raine nibbled on her crackers like a mouse. When she had eaten half the package she handed them to Elliot and said she couldn’t eat anymore. He didn’t press it and put them in his backpack to save for her in case she wanted more. Finally, Dom and the prosecutor, Mr. Avery Knight, came out to get them. Her guests could set in on the trial if they wanted and they all decided to come in, even Leon. They took their seats and waited. The prosecutor introduced Raine to Sarah’s parents, she shook their hands and she started to tear up. All the support and love she’d gotten and all the time she spent feeling sorry for herself but these two had it much worse. She introduced them to Papi calling him her grandfather and Elliot as her boyfriend. Even though seeing them humbled her, it also made her more nervous that she would have to give her testimony in front of them, describing the monster that had murdered their daughter in graphic detail. She grabbed Elliot’s hand and squeezed it.   
“Thank you so much for doing this,” Sarah’s mom said to her, “I know this is hard for you, but our girl deserves justice and Mr. Knight said you’re the biggest hope we have for a life sentence.”   
She smiled and nodded but inside she was trembling from the added feeling of pressure, if he wasn’t put away for life, who knows what he would do to the people who put him in prison. Luke wasn’t a career criminal or anything so they wouldn’t be putting anyone in witness protection. He hadn’t planned to murder Sarah, she knew that much because he wouldn’t have risked getting himself in trouble on purpose, but he still had ways of making people miserable. And his violent urges were unpredictable at best, it was a matter of time before he did it again if given the opportunity. There was a noise in the back of the room, Raine looked over to the other side of the room and saw Luke’s parents looking hatefully at her before they turned to look at the back corner. Two officers led a handcuffed Luke to the defendants table, and Raine slid down a little in her seat hoping he wouldn’t see her. Unfortunately, it didn’t work, and Luke’s eyes grew wide as he looked from her to Elliot, who had his arm around her and was rubbing her shoulder. She leaned more into Elliot instinctively for protection, and Luke sneered at them. His lawyer had to physically turn him around and set him down in his seat, but Luke still turned his head to stare at her. She looked down and away from him, but she knew he was still staring. She looked up at Elliot and he was staring back at Luke with more hatred than she’d ever seen in someone’s eyes.   
“Elliot,” she whispered, he looked down at her and his expression softened, she continued, “I don’t know about this.”   
“You got this baby, you got this,” he said pulling her a little closer to kiss her forehead. She checked on Papi who was on the other side of Elliot and he was looking straight ahead like a gentleman. Bethany was on the other side of Papi and Darlene and Leon sat behind them whispering. Jason and Krista sat behind Elliot and Raine so Krista could be near Raine in case she needed her. Also, so Raine and Krista could both be at the end of the row because they both were going to testify. It was a small courtroom and not too different from the ones she’d seen on TV, just a lot smaller. She tried to think about anything besides the man staring at her from across the room, but she couldn’t help feeling like she wanted to just take off running out the door. They all had to stand up when the Judge came in and she held onto Elliot’s arm as she stood there because her legs were weak and trembling. Papi was holding on to Elliot’s other arm and Raine was almost amused at what the sight of this row of people must be. Bethany and Elliot holding Papi up and Elliot holding Raine up on his other side. They finally were told to sit back down and Raine nearly fell into her chair. The Judge was a black woman in probably her late fifties, she looked kind and grandmotherly, which relaxed Raine a little.   
“You alright?” Elliot whispered to her. She just nodded at him and shrugged at the same time; how alright could she be under the circumstances. They did a recap of the facts of the case and listed the charges being brought against Luke. They called their first witness, Luke’s mom, who cried and talked about what a good boy Luke was and how he was passionate about his relationship with Raine. She implied heavily that Raine was a whore who pushed Luke into jealously and anger. Raine bit her lip and tried to stay calm, but it was hard to listen to. Then she tried to say Luke would never date a fifteen-year-old girl and her entire testimony fell apart because of it. Mr. Knight reminded her and the court that Luke had already admitted to having a sexual relationship with Sarah. Next they talked to Sarah’s mother, Luke’s lawyer, Mr. Adams attacked her viciously, accusing Sarah of being a Lolita. Which Mr. Knight then mentioned in his line of questioning, “you brought up Lolita? Interesting choice Mr. Adams, have you read the novel?” he paused and looked around, “has anyone here read the book? See we associate the name Lolita with the young temptress, a girl who lures innocent men into their doom. But that’s not what really happens in the book is it? No, Nabokov wrote of a man who lusted after a twelve-year-old girl Dolores Haze, but not just her, he had a thing for all female children. Hubert didn’t just lust after this child from afar, he manipulated his way into her life by marrying her mother, then he raped his own stepdaughter… innocent man he was not.”   
“Objection, relevance,” Mr. Adams shouted.   
“You brought it up,” Mr. Knight said.   
The Judge looked at Mr. Knight, “but is there a point to this Mr. Knight?”   
“Oh, I don’t know, I just thought it was interesting that he would bring it up, it’s a bit ironic under the circumstances,” Mr. Knight said. Raine smiled despite herself, Avery was smart and a bit of a smartass, she liked him.   
He continued talking to Sarah’s mother and asking her questions about the night that Sarah had snuck out to meet the older man they had suspected her of sneaking around with. Raine shifted in her seat uncomfortably and cried with the woman who’d lost her daughter. It was nearly more than she could take, and she almost got up and left but Elliot put his hand on her leg and comforted her. Luke could barely keep himself from turning to look at her and Elliot, so much so that the Judge scolded him for not facing forward.   
Finally, they called Krista to the stand, this meant it was almost Raine’s turn and then she could get this over with. Krista touched her shoulder as she walked by and went up to take her place. She handed the Judge her report on Raine’s PTSD and her belief that it was a result of Luke’s treatment and nothing else. Avery questioned her first.   
“You’re saying that this young woman has PTSD?” Avery asked.   
“Yes, I see her twice a week because the case is quite severe,” she said.   
“And what caused this disorder?” Avery asked.   
“Not what, who,” Krista said, “I believe that it was her relationship with the defendant, and only that relationship that caused her PTSD.” Avery asked her some more questions but most of them were more of the same answer. When he was done, it was Mr. Adams’ turn, he stood and buttoned his jacket.   
“So, you say you’ve been treating Ms. Valarian for how long?” Mr. Adams asked.  
“About a month,” Krista said.   
Mr. Adams raised his eyebrows, “is that enough time to really give a diagnosis?”   
“It can be, I do know some of the events of the relationship, and even just based on that, I would say anyone who went through what she did would have PTSD,” Krista said.   
“Like what?” Mr. Adams asked, he knew all the evidence brought against Luke already. Krista was leaving the details up to Raine to tell so she just glared at him, so he said, “how did you meet Ms. Valarian?”   
“I met her through another patient of mine,” she said.   
“That would be Mr. Alderson?” Mr. Adams said motioning toward Elliot.   
“Yes,” Krista said.   
“And what is the nature of your first meeting?” Mr. Adams asked.   
“She came in on session I had with Elliot,” Krista said.   
“Oh, of course, that’s Elliot Alderson,” he paused to chuckle, “we have a celebrity in our midst, Mr. Alderson was involved in a near nuclear meltdown in New Jersey,” he started.   
“Objection,” Mr. Knight said, “Elliot stopped a nuclear meltdown your honor, but it is irrelevant to this case.”   
“Sustained,” the Judge said, “Mr. Adams we all know about what happened in Washington township, move on.”   
“Do we though? Know what happened? This man is a hacker your honor, he could falsify medical records,” Mr. Adams said.   
“Objection,” Mr. Knight said again, “again relevance.”   
“There are medical records being used as evidence against my client, I find it very relevant,” Mr. Adams said.   
“The FBI brought those medical records in as evidence, so if you are questioning the FBI as to whether they would present false evidence based on them either being incompetent or having some personal vendetta against your client, I have to wonder if you would question my authority as well Mr. Adams,” the Judge said sternly.   
“Of course not,” Mr. Adams said clearly knowing when he’d crossed a line, then he said, “no further questions.”   
Next they called Raine to the stand, Elliot squeezed her hand for reassurance as she stood up and straightened her clothes out. She tried to remember her anger at Luke and the real reason she was here, this wasn’t a case against her, it was to get justice for Sarah. She took the oath and sat down in the square booth. Avery was questioning her first.   
“Hello Ms. Valarian, how are you today?” he asked.   
“I’m a little nervous,” she answered honestly.   
“And why is that?” he asked.   
“Well this is the first time I’ve seen Luke since we broke up, it’s a little unnerving,” she said glancing at Luke who winked at her. She had to hold back a retch and covered her mouth with her hand. The Judge saw this interaction and looked displeased.   
“Let’s talk about your relationship with the defendant, when did you start dating?” he asked.   
She told him about their relationship and most of what she wasn’t allowed to do right from the start, she gave details she never thought she’d say to a crowd this size. She didn’t know where the strength to do this had come from, a desire for justice maybe. She left out the times he had put her in the hospital because she knew he would have specific questions about those.   
“So, you were told what to eat, wear, do, who to see? What would happen if you broke these rules?” he asked.   
“We would get in a fight, which usually ended with me getting hit,” she said, she looked at Elliot who winced.   
“Let’s talk about these reports from the FBI, one stating that you were brought to the hospital by the defendant for malnutrition,” Mr. Knight said. She started to panic, she hadn’t told anyone about that besides Darlene and Krista.   
“Umm yes, as I said he made me stay on a strict diet,” she said.   
“But this time was different? There was evidence you had been held captive, bruises on your hands from pounding what would be assumed a steal cage.”   
She looked at her hands to avoid looking at Elliot or Papi, she saw her hands wrapped around the bars and she whimpered aloud.   
“Are you alright?” Mr. Knight asked.   
She took a deep breath, “when he started to monitor my food, he wanted to put me through a detox of sorts. I woke up one day in his basement, it was a house his parents had bought him. I was in a cage,” she said and most of the room gasped, she looked at Elliot who was crying.   
“Why did he put you in a cage?” Mr. Knight asked.   
“He said I was fat, he wanted me to get used to not eating so he kept me in there and only fed me what he wanted to, when he wanted to, and don’t ask how long because after the first day time was meaningless,” she said.   
“And how did you end up getting out?” he asked.   
“I guess I passed out for a long time and he thought I was dead, so he got scared and took me to the hospital, they treated me like someone with an eating disorder and didn’t believe that the man who had brought me in would keep me in a cage, that someone would do something so cruel and yet would care enough to bring me to the hospital,” she said.   
“And do you think he cared? Is that why he took you for help?” Mr. Knight asked.   
“No, absolutely not, he didn’t want to get in trouble for killing me,” she said.   
“Objection, speculation,” Mr. Adams said.   
“Noted but not stricken from the record, this is a character witness Mr. Adams, what she believes to be his character is the whole point,” the Judge said. Then the Judge nodded at Avery to continue.   
“What about the next time you ended up in the hospital?” Mr. Knight asked.   
She felt more panic and put her hands on the platform in front of her to steady herself. Avery touched her hand and said, “take your time.”   
She closed her eyes and took a few deep breathes, “the worst time, I don’t really remember most of what happened, I know we argued and he came towards me, the next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital after surgery, they told me that,” her voice caught and she started to cry softly, “they told me that they had to remove my ovaries because they had ruptured, I had big purple bruises on my abdomen for months.”   
“Were the bruises from the surgery?” he asked.   
“No, they were from the… hitting, punching I guess,” she said.   
“When the nurses asked you what happened, you told them you couldn’t remember,” he said.   
“They asked me as soon as I woke up, and I really don’t remember it happening, Krista says I’ve blocked it out to protect myself, but I do know what happened, he told me what was about to happen,” she said.   
“What did he say?” Mr. Knight said.   
“We were arguing because I said I didn’t want kids, especially with him, he got mad and said if I wasn’t going to have any with him, he’d make sure I never had any with anyone,” she said, “and he did.”   
“So, you can’t have children?”   
“No, I don’t have ovaries anymore,” she said.   
“And what does that mean to you, how does it affect you now?” he asked.   
“I have to go get hormone shots every month,” she said.   
“For how long?” he asked.   
She let out a pained laugh, “the rest of my life… every month I have to remember that he took my internal organs from me, every month I have to remember that he exists,” she looked up at Luke who was grinning, satisfied. She looked at the Judge and motioned towards Luke with her eyes, the Judge looked over at him.   
“Does the defendant find this amusing?” the Judge asked. Everyone else in the room was nearly in tears including Luke’s lawyer. And they all tried to look at Luke who quickly changed his expression. Mr. Adams leaned over and started whispering to him angrily. Then the Judge said, “please continue Mr. Knight.”   
“Alright, Raine… you said you didn’t want kids but sometimes people do change their mind, sometimes they don’t but either way he took that from you didn’t he?” he asked.   
“Yes, I don’t know that I would ever want children but now it’s not an option, he took the option away from me, from my future husband,” she said motioning towards Elliot who looked surprised. She saw Luke jerk his head around to glare at Elliot but Mr. Adams chastised him and he turned back around.   
“So, you broke up with him after this?” Mr. Knight asked.   
“Not directly, no,” she said.   
“Why not?” he asked.   
“If he would do something like that when we were together, wanting kids and everything himself, what would he do to me if we broke up? I was terrified… I came up with a plan, after that I was extra nice and followed all the rules, but I started dropping hints that I was connected to the mafia, I’m not proud of that, of course I don’t have any such connections but it was believable enough for an idiot,” she stopped and started to apologize but Mr. Knight raised his hand and motioned for her to continue, some people laughed. She continued, “well I thought the only way to get out alive was to make him think that, at least make him think it enough to scare him out of killing me or my Papi, it was my only option at the time, and I don’t know if it worked, I don’t know why he didn’t come after me when I broke up with him, but he didn’t… not in person.”   
“But he continued to harass you?” Mr. Knight asked.   
“I changed my number, but he sent me facebook messages, thousands in the first month, then over time they slowed down,” she said.   
Mr. Knight went to his table and got a handful of papers that he handed to the Judge, “these are some of the messages retrieved by the FBI,” he said, he turned to face the room, “there are blatant threats in these messages, threats of violence, death threats, cruel and vile descriptions worse than any case I’ve seen since Ted Bundy,” he said.   
“Objection!” Mr. Adams stood up and shouted.   
“On what grounds?” Mr. knight asked him.   
“Those are just words, he didn’t do those things to her, people get mad and say stuff,” Mr. Adams said.   
“You’ll get your turn Mr. Adams, I suggest you wait for it,” the Judge said reading over the messages with distain and disgust on her face.   
“You know he’s partly right,” Mr. Knight started and everyone looked at him surprised, “people do get mad sometimes and say stuff, Mr. Adams is going to try and say you pushed the defendant to be this angry, tell me what did you say or do to make him mad enough to send you these messages?”   
“I didn’t do anything, I never responded,” she said.   
Mr. Knight turned and found Dom in the crowd, “Ms. Dipierro, you were the FBI agent assigned to this case, could you tell us if these papers confirm that Raine never responded to single message sent to her by the defendant.”   
Dom stood up, “yes your honor, we retrieved all the messages and not once did Ms. Valarian respond to him.” Dom sat back down and Raine smiled at her.   
“And instead of responding or acting in revenge, you went to the FBI to try and get him to stop harassing you?” Mr. Knight asked her.   
“Yes, I had tried several times to report him to the police before and after we broke up, so I decided to ignore him instead until Krista, my therapist, suggested I try again, she said the messages were keeping me from getting over my trauma,” Raine said.   
“And he didn’t call the shop or come by?” Mr. Knight asked.   
“No, not until that night, I think, just in my opinion, that he was afraid of Papi, not directly but I think he always thought we had mob connections and was afraid to come to the shop at all, he didn’t even go there or to Papi’s house when we were together and getting along,” she said.   
“So, he assumed you had connections before you suggested it?” Mr. Knight asked.   
“Yes, which is how I got the idea for that,” she said.   
“Why would he assume you had connections to organized crime?” Mr. Knight asked.   
“I guess because we are Italian,” she shrugged, “it’s a ridiculous stereotype that bothered me when he kept asking but it turned out to help me in the long run.”   
“It’s a little racist for him to assume that isn’t it?” Mr. Knight asked.   
“I thought so, yes,” she said.   
“Objection!” Mr. Adams shouted, “relevance.”   
“Sustained,” the Judge said, but added nothing to it and didn’t chastise Avery. He nodded and changed the subject, the only point was putting it out there and he’d accomplished that, it was another nail in Luke’s coffin.   
“But he did call once, the night of the murder?” Mr. Knight asked.  
“Yes,” she said, cringing from the memory, hearing Sarah laugh in the background. She knew what was coming next and she dreaded it with every fiber of her being, but it would help their case.   
“The FBI had tapped the phone, in order to gather evidence for your harassment case, can we play the tape for the court?” Mr. Knight asked.   
A couple of cops brought out a small table with a laptop on it, they hooked it to some speakers and Raine quickly turned to the Judge, “your honor is it okay if I cover my ears? I don’t know if I can handle hearing this.”   
The Judge looked surprised and sympathetic and gave her a little nod. Raine covered her ears as best she could, but she could still hear it well enough to know which part of the call it was on. She watched Elliot closely and his face was a mixture of pain and anger, so was Papi’s. She waited for the part where you could hear Sarah laughing in the background with bated breath. Sarah’s mother gasped and covered her mouth and started crying and Raine knew she had heard it. She was crying softly as she watched people’s reactions. Apparently the tap had caught her at the end of the call falling to the floor and sobbing. Then Darlene had come in and hung up the phone. Mr. Knight motioned for her to take her hands off her ears because the tape was finished.   
“Do you recall what happened that night?” he asked her.   
“It was a great day, I had went shopping with Darlene, my best friend, and then Elliot came over, everything was going well but then I got a call on the shop phone, the call you just heard,” she said.   
“And then what happened? There was a crash at the end, and we could hear you sobbing,” Mr. knight asked.   
“I was barely keeping it together to start with, if you couldn’t tell, so when he hung up I didn’t have the strength to keep going, I fell to the floor and then Darlene came in and hung up the phone and helped me up, I got sick and had to sit down,” she started.  
“When you say got sick you mean?” he asked.   
“I started throwing up into a trash can, more than once, and then Elliot came in and wanted me to go to the hospital because he didn’t know why I was getting sick,” she said.   
“You didn’t tell him about the call?” Mr. Knight asked.   
“Not right away, I didn’t want to stress him out about it, Darlene knew because she had helped me get in contact with the FBI, so she let me know they had tapped the phone which made me feel better, then Elliot wanted to spend the night in case I got sick again, and then sometime in the night I had a nightmare and started punching everything wildly in my sleep and Elliot had to hold my arms down and wake me up to keep me from hurting myself, I ended up scratching his face while I was asleep,” she said.  
“So, this nightmare, was it triggered by the call? And what happened in the nightmare?” Mr. Knight asked.   
“Oh it was absolutely caused by the call, I had done that so many times while I was with Luke, I would dream that he killed me or Papi, and I kept having them after we broke up for a long time, I hadn’t had one in a while, on the night of the call it had been at least six months and then bam, he calls and I have one. The dream was that Luke came and killed Elliot, and then he started trying to kill me and I was fighting back in my dream, so I guess that’s why I was punching and kicking,” she said.   
“And this is when you told your boyfriend, Mr. Alderson, about the call?” he asked.   
“Yes, and he held me,” her voice cracked, and she started crying, “I don’t know what I would have done if he hadn’t been there.” She looked over at Elliot who was tearing up again and he gave her a comforting smile and she smiled back at him.   
“So, this was the same night as the murder, the call was just a few hours before Luke was found with Sarah’s body,” Mr. Knight said more to the court than to Raine, but she shivered and started to feel sick. She looked at Sarah’s parents who hadn’t stopped crying since the tape played and her heart broke. She looked at Papi who was watching them, she knew he was probably thinking that it could have easily been him in their position. He had already lost what were essentially his son and daughter, but that was an accident. Somehow knowing some other person had taken her life would have been much harder to deal with. She needed to make sure these people got justice for their daughter. Mr. Knight was done with his line of questioning, she prayed they would get a break before Mr. Adams had his turn. She knew what he probably had planned, and she had tried to prepare but in this moment it didn’t matter.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial continues

She almost started shaking as he stood and buttoned his jacket again and walked over to the stand.   
“There seems to be a pattern of violence here,” he said, she gave him a confused look, was he taking her side? He continued, “it seems like there is one common factor in all these incidents, you.”   
The crowd murmured and everyone looked pissed off except for Luke and his parents and a few of his supporters. About half of his supporters had just got up and left after they had played the tape and out of the half that stayed a few were looking at him angrily. They had been duped into thinking Luke was a good guy until they had heard what a monster he could be. She blinked at Mr. Adams and didn’t respond because she was in shock at what he’d just said.   
“Ms. Valarian?” he said.   
“You didn’t ask me a question,” she said.   
“I said that you seem to be the common factor for my client’s violent outbursts,” he said.   
“That’s not a question, it’s a ridiculous accusation,” she said.   
“I’m not accusing you of anything Ms. Valarian, I’m just stating the facts, I’m not even saying you intentionally did anything wrong on purpose, just that maybe you bring out the worst in my client,” he said.   
She let out a sarcastic laugh, “do you know how many abusers use that same excuse, it’s called victim blaming and gaslighting.” She looked at Avery who gave her a look and put his hand out a little telling her to calm down. So she said, “I believe that you’re mistaken, I’ve told you about the times he was violent with me and only those times because I could not be aware of the times he was violent when I wasn’t there, you’re confusing my giving only my side of the story with causation.”   
“Excuse me?” he asked.   
“Just because I’ve told you what he has done to me, doesn’t mean he hasn’t been violent with other people that I don’t know about, which would make the common factor Luke instead of me,” she said.   
He turned to the court, “do we have any evidence that my client has been violent other than the times that Ms. Valarian was directly involved?”   
“He killed someone when I wasn’t there,” Raine said.   
“Ah that’s my point, he was upset with you, he was mad enough to call you despite what you said was a fear of your connections to the mafia,” he said.   
“A fear that was not based in reality,” she clarified.   
“Nevertheless, what caused him to call you, as we heard from the tape was that you were out with another man,” Mr. Adams said.   
“My boyfriend, I was on a date with my boyfriend, I don’t see that as being anyone’s business especially not someone I had broken up with over a year prior,” she said.   
“I’m not saying the anger was justified, or that you did something wrong, but I am saying that you are still the common factor,” Mr. Adams said.   
“Objection,” Mr. Knight said then sighed, “is there even a point to this Mark?” Apparently Mr. Adams first name was Mark.   
“Of course, the prosecution is trying to make a case that my client is a dangerous and violent person who should be locked away for life, and I’m saying that maybe the problem isn’t with him, maybe it’s her,” he said pointing to Raine.   
“Even if that were true, what are you going to do send me to mars?” she asked.   
Mr. Adams laughed, “I’m not suggesting we do anything with you besides tell you to stay away from my client, because maybe you do bring out these violent tendencies in him.”   
She sat back and crossed her arms and glared at him, he continued, “let’s talk about the fight you had about having kids.”   
“I already told the court everything that I remember,” she said.   
“But my client says you pushed him, insulted him, called him a what? A monster?” Mr. Adams said, “you didn’t tell us that part, walk us through it.”   
She just glared at him some more, so he said, “okay, I have Luke’s description of the events, you were watching a movie at his house, he picked the movie ‘knocked up’, sound familiar?” She nodded so he continued, “then my client started talking about how many kids he’d like to have, not in an argumentative manner, just casual conversation. To which Ms. Valarian replied her distaste for children,” he stopped and looked at her and shook his head.   
“I didn’t say that,” she said.   
“What did you say then?” he asked.   
“I said, that we’d already discussed it and he knew I didn’t want to have kids, then he got mad,” she said.   
“And then he told you he’d always wanted to have kids and that he thought you might change your mind, so you responded that even if you did change your mind someday you’d never have kids with him because he is a monster,” Mr. Adams finished. He looked at her expectantly, but she was already smelling the pine scent of Luke’s living room, she could hear Seth Rogan’s silly laugh in the background, her vision got blurry as Luke started walking toward her and he started punching her in the abdomen, she cried out in pain. She heard a voice, “she’s having a flashback, Raine, come back, it’s not really happening right now, you’re in court with me, Krista.” She started to remember something someone had told her as Luke delivered another blow and she cried out again and fell down. Breathe in through your nose and count to three, and exhale and count one, two, three, Luke kicked her in the stomach, and she held it defensively and started sobbing, “please stop kicking me.” She had to get out of this, something she could smell, Krista’s perfume, she opened her eyes and saw the floor, she was bent over holding the front of the podium she was setting behind. She was hyperventilating, and she tried to hear something other than Luke yelling. Krista’s muffled voice came to her and she was holding out a stick of gum, already unwrapped and Raine let her stick it in her mouth and she started to chew. The taste was cinnamon, and she focused on that taste for a second. She could smell the cinnamon, and taste it, she could feel the wood of the podium digging into the flesh of her hands from where she was squeezing so hard. She could see the courtroom and everyone’s wide eyes looking at her. Elliot was standing with two officers holding him by the shoulders as he looked at her desperately, wanting to come to her aid. They must’ve only let Krista come up because she was a professional psychologist.   
“Are you okay?” Krista asked, rubbing her back.  
“I… I was there, I remembered him,” she stopped afraid it would trigger more flashbacks, “I need Elliot,” she sobbed.   
Krista turned to the Judge, “we have to take a break, she needs a break, it’s not negotiable.”  
The Judge nodded and said, “the court will take lunch, and resume in half an hour.” She banged her gavel and people started to get up, the officers let Elliot go and he jumped over the gate separating the attorneys from the audience. He ran up to Raine and she saw the Judge eyeing him curiously, as he and Krista helped her down onto the main floor. Raine grabbed his shirt with both hands and he put his arms around her and whispered, “I’m here baby.”   
They walked her out into the hall, and she leaned back against the wall, Elliot put his arm around her under her arm to help her stay standing.  
Darlene ran out, “is she okay?”   
“Darlene please go tell Papi I’m okay, so he doesn’t worry,” Raine said.   
The Judge came out as she said it and gave her a sympathetic look, “is she alright?” she asked Krista.  
“She will be okay, she just had a major flashback to something she previously had suppressed, for her it’s like it was happening at that moment,” Krista explained.   
Raine was holding her stomach, “it still hurts.”   
“That’s psychosomatic, it will ease up, it’s not real,” Krista told her.   
“It still hurts like hell,” Raine groaned. Elliot whimpered and pulled her to him kissing her forehead, she could feel his bottom lip trembling against her skin. She touched his face and nuzzled her head into his shoulder and neck. A crowd started to form around them of people coming out of the courtroom. Avery stopped to ask how she was and then Bethany and Papi came out assisted by Leon, Darlene followed.   
Krista put her hands up, “she’s going to be okay but she needs some room and air, please don’t crowd her.”   
“She can rest in my chambers,” the Judge said, “I’m going to go get some lunch anyway.”   
“Thank you so much,” Elliot said.   
“Okay, thank you,” Krista said. A cop escorted Krista, Elliot and Raine to the Judge’s chambers and Elliot sat her in one of the chairs. The cop stood inside the door with his arms folded in front of him.   
“She can’t continue this, not today,” Elliot said.   
“I don’t want to do this again, I want to get it over with today,” Raine sobbed.   
“We can see if you can come back next week if the Judge allows it, if you can’t finish today,” Krista said.   
“No, I want to finish this today, I have to, it’s the only thing that will really make me feel better, I need to hear that he’s never going to hurt anyone else,” Raine said, “please let me do this, I can fight through it, I know I can.”   
Krista smiled at her, “there you are.”   
“What do you mean?” Raine asked.   
“I knew you had that fighter in you,” Krista said. Raine smiled and asked Elliot if he could try and find her some ginger ale and bring her the rest of her crackers. Surprisingly he found some and helped her eat her crackers by handing her one at a time, so it didn’t seem like she needed to eat a lot at once. The cop by the door watched her and tried to be as out of their way as possible.  
“Don’t you guys want lunch?” Raine asked them.  
“I ate a big breakfast,” Krista said.   
“I’m fine,” Elliot told her, and she said, “hey you were on my case about not eating.”   
He smiled, “but someone brought me a bunch of food yesterday like the sweetest girlfriend in the world and I ate a lot, then I had some mac and cheese and then I ate most of the ice cream you said you wanted.”   
She smiled at him, then the Judge came in and said, “is she feeling better?”   
“Yes, I think she wants to get back to it and get it over with, quickly if possible,” Krista said.   
The Judge nodded and they all headed out to take their places and let the Judge prepare for the rest of the trial. Raine sat back down next to Elliot and she made sure Papi saw that she was doing better.   
Avery and Sarah’s parents turned to ask how she was, and she smiled and assured them that she was fine. It broke her heart more to know they were concerned about her mental state even though they’d just lost their own daughter. People like them did not deserve to have pain like this.   
When the Judge came back Mr. Adams got up and called Raine to the stand again. She got up and a cop walked beside her to make sure she made it okay. Her legs shook but she made it on her own. Once she was seated Mr. Adams asked her if she was okay and she nodded. She saw the pain and apology in his eyes and knew that he hated being Luke’s lawyer.   
“So where were we?” he asked, “oh I was going to ask for clarification, you said that he took your internal organs, but lots of women get hysterectomies, especially ones that don’t want children like you’ve stated to be the case with yourself.”  
“He still took the choice away from me, it wasn’t some medical problem or a decision, he beat them until they ruptured,” she stopped to focus on the room before she had another flashback, “the point is it doesn’t matter what I wanted, I still don’t want kids, but he took that from me, he took that choice from me, he took organs from me, he took and took and took… but he didn’t take everything,” she paused and looked at Sarah’s parents, “not from me anyway, I’m still here, I’m still alive, but there are the parents of a fifteen year old girl setting right there who lost their world, he took their daughter, he took her life… sure he took a lot from me but I still have a chance to live my life and be happy, aside from my mental problems and PTSD, I am happy. But Sarah, the girl we are really here fighting for today doesn’t get that chance, no matter what he has taken from me, it doesn’t compare to all that he has taken from that little girl. And you know when I first heard about what happened to her I felt guilty, like I should have stopped him sooner, but you know what, someone reminded me that I tried, I went to the police multiple times, I reported him multiple times but they never did anything, why? Because it’s a ‘personal issue’? Because women are dramatic and overreact? Because women are trying to get innocent men in trouble? Because women are asking for it? No those are excuses told over and over again by a sexist system and society. A society and a justice system that watches men like Ted bundy and Elliot Rodgers massacre women and watches young men commit mass shooting after mass shooting and murder after murder when in almost all those cases, all those men had previously been reported for domestic violence, when are we as a society and when is the justice system going to start taking domestic violence as seriously as it is, because it is almost always the first act of violence when it comes to these massive tragedies, if you don’t care enough about the victims of domestic violence at least care about the murder victims that will almost certainly follow, I don’t mean any disrespect to this court in particular but we have to start somewhere and if I had been taken seriously the first, second or third time I tried to report my abuser, that little girl would still be alive today, I know that and we all know that, don’t let another white man who gets mad and hurts people when he doesn’t get his way, get his way one more time because it will lead to more people getting hurt and possibly killed. We can’t undo the mistakes of the past and we can’t go back and take the domestic violence victims of Ted Bundy and men like him seriously before it’s too late, because it is too late, but we do have the choice to start today,” she took a breath and looked at the Judge, “you have that choice, we can’t give Sarah back the choices he took from her, but you can choose to give her justice, and you can choose to help me feel safe again for the first time since I met that man.”   
The Judge looked at her with tears in her eyes and Raine realized she was standing up, the whole room was quiet and most of the people in the room started to clap. The Judge banged her gavel, “that is enough, not saying it wasn’t earned but it’s not appropriate for the courtroom.”   
“I still have some questions,” Mr. Adams said.   
“I think you are quite done, don’t you Mr. Adams,” the Judge said winking at Raine, she knew then that she had won, that justice had won, the Judge said, “Ms. Valarian you may take your seat.”   
They sat through some more court talk about legal issues that Raine didn’t hear because her head was spinning. The Judge said she’d be out with a verdict and sentencing in a couple of hours and that everyone could come back then.   
“Doesn’t this usually take a few days or something?” Raine asked Avery when they were walking out.   
“Usually but the FBI has really been rushing this one,” he said. Dom joined them and they all went to a nearby pizza place to eat and wait for the verdict.   
Once all eight of them were able to get a table together, they ordered some food and talked.   
“I can’t believe that speech you gave,” Dom said to Raine.  
“Girl was on point,” Leon said.   
“I don’t know where it came from it just started coming out,” she said, blushing a little.  
“I am so proud of my Raindrop, no matter what happens, you are everything I hoped you’d grow up to be,” Papi said taking her hand. She looked around the table at all the people who were there for her and smiled. They talked and laughed, and she was so glad her part of this was over, but deep down she was still nervous about the outcome, she prayed he would get life. She finally was able to eat, so she downed a slice of pizza and even made Elliot give her a couple bites of his, which he gave happily. When they were done he asked her to step outside for a minute, so they excused themselves and went out and found a quiet corner of the street.   
She took his hand and smiled at him, “what’s up?”  
“I just wanted a minute alone, to tell you how proud I am of you, when you stood up and started saying that stuff,” he paused and grinned, “it just made me realize how much we have in common, you care… you care about the world and people, and I somehow love you more than I did already, it’s like everything you do makes me love you even more. Also, Mr. Robot was there with us, he wanted me to tell you that your ‘cool uncle’ couldn’t be prouder?” he said with a curious expression.   
She laughed, “it’s a little inside joke, tell him thanks… and thank you, I couldn’t have made it through today without you, I know I was trying to be strong and didn’t want you to baby me but you knew that’s what I needed and I did, it really was necessary and I…” she paused, trying not to cry, “I can’t thank you enough.”   
“Come here,” he said pulling her into a hug.   
“Now comes the waiting,” she sighed.  
“Are you nervous about it?” he asked as she pulled back and looked up at him.   
“Yea, not as nervous as I was about testifying and I truly feel like we won, that Sarah won, the Judge gave me a look and I don’t know I just feel like it’s going to be okay, but I still can’t help but be a little nervous because we don’t know for sure yet,” she said.   
“Well you did all you could, now we just have to leave it up to the Judge,” he said, “let’s go in and try to get our minds off it for a while, Darlene is probably telling everyone we came out here to fuck or something.”   
She laughed and took his arm and let him lead her back in, to their table. Everyone was talking about everything besides the trial and she knew it was for her benefit and she was grateful. Time passed and she almost forgot what they were waiting for. Then Dom got a text on her phone and told them it was time to go back.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The verdict

They all sat in the same places and waited for the Judge to get seated, then she handed a note to an officer and he opened it. He read off the charges one by one and every single time he said, “guilty.”   
Raine let out a breath of relief and waited for the Judge to give the sentencing, which was the thing they had all been worried about. The Judge told Luke to come to the front of the room and face her. He was cuffed at the wrists and ankles and Raine almost wanted to go up and trip him as he shuffled to the front of the room. Two cops came up and stood on either side of him, and he turned and looked at her and she knew if he weren’t in handcuffs he’d try and kill her, she held Elliot’s hand tightly. The Judge started talking, “young man, I have never seen a more sorry individual standing in front of me in the position you are right now, and I don’t mean apologetic, usually things like what you are facing would humble even the worst of criminals, but you seem to still think you are above it all, that you are untouchable or bulletproof, maybe that’s been true for a long time but you have just met your kryptonite, me. For the crimes presented to the court that you have been convicted as guilty of including murder in the first degree, I sentence you to a combined minimum of life in prison with no less than forty years with no parole.”   
Raine let out a small cry and covered her mouth, everyone in the courtroom was crying with only a few not being tears of joy and relief. Raine held her happiness down to not cause a scene, but she looked at Elliot who looked as happy as she felt.   
“You did it,” he whispered as the cops led Luke away and his mom and dad stood to yell at the Judge. Of course, they would try and change things but Raine knew it wouldn’t work. She floated out after it was over, and the Judge smiled at her as she left the room. They all gathered outside and the protesters were down to just a few people who didn’t dare say anything to her because her group outnumbered them. Everyone hugged her and said nice excited things to her. After they had all gone besides Papi, Bethany and Elliot, Raine saw Sarah’s parent’s walking quickly toward them. Her mom ran up and hugged her before she said anything, Raine patted her back as she cried into Raine’s shoulder.   
“Thank you so much,” she said.   
“It was for all of us, for me, for Sarah, and you guys,” Raine said looked at Sarah’s dad, he hugged her next and said thank you.   
Elliot and Papi stood back beaming with pride, they all said their goodbyes and they left. Raine and Elliot helped Bethany get Papi and cab and she hugged him tightly, he didn’t say much but he touched her face and gave her a look that let her know how proud he was of her. Bethany said some kind words and they left.   
She stood there watching them drive away and Elliot put his arm around her, “you ready to go?”   
“Yes, I’m so tired,” she said. They went back to his apartment and she quickly changed into some lounge clothes and laid down in his bed, he came and wrapped his arms around her, and she drifted off to sleep. She slept for only a couple hours, but it felt like the best sleep she’d ever had. When she woke up Elliot brought her some coffee and asked her how she felt.   
“I feel free, freer than I’ve ever felt in my life.”   
“I love you so much,” he said, laying down beside her.   
“I think I love you more,” she said.   
He grinned, “not possible.”


End file.
